Clean Sweep

Author: Ares


Summary: Angel's on the warpath let the others beware! He's not a happy camper.
Rating: PG
Author Notes: Written for the first birthday of the Angel Elders at the Mansion and it had to be fun.
Story Notes: Set in AtS5 at Wolfram and Hart, see if you can guess after which episode.
Disclaimer: Joss and all owns these wonderful characters. Don't sue I'll put them back when I've finished playing.



Is there anything better than hot water shooting out of a shower head and hitting your body in steaming ecstasy? Ooh....yes! Hot water; there's nothing like it. People these days take hot and cold running water for granted. Back in the day folks were a lot smellier only everyone stunk so one didn't notice so much; unless you had a very sensitive nose which I just happen to have..... I think I'll stay in here forever.

Oh... I never appreciated the length of my limbs before and the soap makes lovely bubbles that slide down my chest and down my legs. Oh yeah; it's a long way down and I'm still ALL there. Gee....I think I'm going to.....

That was nice and I'm all fresh and clean again and yeah a vampire has to have some privacy. And my it....hang on; where's the gel?

Did they think I wouldn't notice? That Angel; he's not very bright, he hardly pays attention. I hear my teeth grinding together and force myself to stop. My thoughts wander to the people I think are responsible. They forget who I am...what I am. There will be retribution have no doubt. Now where did I put...? Oh there they are. At least the boots survived not that I don't have several pair. Hey! There have to be some perks.

God! It's great to be normal again or in my case as normal as a vampire can be. Wait! Is that a scuff on my boot? Now where is a cloth....? I know, I know I've got staff who could be here in an instant to clean my boots but then that would mean picking up the phone and talking would be involved and then waiting for said minion to arrive. Nope; not gonna happen.

I think this towel will do, it's not as if they can't afford to replace a single towel is it? There....that's better. Wiggles toes and throws the dirty towel into the laundry basket.

Where's my black jacket? You know things were a lot easier when I did my own ironing and putting away...oh. Okay now I'm ready. Flexes shoulders and straightens. Do I look good? Come on you know I do. I tell ya I feel pretty damn good. Just for once I wish I could see myself in a mirror, it'd be nice to see that I'm me again.

That pile of torn clothing in the corner can just stay there. No...I hesitate for a second, I'll leave it, it's going to be thrown out and the coat is done for. What's up with the elevator? Why is it taking so long?

Okay, okay. So I couldn't just leave the mess there. I'm just tidy so sue me; it's now in the basket and saves me from tripping later.....

Right! No one is in my office. There's Harmony sitting at her desk doing absolutely nothing as usual. I don't know why I tolerate the vamp. She's incompetent and cannot be trusted, plus she is as dumb as a post.....Sigh. I could do with something to, hunger can wait; it's hard to ignore the gnawing in my stomach but I've gotten good at it. I'm going to take the elevator downstairs...time to rustle up the mind readers.

I don't know why everybody is looking at me like that? Haven't they seen the boss before?

Aha! I knew it.

"What's this?" I growl at the employee trembling at my feet. I hold up the offending material.


I narrow my eyes at the human receptionist in...Human Resources.

"Never mind!" I crush the piece of trash in the palm of my hand and move on. I hear the boy fall into a dead faint as I leave.

Oh yeah! They're all afraid of me again. Good; they can deal with it. The fact I have two scary mind readers hovering behind me doesn't hurt either. They direct me to where I need to go and I soon have a minion with trash can added to my entourage and we sweep every floor. Every nook and cranny, every desk drawer and locker are searched when indicated by the ladies.

Ugh! Do not ever go into the desk drawer of a female T'rlck demon. The drawers sounded as if it squeaked when I shut it but I suppose it was the live lunch she had inside.

It took a couple of hours until finally we reach my floor and no surprise here, the evidence is everywhere.

"Harmony!" I bark and watch with delight her frantic scrabbling at her desk.

"H-H-hey boss. You're awake...and here....and look at you, you're normal again." Harmony's highly polished nails are getting rid of the evidence as she rises.

"Would you like a cup of warm blood? And hey there, are you with Angel because you don't have an appointment?" She looks down at her diary but I forestall future comments by saying yes they were with me and the minion scurries behind her desk and empties her trash into his container.

"Harmony!" I interrupt what is about to be a burst of indignation, "Blood, now...and could you cancel any appointments until further notice? Good," I say at her nod and leave her standing there. Stupid vamp!

As I mount the stairs I look down at her and add, "Ask Gunn, Fred and Wesley to come into my office in 30 minutes, oh and if that bleached dumbass is around he's invited."

I decide to ditch the entourage after the search is over and take my private elevator to the office. Three of them are there waiting and the faint tang of nervous tension is in the air.

"Ah Angel," Wesley says as I enter the room fully a smile creeping across his face.

Fred who is sharing the couch with him jumps up and rushes over. "Oh Angel! You're back to normal. Did it hurt? Did you notice anything magical and did it happ...?"

Gosh she is so cute when she babbles; I almost forget just how smart she is.


That stops her and she blushes and looks at her hands. I'm supposed to buy the innocent look and I continue. "It happened while I slept so I don't have any answers Fred." I smile as I hold my hand behind my back and watch as she beams back and skips over to sit beside Wesley.

"Hey man!" Gunn is sitting with legs out crossed at the ankles appearing like the well dressed lawyer that he is. "Great to see you up and about if you know what I mean."

"Yeah I do and thank you all." I sit at my desk lowering the trash can to the floor and I surreptitiously nudge it with my foot until it's under the desk. And just as I expected the doors are flung open and the flamboyant Lorne enters with Spike in tow.

"As I was saying Blondie bear I don't think that Paris Hilton will be interested or... interesting if you catch my drift." He laughs and nudges Spike before noticing me and the others. And can I say that the colour of his suit hurts my eyes. I rub my eyes with one hand.

"Angel cakes!" My green friend gives me one of his brightest smiles and I smile back hoping he won't notice the smile does not reach my eyes.

"So glad to have the boss back in tip top shape." He sashays over to a chair and continues, "And what fine shape too you stud muffin you." He laughs but I'm watching the never ending pain in my butt, Spike.

As if waiting for me to glance his way the bleached idiot swaggers to the centre of the room and strikes a pose. Pillock!

"So peaches...." He drawls hooking his thumbs into the loops of his belt, "back to being a weakling again and a pain in every ones arse."

"Spike!" Wesley began but is saved by the bell.

The phone rings again and I ignore my nemesis to answer and I think it saves Spike a staking. That gets up Spike's nose for his eyes gild a touch and his chest pushes out a little more, not that he has much in the way of a chest. But I digress and unfortunately that tends to happen when ever Spike is around.

"Okay. Yes that'll do it." I hang up to see everyone watching me.

The fear or nervousness in the room ticks up another notch. I know that Fred, Gunn and Wesley have had their assistants in their ear about my recent activities. They think they know what is to come. Spike and Lorne have no clue or I hope they do not. I stand and saunter round my desk until I am before Spike.

He backs up a step, worried now but trying not to show it. "What's with the secret code and covert phone calls?" he sneers.

I move in a blink of an eye because I have to take Spike unawares and I do and manage to grab hold of his precious leather coat. Before he can react I delve into his pockets and my fingers find what I knew had to be there.

"Hey!" He growls and backs away; too late. I throw the evidence onto my desk and quickly frisk him as he continues to step back.

"Hey!" he growls again. "If you wanted my body you only had to ask!" he huffs and realizes that all eyes have turned to him. He throws up his hands and snarls, "Never going to happen!"

"Angel?" I hear Fred's concern so I push Spike away and return to my chair and pick up the waste paper basket that is there. Gently I place it on the desk and place Spike's contribution on the top. There is a knock and the doors open to admit the minion with another basket full of contraband. I motion him over and he gingerly walks between my so called friends and puts it down next to the first.

"All done sir," he swallows and at my nod makes his escape. God I miss the fear I used to instill in, I cannot think like that. I'm one of the good guys now; only right at this moment I do not feel it.

I look over at my colleagues and Fred and Wesley look a little sick. Gunn actually seems a shade of grey and Lorne just looks like he normally does. Spike slouches over to the window and peers out trying to give me the cold shoulder although I know he is listening. I hide my smirk and put on an angry glower. It seems to work because everyone seems to shrink.

Harmony chooses this moment to burst in with a cup of warmed blood. Maybe she isn't as dumb as I think because she sets it down and makes a hurried exit without a word.

Mmmm it smells so good and it's been a few days so I leave them all hanging and enjoy my meal. If I can forget about the cute otters I can actually enjoy the taste. Damn. The blood's gone all too soon and it's never enough. I resist the urge to lick the cup clean. From the corner of my eye, I observe Wesley fingers sliding across Fred's shoulder and as I lower my mug I see Gunn straighten in anticipation. Lorne is trying to avoid the vibes by consulting a tiny notebook he has in his hand.

"Angel." Wesley stands and I glance his way. His arms lift and he gestures towards my bundle of treasure.

"We're sorry. We didn't think that things would go this far..."

"It got out of hand, I'll handle it," Gunn said from his chair adjusting his tie nervously.

I glare at him. "It's been handled Gunn. Thank you."

Lorne finally looks up from whatever fascinated him. "Angel. Baby. It's all a bit of fun. No harm done." He smiles again. "Nothing got out of the building."

Fred peeks out from behind Wesley. "You looked so adorable..." she shuts up and ducks back when I glare at her too.

"Sod it!" Spike turns and stares at us all. "I've had it with this crap! Call me when the baby has had his tantrum!" He storms off and I'm not sorry to see him go.

"It's been handled?" Wesley has his arms folded in defiance. Mmmm. The Watcher in him rising to the surface.

"The computer technicians have deleted all files that pertain to the matter at hand." I too cross my arms and lean back in my chair.

"Pertain to the matter at hand?" Wesley's voice drips sarcasm and disbelief.

"The whole building?" Gunn's voice rise in pitch.

I nod and he whistles. Wesley bristles. "The technicians have accessed my files?"

I ignore him and pick up some of the photos from the baskets and hold them up.

"It seems as if some one has been busy with a camera."

"The security cameras," Wesley offers not yet appeased. Tough for him!

"A lot of people obviously had access to the tapes." I spill some of the photos onto the desk and it is the same face in every one. "I think everyone in the building had one."

I stand and do my best to intimidate with my height and build. Lorne who has never bean intimidated by me to my knowledge gets to his feet and dismisses me with a wave.

"Now be kind to these friends of yours precious, I'm outta here. Party pooper" and he's gone. He thinks that I didn't find his stash of photos hidden in his makeup box and I pat my self on the back and let him go.

Wesley still stands there and I swear there is a pout forming. "Was this absolutely necessary?"

"Yes Wes it was. I'm the boss here and I can do anything I want." Okay, I can be snippety too.

"Can you?" he seethes forgetting once again who the guilty party is and who is the pissed off vampire.

Fred tugs on Wesley's trousers and the reminder seems to work. He deflates and apologizes. "I'm sorry Angel," he looks at the pictures, "I would not have expected the entire staff to take such a personal interest."

Gunn stands up and comes over to handle the photos. "You gotta admit; the whole thing was pretty weird."

Hold it! Why is it when I get a righteous rage on and have the perpetrators in my sight my anger subsides when they admit they did me wrong? Damn it I want a confrontation! Maybe if I narrow my eyes and....

Fred is there picking up my picture. It's the one of me a little roughed up after Nina attacked me. My anger is back as I look at what I had been turned into a few days ago.

"I'm so sorry Angel. It was my fault. I kept the photos because you were so cute and when Wesley saw them he wanted a copy and...." Wesley coughed and Fred subsided with an "oh."

Because it is Fred I temper my temper if you will. "It wasn't a pleasant experience Fred," I say through gritted teeth. Cute my ass! "It is something I really want to forget and it doesn't help if I have pictures hanging everywhere and people sniggering and..."okay maybe my temper isn't so under control. I breathe and isn't that something?


I look up and the three humans have backed up a step.

"It's been a trying few days for you. Perhaps a day off....or" when Wesley notices my look, "a few hours. Go do what ever you need to do to get your mind off this."

Gunn adds with a nod eagerly trying to defuse the situation, "Take one of your cars and go for a drive. See the sights; get out of the office for a while, maybe go kill something or rescue some helpless."

Yeah as if that will help. See the sights through special glass but unable to get out of car if needed. That'll suck! I run that idea through my mind again. I could go to the beach and watch the ocean; I haven't seen the ocean in a long while. I frown. Do I really want to see the ocean after spending three months beneath the waves? Wait! Did he say kill something? Now that's my idea of fun.

My friends are watching me. I smile and sweep the mess up into the trash cans. Something in my smile must have worried them because Wesley asks, "Angel?"

I place the containers on the floor and bring out my battered lighter. I know I don't smoke but this lighter has come in handy over the years. I set both baskets alight and smoke alarms be damned.

"There." I say as the photos burn. Puppet Angel is no more and I wring my hands together; time for some retribution.

"Okay. That's done." Hey! Fred, Gunn and Wesley are now halfway to the door. Harmony chooses this moment to poke her head in.

"Oh Fred, there's an email from Willow. It's about that photo you sent...."

There's a mad rush to get out of the office as I roar with frustration. God! I slump into my chair and sink my head into my hands. I bet Buffy has seen the damned thing.


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