Summary: Angel's on the warpath let the others beware!
He's not a happy camper.
Author Notes: Written for the first birthday of the Angel Elders at the
Mansion and it had to be fun.
Story Notes: Set in AtS5 at Wolfram and Hart, see if you can guess after
Disclaimer: Joss and all owns these wonderful characters. Don't sue I'll
put them back when I've finished playing.
Is there anything better
than hot water shooting out of a shower head and hitting your body in
steaming ecstasy? Ooh....yes! Hot water; there's nothing like it. People
these days take hot and cold running water for granted. Back in the day
folks were a lot smellier only everyone stunk so one didn't notice so much;
unless you had a very sensitive nose which I just happen to have..... I
think I'll stay in here forever.
Oh... I never appreciated
the length of my limbs before and the soap makes lovely bubbles that slide
down my chest and down my legs. Oh yeah; it's a long way down and I'm still
ALL there. Gee....I think I'm going to.....
That was nice and I'm all
fresh and clean again and yeah a vampire has to have some privacy. And my
hair...is it....hang on; where's the gel?
Did they think I wouldn't
notice? That Angel; he's not very bright, he hardly pays attention.
I hear my teeth grinding together and force myself to stop. My thoughts
wander to the people I think are responsible. They forget who I am...what I
am. There will be retribution have no doubt. Now where did I put...? Oh
there they are. At least the boots survived not that I don't have several
pair. Hey! There have to be some perks.
God! It's great to be normal
again or in my case as normal as a vampire can be. Wait! Is that a scuff on
my boot? Now where is a cloth....? I know, I know I've got staff who could
be here in an instant to clean my boots but then that would mean picking up
the phone and talking would be involved and then waiting for said minion to
arrive. Nope; not gonna happen.
I think this towel will do,
it's not as if they can't afford to replace a single towel is it?
There....that's better. Wiggles toes and throws the dirty towel into the
Where's my black jacket? You
know things were a lot easier when I did my own ironing and putting
away...oh. Okay now I'm ready. Flexes shoulders and straightens. Do I look
good? Come on you know I do. I tell ya I feel pretty damn good. Just for
once I wish I could see myself in a mirror, it'd be nice to see that I'm me
That pile of torn clothing
in the corner can just stay there. No...I hesitate for a second, I'll leave
it, it's going to be thrown out and the coat is done for. What's up with
the elevator? Why is it taking so long?
Okay, okay. So I couldn't
just leave the mess there. I'm just tidy so sue me; it's now in the basket
and saves me from tripping later.....
Right! No one is in my
office. There's Harmony sitting at her desk doing absolutely nothing as
usual. I don't know why I tolerate the vamp. She's incompetent and cannot
be trusted, plus she is as dumb as a post.....Sigh. I could do with
something to eat...no, hunger can wait; it's hard to ignore the gnawing in
my stomach but I've gotten good at it. I'm going to take the elevator
downstairs...time to rustle up the mind readers.
I don't know why everybody
is looking at me like that? Haven't they seen the boss before?
Aha! I knew it.
"What's this?" I
growl at the employee trembling at my feet. I hold up the offending
I narrow my eyes at the
human receptionist in...Human Resources.
"Never mind!" I
crush the piece of trash in the palm of my hand and move on. I hear the boy
fall into a dead faint as I leave.
Oh yeah! They're all afraid
of me again. Good; they can deal with it. The fact I have two scary mind
readers hovering behind me doesn't hurt either. They direct me to where I
need to go and I soon have a minion with trash can added to my entourage
and we sweep every floor. Every nook and cranny, every desk drawer and locker
are searched when indicated by the ladies.
Ugh! Do not ever go
into the desk drawer of a female T'rlck demon. The drawers sounded as if it
squeaked when I shut it but I suppose it was the live lunch she had inside.
It took a couple of hours
until finally we reach my floor and no surprise here, the evidence is
"Harmony!" I bark
and watch with delight her frantic scrabbling at her desk.
"H-H-hey boss. You're
awake...and here....and look at you, you're normal again." Harmony's
highly polished nails are getting rid of the evidence as she rises.
"Would you like a cup
of warm blood? And hey there, are you with Angel because you don't have an
appointment?" She looks down at her diary but I forestall future
comments by saying yes they were with me and the minion scurries behind her
desk and empties her trash into his container.
interrupt what is about to be a burst of indignation, "Blood,
now...and could you cancel any appointments until further notice?
Good," I say at her nod and leave her standing there. Stupid vamp!
As I mount the stairs I look
down at her and add, "Ask Gunn, Fred and Wesley to come into my office
in 30 minutes, oh and if that bleached dumbass is around he's
I decide to ditch the
entourage after the search is over and take my private elevator to the
office. Three of them are there waiting and the faint tang of nervous
tension is in the air.
"Ah Angel," Wesley
says as I enter the room fully a smile creeping across his face.
Fred who is sharing the couch
with him jumps up and rushes over. "Oh Angel! You're back to normal.
Did it hurt? Did you notice anything magical and did it happ...?"
Gosh she is so cute when she
babbles; I almost forget just how smart she is.
That stops her and she
blushes and looks at her hands. I'm supposed to buy the innocent look and I
continue. "It happened while I slept so I don't have any answers
Fred." I smile as I hold my hand behind my back and watch as she beams
back and skips over to sit beside Wesley.
"Hey man!" Gunn is
sitting with legs out crossed at the ankles appearing like the well dressed
lawyer that he is. "Great to see you up and about if you know what I
"Yeah I do and thank
you all." I sit at my desk lowering the trash can to the floor and I
surreptitiously nudge it with my foot until it's under the desk. And just
as I expected the doors are flung open and the flamboyant Lorne enters with
Spike in tow.
"As I was saying
Blondie bear I don't think that Paris Hilton will be interested or...
interesting if you catch my drift." He laughs and nudges Spike before
noticing me and the others. And can I say that the colour of his suit hurts
my eyes. I rub my eyes with one hand.
"Angel cakes!" My
green friend gives me one of his brightest smiles and I smile back hoping
he won't notice the smile does not reach my eyes.
"So glad to have the
boss back in tip top shape." He sashays over to a chair and continues,
"And what fine shape too you stud muffin you." He laughs but I'm
watching the never ending pain in my butt, Spike.
As if waiting for me to
glance his way the bleached idiot swaggers to the centre of the room and
strikes a pose. Pillock!
He drawls hooking his thumbs into the loops of his belt, "back to
being a weakling again and a pain in every ones arse."
began but is saved by the bell.
The phone rings again and I
ignore my nemesis to answer and I think it saves Spike a staking. That gets
up Spike's nose for his eyes gild a touch and his chest pushes out a little
more, not that he has much in the way of a chest. But I digress and
unfortunately that tends to happen when ever Spike is around.
"Okay. Yes that'll do
it." I hang up to see everyone watching me.
The fear or nervousness in
the room ticks up another notch. I know that Fred, Gunn and Wesley have had
their assistants in their ear about my recent activities. They think they
know what is to come. Spike and Lorne have no clue or I hope they do not. I
stand and saunter round my desk until I am before Spike.
He backs up a step, worried
now but trying not to show it. "What's with the secret code and covert
phone calls?" he sneers.
I move in a blink of an eye
because I have to take Spike unawares and I do and manage to grab hold of
his precious leather coat. Before he can react I delve into his pockets and
my fingers find what I knew had to be there.
"Hey!" He growls
and backs away; too late. I throw the evidence onto my desk and quickly
frisk him as he continues to step back.
"Hey!" he growls
again. "If you wanted my body you only had to ask!" he huffs and
realizes that all eyes have turned to him. He throws up his hands and
snarls, "Never going to happen!"
"Angel?" I hear
Fred's concern so I push Spike away and return to my chair and pick up the
waste paper basket that is there. Gently I place it on the desk and place
Spike's contribution on the top. There is a knock and the doors open to
admit the minion with another basket full of contraband. I motion him over
and he gingerly walks between my so called friends and puts it down next to
"All done sir," he
swallows and at my nod makes his escape. God I miss the fear I used to
instill in humans...no, I cannot think like that. I'm one of the good guys
now; only right at this moment I do not feel it.
I look over at my colleagues
and Fred and Wesley look a little sick. Gunn actually seems a shade of grey
and Lorne just looks like he normally does. Spike slouches over to the
window and peers out trying to give me the cold shoulder although I
know he is listening. I hide my smirk and put on an angry glower. It seems
to work because everyone seems to shrink.
Harmony chooses this moment
to burst in with a cup of warmed blood. Maybe she isn't as dumb as I think
because she sets it down and makes a hurried exit without a word.
Mmmm it smells so good and
it's been a few days so I leave them all hanging and enjoy my meal. If I
can forget about the cute otters I can actually enjoy the taste. Damn. The
blood's gone all too soon and it's never enough. I resist the urge to lick
the cup clean. From the corner of my eye, I observe Wesley fingers sliding
across Fred's shoulder and as I lower my mug I see Gunn straighten in
anticipation. Lorne is trying to avoid the vibes by consulting a tiny notebook
he has in his hand.
stands and I glance his way. His arms lift and he gestures towards my
bundle of treasure.
"We're sorry. We didn't
think that things would go this far..."
"It got out of hand,
I'll handle it," Gunn said from his chair adjusting his tie nervously.
I glare at him. "It's
been handled Gunn. Thank you."
Lorne finally looks up from
whatever fascinated him. "Angel. Baby. It's all a bit of fun. No harm
done." He smiles again. "Nothing got out of the building."
Fred peeks out from behind
Wesley. "You looked so adorable..." she shuts up and ducks back
when I glare at her too.
"Sod it!" Spike
turns and stares at us all. "I've had it with this crap! Call me when
the baby has had his tantrum!" He storms off and I'm not sorry to see
handled?" Wesley has his arms folded in defiance. Mmmm. The Watcher in
him rising to the surface.
technicians have deleted all files that pertain to the matter at
hand." I too cross my arms and lean back in my chair.
"Pertain to the matter
at hand?" Wesley's voice drips sarcasm and disbelief.
building?" Gunn's voice rise in pitch.
I nod and he whistles.
Wesley bristles. "The technicians have accessed my files?"
I ignore him and pick up
some of the photos from the baskets and hold them up.
"It seems as if some
one has been busy with a camera."
cameras," Wesley offers not yet appeased. Tough for him!
"A lot of people
obviously had access to the tapes." I spill some of the photos onto the
desk and it is the same face in every one. "I think everyone in the
building had one."
I stand and do my best to
intimidate with my height and build. Lorne who has never bean intimidated
by me to my knowledge gets to his feet and dismisses me with a wave.
"Now be kind to these
friends of yours precious, I'm outta here. Party pooper" and he's
gone. He thinks that I didn't find his stash of photos hidden in his makeup
box and I pat my self on the back and let him go.
Wesley still stands there
and I swear there is a pout forming. "Was this absolutely
"Yes Wes it was. I'm
the boss here and I can do anything I want." Okay, I can be snippety
"Can you?" he
seethes forgetting once again who the guilty party is and who is the pissed
Fred tugs on Wesley's
trousers and the reminder seems to work. He deflates and apologizes.
"I'm sorry Angel," he looks at the pictures, "I would not
have expected the entire staff to take such a personal interest."
Gunn stands up and comes
over to handle the photos. "You gotta admit; the whole thing was
Hold it! Why is it when I
get a righteous rage on and have the perpetrators in my sight my anger
subsides when they admit they did me wrong? Damn it I want a confrontation!
Maybe if I narrow my eyes and....
Fred is there picking up my
picture. It's the one of me a little roughed up after Nina attacked me. My
anger is back as I look at what I had been turned into a few days ago.
"I'm so sorry Angel. It
was my fault. I kept the photos because you were so cute and when
Wesley saw them he wanted a copy and...." Wesley coughed and Fred
subsided with an "oh."
Because it is Fred I temper
my temper if you will. "It wasn't a pleasant experience Fred," I
say through gritted teeth. Cute my ass! "It is something I really
want to forget and it doesn't help if I have pictures hanging everywhere
and people sniggering and..."okay maybe my temper isn't so under
control. I breathe and isn't that something?
I look up and the three
humans have backed up a step.
"It's been a trying few
days for you. Perhaps a day off....or" when Wesley notices my look,
"a few hours. Go do what ever you need to do to get your mind off
Gunn adds with a nod eagerly
trying to defuse the situation, "Take one of your cars and go for a
drive. See the sights; get out of the office for a while, maybe go kill
something or rescue some helpless."
Yeah as if that will help.
See the sights through special glass but unable to get out of car if
needed. That'll suck! I run that idea through my mind again. I could go to
the beach and watch the ocean; I haven't seen the ocean in a long while. I
frown. Do I really want to see the ocean after spending three months
beneath the waves? Wait! Did he say kill something? Now that's my idea of
My friends are watching me.
I smile and sweep the mess up into the trash cans. Something in my smile
must have worried them because Wesley asks, "Angel?"
I place the containers on
the floor and bring out my battered lighter. I know I don't smoke but this
lighter has come in handy over the years. I set both baskets alight and
smoke alarms be damned.
"There." I say as
the photos burn. Puppet Angel is no more and I wring my hands together;
time for some retribution.
done." Hey! Fred, Gunn and Wesley are now halfway to the door. Harmony
chooses this moment to poke her head in.
"Oh Fred, there's an
email from Willow. It's about that photo you sent...."
There's a mad rush to get
out of the office as I roar with frustration. God! I slump into my chair
and sink my head into my hands. I bet Buffy has seen the damned thing.
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