Bird Hoopla

Bird Hoopla...inspired from the bird hoopla that takes place outside my window every single morning during the summer.
Rating: Pg 13~ I guess for some naughty words
Disclaimer: These characters belong to Mr. Whedon. Except for the one that may belong to Jo.
Oh and definitely no profiting happening here
Timing: Buffy’s in Italy…
A.N. ~1 mucho thanks to Jo, oh and don’t blame her, she really did try and help me…..she was very kind but I know she was rolling her eyes, a LOT
A.N.~2 apologies ahead… never have written anything before and its pretty much ~~ Sluff combo of silliness and fluff =sluff)

*

The summer light trickled into the room, hurrying the darkness into the far corner.

"Not yet,” Buffy moaned and buried herself under her comfy matisse duvet.

"Okay, okay, just five more minutes." she negotiated with whatever forces of light were listening.

But obviously she had pissed off some otherworldly Goddess, most likely, the one in charge of loud and obnoxious feathered beasts. The same beasts who were now strategically perched outside her balcony.

"To early for this nonsense," Buffy grumbled. "What did they do put out an all call? For a good squawking, meet at the Villa de Uccelli, and lets make some bird hoopla."

And so the weekend had begun, the Buffy does it solo weekend.

No Giles, no Dawny, and thank god no Andrew, just here alone with me and my naturally witty self. Oh, along with the birds from some hell dimension
What else could a girl ask for? well maybe someone tall, dark and with penetrating...EYES yep, I was so thinking about eyes…

She smiled to herself and plopped back on the pillow, remembering when she had found this perfect weekend place. Dawn, well she preferred Rome, no surprise there. Just recently, Dawn had tried out for the teenage academy awards. A worthy five star begging act was staged, complete with the down on her knees, tears in her eyes, to the declaration of never talking to Buffy again. The whole ordeal made Buffy want to escape. She finally agreed to let her stay in Rome with Andrew. According to Dawn this was a once in your lifetime, huge A list event, and of course Andrew had extra tickets. Buffy figured knowing Andrew, they were probably pilfered tickets, or he had bartered Dawn's body for them. She figured one day Andrew was going to be the death of them all.

Buffy's eyes drifted shut and that was when she decided that this weekend was exactly what she needed. This villa might not have been Under the Tuscan Sun, but it was damn close. The more she thought about it, the apartment in Rome was simply too. . . too close, too suffocating, too shrill, too fake and too much Andrew and his annoying tendency to hold one hostage with words alone. How many times had her hands come precariously close to ripping out those squeaky vocal cords.

Before they left the states, Giles had convinced her that Andrew was indeed "bloody serious" about training to be a watcher. Buffy thought that Andrew needed Giles more than Giles needed Andrew, but the arrangement seemed to be working. Even if Giles tended to drink more after being with or even talking to Andrew.

Now that she thought about it ever since they landed in Rome and set up a kind of Slayer R US training camp, Buffy sensed that everyone was drinking more and still walked around her as if she was the carrier of the plague. If that wasn't enough, she would often find them staring at her like she was on the verge of breaking out into boils.

Buffy smiled slightly as she remembered that she would roll her eyes at them and sigh

.
" You guys need to visit a museum and stare at something new, trust me, I'm really fine, really!!!"

But she might as well been talking to a painting as they continued to stare at her and smile those faux all teeth smiles. There were times when she really missed having someone who didn't want something from her, someone to laugh, share, relax, and of course train with. Buffy sighed and glanced back out toward the porch.

Enough of this meandering down memory lane, Okay, back to the problem at hand

It had been almost over an hour since the hoopla began, with no sign of letting up. Buffy swore out loud and opened her eyes and peeked over the covers.

"This damn annoying hoopla is for the birds!" Buffy gave a quirky smile and shook her head.

And no one here to appreciate my kick ass sense of humor

"SoooWhattodowhattodowhattodo.." she whispered to herself.

Buffy thought for a moment and then proceeded to hurl one of her feather pillows, no irony there, out onto the balcony.

Her pillow scattered most, but the biggest darkest one just sat there on the railing, taunting her, looking so black, so damn evil.

Damn, its probably Cordelia reincarnated and back to harass me and ruin this getaway weekend..

I am so losing it, not only am i talking to myself, I am also thinking this huge ass bird is Cordelia
I've definitley gotta get a life!!!

Buffy crawled out of bed and slipped on her Slayers Do It to Demons teeshirt, Willow had given it to her after "the crater incident" at Sunnydale. Sunnydale, all those memories wrapped up tight, like those mummies ensconced in their sarcophagi. Buffy wondered what might be revealed, if she pried them open and started peeling away that flimsy tape. Would anything substantial be exposed or would there just be fleeting memories. She came close a couple of times, thought about picking at that tape, as in making a phone call. Actually one night she had gotten as far as picking up her cell, only to have Andrew and Dawn walk in. Two other times the same thing had happened. After that Buffy decided to raise the white flag, as she felt some fate goddess was trying to give her a definite sign. She hadn't allowed herself to think of him, really think of him for a while now.

Driving out here, Buffy's internal mind debate concluded that being with the Studmuffin, Mr. Immortal wasn't really working. Sure he was gorgeous, had biceps you could gnaw on, and oh she couldn't forget his nice gyrating ass, but there wasn't a lot of real emotional substance. He sort of reminded her of cotton candy, yummy, but quickly disappeared once you had bitten into it.

She leaned against the french doors and started talking, "So wonder how much it costs to call LA from Italy?

Buffy rubbed her hands over her face. She knew from experience that this is the kind shit that happens when you either have too much time on your hands or have guzzled down quantatorious amounts of cheap wine.

Her eyes gazed towards the phone.


I so hate making those personal lifechanging decisions! Call, don't call, call, don't call.
Sheesh look at me....I’ve turned into a zombie.

" I so need to just walk away from this!"

The squawking increased in volume.

She walked to the balcony looked straight at her feathered stalker. "Don't you have some other soul to torment. Oh and another thing, I am never, ever buying a bird feeder, EVER!"

The big black chicken bird stared right at her and out of that beak came one single "Caw."

Buffy groaned and flipped around and decided to ignore the evil beast
.
"Okay lets be realistic now", she stated calmly, " Let’s just play this out! What would I say? More importantly what would he say? Or NOT say? What's the worst case scenario?"

Me: "Hi Angel, How’s that Evil CEO thing workin’ for you? Me? Oh, i am good, nothing but goodness here, New? Well, hmmm lets see..training new slayers, oh and what?! How did you hear? Okay so yeah, kinda been seein’ Dun...some immortal guy.. No! He is not…!!!! Stop laughing! Oh, and by the way he is great with that sword of his and boy can he shake that bootie, I will have you know! So how about you? Nothing?

Ahh, well that's not what I hear. I hear you like to bring out the beast in your women now? "
Meow, yep, pretty catty Buffy....And who knows if Andrew told you the truth? Right now I think I really do hate Andrew.

Buffy heard a faint noise, sounded vaguely familiar, sorta like Take Me Out to the Ballgame.
OMG, that’s my cell phone.

She sprinted into the master bedroom, reached for her purse that was underneath her bed. Frantically she tore through her purse in search of her elusive cell phone. She yanked it out just as the ringing ceased.

"GRRRRRRR" she growled. She quickly flipped through the menu and hit phone log.

Hmm wouldn't it be really kismety if he had tried to call me the same moment I was thinking about calling him...yeah right, get real Buffy, maybe on some lame TV series that would happen. Yep, its official I'm full of pathetic lameness.

She looked at the number, shook her head, and placed her cell phone on the night stand.
A slight breeze fluttered through the curtains in her bedroom and the sun's rays seemed to be teasing her into coming outside. She decided to ignore the birds and take the sun up on its offer. She grabbed her towel and Angels and Demons, as she only had a few more chapters left and headed for the pool.

Yep, I could definitely write a book titled A Demon and an Angel.

The brightly colored lounge chairs were lined up around the sparkling water like spectators waiting to watch a swim meet. She laid down and opened up her novel and dove in. The warm sun wrapped around her like a soft blanket. She could feel herself becoming sleepy.
She closed her eyes and tried to figure what was going to happen next. Within minutes of closing her eyes, Buffy promptly fell asleep. For small chunks of time she was allowed to escape the trials of real life and enter into her own fantasy world.

Suddenly there was a bright light and some irritating noises. Buffy couldn't figure out why she was wearing a red gown that kept getting tangled in her feet, but more importantly, why was that somewhat familiar knight stabbing her with his knife. Suddenly the dream haze fell away and Buffy felt something actually pinching her arm, she opened her blurry eyes and looked right into the beak and orbs of hell bird, Cordy.


"Shit Cordy! That really hurt!" Buffy hissed. She violently waved her arms to shoo the evil bird away but it just flapped its wings and hissed right back at her.
If that thing had teeth she would have been in a shit load of trouble.

Then she heard the pounding coming from inside of the Villa.

Buffy yelled, "Okay, Okay, Keep your pants on.. " Barefoot, she padded across the cool stone floor toward the front door.

hmmmm depending on who...pants off, that might not be such a bad thing
Now who even knows I am here, besides the dynamic duo.

She swung open the wooden door and opened the iron gate. There was no one there. She walked out through the gate, looked around and her foot landed on a cream envelope. She reached down and picked it up, no name, just an embossed A on the front.

Buffy carefully opened the envelope up and pulled out what seemed to be a handwritten invitation. She scanned the note and laid the invitation on the bench in the foyer. She then hurried upstairs, ran over to the french doors and out onto the balcony. No one was on the path that crossed behind the villa. The funny thing was there was no obnoxious black bird there or at the pool. Finally, Buffy thought, demon bird Cordy had gotten her pound of flesh and was off to terrorize some other unsuspecting human.

Buffy glanced down at her legs. She decided that her legs were looking too much like a porcupine. She grabbed the bath towel for two and her razor. She turned the nozzle, warm water spilled out and those cute frothy little bubbles started to call her name. She slipped in and thought that this was surely heaven~esque.

All I'm missing is candles, some wine, and a smooth, firm, wet, lip sucking chest!
What is with me today and all these thoughts of....he who shall not be named, he he!! So when was the last time i saw him? Maybe he has changed you know, gotten fat, dyed his hair orange, likes disco pants? Who am I kidding, he's probably still gorgeous, broody and wrapped in black leather...

After about 40 minutes, Buffy hauled her prune ridden, limp body out of the whirlpool tub and decided she need to do some work. She spent the rest of the afternoon writing the final section for the training manual for the newbie slayers. She knew she needed to wrap up the most frequently asked question section. She read the first one on the list.
Where is the most dangerous place to end up with a vampire?
Easy for me, in his bed..


****
Munchy time Buffy had her head stuck in the fridge, looking for something sweet, preferably something chocolatey.

The clock on the mantel chimed seven times. Buffy stuffed the found frozen candy bar in her mouth and hurried out into the foyer and picked up the invitation again. It said that the festivities would begin around 7:30 and that Gabrielle Anastasio would come up to get her around 7:15. Gabrielle was the sister of Maria Anastasio, the birthday princess.

I'm only going for oh a couple hours...but I gotta get out of here, if I stay here much longer who knows what crazy idea I would come up with!

Buffy tugged on her black dress, looked at the clock again, hurried down the stairs, grabbed her black bag and swung open the front door. She started down the brick path to her neighbors, hoping to run into Gabrielle.

****
Hours later the dance floor was still a throng of people trying the latest line dance. The next group activity was going to be the Chicken Dance, and that indeed was Buffy's cue, her big cue to leave the dance floor. She wasn't sure her arms and legs could even do those moves and her feet felt like they were the size of pumpkins.

She moaned, "OMG, my head, my head feels like a pumpkin too!

Her eyes squinted at the clock, and she whispered to herself, " Almost midnight, okay time for Cinderella to find that coach and then her bed!"

Buffy quickly bid her neighbors goodbye. Gabby and her brother each grabbed an arm and maneuvered her up to her villa.

"You okay Buffy?" Gabby said.

Why is she yelling? Please make the loud girl stop yelling at me!

"Yep, all is good." Buffy dug in her purse for the key.

Gabby smiled at her, gave her a quick hug and then they were off back down the path.

Buffy closed her eyes and rested her forehead against the wooden door. She then squinted and concentrated on sticking the key in the lock.

Hell, it was easier to stake a vamp than it is to do this, if only the damn door would stay still..

Buffy finally coaxed the key in the right way, turned the handle and pushed open the door.
Her feet still felt like they were being squeezed to death by her designer boa constrictor sandals She kicked them off and dragged herself up the stairs into her bedroom. Buffy teetered on the edge of the bed. She tried to decide if she should get undressed or just lie down and pass out.

"First I've gotta get out of this dress."

But where to start? Buffy started to lift it over her head, then her flailing arm hit the nightstand and her cell fell on the floor. She reached down, picked it up, and stared longingly at it.
Hmm 1. no Dawn or Andrew to walk in, and 2. I'm slightly tipsy....two out of the three things needed, The only question is where did I put that number that Giles had gotten for me.

Months ago, Giles had informed Buffy in no uncertain terms that, Yes this number was his cell phone number, but it was only to be used in case of an emergency.

"Well Giiileees, I do believe this is an emergency, Buffy is tipsy and lonely eeeemergency,” she giggled to herself.

She grabbed her purse and pulled out her wallet. Tucked underneath a picture of Dawn, was the number.

After several attempts at hitting the right number keys on her phone, she pushed the green send button and waited.


****
Angel had learned how to put his cell phone on vibrate mode. Fred, at one time had programmed some crazy polka song for his ring. He kept trying to get Wes or Gunn to help him change it. They were worthless, as they would just stand there and laugh. So he put it on vibrate and there it was jiggling away in his pocket.

He pulled it out and flipped open the phone, checked the number and hit talk.

Buffy waited a moment and then said, "Angel, is that you?"

" Buffy, I'm here" Angel spoke into the phone.

She examined the phone, her addled brain was having trouble with forming thought connections. She wondered how his voice was coming through the phone but at the same time was also coming from out on the balcony. She hopped off the bed only to get her larger than life feet tangled up in the sheets. Buffy tried to catch herself but failed and tumbled across the floor, landing with a resounding WHUMP. She felt like some trussed up chicken.

“I'm such a tipsy klutz,” she moaned, refusing to look anywhere but at the floor.

"But a beautiful tipsy klutz,” Angel offered.

He bent down and picked her up in one easy swoop and set her on her feet.

She closed her eyes counted to five and opened them again. She repeated this process several times.

Angel just smiled. She forgot how that smile could make her tummy tumble around. Hell, just standing next to him did crazy things to her whole body.

"How could… how did you find me?"

" erhmmmm... do the names Andrew and Dawn sound familiar, but you know I could alway find you!"

She laughed. "Between the two of them I'm ready to commit myself!"

“Believe me, I do know that feeling!”


Buffy wanted to reach out and touch him. She still couldn't believe he was there sitting in her bedroom. It was so very surreal and so very weird.

What was even weirder was that they spent the rest of what was left of the night sitting out on her balcony, and not a feathered beast in sight.

Surprisingly, Angel talked much of the time, as it seemed there was a lot of hoopla happening in L.A.

Buffy listened to his beautiful voice, felt his cool hands grasping hers, and she sighed a sigh of contentment.

Buffy thought now more than ever, that Giles was indeed right when he told her that her life was like a tapestry.

That her friends, family, loves, and events in her life were all different colors woven into that tapestry to make it complete.

Buffy realized that Angel was the gold edging woven throughout her tapestry. As the gold thread he added definition, boldness, and sparkle to her life. There may have been places where it seemed the gold was stretched thin or bare in some spots, but its essence was still there. Buffy could not predict what would happen tomorrow, next month, or even five years from this moment. But she knew in her heart and deep in her soul that their lives were connected just like the threads in a beautiful tapestry.

Yep, It's done
_________________
I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved~
Maroon 5

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