Before The Beginning.

/Long before the beginning there was a little girl.../

TITLE: Before The Beginning.

AUTHOR: Leni

DISCLAIMER: I wish... Wait. I don't. I REALLY don't.

DISTRIBUTION: If you like it, take it. Just give me the e-address.

TIMELINE: Read the second sentence and you'll immediately guess.

SUMMARY: Long before the beginning there was a little girl...

RATING: PG-13 (for two sentences nearly at the end of the story)

DEDICATION: This one goes for my little cousin, for being the little sister I never had (and living away so we never get into any fights! g) even though she cannot read this for she is only twelve.

FEEDBACK: My muse is back and needing nourishment... ,

--

Momma is crying and Dad is staring straight ahead with a dark scowl.

Where is Grandma now? sweet Kathy asks.

You just watch them mutely and hold your black-clad little sister more securely on your lap.

Where is Grandma now? comes again and nobody would give her an answer. How do you tell an innocent child that Grandma is far, far away and never coming back?

She is dead.

Well, that is one way. Your father never had much consideration for young tears or childish doubts and the hard truth is that yeah, Grandma is dead.

But Kathy still doesn't understand it. And when is she coming back? she asks innocently

Momma just cries harder and you can see her hand twisting the kerchief until the cloth strains and... tears. Dad nearly jumps at the sound of ripping cloth and sends an angry stare in your sister's direction. Why are you making your mother cry? he seems to ask, and yet the words don't leave him. If they did, it would probably just be a scream, and you don't want your father scolding Kathylove for something she is not to blame for.

So you carry your little sister and get her to bed. You change her into her sleeping garments and let her hair loose... You tickle her belly until she laughs and forgets about Grandma and the black clothes, then you tuck her sleepy form in her covers and sit on the edge of the bed. Sleep tight, pumpkin, you whisper when she's closed her eyes. And you caress her hair soothingly, praying she can't hear momma's mournful sniffles and dad's dark swears.

When is she coming back? she murmurs with her eyes still closed.

You sigh in frustration. You were right in staying here until she fell asleep, you know her and she would stay awake all night finding answers to her questions. That wouldn't be good. You don't like to hear her crying and you know that if she doesn't sleep well... she will fall asleep in the morning, right in the middle of her child-sized chores, and tomorrow afternoon Dad would give her a slap for neglecting her duties. You don't want to hear her cry. Ever. Go to sleep, beautiful, you insist softly.

She opens her brown eyes -so much like Momma's- and she stares at you unrelentingly until you sigh louder and answer her. She is not coming back, you say, and you know it was the wrong thing to say when she pouts and her eyes sadden by the second.

Never? she sniffles.

Silence is your answer.

Can Grandma not come back from the dead? she insists with teary eyes.

Innocent question from an innocent's mouth... what can you tell her? Be like Dad and tell her the hard, honest to God truth? You should but, being like Dad? Never.

Close your eyes, pumpkin, you beckon and she obeys. If you are asleep and you've been a good girl then Grandma will come to visit you every night, you whisper in conspiracy, she'll sit at your bedside and watch your sleep.

And she'll stay until I wake up? she ponders in poorly-concealed happiness, tears now forgotten.

Your smile vanishes again. You are happy she cannot see your eyes as you lie to her. But you need to because you can hear Dad coming this way, and if he finds Kathy still awake... No, Kathysweet, angels can only go out at night.

Her eyes open wide in cheerful wonderment, you knew this she would believe. She is an angel? You nod even though you can't believe in Heaven and Hell and even less in celestial creatures. Just like Father Joseph told us? With wings and a harp? She squeals in joy.

Shush... You rearrange the covers around your little sister and wink at her. Yeah, with wings and harps, you lie again. Now go to sleep, Katherine O'Connor; or she'll never come.

But I want to see her, she whines silently.

You can't, you explain sternly, angels have rules and this is one of them. They come to visit good children only if they are already asleep.

Why?

Kathy is a curious little thing, and she won't stop until she has her answer. Because if someone sees them, you begin warningly, then they will never ever come back again. She looks at you with her brown eyes wide open. And they'll tell their friends that you were a naughty little girl and that you don't deserve being visited at night, you finish in an ominous tone.

Oh! Kathy shakes her head readily. I'll be a good girl then, a sincere promise is made and you smile good-heartily. She lets her head fall onto the mattress and snuggles into the covers rapidly. She closes her eyes immediately with a soft smile on her face. Your father's footsteps are already at the door and you breath in relief.

From outside comes another impressive litany of swears against your momma and her dead mother and why-did-God-send-this-family-to-me? You believe that his everyday behaviour is the reason, but you'd never tell him that.

Minutes pass and your momma's sobs get weaker, just as your father's voice gets louder and finally...

Liam? he hollers through the closed door

You steal a fast glance at Kathy's quiet form, check that her eyes are still closed and her breathing is peaceful and regular. Yes father? you answer obediently when you confirm that she is indeed asleep.

You can hear the door opening and your father stepping on your sister's room. Your eyes need some seconds to adjust to the sudden light. What are you still doing there? comes the question in a disgusted snarl.

I'm watching her sleep, is your response as you rise from her bed to face him.

Quit such foolishness already! You can almost feel his scowl straight through your clothes, burning on your skin as if it was the very flame which lights the room. Your mother needs something to calm her nerves. Go to Merle's and buy two pints of his best.

He gives you the money without waiting for your acceptance. You nod anyway as you accept it.

Your father leaves the room still muttering under his breath. Strangely, the tiny room seems warmer without the candle he was holding...

You look at the coins in your hand and wonder if you could get to your room without your parents noticing and take some money of your own. Just enough for a quick game with the guys, you decide, maybe some beers and, if Betsy is still awake... well, you think with a smirk, she's always welcomed you with open... arms.

Crash! Something breaks in the kitchen, and your father screams in pain. More crashes and loud voices... Kathy stirs but doesn't wake up. Thank God for small blessings.

You're sure they won't notice if you dawdle at Merle's, right now your mother needs more than two pints and, anyways, you father has enough liquor to 'calm' her should he need to.

It's been nearly a week since you spent a fun night... and after Grandma's illness and the funeral you do need one.

After all, what should it matter? It's your own money you're wasting away. The one neither Momma nor Dad know you have. Why should you give them all the earnings gained with your own hands? Besides, half of it you've sworn never to touch, not even if the best horse comes to Galway and it's a sure bet, you're saving it just in case... in case Kathy falls ill, just like your other two siblings buried beside Grandma because the doctor wouldn't bring more medicine.

You can hear Dad pushing his mourning wife into their room. You're sure they won't notice if you're away for an hour or two... You even bet that's why Dad sent you away. Maybe you'll find Seyl or Pat for a round or two and, if not, Betsy or any of Merle's girls can give you a nice ride for the money.

You are already closing the door when you hear Kathy's sleepy whisper. Liam?

What do you want, Kathylove? you whisper quietly back.

One day I'll catch an angel and I won't let it go, she confides.

A smirk touches your lips. I'm sure you will, pumpkin, you answer, have sweet dreams.

Father Joseph says we all have a guardian angel, she goes on stubbornly, you'll see, Liam; he'll come for me and he will let me see him! Her last words were already a bit blurred and she falls asleep again within the next seconds. You bend down to kiss her affectionately on the forehead and keep her raven hair out of her face.

Standing up you watch her innocent features calm in sleep. Angels... only your four-year-old sister could believe in them. She is truly the only one fit to be an angel in the madness that is called Liam's Life.

You close the door noiselessly and leave the house making sure nobody's heard you.

Once safely outside you whistle merrily and loudly all the way to the tavern.

But that was long, long before the beginning.

The End.

16/06/03

I have never written Kathy in my life, so please cut me some slack there. I had always wanted to write pre-Sunnydale Angel... I never guessed I would write pre-Darla Angel... Heh, I guess I surprised myself here.

I didn't forget the quote marks... it's just another experiment I've been meaning to do for some weeks.

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