SUMMARY:From Buffy's POV...this is the second graveyard scene from Bad Eggs
DISCLAIMER: Joss Whedon and the WB are the big shots who actually own this stuff. I basically borrow their toys without asking while they aren't looking :) But I'm not making any money so where's the harm?
All I See
by: Rebecca Carefoot
My lips crush against his as we kiss. Becoming one, melded together...and then breaking apart, only to join again. My hands reach for him, as I strain to make him part of me. His tongue enters my mouth, gently searching. My breath comes harder in gasps and pants as I feel desire sweep me.
Rational thought struggles to enter my mind and slowly I remember my purpose here. Patrol. I am on the hunt. I pull away regretfully, not wanting to lose the taste of him, but my duty calls.
"Much as I hate to say this, we should go kill some bad guys," I smile as I speak, staring up at him with loving eyes.
"It's late, you should get home," he answers. Our lips meet again, drawn by a force stronger than duty.
"What about the Gorches?" I ask, forcing myself to focus.
"I'll hunt," he tells me. I feel a sudden surge of happiness at his words. He cares about me...
"Really? You'd do that?" I ask. It is not his duty to hunt vampires. I have no choice, but him... He kills them because he chooses to, not because he has a sacred birthright. He kills them because he loves me? I hope it's true. I hope I can honestly say that is one of his reasons. I think I can.
"It's not like I have an early day tomorrow," he says with a chuckle as our lips meet again. I break the kiss, but linger near his face, his eyes, his mouth.
"True," I conceed. He draws away as we begin to walk and my heart, my body, mourns the loss of him. "And I still have to go home and fill out my egg diary," I say, thoughts of homework intruding on me.
"Your what?" he asks as we continue to walk.
"Oh I told you..." I say, launching into an explanation of the school project. My mind elsewhere, my tongue wanders. I catch myself babbling about children and when I would have them. Do I even want them at all? Squalling, loud, messy...
"I wouldn't know," his words break through my reverie. He continues, uncertain now...but determined. "I don't," he says. I stare at him suspiciously, dreading what he will say, suspecting that I know where he is going with this. "Well you know I, I can't," he finishes. I stare at him, my suspicion confirmed, wondering why I never thought about this before. Wondering about other things I've taken for granted. Then I see the doubt in his eyes, the pain he tries to hide. And I open my mouth to reassure.
"Oh, well that's ok. I figured there were all sorts of things vampires can't do. You know like work for the telephone company, or volunteer for the Red Cross, or have little vampires." I sound flippant even to my own ears, too blase.
"So you don't think about the future?" he asks, staring at me with an intensity that is almost scary.
"No," I answer. I know what he needs to hear, what I need to hear as well.
"Never?" he asks. I can see his insecurity. His fear. His loneliness. The loneliness that only I can correct.
"No," I answer again. But my mind has begun to whirl. Dimly I hear him asking me again.
"You really don't care what happens a year from now, or 5 years from now?"
The question is removed from me as my mind struggles. How can I explain to him? How can I show him what I see in my future? How can I tell him that I don't think about the future for a reason? I don't think about the future because I know what's coming. And I don't want to know. I've looked into my own future, and it's not a pretty sight.
How can I tell him that I live in the present because I don't know how much of a future I will have? In a flash my life passes before me, and I see my future, and it is what I have always known it will be. Battle after battle, until finally I am no longer strong enough to beat the darkness back. I know what my future will be...ugly death. Bloody, gruesome death. But my future holds one thing that gives me the strength to face it all. Him. I see him fighting next to me...I see him, and I have no fear. Because I'll die happy, if I die with him beside me.
I come back to reality and realize that he waits for an answer. But I can't tell him everything, so I tell him only what's important.
"Angel when I look into the future, all," my voice breaks as I choke back my fears. "All see is you, all I want it you." I stare up at him, searching him for a response. Searching him for reassurance that he will be part of my future. That he will be there until the last breath I draw into dying lungs.
"I know the feeling," he says. And when I look into his eyes I see that he does know. He understands. Not just what I told him, but what I held back as well. Our lips meet, and we take comfort in each other. Both knowing that the future looms before us, dark and full of doom. But in his arms I don't care. I am in love and nothing can touch me here. Nothing can hurt me when his lips cover mine, and I feel his protective arms encircle me.
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