Masquerade.

AUTHOR: Kim

E-MAIL: kim.harmel@ntlworld.com.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own them, I don't want them, they make me cry too much. Joss and his people do the owning thing

SPOILERS: Nothing. Completely AU fic.

DISTRIBUTION: Great, just let me know where.

FEEDBACK: Please.

RATING: R-rated

AUTHOR'S NOTES: No Vamps, no slayers and the only monsters in this story are human ;^) I just wanted to write something different, this is it.


Masquerade

Prologue

First there was nothing.

A deep black abyss of nothingness staked its claim on her soul, smothering it slowly in triumph. It was strong, fierce and ruthless. But the spirit was stronger...

Slowly, one by one her five senses started to reconnect, each one breaking down the walls of unconsciousness and grasping the brand new day.


It was a small room.

Small, white, with a strong smell of disinfectant and something she couldn't quite put her mind to...

** Flowers**

**That was it**

The fragrance of fresh cut flowers fought its way bravely through the sanitised aura of the room.

A sharp intake of breath confirmed the flowers in question were roses.

**Most likely long stemmed and yellow**

She liked roses.

She liked yellow.

As the perfume filled her senses her mind was flooded with reminders of sunlight. Vibrant, warm and nurturing.

**Peaceful**

Inside her mind it was almost silent.

The only sound that penetrated the quietness was the faint ticking of a distant clock. It's subtle tick, tick; ticking was just enough to be noticed but not enough to be annoying. Not yet anyway.

Turning her head, the first thing her eyes focused on was a cheap painting of the seashore hanging crookedly on the far wall. Angry waves broke over jagged rocks but a small sliver of sunlight seemed to appease the hungry sea. In different surroundings it might have passed as pleasant but, on closer inspection, the work had been ruined by bad brushwork and to add insult to injury, a really tacky frame.

The painting was unfamiliar, but then so was the hard wooden chair in the corner and the small bedside cabinet that looked surprisingly like a hospital locker, right down to the small jug of water and chipped glass tumbler.

On reflection, it didn't just look like a hospital locker; it *was* a hospital locker.

With that startling revelation the smell of disinfectant returned and the white sterile walls that surrounded her hard uncomfortable bed started to close in.

Fighting against a wave of panic and nausea, her head slipped to the other side of the crisp starched pillow. The scenery she faced wasn't very different. The same white washed walls, a slightly different seashore painting but it still had the same tacky frame, and yet another uncomfortable looking chair.

It was definitely part of a hospital.

She sighed, and then she saw him.

At the far end of the room the figure of a man stood at the window with his back to her, seemingly gazing into nothingness. His broad shoulders hunched slightly under a crumpled black silk shirt, and his hands were thrust into the pockets of equally dark trousers, stretching the fabric over his lean hips.

Suddenly, her skin felt hot and her mouth was too dry.

As she cleared her parched throat, the slight noise seemed to cut right through his reverie, causing him to turn and stare hard in the direction of the hospital bed.

"Buffy. It's about time you came back" His voice sounded like crushed velvet, each syllable smooth and soft as it slipped into the quiet room.

"Back?" The patient asked the question with uncertainty as her large hazel eyes studied his expressionless face.

As he moved out of the direct sunlight, she could make out his features more clearly.

At a little over six feet tall, with chiseled good looks and deep-set dark eyes, the expression *Tall dark and strikingly gorgeous* didn't really do him full justice, but it was a start.

"Back. Back to the land of the living, of course. It was touch and go for a while, you gave the doctors a real scare"

As she carefully studied him, she noticed that *Mr.Tall dark and strikingly gorgeous* was giving off an array of confusing signals. His softly spoken voice sounded relieved but at the same time, his body language remained cool, almost distant. When she didn't speak he continued.

"You've been unconscious for a while now, almost forty-eight hours" he stopped and sighed wearily "Do you remember what happened?"

"Unconscious?"

She started to sit up but her whole body seemed to protest against the idea. The tall dark man with enigmatic eyes sighed, pulling his hands from his pockets.

In a few long strides he crossed the room.

"You shouldn't try and get up yet, not until a doctor has spoken to you." His voice stayed remote but those eyes told a different story. Placing a hand on her arm he lowered her back down onto the hard mattress.

She was too weak and disorientated to put up any real resistance, but it was something else that stopped her trying.

The touch of his warm fingers on her bare arm caused her skin to tingle as if a small spark of static electricity had brushed over her body. It was a shock to her system in more ways than one.

For a brief second their eyes met, and he could clearly read the questions that lurked in the confusion, questions she seemed nervous to ask.

In that same second, she found herself needing to breathe, and when she did, his masculine scent flooded her senses. He smelt of ivory soap and stale cigarettes.

The sudden sound of a nurse's soft footsteps interrupted them, causing the man to step back and thrust his hands back into his pockets.

"Good morning, sleepy head. How are you feeling?" The middle aged woman smiled. Picking up the patient's slender wrist, she checked the rate of her pulse against her watch.

"I'm not too sure. It kinda hurts all over"

Still smiling, the nurse removed a thermometer from her top pocket and after shaking it a couple of times, slipped it under the patient's tongue.

"That's perfectly understandable in the circumstances. Just lay still until the doctor gets here, he will explain why you're in pain" Years of practice gave her voice the calming edge it needed to ease the patient's fears.

"My head's beginning to really hurt"

Leaning across, the nurse removed the thermometer and placed her hand to the younger woman's forehead.

"Your temperature's fine, but you did take a bad knock, the swelling has only recently gone down"

"Knock? Did I knock my head?"

The nurse raised her eyes over the young woman's head and looked towards the other occupant in the room, when he shrugged his shoulders she returned to her patient.

"I just want to ask you a few questions, just normal procedure to check for concussion. Okay? "
"Sure"

"Do you know what year it is?"

"2003" The answer was a knee jerk reaction, it slipped over her tongue without any need for thought.

"And your date of birth?"

"January 19th 1981" Still not a hint of hesitancy.

"And who is the President of the United States?"

The patient chewed her bottom lip slightly before answering.

"George Walker Bush, unless they've finally found a way to kick him out" This time the reply was even light hearted as her confidence seemed to grow.

The nurse smiled, putting her more at ease.

"Good girl, no problem there at all. Just one last question and I'll get you something for that headache. Can you tell me your name"

"My name? Of course I can, its..."

The nurse watched and waited, as the younger woman seemed to struggle on the simplest question of them all. After a few moments she admitted defeat and her face crumbled into a large frown. Biting back tears, she slowly shook her head.

" Elizabeth Angelus." The quiet words came from the other side of the room.

The confused patient looked up with large grateful eyes. For a moment real fear had squeezed her heart at the failure of that question, but at least now she had an identity.

She met his gaze, looking slightly puzzled.

"Wait. I remember now, but not Elizabeth, I think my friends call me Buffy"

He nodded, and once again moved closer to the bed.

That's right, it was a childhood nickname but now everyone calls you Buffy." The voice continued softly spoken but remained devoid of all emotion.

In her gratitude she didn't really notice.

"Wow! That's a real relief, I was beginning to get worried there for a moment" Buffy laughed as a tinge of colour returned to her cheeks but was quickly reminded of the throbbing in her temple.

Her slight grimace reminded the others.

"Do you still need something for the pain?"

"Please" Buffy replied trying not to nod her head and increase her discomfort.

While the nurse attended to the pain relief, Buffy turned to the other presence in the room. He bothered her in a way she didn't understand.

He was definitely *tall dark and gorgeous* but there was an also a hint of something uneasy about him, something dangerous.

"I'm sorry, you seem to know me and yet... Are we friends?"

Turning to face her, darkness covered his handsome features.

" No. We're not friends, Buffy" He snorted.

Cold, almost black expressionless eyes flashed in her direction, sending a shiver screaming down her spine.

"You're my wife"

"WIFE? Buffy squeaked out the word in total disbelief.

Whatever she'd been expecting it certainly wasn't this little bombshell. At her startled expression, her so called *husband's* face creased into a dark, almost angry frown. His broad shoulders seemed to slump beneath his shirt and she was almost certain she heard him quietly sigh. Tearing her eyes from his face, her gaze travelled nervously down the length of his muscular left arm and on reaching his fingers, it settled on what appeared to be a small, gold wedding ring.

**You're my wife**

At the sight of the ring, an invisible band tightened around her chest, squeezing all the air from her lungs. Biting back the acid bile that was burning her throat, Buffy's shocked eyes edged slowly to her own left hand, only to discover the third finger was suspiciously bare... Oxygen was only returned to her protesting lungs when she realised that all her other fingers were also bare. Taking a welcoming gasp, Buffy calmed herself with the knowledge that she was in a hospital bed and almost naked, so the lack of a ring at this point didn't prove or disprove anything.

**This is utter madness**

From the moment she awoke her life had become surreal, nothing made sense anymore.

The silence that filled the room was almost deafening.

Turning her head, Buffy's anxious eyes flickered back to her *husband* and the coolness this man radiated caused her to shudder.

Suddenly her throat was too dry, the room was too hot and a troupe of small men with wooden clogs on their feet, danced frantically up and down inside her head.

**Okay, breathe Buffy. You remember how to do that much.. It goes in, out, in, out...** Each shaky breath caused her small chest to swell up against the rough hospital gown.

"You're my wife"

"We're married?.. You and me?" Buffy's large hazel eyes blinked as the information tried yet again to break through her disbelief.

The man claiming to be her husband glared, only his cryptic eyes showed any real emotion. Their coolness cut through her like freezing rain, causing Buffy's whole body to tremble.

Mr. tall, dark and gorgeous suddenly looked tall, dark and scary. His whole body seemed to tense up at her question. For a second, Buffy could have sworn she saw something resembling anger or even worse, bitterness flash in his deep chocolate orbs. When she looked again only indifference shone back at her.

Feeling the tension between the couple grow, the nurse took a diplomatic step forward.

"Buffy..." She started with a calming smile, carefully choosing the name the girl seemed more comfortable with." Do you recognise this man?"

**Do you recognise this man?**

The simple question brought Buffy crashing back to reality.
Did she recognise him?.

Looking up, she took a few more seconds to study his handsome features and then slowly nodded her head.

" You're Angel?" It was more of a question than an answer.

On her almost uncertain reply the nurse turned her head.

"I thought your name was Liam?" She asked suspiciously.

"It is. Only my wife calls me Angel"

Angel snapped back, annoyed that he had to explain something so intimate to a total stranger. He ran his hand slowly over his chin and the slight growth of stubble reminded him that he'd hardly slept in three days. What with the resent stress he'd been under, and now the lack of sleep, it was no wonder he was becoming irritable.

"I'm sorry, but you people already know who I am, you were the ones that called me, remember?" With a frustrated sigh he returned his voice to a softer level " All I'm concerned about is my wife, there's obviously a real problem here"

Buffy watched quietly, her eyes never once leaving his face.

He was giving off the most confusing signals.

Raising both hands to the side of her head, she massaged her temples, trying to rub out all the confusion swimming around in her memory.

"I don't understand any of this. My head, it's all mixed up, nothing's in the right place, everything's so fuzzy..." Buffy closed her eyes begging for the blackness to swallow her again, and return her to it's warm nothingness.

**Was there really a giant hole inside her head that used to hold memories of loving this man, marrying this man?. How could she possibly forget something that monumental, and yet still remember insignificant things, like the fact she liked yellow roses.**

"Here, take these" The nurse held out her hand and dropped two small pills into Buffy's trembling palm. Reaching over, she filled a small glass with water from the jug on the bedside locker and carefully placed it in her patient's other hand. Without hesitation, Buffy threw both tablets inside her mouth and swallowed them down with a large gulp of water.

Straightening the crumpled sheets, the nurse then offered a reassuring smile.
"They should ease the pain and also help you sleep"

Buffy shook her head.

"I don't want to sleep, I need to understand what happened to me..." She tried to stifle the yawn that broke free but failed as a renewed wave of exhaustion attacked her whole body.

"All in good time. First you need to rest. The doctor has been called and he will want to talk to both of you but, in the meantime, please try and sleep."

"But I...."

"Buffy, do as you're told. Close your eyes," Angel's clear voice was the last thing she heard.

She wanted desperately to protest, but her eyelids were already dropping. Within seconds, the darkness was washing back over her, pulling her into its safe, silent vortex. Only one picture accompanied her on the journey..

The face of this *Angel*... who ever he was.

*****

"Try not to be too concerned Mr. Angelus, a small amount of memory loss is not uncommon in cases like this."

Angel sat in the cramped doctor's office several hours later. He was tired, hungry and extremely frustrated but all that was put aside by his need to understand Buffy's condition.

Doctor Adam Walsh carefully studied the notes in front of him; he was nearly as tired as Angel after being on call for almost forty-eight hours. Ever since the accident two days earlier, the hospital resources had been pushed to breaking point. Every member on the staff had worked around the clock as they fought bravely to save the survivors.

Slipping off a pair of thin, gold rimmed glasses, he rubbed his own tired eyes before returning his attention to the notes

Angel wasn't impressed, the kid in the white lab coat didn't look old enough to be out of med. school, let alone be responsible for Buffy's care.

"You said a small amount of memory loss, just how small are we talking about here?" Angel asked impatiently, his large body leaned across the desk making it clear he was sick of being brushed off. He wanted answers and he wanted them now.

Refusing to be intimidated, Adam Walsh scanned the papers again. He sympathised with the anxious man but knew in cases of amnesia, there really were no text book answers, each case was different. He also acknowledged that Liam Angelus wasn't a man to be messed around.

Catching sight of an important sentence, the young doctor looked back across his desk.

"I understand Elizabeth recognised you, she remembered some personal information?"

Angel nodded.

"Sure, she remembered a pet name, but she's my wife dammit, how can she forget something like that?" A small muscle in his jaw twitched with frustration.

"The accident must have been very traumatic, even though the CAT scan showed no damage to her brain, there's still the problem of shock to deal with. From what I've been told it was hell on earth out there, we don't know how much of the accident she witnessed, what horrors her mind is trying to forget. People have strange ways of handling stress. In your wife's case she seems to have shut down part of her mind."

"You're saying Buffy has amnesia?" Angel asked, not liking the idea one little bit.

The doctor nodded. Adam Walsh had seen more than his fair share of amnesia cases, especially accident victims.

"So how long will it last?" Angel asked.

Scratching his chin, Adam considered the question carefully before replying.

"We can't know, it could be an hour, a week, a year. It all depends on Buffy and her state of mind."

"And in the meantime what am I supposed to do?"

"At this moment in time Mr. Angelus, you know your wife better than she knows herself. She will need as much love and support as you can possibly give her. You need to take her home and treat her as normally as possible. Maybe when she's in familiar surroundings she'll feel safe enough to open her mind and let out what ever demons frightened her into closing it."

"And what if her memory never comes back. What if she never remembers me?" Angel didn't even want to consider that possibility.

Adam Walsh shook his head

"Permanent amnesia is extremely rare, especially in cases where there was no damage to the brain. No, your wife seems to be suppressing something, all we can do is give her time"

*****

Outside the hospital, Angel sat in his car and dialed the familiar number by heart, after a few short rings, the other end clicked open

"Hi Cordy, it's me" His weary voice breathed deeply into the small cell phone resting against his ear.

"Liam, It's about time you called, I've been worried sick" The woman's reply was both angry and concerned.

Angel rubbed his hand over his tired eyes and relaxed deeper into his seat. For a hire car it wasn't too comfortable but it was better than nothing.

"I know and I'm sorry, what can i say, its been a rough few days" He almost laughed at the understatement, the last few days had been a nightmare and from what the doctor had just told him, it was only just beginning. The female voice on the other end of the line soon broke him from his reverie.

"Liam, will you just cut to the chase. Is it the little bitch or not?" This time her tone was almost venomous.

"Cordelia! Don't talk about her like that" Angel's mask slipped for the first time and real pain showed in his hard brooding eyes. It had been easy to hide his feelings from Buffy; months of heartache had turned him into quite the actor. Cordelia would be green with envy at the skills he had picked up. But now out in the real world, the pain he had carefully hidden for the last three months surfaced and threatened to suffocate him all over again..

"Yes, it's Buffy" His eyes softened as the memory of her smile caressed his battered heart.

"And what has the bitc.. Sorry, what has your wife got to say for herself? What excuse did she try to fool you off with"

"She didn't...."

"Oh please, don't tell me you forgave her" Cordelia angrily interrupted.

He could almost feel her contempt burn across the miles separating them.

"It's not that simple, she's got amnesia" Angel shook his head, cradling the phone closer to his ear, he waited for the explosion to follow. He wasn't disappointed.

"And you believed her! Liam you really are a dumbass"

"That's enough. I think you should remember your place, you're my little sister, not my mother" Angel snapped, his patience now pushed passed its breaking point.

For a second neither spoke, both sibling was too consumed with their own conflicting emotions to risk hurting the other.

"So, now what?" Cordelia calmed her tone of voice, she knew shouting at her brother wasn't the answer. She could almost see him shrugging his shoulders as he fought for the right answer.


"I guess that's up to Buffy"

"You really are a big, stupid, dumb ass.." She repeated her earlier insult but this time there was real pain in her voice. Cordelia didn't give him time to reply

"Liam, be careful, please, please be careful this time"

At the sound of his sister's real concern Angel pulled himself together.

"Don't worry, sis. She won't break my heart a second time"

Ending the call, Angel turned on the ignition and pulled away from the hospital.
He seriously needed to shave, take a hot shower and change his clothes before seeing his *wife* again.

**She won't break my heart a second time** The promise he'd make to Cordelia rang loudly as he drove the short distance back to his hotel.

**There was no chance of that occurring, nobody played him for a fool twice**

As his heart started to freeze back over, Angel made a new promise to himself.
All he wanted from Elizabeth Angelus was closure and once that happened...she could go to hell for all he cared.

"How long now?"

"She's been out for about twelve hours"

"I think it's time you woke her"
~~~~~~

Voices, distant and jumbled broke into the warm dark place that cradled her mind.

Reluctantly, Buffy lifted her heavy eyelids and with the first whiff of disinfectant, she realised what she'd thought was a nightmare had started all over again.

"Hello Elizabeth"

"I'd rather you call me Buffy," She replied without even looking up.

When Buffy finally did pull herself up, she was greeted with almost navy blue eyes.

"Of course, Buffy it is," Adam Walsh smiled warmly at his patient. His handsome young face and light blonde hair immediately putting her at ease.

"I'm Dr Walsh and I've been overseeing your treatment for the last few days." Adam added as he turned and picked up her chart from the clipboard at the foot of her bed. After scanning the results of the last few tests, and being pleased with their readings, he turned his full attention back to his patient.

"So, Buffy, how are you feeling now?" He asked, replacing her notes and removing a small penlight from his coat pocket.

"I think the word *confused* sums it up perfectly." Buffy replied as she sat up and adjusted her ill-fitting hospital gown.

"That's understandable" Adam murmured. Leaning forward, he shone a tiny beam of the light first in to her left eye and after watching the pupil's response, transferred it to the right.

"And are you still having difficulty remembering?"

Buffy blinked as the bright beam of light hit her eyes.

"Yes"

"From what I've been told you were a very lucky woman. Considering the injuries of the other victims, you seem to have escaped lightly," Adam switched off the light and returned it to his top pocket.

"Escaped?" Buffy's voice was barely a whisper.

Cold fear started creeping through her veins. As much as she needed to hear this information, the unknown that was once her past, terrified her.

Adam Walsh watched the frightened young woman's face and hoped she was strong enough to learn the truth about the accident. In normal circumstances he would have waited for her husband to be present, but these were far from normal circumstances.

" You were involved in an accident, Buffy. We've been having some real freak weather here in New York this last month. Some of the worst storms in twenty years. It seems the bus you were travelling on lost control in the heavy rain, and it crashed. There were a lot of other vehicles involved. It's been chaos here the last few days; there were so many fatalities. Sadly, only three of the bus passengers survived, two of them, an elderly couple, are in intensive care and the third, well, that's you."

Buffy felt the air sucked out of her lungs as the doctor's words entered her head.

"Oh God!"

Her pretty face lost all colour as the blood drained away in shock.

"The paramedic who brought you in said you were thrown clear before the bus burst into flames. Apart from a badly sprained ankle, a few nasty cuts and bruises and of course the knock to your head, you came out of it pretty unscathed"

"I think I'm going to be sick" Buffy threw her head forward and wrenched, but her stomach was too empty to comply.

Rubbing his hand over her back in support, the doctor gently persuaded her to lay back against the pillow.

"You will need to keep off that foot for a few days, but apart from that, you'll be fine"

Raising her fingers to her face, Buffy gingerly traced the row of butterfly stitches that snaked across her cheek. She knew from the pain that it was only one of many cuts and bruises covering her body.

"The cuts to your face are only superficial, they'll heal without scaring," The doctor added softly on seeing the fear in her eyes.

Buffy bit into her bottom lip as hot salty tears started to burn.

"After hearing about the other passengers I guess my pathetic worries make me look pretty superficial" Tears ran unchecked down her cheeks as she lowered her hand.

"Of course not, you are a beautiful young woman, it's only natural you would be concerned. Try not to worry too much, just rest and let time do the healing"

Buffy sniffed back the last of her tears, she was thankful for the kind words but they failed to make her feel any better. She couldn't help feeling ashamed of her reaction. People had burned to death and here she was worrying about her face. A few scars should be the least of her problems.

On reflection they were.

"And what about my memory, or the lack of it?" She asked, finally pulling herself back together.

Adam knew this question was coming and he replied with the only answer he could.... The truth.

"As I've already discussed with your husband, these things are quite common. A knock to the head or a traumatic experience can often lead to these problems. It's just like your other injuries, Buffy. We just have to give them time."

**Time**

Buffy laid back and closed her eyes.

At least she was alive, and unlike most of the other passengers on that bus, she did still have *time* on her side.

She also had something else

A Husband she couldn't remember and now survivor's guilt she would never forget

**Would the nightmare ever end?**

****

"I would kill for a shower" Buffy sighed running her fingers through her lank and greasy hair. Now she was fully awake, she longed to stand beneath a jet spray of hot water and wash away, not only the sweat and dirt of the last few days, but also all the confusion and pain that invisibly coated her body. Even though she still couldn't remember the accident, the smell of death seemed to linger on her skin. Her greatest fear was that mere soap and water would never be enough to remove its stench from her soul.

The news of the accident had been a real shock, but Buffy knew it wasn't the only ghost that haunted her past. Something even darker lurked behind the black hole that had replaced her memory, something even harder to accept than the fact she had almost been killed.

"Sorry, you can't visit the shower room yet, it's too soon, you really don't want to get your stitches wet"

Buffy looked up.

"You also need to rest that foot for a few more days" The nurse replied apologetically as she straightened her patient's bedding.

"What about a bath then, anything, just so i can feel human again" Buffy continued to plead her case and tried to leave the dark thoughts that had swamped her to one side. She seriously needed a distraction, even if it was only for an hour, she needed desperately to relax.. Because if she could relax, then maybe, just maybe she could remember.

"You're missing the point, honey, you're not allowed out of bed. If you fell on that ankle you could seriously hurt yourself."

Buffy almost laughed

"Didn't you hear? I'm invincible"

The sarcastic reply was ignored.

On Buffy's defeated expression the nurse softened.

"How about I wash your hair for you, a blanket bath maybe?" she offered, feeling a new wave of sympathy for the younger woman's plight.

At the offer, Buffy's large hazel eyes lit up and smiled back warmly at the kindness. For a split second, she seemed to remember the face of her mother; it was no particular memory, just a warm caring face. It wasn't much, but it was a start and in that second, the picture brought her real hope.

"Besides, we can't have you looking all grubby when that handsome husband of your arrives."

"Thank you" Buffy replied, but suddenly the happiness she was feeling slipped away. Just the thought of Liam filled her with trepidation. She certainly wasn't looking forward to seeing him again.

**Not looking like this anyway**

Buffy didn't like where that thought came from and quickly closed it off. There was something odd about the way Liam's cold dark eyes washed over her. He was incredibly good looking and as sexy as hell, but, no matter how hard she tried, Buffy couldn't shake the feeling that something bad had passed between them.

As the nurse wrapped a towel around her shoulders and poured warm water from a jug over her head, Buffy frowned

Without a doubt, Liam was one of her ghosts..

"There!.. You look as pretty as a picture" The nurse pulled Buffy's freshly washed hair back into a ponytail and snapped on a small coloured band to hold it in place. Even without a trace of makeup, she could tell the young woman was a real beauty. Buffy's large hazel eyes were framed with the longest lashes and her perfect silky skin, apart from the abrasions received in the accident, was the colour of golden honey. There was only one thing that worried the nurse, and that was the girl's weight, or lack of weight. Her petite patient was far too thin; she looked as if she hadn't eaten properly in weeks.

Leaning forward, the concerned nurse tied the small strings at the back of Buffy's ill fitting nightgown and tried not to notice the ribs poking through her skin.

"We really must get you something new to wear, this hospital gown doesn't look at all comfortable" She added adjusting the large starched pillows behind Buffy's head.

At her soft words, Buffy looked down at the simple cotton gown and smiled.

"That would be nice, this kinda itches in all the wrong places" She giggled and for the first time that morning, her fear of the unknown was pushed aside. In that instant, Buffy's whole face changed, and with the new sparkle of light dancing across her eyes, she looked like a completely different person.

"You need to smile more, it really suits you" The nurse smiled back, pleased with the transformation. At the compliment, her patient blushed, a small tinge of colour highlighting her pale cheeks.

**Pale thin cheeks**

As diplomatically as possible, the nurse broached the subject of food.

"Do you think you could manage something to eat? I could order you something light, maybe some eggs?" She offered hopefully

Buffy wrinkled her nose.

"Not a good idea..." she frowned sadly as a wave of nausea washed over her. In the confusion of the last few hours, all thoughts of food had been pushed out of her head. It was hard enough just keeping water inside her stomach.

The nurse still wasn't happy and tried a different approach.

"You need to get your strength back as soon as possible, Buffy. Doctor Walsh will never discharge you until you do."

**Discharge me, I hardly know what day it is**

As the well meaning words entered her head, reality snapped back in.

The turmoil returned like a mist swirling over the sea, its presence once again smothering the light from Buffy's eyes.

Watching the change cover her face, the nurse tactfully changed the subject.

"So, the blanket bath was a success?" She asked, turning to the bedside locker, she started picking up the damp towels and after folding them neatly, she placed them on her trolley.

Buffy nodded, it wasn't the shower she had dreamed of but it was a real relief to feel clean again

"Thank you, you've been very sweet, nurse...?"

Leaning forward, she squinted to read the small nametag on the front of the woman's uniform.

"Tara, you can call me Tara. Unless there's a doctor in the room" Tara winked back and picking up the bowl of dirty water; she turned and pushed her trolley towards the door. Just before leaving, she stopped and turned her head back.

"Buffy... Try to remember what the doctor told you, it's just superficial."

Buffy looked up from her bed and their eyes met for a moment and held. Finally pulling her gaze away, she nodded her head indicating that she understood perfectly.

"Sure, just superficial"

With one last smile, Tara left the room, closing the door quietly behind her.

As her small world returned to its quiet, peaceful state, Buffy let her eyes drop down into her lap. Sitting cradled between her fingers was the small make up mirror she had earlier requested. Not that she was worried about applying her lip-gloss, at that moment; a makeover was the last thing on her mind.

For a few minutes she just sat quietly turning the mirror over in her hands but never once looking into its face.. Just knowing it was there caused a dozen different emotions to run screaming through her body. Fear, anticipation, curiosity, uncertainty...

Running her tongue nervously over her dry lips, she studied the back of the small looking glass as if it held the secrets to the universe, and in a strange way, it did. At least the universe she had once lived in..

Both Tara and Doctor Walsh had offered to be with her when she took that first look, insisting that this was something she shouldn't have to face alone. But Buffy had argued, and won. This was definitely something she needed to do on her own.

Taking a deep breath she raised the mirror to her face and slowly opened her eyes.

"Oh God! Thank you." A small prayer of relief slipped softly over her tongue.

The reflection staring back at her was one she instantly recognised. The many cuts and bruises covering her skin didn't surprise her, they were pretty much what she had come to expect. The large black eye was a bit of a shocker, but all in all, her face wasn't too horrifying. Raising her hand, her fingers traced lightly over the line of butterfly stitches on her cheek, before moving across her nose and stopping at her swollen left eye.

**You seem to have escaped lightly** Adam Walsh's words filtered into her head and lingered. It was true, an inch either way and she could have been blinded, or maybe even worse. But she wasn't. Somehow a miracle had given her the chance to see another day.

Amnesia wasn't such a high price to pay after all.

Buffy sighed deeply and a single tear slipped over her dark lashes and trickled silently down her cheek. But it wasn't the sight of her injuries that caused her to cry with relief, under all that trauma, she finally saw something she remembered.

"I know you, you're Buffy.....Buffy Anne Summers" She smiled softly and watched her eyes reflect back the pleasure she felt at seeing a familiar face, even if it was only her own.

**Buffy Anne Summers** For reasons she didn't understand, this was the name that best fitted the reflection. Buffy shivered, she recognised the name and the face, but no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't find a single memory of being the person.

**Your name's Elizabeth Angelus**

At the new thought, Buffy shook her head, she didn't know that person either, but out of the two, she knew which one she preferred.

A small rap at the door caught her attention and before she could call out, it opened.

"Can I come in?" Angel asked but didn't wait to be invited. In a few long strides he was standing at her bedside, the same stoic expression masking his handsome face.

"How are you feeling?... " He asked as calmly as he could manage.

Just seeing his wife looking so vulnerable had awoken feelings Angel didn't want to acknowledge. He had stood outside her room for thirty minutes, waiting for the nurse to leave and in all that time, pictures of their past life together taunted his head. As he walked into her room, it took every ounce of determination he possessed not to tell her just how much he really cared.

On seeing her new visitor Buffy attempted to smile, but it didn't quite reach her eyes.

It felt strange looking at a man who she obviously shared so much of her life with, but no matter how hard she tried, Buffy couldn't find a trace of that life in her memory.

Liam Angelus had just fallen into a big dark hole of nothingness inside her head.

Feeling slightly sick, Buffy reached over for a glass of water and to fight the effect of the nausea, she sipped the cool liquid slowly. In the quiet room, her empty stomach growled out loudly as the water reminded her again that she hadn't eaten in days.

Lost in thought, her fingers must have trembled because suddenly Angel was reaching over and removing the glass of water from her hands.

"Here, let me take that for you before you soak the whole bed" His deep rich voice sent prickles over her skin.

**Maybe this man hadn't fallen completely into that black hole after all**

Buffy looked up as his face closed in and she felt a slight tug in her chest. There was obviously something between them; just his nearness set alarm bells ringing in her blood. It was just so confusing. He said he was her husband and sometimes he looked as if he really worried about her, but there was definitely something missing between them. There was just something in his eyes, or maybe there was something missing from his eyes.

*Were they close. Had they ever been close?* Far too many questions and no where near enough answers made Buffy's mind even more jumbled.

Pulling up a small chair Angel sat down. He forced his eyes not to stare at the small row of butterfly stitches that snaked across her cheek and involuntarily found himself hoping they wouldn't leave a scar. The thought of Buffy's lovely face being disfigured had haunted his dreams every night since the accident. No matter how much she had hurt him, he couldn't help feeling that she didn't deserve that.

"I've spoken to your doctor" His voice was soft when he spoke and although it gave nothing away, it surprised her.

"Me too "Buffy smiled back again, trying to lighten the mood between them. If they really were husband and wife they should at least be able to talk to one another.

But her pleasant smile was ignored and his face remained stoic.

"They want to keep you in for a few more days, just for observation. Are you all right with that?"
Buffy raised her eyebrows.

"Why wouldn't I be alright with it?" She asked confused at such a strange question.

"I just thought with your fear of hospitals and such..."

Her vacant expression portrayed that she had no idea what he was talking about.

"Hospital fear? Sorry, just add it to the long list of things I seem to have forgotten!" Buffy apologised for not understanding and waited for a deeper explanation.

Angel shifted uncomfortably in his chair as he remembered the first time she had confided her phobia. Not long after they married, Buffy had woken one morning in incredible pain, she was immediately rushed to the emergency room with a suspected Appendicitis. It turned out to be a false alarm, only a touch of food poisoning, but Buffy had been almost hysterical at the thought of staying in overnight. She explained about a cousin who had once died in hospital when she was a child and the irrational fear had followed her into adulthood. Angel had stayed by her bedside the whole night, never moving in case she woke up and thought she was alone..

**You should know better, Buffy. I'll never leave you**

It was only that promise that had kept her in the hospital that night.

Angel almost smirked at the memory, but deep in his chest, his heart ached at the irony.

"You once told me you hated hospitals, they ..."

Buffy watched carefully as he explained her childhood fear in more detail. As the words passed between them her eyes carefully studied his body language. He seemed tense, almost as if he were holding back a torrent of emotion she had yet to see. It baffled her but then again so much about this man confused her.

He looked different today. When she had first woken the man greeting her had looked a wreck, all being a drop dead gorgeous wreck. Now was a different story. Liam had shaved, gelled his hair in to tiny spikes and swapped the crumpled black outfit for blue faded jeans and a dark navy sweater. Mr. tall dark and gorgeous suddenly appeared Mr. tall dark and breathtaking.

"How's your head?"

Realising that he had stopped talking and was waiting for an answer, Buffy raised her hand and ran her fingers lightly over the small bump.

"I think my head's still there" she smiled at his concern and this time her eyes sparkled.

Angel felt himself drawn into the deep hazel pools and felt a pang of regret crush his chest. He'd always loved her eyes; they were the windows to her soul..

"I see you haven't lost your sense of humour" he grinned, determined not to let her see the effect she was having on him.

"No, just the memory" Buffy playfully grinned back. For the first time she found herself relaxing and enjoying his company.

Without either noticing, the tone of their voices changed and as they continued the conversation, they sounded more like lovers than strangers

" You were so lucky, Buffy. You could have died" His warm brown eyes looked distant for a moment.

"Liam? You weren't with me on the bus, right?" This was a question that had played on her mind more than once. Even though she'd already been told there were only three survivors, Buffy couldn't help wondering where her husband had been that day.

Angel shook his head and his eyes filled with regret. She hadn't called him Liam since the first few weeks of their relationship. Buffy had shortened his surname Angelus to Angel and had used the endearment as a pet name just between the two of them. Cordelia nearly had a fit the first time she heard it. His sister had cried with laughter but it hadn't worried him at all. He loved the way the new name caressed his wife's tongue. As the memories continued, the pain in his heart grew, It seemed so long ago now, back in the days when his sister and wife had been the closest of friends... And then out of nowhere Buffy had ruined everything.

Angel slammed the door shut on the past and brought his mind back to Buffy's question.

You weren't on the bus with me, right?

"No. The police think you were travelling alone" he replied honestly.

Buffy crinkled her forehead as she struggled to delve into her memory but no matter how many times she tried, there were still no answers to be found.

"Where was I going?" The not knowing was driving her crazy.

"From what I understand the bus was leaving New York."

" We live in New York?" she asked hopefully.

Angel shook his head

"We live in a small town called Sunnydale."

At the name of their hometown Buffy looked at a loss

"You don't remember Sunnydale?"

"No"

The name meant nothing.

"Do you remember any of the accident?" He asked curiously

Buffy bit her lip and stared at him blankly for a few seconds before replying

"No. Just waking up" Into this nightmare she added silently. A nightmare that seemed to grow more confusing by the second.

"So what do you remember?" Angel persisted with his questioning.

"Well...Umm...The president of the United States, I got that one right" Buffy joked. She knew she was clutching at straws, there were other insignificant things she remembered, but that wasn't what Liam wanted to know.

His next question proved her right.

"What about me Buffy, you said you recognised me. How much do you remember about us?" the faintest hint of a humourless smile crossed his lips as he waited for the answer. Angel had waited a long time for this moment, he wasn't going to like what he heard, but he needed to know all the same.

" I remembered your name.." Her eyes looked away.

"And?" Angel fought to get the word out, he swore she almost looked embarrassed.

Buffy bit her lip again, unsure of herself. After a few frustrating seconds she shook her head.

"That's all.. I'm sorry, I know you said that I'm your wife but... but I don't remember you at all"

Angel sighed with disappointment, it was worse than he first thought. Until Buffy remembered her past, neither of them would ever find the peace they were both searching for.

An uncomfortable silence fell between them.

"Tell me about my family" Buffy asked startling him slightly. Angel wasn't sure if it was a good idea but they had to begin somewhere.

"There's not really much to tell. Your mother, Joyce, she died before we met. She was killed one night coming home from the gallery she owned. That just left you and your sister, Dawn. Dawnie's away in college at the moment. Your father's alive but you haven't had contact in a while.. Buffy?.. Buffy are you all right?" Angel stopped talking on seeing a stream of tears run unchecked down her cheeks. Her small shoulders shook and his heart melted at the sight. He'd always hated seeing his wife cry.

Drawing her legs up to her chest, Buffy wrapped her arms around them. She suddenly looked like a small child again, her features covered in grief.

"I remembered something earlier today, just a face really. It was my mom's. I... I didn't remember her being dead ... I'm sorry, I know this is stupid but it feels like I've just lost her all over again" Her small voice broke. The pain and exhaustion of the last few days finally taking their toll.

Picking up her hand for the first time, Angel absentmindedly caressed her fingers. He suddenly had a crazy urge to put his arms around her and tell her that everything was going to work out fine, that he would take care of her.. She was his life and the explanations he looked for didn't matter any more.. But they did matter and the romantic thoughts shook him right down to his toes....Denial returned quickly. He didn't want to take care of her, he wanted to cut her heart out and use it for target practice, just as she had done with his, three months earlier.

"So, apart form my sister, I've got no one" Buffy sniffed, feeling even more sorry for herself.

At her careless words a cold shiver run down Angel's spine. He closed his eyes for a moment and when he re-opened them, his mask returned and covered his face, draining all the emotion he felt from his features.

There was a time, not long ago, when all Buffy had ever wanted was him, he had been enough. Dammit, he had been everything to her, just as she had always been enough for him.. As his fury rose, Angel slammed the door shut on those sickening memories; he simply couldn't bear to remember the lies that had broken his heart. Realising he was holding her fingers, Angel dropped them, almost as if they burned his skin.

"You're not completely alone, Buffy. You have a few close friends." he sneered at the thought.

**They had all taken her side. Buffy could never do anything wrong in their eyes. All except one**

Looking up, she didn't seem to notice the coolness return to his eyes.

Buffy wasn't sure how she felt at that moment. Finding out she was almost totally alone in the world scared her more than she wanted to admit. This man, this stranger who held her hand for a few moments might act indifferent but she had felt warmth in his touch, a glimmer in his eyes that didn't lie. She knew for some reason he cared about her more than he wanted her to know. Something else scared her, when Liam was holding her hand she had the strangest feeling she never wanted him to let it go..

Suddenly she was beginning to believe that there was maybe something between them after all.

Taking a calming breath, Buffy looked back into Angel's dark eyes

"And there's you" She whispered as she wiped away her tears.

Angel didn't answer her, he couldn't. Everything was becoming too confusing. Months of bitterness had kept his anger strong but every time he looked into her eyes, he was reminded of all the reasons he had loved this woman in the first place. It terrified him .. No matter how much he wanted to hate her, his lonely heart continued to rebel.

Angry at his weakness, Angel pulled all his bitterness to the front of his mind.

"Do you want me to take you home, Buffy?"

"Home?"

To Buffy, the word sounded almost unreal.

Flashes deep inside her mind told her that home was were the heart was, home was warm and safe and smelled of chocolate cookies and family.. Not strangers with cold hands and even colder hearts.

But where else is there to go??? Her head whispered back sadly

"Well...?" Angel asked impatiently, at her hesitation, he couldn't stop the twinge of bitterness that entered his voice

Buffy sighed deeply; there really was nowhere else.

"Yes, take me home..."

When Angel arrived, bright and early the next morning, he was carrying an armful of expensive looking shopping bags.

Just finishing her nightshift, Tara Giles caught sight of the handsome young man as she wearily headed for home. She watched for a moment as he slowly climbed the hospital stairs. Liam looked tired again, his shoulders were slightly slumped and his deep brown eyes seemed lost in a world of their own.

Tara was usually a good judge of character and she knew immediately that things were not as they seemed with this man.

While working on Buffy's rehabilitation, she hadn't failed to notice how he acted around his young wife. Liam Angelus always seemed so cool, calm and collected with Buffy, but when he thought he wasn't being observed, his emotions were an entirely different story. Where Buffy was concerned he was definitely hiding his true face behind a stoic mask.

As she studied him more closely, Tara noticed a sadness about Liam that she'd rarely seen before. He showed all the classic signs of nursing a badly broken heart and yet that little scenario didn't make any sense at all. His wife, who even a complete stranger could see he adored, had miraculously survived the accident intact. Memory loss might be troublesome but it was far from being life threatening. Dr. Walsh had already confirmed that Buffy's amnesia had a 90% chance of being only temporary, and that the rest of her injuries would soon fade from sight. In no time at all Buffy had a great chance of being the same person she was before the accident.

On that information alone, Liam should have been the happiest man alive, but it was very clear to Tara that for some unknown reason he wasn't. From the dark look on his face as he reached the top step, Liam was a million miles away from being happy.

As he rounded the corner of the hospital and finally disappeared from her view, Tara sighed. Her patient, who she had grown very fond of, was going home with this man in a few days time.

Turning towards her car, Tara Giles hoped with all her heart that Buffy wasn't making a big mistake.

******

After inquiring about his wife's condition with the nurse on reception, Angel pushed open the door and quietly entered her room.

That morning the small, sterile room was bathed in soft golden sunlight, its' warm rays falling gently across Buffy's bed. As Angel moved closer he noticed that she was still sleeping peacefully. Her pale face resting against the hard pillow looked totally relaxed in its slumber. The swelling to her left eye seemed to have reduced and the beauty that lurked beneath the bruises shone out like a beacon in the dark.

"Angel" The sudden murmur of his name was so quiet that he almost missed it.

For a second he thought she was waking, but Buffy only sighed in her sleep and rolled over. In her new position, the soft rays of golden sunlight now highlighted her whole face. Her long blonde hair spilling softly across the pillow like an angelic halo.

At the sight, Angel's breath hitched in his throat and he was certain he felt his heart break for the millionth time.

Sitting quietly in the bedside chair, he watched as she continued to sleep for another hour, all the time refusing to give into the bitter tears that stung the back of his eyes.

With every minute that slowly ticked by, Angel's resolve grew stronger.

**It didn't matter how beautiful she looked, he would never let her get close enough to hurt him again**

****

"Good morning, or should I say afternoon?"

At the sound of his smooth voice Buffy's lashes flicked and slowly opened.

For a few seconds she seemed disorientated but as the haze of confusion lifted, the corners of her mouth turned into a small smile.

"Hi....." She finally returned the greeting to her early morning visitor.

**He's not a visitor, he's your husband** The little voice inside her head reminded her quickly.

Although Buffy still had problems thinking of Liam as her husband, she made a firm decision the night before to try a lot harder. If they were ever to get back to normal, or as close to normal as possible in the circumstances, she would have to accept without question that they had once shared a life together. It would be hard but it wouldn't be impossible... Or at least she hoped it wouldn't

Slowly sitting up she curiously eyed the bags he was holding.

"Your nurse, the one who was in here last night, she told me you needed a few things. I went shopping," Angel said casually dropping the parcels he'd purchased onto her bed.

"A few?" Buffy's eyes lit up.

" It looks like its Christmas morning." She smiled and reached excitedly for the first bag.

Angel watched quietly as an almost childish quality covered her beautiful features. For a second he was almost tempted to question her answer, which Christmas morning was she referring to? But just the look in her eyes made him hold back. For the first time since she had woken from the accident, the pain and confusion that had taken residence upon Buffy's face seemed to have faded from sight. A few parcels had done more than any pep talk could have. Without meaning to, Angel found his own face smiling back at her.

"I bought you some nightwear, a few toiletries and some clothes to travel home in. I hope they fit, Buffy. The jeans and shirt might be a little on the large size, you seem to have lost weight recently." His eyes hadn't failed to notice how tight her skin now stretched over her small frame.

**You seem to have lost weight recently**

Buffy thought the remark a little strange, surely she couldn't have lost that much weight in just a few days. But as she opened the next bag her attention switched to its contents.

"I..... I wasn't too sure of your bra size so I brought a few different ones" Angel stuttered slightly as the garments came into view.

Buffy looked up and caught the blush that crossed his cheeks before he had time to remove it. Looking back at the cream silk and lace underwear, she found herself wondering if he had ever bought her gifts like this before.

"They're lovely and I really appreciate you going to so much trouble..." Buffy gasped as she pulled a pale blue, silk, nightgown from a gift-wrapped package. When she looked back up, her eyes were once again filled with questions.

"What about my own clothes?" she asked quietly.

Angel sat back down in the chair next to her bed.

"The ones you were wearing were ruined in the accident. If you had any luggage on the bus it was destroyed in the fire. Of course, there's a possibility that the rest of your clothes are safe but because you can't remember where you were staying..."

"But surely you must know, I must have told you where I was going" Buffy interrupted.

Angel slowly shook his head.

"No" His voice was cold.

"This is getting more confusing by the second. How did the hospital know who I was? How did they know where to find you?

"They found your driving license and passport close to the wreckage" Angel noticed how pale she suddenly looked. Leaning forward he gently picked up the new nightgown, running the soft material through his fingers. The second he had seen it in the shop window he knew it would look beautiful against her golden skin.

" Buffy, why don't you get changed, I'm sure you'll feel much better once you're back in normal clothes." The subject was changed.

"Liam, please, I really need to understand..." Buffy changed it straight back again.

But Angel wasn't in the mood to be manipulated; the darkness that passed across his eyes made it perfectly clear that the conversation was over.

"We can talk about this later" Standing abruptly, he turned and walked towards the door.

"I'll see if that nurse is around, you might need some help" Without even looking back, Angel carried on out the room.

******

Five days later

The fire burned.

It tickled and teased, as it's hot red tentacles licked at her skin. Buffy reached out her hand and watched in horror as the once smooth texture of her tanned arm crinkled and blistered as it slowly melted from the bone. Pain bubbled up in her throat but when she tried to scream, the sound was lost. Lost deep in a maze of confusion. There was nowhere left to run nowhere safe to hide and no one she could trust. Backing into her shell she watched as the red evil moved ever closer, engulfing her in its heat and anger.

With her last breath she screamed.

"ANGEL.."

"Hey!"

The soft calming word instantly brought her out from the terror of her dream. Buffy slowly opened her eyes and blinked as warm brown orbs filled with concern stared deeply into her face.

"You were dreaming, only dreaming, Buffy" his gentle voice smothered her, washing away the pain of the fire.

Buffy's whole body trembled as she tried to sit up in her seat. All around her, the other passengers on the aircraft were already beginning to look away from the strange young woman who had called out so fearfully in her sleep. Forgetting the embarrassment that would have normally turned her cheeks scarlet, Buffy concentrated on controlling the violent trembling that had invaded her body.

"Sssh, It was only a dream" Angel continued to try and reassure his wife. The look of terror on her face was beginning to scare him.

"But it seemed so real" Buffy shook her head refusing to accept the truth for a few moments. Everything about the dream had been so real she could almost taste it.

"Was it the accident? Did you remember something?" Angel leant forward curiously.

Buffy closed her eyes as the visions continued to taunt her head. But no matter how hard she tried to put them in order, they were still nothing more than a jumbled mess.
"No, I don't think so. But even if it was, it didn't make any sense"

Angel couldn't help the small sigh of disappointment, for a moment he actually believed his wife was breaking through her blocked mind. He should have known better.

Buffy laid her head back against the headrest of her seat and let the low drones of the aircraft soothe her fragile nerves.

***

It was a long; tiring, flight from New York back to Sunnydale but the first class seats had made the journey slightly more bearable. Buffy's foot was still heavily bandaged and every thirty minutes she had to manoeuvre it in an attempt the stop the beginnings of cramp from setting in.

Originally, Angel had offered to drive them back to Sunnydale in his hire car, but the thought of travelling on the freeways so soon after almost being killed, was simply too much for Buffy's state of mind.

Just the short ride to the airport had been a nightmare. To Buffy, it seemed as if her whole new life was just one long nightmare after another.

The last week had passed in a blur and before she had time to realise it, she was being discharged and sent home.

It felt strange leaving the hospital, in its own way it had become a security blanket, a place where she actually felt safe. Now faced with the outside world and a husband she still didn't know, Buffy was hesitant to take the first step to rehabilitation. For some strange reason she couldn't quite understand, she felt as if she was stepping out of the frying pan, straight into the fire.

Standing on the steps outside the hospital entrance, her new friend had hugged her and wished her well. Tara slipped a small piece of paper into Buffy's pocket and told her that if she ever needed somebody to talk to, all she had to do was pick up the phone. At the sweet gesture, Buffy hugged her back, almost afraid to let go.

Adam Walsh then approached her; the good-looking doctor shook her hand and informed her that all her notes had been transferred to the hospital in Sunnydale. With an almost sad smile, he told his patient that any future treatment would be carried out there and he hoped it wasn't too long before her life became clearer. Lowering herself into the passenger seat of Angel's car, Buffy waved goodbye to her new friends until her eyes were so blurred with tears she could no longer see them.

***

Buffy shifted uncomfortably in her seat. She still couldn't believe she'd actually agreed to go home with a man she still had no memory of even marrying. Turning her head slightly, she carefully studied her travelling companion/husband.

He was handsome, in a drop dead gorgeous sort of way. He seemed intelligent, even considerate on occasion. The clothes he had brought her were expensive and tasteful. But what did she really know about this man.

**Nothing**

**No, that wasn't true**

He was cold and distant and sometimes even hostile..

Buffy struggled to find it in her heart to accept the truth. How could she have married a man who plainly didn't love her? She sneaked another look at him and found his enigmatic eyes studying her intensely- as if he too, was reassessing the person he had once known.

**The person she couldn't remember being.**

**The person that might be lost forever.**

She needed answers and he was the only one that could tell her.

"Liam, how did we meet?" Buffy started nervously.

Angel thought about the question very carefully before replying. He knew it made no sense lying. He understood that if he wanted to help Buffy remember her past, he would have to tell her certain things about their life together. Taking a deep breath, he brought the memory of their first meeting to the front of his mind and let it play out painfully before his eyes.

" You said it was lust at first sight. It must have been, because you chased me clear across Sunnydale, as I remember" Angel found himself smiling at the reminiscence. In his mind, he could see the younger version of Buffy as clear as day. Her hair was much longer in those days and she had the largest hazel eyes he had ever seen.

At the revelation, Buffy's jaw dropped open in shock. After the way Liam had behaved towards her the last week, it was the last thing she had expected to hear.

If Angel noticed the amazed expression cover her face he didn't comment on it.

His own expression seemed to take on a whole new life. For the first time Buffy saw the real man behind the mask he wore so securely.. Lost in a trip down memory lane, Angel continued with his story.

" You were relentless and ruthless" he grinned " But that's you all over Buffy. When you set your mind to something there's no changing it"

"Oh?" Now she really was speechless.

"Not that I didn't want to be chased." He chuckled lightly and the warm sound tugged at her heart.

"You were the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen, but that was the problem..."

Buffy opened her mouth again but she was still doing an impression of a goldfish. Her lips moved but no sound was made as she struggled to come to terms with the information about her past..

"You were a mere girl when we first met and I was terrified about the difference in our ages. At the time your mother had just died and I was acting on behalf of your father, he wanted custody of Dawn. I was working for Wolfram and Hart in those days; they were a large law practice in LA. It was a Friday afternoon, I'll never forget, you flew into my office like a tornado from hell. " At that point Angel looked up, his eyes burning with repressed feelings.

Buffy couldn't speak, or move, or hardly breathe as she waited for the story to continue.

"You were so tiny but you fought like a tiger. I don't think Hank Summers ever knew what really hit him..."

Buffy finally found her voice.

" You were helping my father take my little sister away from me?" she finally asked with disbelief.

Angel nodded

"For a while. After I read the case notes and talked to you and Dawn, I realised how wrong it was. I could see with my own eyes how much you loved your sister. I quit working for W&H and took your side instead, not that you needed me. Within a month you had won over your father, you were awarded custody of Dawn and..."

"And...?" Buffy bit hard into her bottom lip.

"I stopped running and let you catch me. I didn't care about our age difference any longer, I knew I wanted to be with you for the rest of my life..." Angel trailed off and looked down. He was suddenly worried that maybe he'd given too much of himself away.

"Did you love me?"

There was a faint uncertainty in her voice as Buffy struggled to accept the possibility. Coming from a man, who wouldn't even touch her, this was almost too hard to believe

Angel let out a deep breath and nodded his head sadly.

" Yes, I did"

"And did I love you?"

At her question he physically flinched.

**And did I love you**

Angel felt so frustrated he wanted to scream.

In that split second Buffy could see pure pain in the depths of his dark chocolate eyes. Pain and a deep-rooted sadness.

She waited for the answer but it never came.

The aircraft landing lights chose that precise moment to start flashing, warning that Sunnydale airport was fast approaching and that the pilot was getting ready to descend.

When Buffy looked back from the flashing light, her husband had turned his back and was now gazing out of the window. His broad shoulders seemed rigid and as far as he was concerned, the conversation was over.

Buffy checked her seat belt and laying her head back against the seat, she closed her eyes and tried to make sense of all the information she now knew..

Just watching Liam speak, she could feel the emotion of their past radiating off his body like heat on a warm summer's day. At times, when he spoke, there had been real passion in his eyes, both passion and tenderness. But there had also been bitterness and something a lot worse. Buffy almost swore at one point she saw outright hatred. It terrified her but it also sent her mind searching for answers.

If they really had fallen so hopelessly in love just a few short years earlier, what on earth could have ripped them apart?


Manoeuvring her crutches as carefully as she could, Buffy slowly made her way down the steep steps of the aeroplane. As her small feet landed safely on the tarmac at Sunnydale airport, she took a deep breath and turned to face the unknown.

**So this is Sunnydale** She thought as her eyes flickered nervously at her new surroundings. All around her, the grey faceless buildings that framed the airport, seemed to close in as she searched deep into her mind for a trigger, anything that would break through the endless black void that had stolen her life.

Planes, hangars, buildings, people.... Nothing. Not one thing reached through the blackness in recognition and welcomed her home.

**Oh God, I'm still lost**

One by one, the other passengers from the flight moved impatiently passed the small girl with the bruised face and bandaged leg in their haste to collect their luggage and reach their own final destination. But Buffy was in no hurry... She was too busy being scared to death.

"Well, what do you think of the place so far?" Angel's calm voice floated into her ear as he too descended the steps of the plane and continued on past her.

Leaning heavily on the two metal crutches for support, Buffy couldn't move. A tidal wave of fear and uncertainty swept over her tired limbs, leaving her rooted to the spot. She couldn't do this; she was terrified of taking the next step because that step would lead her straight into the past. And until she could remember that past, her whole future would be left in limbo.

**Stop feeling so sorry for yourself ** A tiny spark of inner strength struggled through her fear.

**Pull yourself together, Summers. You might never have visited this airport. That could be the reason you don't remember it**

The small thought that danced lightly through her head brought little comfort. Neither did the fact that she continued to think of herself as *Summers*. It was discouraging that she remembered her maiden name and not the name of the man she had married, but no matter how hard she tried, Buffy couldn't bring herself to use her husband's surname.

"Are you all right?" Angel asked softly, after noticing that his wife had stopped moving.

Buffy didn't reply at first. To the outside world she looked deep in thought as she carefully scanned the small airport. But sadly, no matter how hard she tried; the building just looked the same as the one they had just left. It was a lot smaller than New York airport and the weather here was much nicer but apart from that, to Buffy, it was just an airport. Just another disappointing dead-end.

Seeing the pain slip across her face, Angel took a small step back and reaching out his arm, he gently squeezed her shoulder

"Come on, lets get you home" As he spoke, a hint of concern softened his hard features.

With a weary sigh of disappointment, Buffy slowly moved away from the plane and hoped with all her heart that something on the other side of the airport would look more familiar....

On reaching the main terminal, Buffy and Angel walked silently through the customs area and then on to collect their small amount of luggage. Angel had offered to find a wheelchair but his obstinate wife had blankly refused and continued to hobble painfully until they exited the building.

"You really shouldn't be putting so much pressure on that foot. The doctor told you to rest it for a few more days. I really don't mind getting you a chair" Angel offered again as he watched the pain grow in Buffy's stubborn eyes.

"I'm fine" Buffy mumbled, trying to keep her disappointment from showing. The outside of the airport looked as unfamiliar as the inside.

Moving froward she stumbled slightly and when Angel reached out to stop her falling, she pushed him away.

"I'm not a child, I can manage perfectly alright on my own" Buffy snapped, but she wasn't so much angry at Angel's offer of help as she was of her own failure. **Her failure to walk, but more importantly, her failure to remember.**

Angel backed away, his face darkening at her cruel dismissal.

"Suit yourself," He smiled tightly, unsure why he felt so annoyed by her reluctance to accept his help.

**If the damn woman wanted to cripple herself why should he care..** But that was always his trouble.. He did care. No matter how hard he fought to hate her, part of him still cared. **A small part of him would always care.**

Watching his body language change, Buffy realised how unfair her outburst had been, and apologised..

" I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap.. It's just so...."

"Frustrating?" Angel offered.

Buffy nodded.

"Yeah, that's exactly what it is" she sighed sadly accepting the truth.

**Frustrating was the understatement of the year**

"Come on, its not far now, lets get out of this place?" Angel took her elbow and guided her safely across the parking lot to where he had left his car ten days earlier.

This time Buffy didn't protest, she even welcomed the support of his warm hand on her tired arm. For the first time since waking into this nightmarish world, she actually felt safe in his presence. The feeling was surprisingly comforting.

**This man might not like you very much but he'd never let you fall.** Although the thought came out from nowhere, Buffy knew it was true.

On reaching his parking place Angel checked once again on the state of her health.

"Are you sure you're alright? You look very pale."

This time there was no violent outburst.

Buffy just nodded her head sadly and after passing Angel her crutches, she slowly sank into the passenger's seat of the black Plymouth convertible. Immediately, the smell of polish and leather washed over her senses and she breathed it in deeply. It was familiar and comforting but more than that, the subtle blend of aromas was the first thing she'd recognised in what felt a lifetime. She knew without a doubt that she'd travelled in this convertible many times before.

Angel threw the luggage in the boot, slammed the lid and dropped in the seat beside her.

" Nice car" Buffy sighed softly, running her hand admiringly over the dashboard. Even the feel of it beneath her fingertips felt familiar.

At her comment, Angel couldn't resist the chuckle he gave back.

" You always thought so. And before you ask Buffy, the answer's no, I'm still not letting you drive it"

Buffy looked up and for the first time since arriving in Sunnydale she smiled

"I think that's a very wise idea, I don't seem to remember learning how to drive" She teased this time and her eyes twinkled with a hint of mischief.

As her warm smile tore into his heart, Angel joined in with the joke and did a little teasing of his own.

"The way you used to drive, I think that can be called that a plus"

Buffy tried to smile but failed miserably to make it look convincing.. There was nothing good about losing everything you had ever learned. There were no pluses as far as she could see.

Knowing he was fighting an uphill battle, Angel started the car and moved out of the car park.

" I know this is hard but it will get better. You just have to keep believing that" He offered reassuringly.

Buffy lifted her face at the concern she had heard in his voice and although she couldn't find it in her heart to believe him, she was more than grateful that he tried.

As Angel paid the parking fee and joined the line of traffic leaving the airport, she turned away and looked out of the side window, hoping to catch a glimmer of something, anything that would tell her she was really home.

After they had been driving for a few minutes, Angel glanced over to see his wife deeply engrossed in the passing scenery. Her delicate features looked strained as she tried to place the assortment of buildings flashing passed without any success. He could feel the growing disappointment radiating from her small body as yet another row of houses passed by with no recognition. No matter how helpless Angel felt, he knew this was something Buffy could only do by herself.

"I feel as if I'm looking out from behind a dream, one of those deja vu ones where you know you've seen it all before and yet.."

Buffy sighed again with frustration. This time they were passing the university she had once attended, before her mother's death had brought an end to her education. On Angel's mention that she had once attended classes there, Buffy sank deeper into her depression, she couldn't remember a single day she'd ever spent there.

"Maybe you're trying too hard" Angel offered again.

Buffy shook her head and watched the campus flash past the widow as he drove a little faster.

"It's in there, I can feel it. It feels as if I'm returning to a place I once visited as a child. It's vaguely familiar but nothing really jumps out at me. Sunnydale is a lot smaller than I imagined" Her small voice trembled and the sound of tears was plainly heard by both of them.

Without taking his eyes off the road, Angel reached over and softly squeezed her hand.

"It will all sort itself out in the end" He hated the thought of her crying. Buffy was so strong and this new weakness was something he hadn't expected.

At the touch of his warm fingers, Buffy shivered. She suddenly found herself holding her breath as he unconsciously caressed her hand.

After a few seconds, and after realising what he was doing, Angel stopped and placed his hand back on the steering wheel, much to Buffy's disappointment.

"I'll drive the long way round, that will give you a clearer picture of Sunnydale" Angel mumbled and cursed himself for touching her hand. Now all he could think about was how much he wanted to hold her, comfort her, wipe away her tears and it was all a waste of energy. At the end of the day all he wanted was answers and when he had them, the bitch could cry a river for all he cared.

**Keep saying it and you might believe it one of these days** Even his own thoughts knew he was lying.

One by one places of importance went by unobserved.

As they drove past Restfield cemetery, Angel resisted telling Buffy that her mother was buried there. He knew that little snippet of information would be too hard on the first day, some things really could wait.

"It feels as if I've not been here for years.. Liam, just how long was I away?" The question was innocent. Buffy had no idea how much the answer would shock her.

For a second, Angel was caught completely off guard.

He didn't answer at once. Speeding up to pass a couple of slower moving cars in the outside lane, he looked deep in thought as if trying to decide whether to reply or not.

"A little over three months" He finally gave in and answered.

Keeping his eyes firmly on the road ahead, Angel spoke quietly, as if it hurt just saying the words out aloud.

"Three months?" Buffy was stunned, she had expected to hear a few days, a week at most.

"What was I doing that kept me away for so long?"

Angel slowed the car as the traffic lights ahead turned red. His long fingers gripped the steering wheel so hard that his knuckles turned white.

"You said you needed some time on your own. You had a lot of stuff going on in your life with the gallery and such..." The well practiced lie slipped easily over his tongue.

Once again, he found himself lying rather than coming out and saying just what needed to be said. Angel bit back the sigh that rose in his throat. Buffy was going to find out sooner or later but until then...

With his reply Buffy remained silent. Trying desperately to add two and two together without coming up with six. There was something really wrong with this whole picture. People didn't just take off for three months at a time, not normal people with normal lives...

**Did they?**

After letting a dozen different scenarios play havoc with her imagination, she asked the question that was bothering her most.

" Liam?"

"Yes" he replied tightly not taking his eyes off the car in front.

"Did we fight..?"

"Sorry?"

At his cold glare Buffy tried a different approach.

"Did we argue?"

" That's a strange question" Angel didn't like the way this was heading, or what she seemed to be insinuating.

"You said I needed space, I was just wondering if we quarrelled.." Buffy looked up and her eyes reflected all the turmoil she felt.

Taking a deep breath Angel knew this question could only be answered with the truth.

"No, we never fought. In fact we never argued Buffy, not once"

It was true and that's what hurt him the most. They had always had the most perfect marriage... or so he had always believed

**What a fucking joke that turned out to be**

With the traffic light switching to green Angel pulled away. Trying to get his mind off Buffy's earlier question, he changed the subject by describing different places of interest in a hope they might set off a trigger in her memory. But, sadly, each location continued to draw a blank expression.

Passing the high school, Buffy gasped at the black, burnt out shell.

"What on earth happened there?" Her voice trembled; just the thought of fire now terrified her.

"Graduation day. 1999 I think. You told me there was a fire during the speeches, the principal and a few of the students were killed. They have only just started to rebuild"

At the confirmation of the fire Buffy felt a cold shiver cover her body and sat further into the seat. She remained silent then until Angel pointed out the next landmark.

"That's the Bronze" He glanced at her as the traffic slowed. " Recognise it?"

Looking out at the small club, Buffy's eyes lit up.

"I think so" At last a building really did look familiar. "I have a feeling I spent most of my teenage years behind those doors," She added getting more and more excited.

"You did" A small smile lifted the corners of Angel's mouth at his success. But even though he smiled, he knew the real test was fast approaching.

Turning the corner of Ravello Drive, Angel stopped the car outside number 1630 and waited.

"Oh God, I know this house....." Buffy's grinned with deep relief. She didn't know why she knew it but the picture was imprinted in her heart.

"I've seen this house before..."

"Of course you have Buffy, about a million times. It's your home"

Angel jumped out of the car. Walking to the other side, he opened the passenger's door and held out his hand.

He smiled, but for reasons of his own it failed to penetrate his dark brown eyes.

"Welcome home, Buffy."

The coolness that returned to his deep, rich voice sent a shiver of uncertainty screaming through her body.

**Home?**

As she took the first step, Buffy was overwhelmed with a terrible urge to turn and run...

**But where on earth could she go?**

"So, how long have we lived here?" Buffy asked looking at the tastefully furnished sitting room.

" You've lived here all your life, Buffy," Angel replied placing their luggage down on the floor.
It felt good to be home and yet, just seeing Buffy standing there after so many months brought back more memories that he could bear to remember. Buffy didn't know how lucky she was with her amnesia, the way he felt, Angel would have chanced places with her in a heartbeat.

"You were born here, I moved in with you and Dawn after we were married" He turned his attention back on the present and tried desperately to ignore the pain of the past.

**I carried you over that threshold. We made love on that carpet... You broke my heart in the kitchen** For Angel, turning off the past wasn't so easy.

Walking slowly around the room Buffy silently studied the furnishings, the curtains, the chairs, and the pictures on the wall.

"It's not as familiar inside as it was outside" Her quiet voice finally broke into the stillness of the room.

The disappointment was sickening. Buffy had been sure that, once she walked through the front door, something - anything - would help make things fall into place.

But, no matter how hard she tried; she couldn't remember ever living here, not even before marrying Liam.

Angel was just as disappointed at her failure. He wanted her to remember, he wanted this over.... He needed this to be over while he was still strong enough to walk away.

"Come on, let me show you around"

As Buffy hobbled from room to room, the uneasy feelings she had been experiencing started to fade. Although she didn't remember living there, she definitely liked the house. It had an aura of calm about it, a safety she associated with the word home. Casting her mind back to her recent stay in hospital, she remembered her ideal vision of what home should be.

**Home was where the heart was, home was warm and safe and it smelt of chocolate cookies and family..**

There wasn't much in the way of family here but, to Buffy's jumbled mind, she guessed this was close enough. The chocolate cookies might turn out to be a bit of a problem; Buffy still had no idea if she could even cook.

"I'll show you the bedroom" Angel reached out and took her arm. He immediately withdrew it when he felt her flinch. Determined not to let her see how much that small reaction had hurt him, he continued in a quiet voice

" I think you need to rest after that long flight, it will be a lot more comfortable in your own room" His eyes suppressed the anger he felt as they bored into hers, telling Buffy that his intentions were strictly honourable.

Buffy felt a rush of heat to her face, suddenly feeling both foolish and embarrassed at the same time.

The guy could hardly bear to touch her, let alone want to have sex with her the second they walked through the door.

**Sex with Liam**

Just the thought of being so intimate with him shook her. Buffy tried to tell herself that it shouldn't, he was, after all her husband, they had been married for over two years and they had obviously made love many times.

As her eyes flicked over his tall strong body, Buffy forced herself to look away. She was horrified with her thoughts. For a fraction of a micro second she actually fantasised about what making love to this gorgeous looking man would feel like.

**How his large hands would feel as they softly caressed her skin, how his lips would...**

**STOP IT!** It was insane to think like that. She tried to reason, but what really shocked her was the possibility that she would love every second of it...

**Was that a memory returning or simple wishful thinking?** Buffy quickly closed the thought down. She noticed that Angel was looking at her with a quizzical expression but nothing on earth would make her divulge that little thought.

"I am tired and my foot hurts a little" Buffy admitted, and on reflection, agreed that she would feel better after a rest.

Leading the way up the stairs, Angel picked up her small bag and showed her to the master bedroom.

"This is your room" he told her placing the bag on the floor next to the door.

"My room...?"

Seeing the questions start to rise again in her large hazel eyes Angel quickly continued, "Under the circumstances I thought I'd move into the guest room, for the time being at least. I don't want you to feel uncomfortable in your own home, Buffy"

**That makes sense**

Buffy accepted the answer and nodded in gratitude.

"Besides, I snore" Angel added as an afterthought.

Buffy's eyes widened.

This time he was teasing and they both knew it.

"I have a strange feeling you don't" Buffy found herself laughing at the change of mood.

Angel went to step back but changed his mind. Almost hesitantly he raised a hand and reached out. Gently, he stroked a stray lock of blonde hair that had escaped the pins Buffy had used that morning to style it.

"You changed your hair, looks nice" He whispered and leaned forward.

Buffy didn't move, she watched in awe as his fingers slipped slowly down her hair and then moved to her cheek. Gently running his thumb across what remained of her stitches, he sighed deeply.

"You're still the most beautiful woman I've ever met" Angel's voice was deep with sincerity.

Buffy looked up into his face and couldn't miss the faint blur of tears that shimmered in his eyes.
At the intensity shining there, she shivered.

Misreading her reaction Angel dropped his hand and looked down. When he looked back his feelings were carefully masked again. More determined than ever to resist the temptation he felt pulling his heart apart. He took a deep breath but it did nothing to dispel the tension that was knotting his stomach.

Remaining as neutral as possible, Angel replied with a clear conscience.

"There's nothing to be afraid of here, Buffy. You're perfectly safe. I would never hurt you."

Her reply was instantaneous.

"I know"

Considering she couldn't remember spending a single second of her life with him, the answer sounded strange, but in her heart Buffy knew it was the only reply she could give.

Liam was sometimes cold and uncaring but she felt deep inside that he hid a gentle soul.

Opening the bedroom door Angel stood back and waited for her to pass inside.

"If you need me for anything, just shout. My room's just down the hall" Unconsciously, his tone softened.

He then shoved his hands deep into his trouser pockets and turned away.

"Thank you," Buffy whispered as she watched him leave. When he was completely out of sight, her small hand rose to her cheek and rested lightly over his touch. She could still feel the imprint of his warm fingers burn against her bruised skin.

Buffy tried to understand her feelings for this man. He frightened her and yet excited her at the same time. He really was a mystery and she couldn't read him at all.

She could feel the tension between them, it was almost tangible but only he knew the reasons why. Love or hate, one thing was for sure.... What ever the future held for them it certainly wouldn't be boring.

*****

Angel walked slowly down the stairs and headed straight for the small room he had converted into a study the year before. Closing the door behind him, he made his way across to the small desk in the corner and pulling out a large leather chair, he proceeded to sink exhaustedly into it's softness.

Yanking open the top drawer of his desk, he removed the small bottle of Scotch he found inside and ripped off the lid. Angel didn't even bother hunting for a glass. Talking a deep swig he felt the cool liquor burn as it swirled over his tongue and slipped easily down the back of his throat. It quickly coursed through his veins, reminding him that he really was still alive, even if at times he wasn't too certain.

**That's what women do to you. They suck the life out of you and leave you dry** He wasn't sure if it was bitterness or self-pity talking but whichever it was, he agreed whole heartily with the tiny voice in his head.

The whole trip had been a disaster.

Angel had convinced himself that the moment Buffy walked through the front door, the floodgates would open and the past would tumble around her like toy building blocks. But as he stared into her frightened, bewildered eyes, he knew she still didn't have a clue of what happened between them. Talking a second long swig from his bottle, Angel reached deeper into his desk drawer and drew out a small yellow envelope. Shaking it slightly, a single sheet of paper fell out and with it, a small golden ring. He didn't need to open the letter to know what it said. Every word had been carved on his heart.

**It's over. Don't even think of looking for me because I'm never coming back. I never want to see you again, not as long as I live. I'll never forgive you for this... Buffy**

Raking his fingers through his dark brown hair, Angel sighed in utter frustration. He picked up the small wedding ring and clasped it so tightly in his hand it almost drew blood.

"Forgive me for what, Dammit? All I ever did was love you, Buffy.."

Dropping his head down on to the desk, Angel held his wife's abandoned wedding ring firmly in his hand and sobbed.


Buffy woke to a room flooded with warm golden sunlight. Utterly exhausted, she had forgotten to draw the curtains the night before so now the early morning light bathed the whole room with a soft warm glow.

Momentarily disorientated with her new surroundings, she pulled herself up in the large double bed and took a deep breath of morning air. Slowly, images of the past few days trickled into her head. The hospital, the accident and then the tiring journey home.

**Home** That's what Liam, her *husband* had told her the night before. **She was home and safe and...** Buffy took a second deep breath to calm the rise of panic that had started to surge inside the walls of her chest. She might have returned *home* but she was still totally lost, confused and bewildered.

Running her hands through her loose, blonde hair, she looked around the pretty peach bedroom hoping that something would shout out from its hiding place and welcome her back.. When nothing did, a third calming breath was needed to squash the growing fear.

Just as she lost hope of ever finding anything familiar, the faint fragrance of roses drifted in through the window and Buffy knew without even looking, that the roses growing outside in the gardens below would be yellow. She liked yellow roses, she didn't remember why, but it was there in her memory, one of the few details about her past life that she could still cling too. There seemed so few of those memories left, but to Buffy, every one of them, no matter how small or insignificant were unbelievably precious.

These tiny scraps from her past were all that were keeping her sane.

Her sister's name, her mother's face, the outside view of her house and...** Angel** Buffy sighed, she'd recognised the face and somehow she remembered that part of his name. **Now if only I could remember the real person, the man behind the angry mask**

"Easier said than done" Buffy spoke her thoughts aloud, safe in the knowledge that nobody else could hear her.

Turning her head towards the window, she caught sight of the small clock on the bedside cabinet. At 9.45.am, it wasn't as early as she'd first thought. After putting off the inevitable for as long as possible, Buffy knew she had to get dressed and go and greet the new day. But it wasn't the thought of the new day that bothered her, more the thought of spending that day with Liam. Their first day together completely alone...

Swinging her legs over the side of the bed, Buffy stopped for a moment and studied how thin they looked. Whilst in hospital, there was too much on her mind to really pay attention to her body, even though the subject of her weight loss had risen on more than one occasion. But now there was no hiding from the truth. Standing gingerly on her still painful leg, she moved slowly across the room and stood before the full-length mirror on the front of her wardrobe door. Raising her eyes she took notice of her frail appearance for the first time.

At the reflection staring back, Buffy shuddered. She could see her body properly now and it scared her to death. She wasn't just slim, she was skinny, almost a bag of bones.

"No wonder Liam couldn't bare to touch me" Buffy sighed softly as she ran her hand lightly across her small chest and prodded her protruding ribs with her fingertips.

She wasn't sure why, but the thought bothered her. It didn't matter how hard she tried not to, Buffy found herself thinking about Liam more and more. There was just something about him that terrified and excited her at the same time.

Her dreams were filled with jumbled visions but one thing stood out from the chaos more than anything else ... his eyes. Not seething with anger or cool with indifference. The deep brown pools filling her dreams that night had burned with real passion.

**Passion? **

As she struggled to remember the dream, Buffy couldn't be certain if it was just her imagination playing games with her, or something a lot deeper.

**Was the lost part of her memory finally rising to the surface? Could it break through and return while she slept? ** Doctor Walsh had thought so and the possibility that he was right brought a new wave of joy to her heart.

But the joy was momentarily put to one side as her thoughts returned to deep brown, enigmatic orbs.

Raising her hand to the cheek that Liam had caressed the night before, Buffy sighed softly. Just the thought of his fingers caressing her cheek brought a healthy pink flush to her face. No matter how much she wanted to deny it, there was definitely a spark between the two of them, something resembling an electrical current passed through her body whenever he touched her skin. If she really did have to wake up in a void world, with a stranger for a husband, Liam Angelus wasn't such a bad catch. **In a drop dead, gorgeous way**

"Now, if only I could remember him, " Buffy told her reflection with a soft smile. "And remember why those beautiful eyes always look so cold" she added as an afterthought.

**You were away for over three months** As his words returned and lingered inside her head, Buffy found herself once again questioning the reason for her absence. She was still not happy with Liam's reply and made a mental note to ask him about it later, once she got dressed that was.

**Dressed** Buffy blushed again as she glanced at her near naked form.

Too tired the night before to worry about anything but sleep, she had kicked off her shoes, dropped her jeans and shirt casually over a chair and crawled into bed wearing just her underwear. Now, standing in front of the mirror almost naked, she decided that getting showered and finding some clean clothes were definitely the first priorities of the day. On that thought, Buffy opened the closet door and after viewing its contents for a few seconds, she stood back in horror.

This time she was more than a little confused

"So were the hell are my clothes?" She mumbled, as her hands reached up and flicked through the endless rows of naked hangers.

Moving to the drawers on her left, she found the same thing. Buffy struggled to understand. This was supposedly her home, her bedroom and yet there was nothing here that proved she'd ever spent a single day in this room. The dressing table was also completely bare. No photos, no toiletries, nor make up, not even a hairbrush.

Noticing the small bag that Liam had brought back from the hospital, Buffy unzipped it and withdrew a fresh set of underwear. She eyed her jeans and shirt still lying on the chair in the corner and, although they had been worn to travel home in the day before, Buffy was grateful that at least she wouldn't have to walk around the house almost naked. Collecting the garments in her arms, she walked across the room and stood at the bedroom door. Reaching out, she placed her hand on the handle only to hesitate again before pulling it open.

"Now, if only I remembered where the hell the shower was?" she grumbled in frustration before finally walking out.

*******

Meanwhile

Angel was sitting at the kitchen table holding a cup of strong black coffee in one hand and flicking through the newspaper with the other. Although he looked deeply engrossed in the sports pages, he wasn't concentrating on any article in particular, especially after spending the whole night lying awake. After finishing the bottle of scotch in his study, Angel had pulled his weary body up the stairs to their small guest bedroom and collapsed in a heap on the tiny single bed.

The alcohol flowing through his blood stream did little to help his mood, if anything; it left him feeling even more frustrated. As the endless dark hours slipped silently by, all Angel could do was stare up at the ceiling and wonder for the millionth time how their once perfect marriage had disintegrated all around them, without him noticing a single crack in the paintwork.

Sleep was impossible.

No matter how hard Angel tried, his imagination refused to allow him one moment of peace as it ran riot with images of Buffy.

**Wife?**

** Friend?**

** Lover?**

**Bitch?** It simply hurt too much to decide.

The woman who had stolen his heart with a single glance and had broken it just as quickly, lay sleeping just a few feet along the corridor. Twice that night, Angel had forced himself away from her bedroom door only to return to his cold empty bed, feeling utterly disgusted with his weakness. Although he knew it was wrong, he couldn't help himself. With Buffy being home again and sleeping in a room so close by, his body burned for her, a low ache in his stomach twisted so tight he wanted to scream.

**But She doesn't want you**

**She left you**

**The bitch even had the audacity to blame you**

Angel pulled the pillow over his head to cut out the annoying voices in his mind, but they simply wouldn't quit. All night long, with a little help from the alcohol in his system, he tortured himself in a desperate need to control his emotions. He tried everything to remind himself he no longer cared. But his heart knew it was a lie and the torture continued.

**You want her**

**You need her**

** You love her. **

Angel jerked upright in bed, his face strained and tiny beads of sweat peppering his brow.
It didn't matter if she hated him; nothing mattered at 2.am but the pain in his chest and the ache in his groin.

Climbing out of bed for a third time, the tormented man threw open the small closet door and without even looking, he reached inside and removed a pale yellow bathrobe from its hiding place. Holding it close to his face he breathed deeply and the faint smell of Buffy flooded his senses and melted down the steel wall surrounding his heart. Falling back on his bed, Angel held Buffy's old robe against his cheek and tried desperately to shut out the pain he was feeling. He knew it was insanity to lower his defences but, after months of being alone, he needed to forget the emptiness that threatened to suffocate him and just this one night let his heart drown in the smell of her scent.

**You really are a big, stupid, dumb ass**

**Liam, be careful, please, please be careful this time**

**Don't worry, sis. She won't break my heart a second time**

His sister's voice of warning was clear in his mind, but it didn't help.

Angel wanted to be strong, he longed to cut Buffy Angelus out of his heart once and for all, but in the early hours of that morning, he discovered he couldn't lie to himself any more. He loved her, he always had and, sadly, he always would...

Tomorrow his strength would return, with the sunlight he would remember the anger, the disappointment and the hatred.. But not tonight, tonight he just wanted to hold part of her.

Sleep never came, but as Angel lay in the darkness with the scent of his lost love by his side, he found the spark of comfort he needed to get through the rest of the night...

It was probably a mistake but for a few hours it was enough.

******

"Hey!" Buffy's small voice broke into his thoughts and snapped his attention right back to the present. Without looking up, Angel folded the newspaper and placed it on the table. When he did raise his eyes his breath caught deep in his throat at the sight before him.

"Did you... Did you sleep well?" Angel asked, needing to do something, anything to stop losing himself in her eyes. Standing up, he pulled out the nearest chair and indicated for her to sit down.

"Yes, thanks. I didn't think I would, but I must have been exhausted because I slept like the dead last night." Buffy accepted the offer of the chair and when she looked up, she couldn't fail to notice the dark rings that circled his eyes. She surmised that Liam hadn't been as fortunate with sleep as she had.

Even with his head down, Angel could feel her warm gaze wash over his face. He had showered and shaved that morning but he knew after drinking a bottle of scotch and failing to sleep, he wasn't looking his best His wife on the other hand looked amazing.

"I see you found the shower" He reluctantly turned his head and met her gaze

Buffy nodded her head.

Her long blonde hair was still wet and Angel watched in awe as tiny droplets of water sparkled like silver as they dripped unnoticed onto her skin.

After everything that had happened, she still took his breath away.

Buffy was completely unaware how beautiful she looked, sitting there with the morning sunlight caressing her skin. But Angel noticed, he noticed everything. He observed the way the golden light danced gently across her large hazel eyes, the way her breasts swelled against the thin material of her shirt .....

**The way she shuddered when you touched her** That thought hurt more than he wanted to admit and the flicker of despair he felt lingered.

"Liam, I was..." Buffy started to question her lack of clothing but was cut off before she could reach the end of her sentence.

"What would you like for breakfast. I could fix you some cereal or maybe something hot. I do a mean scrambled eggs," Angel asked, dragging his hungry eyes away from her body. She was thinner now but there was still enough of her curves to set his blood on fire.

Buffy was about to refuse, seeing that her appetite had disappeared along with the rest of her past, but as she opened her mouth to speak, she remembered how thin she'd looked in the bedroom mirror and knew that her body couldn't afford to lose any more weight. It didn't matter that she wasn't hungry, from now on she would force herself.

"Thanks, eggs would be great" she accepted gratefully then as an afterthought added "But shouldn't I be doing the cooking?"

Angel blinked at the unexpected question.

"We don't have that sort of marriage, Buffy. We both work, so we both share the cooking.. Besides, until you remember where everything is kept, it will be quicker if I do it" He walked to the refrigerator and removed a large carton of eggs. Moving easily around the large kitchen, Angel then set about preparing the meal.

As Buffy watched helplessly from her seat at the table, her frustration continued to grow. He was right, she didn't have a clue where anything belonged. This was her kitchen, her home and yet she felt like an intruder.

She had no memory, no past and now no belongings.

Buffy knew she didn't belong here anymore, but until she found out who she really was, she didn't belong anywhere else...

They sat in silence for a while. Both slightly uneasy at the difficult situation they found themselves in.

Although Buffy had stated that she wasn't that hungry, Angel watched in amusement as she demolished a whole plate of bacon, scrambled eggs, grilled tomatoes and three pieces of buttered toast. He remained silent but secretly he was pleased to see her tucking into her food so enthusiastically.

He recalled how his heart sank when he first discovered her in that hospital bed. It wasn't just her injuries from the accident that had caused him to shiver, Buffy's whole body cried out that the last three months had been as hard on her as they had been on him. Wherever Buffy had run to, it hadn't treated her well.

"That was delicious, where did you learn to cook like that?" Buffy asked the question in a soft, easy voice, trying to keep the mood as light as possible.

"My sister Cordelia taught me. We both moved to LA at the same time and shared an apartment for a while" At the thought of his sister's cooking abilities, Angel smiled and his features relaxed.

"Your sister?... Where is she now? ...Does she live here with us?" Buffy asked hesitantly, not sure if she was ready to deal with another new face.

"No, Cordy's in Hollywood. She's playing at being an actress at the moment, trying to make a name for herself." Angel paused for a second noticing Buffy's concern. She didn't need to speak her fear, by now he could almost read her mind.

" You don't remember Cordelia either?" He frowned with disappointment but was already guessing the answer.

Buffy shook her head as the name of her sister-in-law bounced around her empty mind.

"Sorry" She looked back at him " Were we close friends?"

At her question Angel laughed out loud.

"Hardly, I think you two hated each other on sight. She didn't think you were good enough for her big brother, and you, well you thought she was a stuck up bitch with a bug up her ass the size of an emu." Angel chuckled lightly remembering the heated arguments between the two women he loved. His wife and sister could cat fight like no other females he'd ever known.

Buffy was momentarily speechless; his explanation wasn't anything she'd expected to hear. At her shocked expression Angel smiled.

"You soon proved my little sister wrong"

He turned towards the sink and when he looked back Buffy was standing next to him holding out her empty plate.

"How did I prove her wrong?" She asked curiously, eager to lean anything about her past that could possibly fill in the blank pages of her memory.

Angel went quiet for a moment, as if struggling with truth. When he did finally answer Buffy couldn't fail to notice the flicker of regret in his dark brown eyes.

"You made me happy, Buffy. Happier than I'd ever been in my whole life. Even Cordelia couldn't argue with what was plainly staring her in the face. You never really became good friends, but I think after a while you came to a understanding." Angel explained quietly, and then silently added **Until you walked out on me and broke my heart. Now she wants your blood with a vengeance** He kept that information to himself. Cordelia wouldn't be visiting any time soon and Buffy didn't need to know how much his sister now hated her.

**You made me happy, Buffy. Happier than I'd ever been before**

For a few moments his words hung in the air.

When they both finally found the courage to look up, their eyes locked and after a heartbeat, Buffy took a small step forward, closing the distance that separated them.

"I wish I could remember. I want to remember" She sighed wishfully, her eyes never once leaving his face. By now their bodies were so close that Angel could feel the heat radiating from skin.

"I wish you could too" His dark gaze bore directly into Buffy's eyes.

Angel's soft words were so low that Buffy had to strain to hear them. As she felt her chest tighten, she realised she was still holding her breath. Her cheeks flushed scarlet but she refused to look away. After a moment's hesitation, Angel did.

"Here give me that, I'll put it in the dishwasher" He took the plate from her hand and resisted the temptation to touch her fingers. Angel knew if he touched her today, after fighting all night to keep away from her door, he'd be lost forever. He had to try harder, he had to fight the need that tore at his chest like an open wound and forget how soft her body felt in his arms. He needed to find the closure he'd searched so hard for, and then once he had it, he'd put this woman behind him once and for all.

Buffy turned to walk away but as she took her first step she stopped.

"What happened to my clothes? I mean all the hangers in my room are empty" She asked, trying not to react to his nearness.

Keeping his back to her, Angel bit into his lip.

"I already told you, you took them all with you" His voice remained calm but his heartbeat increased and pounded loudly in his ears.

Buffy didn't speak for a moment as she carefully digested the answer.

"I took *everything* I ever owned on a trip?" She finally asked in disbelief.

"You threw out a lot before you left. You said you wanted to change your image. Looks like you got your wish" Slipping the dish he was still holding into the dishwasher, Angel lied well. He didn't want to tell his wife that he'd destroyed nearly all her belongings in a drunken rage about a month after she'd walked out on him. It was easier to let her believe she took them all with her.

**After all, like her letter had painfully reminded him. It wasn't like she ever planned to come back for them**

"So all I have left now are the clothes I'm standing in?" Buffy frowned at the realisation. It came as another painful blow. Something else to add to the long list of what she had lost.

**Memories, feelings, and now even her belongings had all disappeared into a black vortex.

How could she ever remember her past when there was nothing left of that past for her to cling on too**

Reaching into his back pocket Angel withdrew his wallet, he flicked it open and while he was searching for a credit card a small photograph fell on to the kitchen table. Angel immediately reached for it but Buffy got there first. Turning it over in her fingers her eyes settled on the happy smiling faces staring back at her.

**Wow!.. It's us ** Her eyes widened in surprise.

The two people looked so happy that the emotion leapt out from the picture and reached deep into her heart. Somewhere, somehow they had thrown away something so special it frightened her.

Angel waited a few seconds before reaching for the picture.

"A few clothes are the least of your problems, Buffy. Here, take this and charge anything you need" He offered his small credit card and when Buffy looked up she couldn't read anything in his dark eyes. If she could, she would have seen both guilt and embarrassment that he had acted so childishly in a moment of weakness. But Angel hid his feelings well.

**Besides, all I destroyed were a few stupid possessions, you destroyed my life.** He bitterly reminded himself as he retrieved his picture.

Buffy's heart was racing but she released the photograph without uttering a word.

Without looking at her, Angel continued, his voice once again cold and uncaring.

"Shopping was always one of your favourite pastimes, I'm sure you haven't forgotten how you love to spend my money" He smirked as he replaced his wallet.

Buffy felt as if she'd been slapped.

The thoughtless remark was one reminder too many of everything she had forgotten. Looking at the credit card on the table she finally started to crumble.

**Here, take this and charge anything you need.. I'm sure you haven't forgotten how you love to spend my money**

" You make it all sound so easy, but its not" She whispered trying desperately to hold herself together. Hot salty tears burned the back of her throat and quickly rose to brim in her eyes.

"Just give them the card, Buffy, the shop assistants will do the rest" Angel repeated wearily not yet noticing how badly she was reacting to such a simple statement.

"I can't.. Dammit, I can't walk very well and I can't remember where the shops are.. I can't remember my size and I... Hell, I can't remember what day it is.... " Buffy stood still and the tears she had held inside her, ever since the accident, burst their banks and streamed down her face as she finally broke down and cried.

Within a heartbeat, Angel was wrapping her up in his arms and soothing her pain with gentle words of comfort.

"I need to remember..." The desperate plea was heartbreaking in its simplicity.

"And you will" Angel reminded her softly as he continued to stroke her damp hair. He knew he was playing with fire, she was too close and she felt so right back in his arms. But it didn't matter, he hated seeing his wife this vulnerable. As Buffy's small body shook with her pain, Angel ignored the consequences and held her tighter.

"Just give it time" He offered softly, his voice conveying his own feelings of helplessness

**Give it time. Don't rush things. It will all come back when it's ready.** As Buffy stood in the cradle of his strong arms, his earlier words of reassurance returned in a rush. Buffy struggled against the rising depression inside her head but she was slowly suffocating. Words simply didn't help. She needed more than reassuring words she needed answers.

It was hopeless. Lost so far in the darkness, Buffy felt as if she was slowly going out of her mind, she simply couldn't take it one second longer. That was the moment her patience finally snapped.

"I'm sick of giving it time. Can't you see how lost I am here? I'm hurt, I'm lonely, I'm afraid... Dammit, Angel I want my life back and I want it back now..."

At her unexpected outburst, Angel jerked away and stared at her face in shock. Buffy had used his pet name for the first time. Just hearing her say the word affected him more then he thought possible. No matter how much of her life she had lost, he knew then that somewhere in that void of her memory, part of him was still in her heart.

**Angel I want my life back ** Her desperate plea broke his heart.

"I'd give it to you if I could, Buffy" He answered truthfully. Raising his hand Angel tried to sweep the teardrops from her cheek. His fingertips tingled as they slid across the velvet softness of her skin. He couldn't resist letting them follow the contours of her cheekbone even though he knew it was a dangerous indulgence.

**I'd give it to you if I could, Buffy** At that moment she honestly believed him.

"I know" Buffy whispered back suddenly realising how close their bodies had become. Looking into his face she noticed that his normally harsh features suddenly seemed incredibly kind. She felt hot tears burn the back of her throat again and cursed her weakness. Buffy didn't want him to see her cry anymore but it was too late... Far too late.

Everything around them seemed to go still.

"I want to remember my childhood, my mother putting me to bed at night. I want to remember going to school, making friends, falling in love...." Her voice cracked, a sob catching in her throat

"I want to remember you, Angel and I desperately need to remember that girl in the photograph" Buffy sniffed quietly

Angel's expression softened as his hand slipped from her face and moved to circle her tiny waist.
She looked so young and lovely that he would have needed a heart of stone to remain immune for a second longer.

Warning bells went off in his head, but he ignored them and felt the barriers he'd so carefully erected around his bruised heart, over the last three months, start to erode and crumble. Everything inside his head screamed that this was wrong but the lonely beat of his heart drowned their protest.

"Maybe this will help you remember" Angel gave up the battle he'd fought so hard, to hate her, and swept Buffy up against his hard chest. Lowering his mouth he captured her lips and softly kissed her.

The kiss was warm, intimate and yet surprisingly gentle as his mouth caressed her lips. Buffy involuntary sighed and Angel's tongue slipped softly into the wet interior of her mouth. As the kiss deepened, Buffy closed her eyes and moaned.

**How could I have ever forgotten something as wonderful as kissing? No, as wonderful as kissing Liam?** Buffy's heart called for to her subconscious to remember. As his tongue reacquainted itself with her mouth Angel pulled her closer into his arms.

Buffy didn't know what she was feeling, returning memory or just amazing chemistry, but his hard muscular body felt so right pressing into her soft flesh that she didn't argue as she melted into his arms.

As the hunger inside her grew, her small arms automatically wrapped themselves around his neck and her whole body ached to push closer.

**Oh, God, why can't I remember you? **

With that thought, Buffy felt a warm rush of arousal and cursed bitterly that her body and heart seemed to remember what her mind still refused to acknowledge. It didn't matter what her head told her, her body and her heart both knew him, and they knew him well.

Before she could gather her senses, the situation changed drastically and Buffy felt her back lowered down to the hard kitchen table. The coffee cups scattered noisily across the floor as Angel's large body covered hers. As she kissed him back, he murmured in pleasure and pressed her harder into the cool wooden tabletop.

"Buffy" Angel softly moaned her name as his lips pulled away from her mouth and moved to the soft flesh of her neck. It was only when his large hand slipped smoothly beneath her shirt that the spell was broken. Buffy came back to earth with a jolt. This was wrong. No matter how wonderful it felt, it was far too soon. There was no way she could make love to a man she didn't remember, a man she didn't even know if she liked.

**But your body knows him, your blood's screaming for him to touch you** Her heart tried to reason but common sense prevailed.

"No. Liam not like this" Buffy struggled and pushed at his chest with her small hands

Feeling her sudden resistance, Angel immediately backed off. His hands were shaking and his heart raced as he realised just how close he had been to letting Buffy into his heart again. At the fear he saw in her eyes he quickly moved away.

"Did I hurt you?" Angel voice was hoarse and tight with disappointment. He knew she was still covered in bruises and he cursed himself for not remembering how fragile she still was.

"No" The tiny word was barely a whisper. Buffy looked up and her eyes reflected the turmoil she felt.

Angel shuddered, a cold shiver passing over his heart. He took a deep breath but it did nothing to ease the raging tension that was knotting his insides.

**You damn fool, she still doesn't want you** Angel suddenly felt sick at the mistake he'd just made.

"I'm sorry. I'm... Buffy, believe me, this won't happen again " Turning, he quickly left the room leaving Buffy to deal with what had just happened between them.

When Buffy finally pulled herself together and readjusted her clothes, she found him in the sitting room; hands thrust deep into his pockets, staring out of the window. His back was to her and her mind flashed back to the first vision she had of him, days earlier, standing in her hospital room. His broad shoulders hunched slightly then, only this time his shirt was white, not black.

"I'm not sure what just happened?" Buffy whispered, her cheeks still flushed with embarrassment.

Buffy felt herself start shaking but knew she had to continue.

" It was my fault, it won't happen again" Angel spoke quietly without looking round, His voice was cold now and etched in pain.

Buffy gazed at his back, weighing her next words carefully.

"Liam, I understand what you were trying to do and in a way it worked. I still haven't remembered anything more but I can feel things now that I didn't feel before. I can feel you..."

"Don't..." Angel slowly turned around, pain slashed across his face.

He couldn't bear to hear where this was leading. The kiss had left him confused and shaken and he really needed to get as far away from Buffy as he possibly could. But just the sight of her pleading eyes kept him from fleeing.

"Please, I know how hard this must be for you but I need you to understand. This is driving me crazy." Buffy implored him with both her words and her eyes.

Angel nodded, acknowledging her words and the despair behind them.

"Okay, Buffy. I'm not sure if this will help but I'll give you the answers you need" He sighed sadly and walked away from the window.

**Maybe it was time she found out just who she really was. **

*****

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Angel asked as they settled down in the sitting room.
Buffy nodded her face full of determination.

"I'm more than sure. I need to find out how much of me there is still inside here, if anything at all," she said raising her hand and tapping the side of head. The panic was gone from her voice. Sadness and confusion now replaced it.

Angel lifted the small remote control and aiming it at the TV set in the corner of the room, he pressed the play button. In a flash the television screen was filled with happy voices and smiling faces.

It was a bright sunny day and the small group of people that filled the screen was all dressed up for a wedding. Buffy edged to the front of her seat as her eyes widened in amazement.

" This is our wedding day?" It was a question not a statement. As beautiful as the day looked she had no memory of ever attending the wedding. Angel sat back in his seat and kept his voice as expressionless as possible. Even though he was dying for her to remember, he knew that if this were going to work, the memories would have to be triggered by Buffy's own mind.

"Yeah, I thought a video would be better than a few photos in an album.. Besides, everyone you care about was there that day, it might help"

Buffy hovered on the edge of her seat, unable to control her excitement, as an array of happy young faces laughed out from the TV screen. One by one, friends and family fidgeted nervously at the camera and stuttered their best wishes for the bride and groom.

Faces that were now vaguely familiar caused little sparks to flash in the dark void of her memory.

"No, stop filming me Xander, turn the camera on Buffy" a female voice ordered and the camera immediately changed direction.

Before Buffy got a chance to ask who the voice belonged to, the image of her younger self entered the picture. Buffy's mouth dropped open, the girl wearing her face in the video looked simply radiant as she floated across the room looking like something out of a fairytale. The elegant gown gently hugged every curve of her perfect body before pooling out around her feet. Watching how her full breasts pushed up against the soft lace Buffy realised with a strange pang, that she certainly hadn't always looked like a bag of bones.

"Buffy, this way, smile" The cameraman laughed, obviously a friend.

If Buffy thought that image shocked her, the next left her stunned. Liam, dressed in a black tuxedo, appeared by her side. His long arms snaked around her waist and lovingly pressed soft kisses to her neck. Buffy felt her breath leave her body. He couldn't keep his hands off her. As the camera moved in closer it captured his eyes perfectly, and the love they reflected made her shiver.

"You were so beautiful that day. When you walked into that church you took everyone's breath away" Angel's voice trailed off in remembrance.

**But none more than mine** He added silently

Buffy smiled with relief, she couldn't help herself as family and friends danced around the happy couple on the screen.

"Oh, God, look at Dawnie" Heart racing, Buffy gasped as her sister came into view. The beautiful young woman, with long dark hair laughed brightly and she tried to arrange her sister's dress.

Angel didn't speak but silently sighed in relief that at least one face from her past had broken though the mist. Remaining quietly by her side, his eyes took in the rapid play of emotions that crossed her face.

Buffy then watched as she and her new husband took to the floor for the first dance and when Angel kissed her, the question that hadn't been answered for her on the plane trip home was clear for the whole world to see.

**And did I love you? **

The young woman in the fairytale wedding dress adored him. Buffy's eyes watched in awe as her younger self wrapped her arms around her lover and held him as if she never wanted to let him go. There was no doubt about it. She had been head over heels in love on her wedding day and just one glance at Angel's happy smiling face confirmed he had felt the same.

"Who's that girl?" A face in the video caught her eye.

"Which one?"

"The small blonde one catching my bouquet" Buffy watched as the pretty blonde woman pushed through the small group of females to catch the bouquet of delicate yellow roses.

Angel moved closer and Buffy felt her heart react to his nearness. As his eyes picked out the woman in question a small smile turned the corners of his lips.

"That's your best friend" He chuckled lightly at Buffy's bemused expression.

Buffy shook her head.

"No, I don't think so. Willow's my best friend, there she is, the red head with the long skirt in the background"

Angel turned and caught the gleam in Buffy's eyes as another piece of the jigsaw fell into place.

"You remembered Willow as well?" He asked hopefully.

"I do, but there's more" She bit deep into her lip as she continued to receive the small flash of memory.

" Xander Harris. Willow married Xander and it rained all day.. Right?" Buffy was still a little unsure but even though the memory was vague, it felt right.

Angel sucked in a breath.

"Yes, they married a month before we did. They're both in Africa at the moment, Willow's studying alternative medicine"

Buffy smiled, warm tears gathered in her eyes as she remembered more about her two friends. Xander's goofy smile came to mind along with Willow's compassion.

Turning back to the TV screen she tried to search her mind for answers to her first question.

"So, who's the blonde woman with my flowers?" Her voice grew slightly suspicious.

Angel turned his face back to the video and studied the screen.

"That's Darla, Buffy. Darla Penn. You've been friends with Darla since you were five years old."

Angel smiled softly as he remembered Buffy telling him about her childhood, one stormy night just after they had first met.

"You told me she broke your favourite Barbie doll so you punched her across the school yard. After the teachers pulled you apart for fighting, you shook hands and became close friends. "

Buffy didn't speak; her eyes were too busy watching how the blonde woman in the expensive white suit lingered around Liam on the screen.

**Best friend my ass**

Something didn't feel right. She could now remember Willow, Xander, her mother and Dawnie quite clearly.

But not her husband, who she had obviously loved dearly and, strangely, not this Darla who was supposedly, her best friend.

No matter how hard Buffy searched her memory, the face of this young woman stayed lost deep in the darkest corner of her mind.

Looking back towards the television screen, she continued to watch the rest of the video in silence, but underneath her calm exterior, uneasiness started to grow.

PART 2

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