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ON ANCIENT WINGS
By
Cynamin
DISCLAIMER: Okay, obviously anything you
recognize, I don't own. Buffy: The Vampire Slayer, Angel, and all related
characters, etc. don’t belong to me.
DISTRIBUTION: If you have any of my stories,
fine. Otherwise, just ask, please. All of my stories can be found at http://www.ficgoddess.com/fanfic/cynamin
CONTENT: B/A, angst
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Okay, I’m trying for something
very different here. You’ll definitely have to tell me how it has turned
out (especially considering the relative lack of dialogue as dictated by
the plot). The setting is the very distant future – like I don’t know when
now is compared to then future. Centuries from now, definitely. If anyone
is wondering why it’s not very sci-fi-ish, remember that this story takes
place in the bottom rungs of society. This idea came from compiling Buffy
vampire information and remembering that the oldest vampires we’ve seen
(The Master, Kakistos) no longer looked entirely human.
SPOILERS: Anything and everything is
fair game, but nothing specific. As I’m writing this, I have not yet seen
the season 5/2 finales.
FEEDBACK: As my elementary school P.E.
teacher said, “Questions, comments, criticisms or snide remarks?”
In the depths of the
shadows, in the tiny spaces between the buildings where only the lowest of
humans walked, a battle had raged only moments before. It wasn’t a major
battle; it was not the first such of the night nor would it be the last.
Its like had been seen many times before, in nights stretching before the
memory of all living things and most of the undead’s. No great victory was
accomplished. Just a couple more demons that preyed on those living on the
permanent twilight streets would not be around to take another life.
This battle was over,
though, and as he took a bare moment’s rest Angel took little notice of the
fine sheen of vampire dust that coated him. He did not wipe it off of his
misshapen brow, nor did he feel any sense of victory as he automatically
cleaned his weapons of demon remains. He paused for just a moment, sitting
in the shadows, uncertain as to what he was doing and where he was going
next. Uncertain on a level even as to who and what he was.
Old. Nothing should be
this old.
Angel paused for a
second in wiping his axe’s blade. He shivered, though he didn’t feel cold.
Never had, not since…. Never. This was something else. There was something
in the air. Something that was almost familiar if he could just truly pause
long enough to figure out what it was. One thing was certain: change was
coming.
Whether the change was
good or bad, he didn’t know. Change was more often bad than good anyway.
Change was to be avoided. He turned his attention away from the feeling and
back to his task. With a hand more closely resembling a claw, he wiped at
the blade again until it was clean. He paused again, looking at that hand
as if seeing it for the first time, even though it had been that way…for a
long time.
No, change wasn’t good
at all.
He bunched the rag up
in his fist for a moment. When Angel frowned, he could feel the sharpness
of his fangs against his inner lip. They never went away, now. That had
been one of the first changes.
He threw the rag away
violently as he stood. The axe back under his cloak, he moved on, keeping
to the shadows like the things he killed. He couldn’t go elsewhere anymore.
The time for that was over. He’d seen enough fear reflected in the eyes of
others to know that. He didn’t need to see himself in a mirror to know. The
monster inside left its mark.
Keeping to the shadows,
he sought the demons once again. He couldn’t fight his own demon, but he
could fight others. It didn’t matter anymore that he usually didn’t
remember why he fought. It’s what he did. All that was left to do.
A sharp gnaw of hunger
distracted him, further reminding him of just what he was, should he ever
truly forget. He needed to feed. He needed to stop fighting for the night
and get blood to fight back the hunger once again. For a little while.
There wasn’t redemption
anymore for one such as him.
Monster.
Of all the mysteries in
her life, this one was the biggest.
How the hell did she
get here? And where was this anyway?
In time she came to
realize that it wasn’t ‘where’ that was the question. It was ‘when.’
Because either she’d stepped into a whole other world when she woke up that
one morning, or this was still her home in the far, far future. She
honestly still wasn’t sure which it was. All her attempts at finding out
had been useless – she couldn’t even figure out how to compare the
calendar. Maybe, in the levels above – the towering heights of the city,
connected by bridges, places the sun still touched – there was someone who
could tell her. But she’d woken up in the alley, in the places in between –
the bottom – and no one up there would open their doors to a bottom
dweller. She’d learned that the hard way.
Safe to say she didn’t
have any further clue as to how she got there, either. She just knew that
was where or when she was, and there was no going back that she could find.
She had to make the most of it.
So that’s what she did.
She was still the Slayer, no matter what time or place this was. She
slayed.
In her own time and
place, she was Buffy Anne Summers. Here, she was just Slayer. And there
were plenty of demons to kill.
She made her way from
one region of the city to the next, rarely staying in one place too long,
rarely resting from her fighting. Her attire had changed. She no longer
even knew what the fashions were, so how was she supposed to stay up to
date? Instead, she wore all black – simple jumpsuit and jacket. It was
functional, and it kept her hidden when she wanted to be. The demons even
came out in the daytime, here. There were nearly always enough shadows to
keep them safe and unnoticed. So Buffy used that to her advantage, too.
They hid in the shadows; she hunted them on their own ground.
With her change in
attire had gone Buffy’s choice of weapon. It was too hard to get actual
wood, and she often lost stakes as a vampire turned to dust. So, no wooden
stakes. She wore a sword strapped to her back. A bit medieval even for her
home time, it was oddly not looked at twice here. No one dared look twice
at anything in the lower levels.
She made her way across
the endless city, occasionally trading in favors from the ones she saved
for a bit of money, food, or a place to stay. She never stressed their
hospitality too long, though. She felt better on the move.
Tonight, Buffy was
looking to settle down for a bit again. She was tired; she needed food and
a place to rest. Sometimes she could find a place that would pay her for a
short while, somewhere that wanted protection for (or from) its customers.
Easy work, short term. That’s what she wanted.
Knowing the
impossibility of keeping a low profile as a small woman with a big sword,
Buffy made no effort to keep her appearance quiet. She followed a
boisterous group into what seemed to be an active, lively – if more than a
bit seedy – bar. “The Underground” the sign over the door read. She strode
in confidently, allowing her very walk to show she knew what she was doing
with a sword, and sat herself down at the bar stool.
“Hey!” she cried,
getting the bar tender’s attention.
He looked at her a bit
patronizingly. “You old enough to drink?” he asked sharply.
Buffy glared at him.
“You gonna tell me otherwise?”
The man held up his
hands in surrender. “You’re feisty, kid. What’ll it be?” He was a short,
round man – reminded her a bit of a fat version of Willy. Buffy winced at
her own sense of nostalgia. She was really homesick if she was missing
Willy!
Buffy did not let her
glare diminish. “It’s Slayer, not kid,” she snapped back. “And
information.”
“I’ve heard of you,”
the bar tender said, grudgingly impressed. “Thought you’d be bigger,
keeping all those demons on the run.”
“Everyone always says
that,” she retorted.
“Still,” he added, only
a touch regretfully, “no information unless you order something.”
“Fine,” Buffy gave in.
She slid some money across the bar. “Whatever you’ve got.”
He gave her a glass of
clear liquid that Buffy made no move to drink. “It’s good,” the bar tender
promised.
“I’m sure, but I told
you I’m not here for drinks.”
The bar tender took a
second to collect money from another patron before looking back at her.
“What do you want, Slayer?”
“I’m looking for a
place to settle in for a while,” Buffy explained, loud enough for others in
the bar to hear as well. “Thought this might be the sort of place where
someone might know someone who could lend me a room in exchange for
protection.”
To her surprise, the
bar tender shook his head. She’d never had someone dismiss her so easily
before, especially not someone who knew her reputation. No one else at the
bar seemed to be showing any interest, either, and it wasn’t because they
weren’t listening in. “What?” Buffy asked, and winced inwardly as her tone
emerged more defensively than she would like. “You think I don’t have the
muscle?”
“Hey, I’m not doubting
your capabilities, kid,” the man said in return. “Already got protection
here, though. And before you ask – yeah, from demons and all that.”
Buffy did not let her
surprise show. After all, there should be a Slayer in this time and place.
Slayers weren’t the only ones that fought demons, anyway. She just gave the
bar tender a contemplative look. “What if I wanted to meet your
protection?” she asked.
The man scowled still
further. “Then I’d say that’s not a good idea,” he retorted oddly.
Buffy was about to make
a sharp comeback when something froze her. Something was suddenly different
in the air. She felt it in the pit of her stomach and crawling up her
spine. Familiar. Her breath caught.
She had to be imagining
it. Not here…not now….
The bar tender’s eyes
flicked past her abruptly, into the darkness of the bar. “Excuse me,” he
said softly. He reached under the bar, grabbing a small cold box – modern
variant of the cooler, but more like a portable, cheep fridge. He hurried
out from behind the bar without another word.
Buffy watched him go.
She watched him hurry to the darkest area of the bar and open the door to a
back room. Buffy saw nothing of whom he spoke to, but when he returned to
the bar moments later the box was gone.
And Buffy knew.
“He your protection?”
she asked abruptly when the man returned to his duties behind the bar.
The man froze. “You saw
him?” he said in a hushed voice. “No one ever sees him. He doesn’t let
anyone.”
Buffy shook her head.
“I didn’t see him.” But if I’m right, I know him. “Vampire?”
The bar tender looked
very nervous. “Listen, I don’t ask questions,” he said. “Never spoke to
him. Don’t even know his name. He comes here every few weeks, I give
him…the box. In return he keeps violent demons off the doorstep. Been that
way since before the current owner bought the place.” He pulled himself a
bit straighter, his voice stronger. “It’s a good thing, too. A lot of the
people here owe their lives to him and don’t even know it.”
Buffy pulled out a bit
more money in thanks and left it on the counter as she stood. “I don’t
doubt it,” she replied, slinging her single bag back over her shoulder.
“Hey!” the bar tender
said abruptly, noticing her leaving.
Buffy turned to look at
him.
“Don’t you go slaying
him,” he said angrily.
Buffy looked at him innocently.
“And why shouldn’t I?”
“Honestly, I don’t
think you can,” the man replied.
“Oh really? Think that
poorly of me?”
“Think that highly of
him,” he retorted. “He’s a good man, Slayer, even if he’s not human. I
won’t be responsible for his death.”
“And neither will I,”
Buffy replied honestly. With those parting words she left the bar, in
search of an old dream.
‘He’s a good man,
Slayer. That better be you, Angel, ‘cause insanity’s not something I
need in my life.’
If the lower levels of
the city were consistently dark, behind The Underground was darker still.
Buffy could barely see a few feet in front of her, and she’d always thought
she had pretty good night vision. Still, she knew she was going the right
way. She could feel that feeling once again, could feel him. Every
second that passed with that old tingling further convinced her that she
was right.
Angel. How long had it
been since she’d seen him? In her mind it was nearly a year now, and even
that had only been a relatively brief meeting after her mother’s funeral. A
brief comfort. But how long had it really been? How long?
The shadows moved
around her, undefined shapes slumped against the foundations of buildings.
Refuse and debris. It was hard to make anything out. Abruptly, one of the
shapes moved separately, and she followed. She was certain now. Somehow,
she was certain.
“Angel!”
The shape froze. After
a second of seeming indecision it straightened up to its full height and
turned towards her. She could barely make him out in the darkness. He was
like a creature made of shadow, completely dark, and he radiated strength
and age like no other vampire she’d ever been around. If she had not been
so certain as to his identity, she would have been frightened.
“Angel,” she said
again, gentler. Something was wrong and she hadn’t the faintest clue what
it was.
Even with her eyes
adjusted to the near total darkness she couldn’t make out any details, but
she could see him cock his head to the side ever so slightly, regarding
her. She felt her breath quicken and smiled as calmly as she could. He took
a hesitant step forward. A tiny bit of light from something passing over
head illuminated him for a moment.
Buffy gasped.
Angel froze.
It was Angel; Buffy
knew that now, but changed. So changed.
How long?
In her life in
Sunnydale, Buffy had encountered all of two vampires that she would
consider ancients. Both were so old they could never again pretend at being
human. The Master had been bald and had worn an extreme version of the
demon’s countenance forever upon his features. Kakistos had hands and feet
that had become cloven…well, before Buffy and Faith had killed him, of
course.
Angel looked like
neither of them, but his age was stamped upon his features nonetheless.
Ancient. His hair was longer than she remembered and slightly unkempt, but
that wasn’t what startled her so. His eyes were golden instead of the old
familiar brown. His face was almost like a vampire’s game face, but not
quite. Harsher, if that was possible. The hand that held the cold box to
his chest was twisted into something resembling a claw.
Yet past that, in the
moment where she could see the expression behind the changes in Angel’s
features, there he was. Angel. Yet not Angel. Lost.
Dear God, how long
had it been?
Then the moment was
broken, the glimmer of recognition faded, and wordlessly he turned away.
Moving off into the darkness.
Buffy had no choice but
to follow.
She needed him, the one
last familiar thing in the world. Some part of her told her that right now,
he needed her, too, even if he didn’t know it.
He needed her, before
he was lost for good.
Her smell filled the
confined space between the buildings, seeming to overwhelm even the
ever-present stench of refuse. Her heartbeat was like thunder in his ears.
Hell, he could even feel her along his skin. So familiar. So her.
He frowned to himself.
He knew nothing was ever meant to be as old as he was, and this just proved
it.
The centuries had finally
destroyed his sanity. That was the only explanation.
It was a pleasant
vision, but a vision nonetheless. If he acknowledged it, it would
disappear. Or maybe it wouldn’t; maybe it would change, and become
something out of Angel’s nightmares instead of his dreams. So, no comfort
to be had here. No relief. Just the sad reminder of times long past, things
long lost, and a curse that was the bane of his existence in all its forms.
Just a hallucination.
That, of course, did
not explain why her scent and her heartbeat followed him all the way home.
Despite trying her
hardest to stay calm, Buffy’s thoughts were racing. Just when she thought
she had her new existence figured out, just when she was making her place
in the world, this had to happen.
Angel.
Sure, no matter how
much time had passed, there was always the possibility that he could be
alive. Undead. Whatever. But once it became clear to her just how much time
had passed, how different this world was from the one where she had grown
up…she hadn’t even entertained the possibility. One night in this world,
over two months ago, Buffy had come to a final realization: she had no way
home. Her friends would have to get her if they could, but that hadn’t
happened yet. She realized she had to stop hoping for a way home and start
living a life here. On that night she had mourned everyone she once knew.
That had included Angel.
But he wasn’t dead. Out
of everyone, he was the one still walking the earth. Even if she’d imagined
he was alive, though, she would not have imagined him like this. Changed in
body and mind, he was an ancient vampire who would no doubt be incredibly
powerful – and terrifying – was it not for the existence of his soul. Still
fighting, still existing…but that was it. Whatever he’d once hoped for was
long gone now. Except for that one brief moment where she thought he’d
recognized her, Buffy couldn’t even find a spark of the Angel she once
knew.
A small part of her
dreaded that any trace of her friend – her love – was gone for good. A
small part, one that she squashed ruthlessly as soon as she was aware of
the thought.
Her Angel was still
there somewhere, and she was going to bring him back. She needed him, after
all. She needed something. She needed…she needed home.
So she followed him. She
followed him even as her ignored her presence and maneuvered through and in
between buildings with feats no human could duplicate. If she ever fell so
far behind that she could not see him anymore, she could feel him. As long
as she could feel his presence, she could follow it, and if she could
follow it she could find him.
She’d lost him again,
briefly, just when she thought she had the knack of keeping up with him. He
only had one free hand, anyway, so his mobility was restricted slightly.
Not that it made much difference, but it helped. Still, for a moment she
stood there, in darker shadows still. Confused, she couldn’t put a
direction to the sense of him. Unless…
Down?
There was still further
down in this city? Peering into the shadows, Buffy searched, finding at
last something like an old, metal grate set right into the pavement. She
lifted it with minimal difficulty and dropped into the total blackness
below.
Yes, that was better.
He was ahead of her now. Smells were different here, older. Not the modern
refuse and futuristic stink, but more familiar – old sewage, perhaps? Eww….
She made her way along
by feel. The wall of the tunnel was cold to the touch. Not the sewer at
all, she was relived to realize, but some sort of access tunnel. It was
lighter up ahead and she could see a square opening where this tunnel
ended. Please, let that be the destination – it had been a long,
emotionally draining night, and Buffy needed to stop to figure out just
what she was going to do next.
The sense of him was
strong again. Close once more. Buffy fumbled her way to that lessening of
darkness – not light at all, just slightly less of its absence. She wasn’t
afraid, not as long as she knew Angel was nearby. Okay, so he was ignoring
her presence, but still….
She reached the end of
the tunnel and dropped into the open space.
There
was a brief jolt as she landed. She rolled, coming back to her feet
unharmed and searching for her next step.
Angel was there, just
in front of her. For a moment, as she stood there, she could feel his gaze
upon her as clearly as if he’d touched her. Was he startled that she’d
followed him all the way to his lair? Then the moment slipped away and his
gaze went elsewhere, ignoring her once again.
Buffy sighed. Too much
to hope for, she supposed.
She crouched down where
she was, reaching into her bag. Angel might see fine in this near-total
darkness, but human eyes weren’t meant for this. If she was planning to
stay – and some part of her had already made that decision – she was going
to need to look at where she was living.
After a couple of
seconds of rummaging she came out with a portable lamp. In deference to
Angel (this was his home, after all) she switched it on its lowest setting.
It took a second for her eyes to get adjusted after the total darkness of
the tunnel, and when they did….
“Oh my,” she gasped.
This place must have
been beautiful once, but it was now forgotten and buried by the city above.
An arched ceiling was gracefully undamaged above her, decorated with mosaic
tile, colors dulled with dust and time.
“What was this place?”
Buffy asked. She might as well have been asking herself instead of her
silent companion. One of those fancy train stations, perhaps. Buffy had
never seen one herself.
It bore little
semblance to whatever it had once been. What space weapons or Angel’s scant
furniture – a chair, a bed, and an old (yet sophisticated compared to what
Buffy had been used to) fridge – did not take up was covered with…papers.
Books, scrolls, loose pages, even sketches were piled on every available
surface. There might have been tables and shelves under them, but Buffy
wasn’t sure. They were all covered in a thick layer of dust.
The Angel she’d known had
never been that careless about his texts.
It looked like nothing
in that segment of the room had been touched in ages, anyway. As Buffy
watched, Angel stood in front of the fridge and began to take packets of
blood out of the cold box and pile them in to stay fresh. The last one in
his hands moments later, he closed the fridge, sat heavily in the chair,
and neatly punctured it with his fangs. Buffy watched with something like
morbid curiosity.
“You never used to feed
in front of me before,” she said, if just to break the silence.
He continued to drink
as if she wasn’t even there.
“I hope you don’t mind
a house guest,” she continued.
He finished the bag and
threw it into the discarded box.
“Well, I’ll take
silence for consent,” Buffy said lightly. “I warn you, I’m going to be one
of those annoying guests. For one, this place is not fit for human
habitation as it is. I’m going to put food for me next to your blood, I’m
going to organize your bookshelves, shuffle through your belongings…and I’m
not going to leave until you speak to me.”
Nothing. His meal done,
he stood and proceeded to strip as if he was completely alone. Buffy
blushed and turned her head quickly. Seconds later she looked back to find
him completely burrowed into the old blankets covering his bed. His eyes
were closed and he was frowning slightly.
Buffy sighed.
“Goodnight, Angel,” she whispered.
She turned off her
light and watched him from the haven of total darkness.
Things fell into a
pattern pretty quickly after Buffy moved into Angel’s lair. In the day,
Angel slept and Buffy made herself at home. She was true to her word and
made her presence very noticeable. Her first day there she went out and
bought herself a mattress, a couple of blankets, and some food with what
little money she had. The mattress and blankets took up space in a corner;
the food found a slot next to the blood in the fridge.
Also, just like she
said, she began to go through the piles of stuff Angel had collected over
the years. That was a task where it was difficult just to figure out where
to start. She couldn’t even read a good chunk of the stuff. Eventually she
began to separate things into three basic piles: personal writings and
sketches, books, and other stuff she couldn’t make heads or tails of.
She hesitated at first
at going through Angel’s personal things. But days went by and he never
looked at them or paid any attention to Buffy. She got tired of talking to
herself or staring at walls in the daytime. So she began to read what she
was organizing. She had to be careful with some of them – so old the paper
was incredibly fragile. And her nosiness did stop at one point – she
couldn’t bring herself to read his journals. He’d apparently kept them for
quite a while, sporadically at times. In the last of his journals his
handwriting rapidly deteriorated and then the entries abruptly stopped.
Buffy could only guess that was due to the changes in his hands – it
couldn’t be easy to write with claws.
Buffy frowned. Had it
been as long since he had read the texts in his possession? Had it been as
long since he’d spoken to anyone?
Maybe it was no wonder
that his mental state was questionable. He’d been a total recluse for
possibly centuries.
Other clues came in the
form of sketches. There were several pleasant images – people, friends…even
a couple of herself, to Buffy’s surprise. Those were vastly outnumbered,
however, by more horrific images – demons and victims. Angel himself, but
not as Buffy remembered him or how he appeared now. Monstrous distortions
she only knew as him by other writing and details on the pages. It was an
obsession with self, Buffy was beginning to recognize. Angel had always had
an awareness of his self-image. The black-on-black clothing, the massive
classic convertible…Angel always had an image, and that image was strong,
mysterious, and human.
Buffy could only
imagine what he’d gone through when his appearance had begun to change.
So, that was her
daytime. There was so much to go through that she’d made very little
visible progress. In nighttime, when Angel woke, Buffy stayed with him. She
was a step behind him wherever he went. She fought next to him when he
fought handfuls of demons and vampires every night.
Whether or not he
actively acknowledged her presence, Buffy began to realize that he was
aware of her. His behavior shifted ever so slightly, and every little bit
served to reassure Buffy. After that first night Angel didn’t again strip
in front of her. After about a week Buffy noticed the return of Angel’s old
habit of unnecessary breath.
Appearances.
Most noticeable,
though, was the shift in Angel’s fighting style. Ever so slightly he
accommodated someone else fighting with him. It was almost like old times,
if a whole lot quieter.
Two weeks after she had
first felt Angel in the depths of The Underground, she followed him as he
returned there once again on an errand for blood. The back door was closed,
and she watched with some surprise as he produced an old key and slipped it
easily into the lock. The door opened silently, and Buffy slipped in behind
him.
She watched as Angel
slipped through the pitch-black storage room they’d entered to approach the
door to the main bar. There was a small window set into the door, and he
paused in front of it briefly before slipping into deeper shadow.
Moments later the door
opened. The same bar tender who’d been working there last time Buffy was
there blinked into the darkness. He held another cold boy in front of him.
He did not leave the comfort of the pale light of the doorway, but looked
into the darkness for Angel. When his gaze fell upon Buffy he gasped.
Buffy winked at him.
The bar tender was
obviously flustered as he passed the cooler to Angel. Angel never emerged
completely from the shadows as he took the blood and disappeared through
the back door.
Buffy hesitated. If
last time were any indicator, he’d head right back to his lair with the
food for the next two weeks. Buffy could easily catch up with him again
there. It might be nice to have some human company for a little while.
The bar tender was
still standing in the doorway. “What are you doing here, Slayer?”
Buffy grinned, stepping
towards him. “I don’t know,” she said. “I thought maybe I could get a
drink. That is what you serve here, right?”
He looked back and
forth for a moment between Buffy and the door Angel had disappeared
through. “What are you doing with him?” he asked suspiciously.
“He’s an old friend.”
The bar tender had an
odd expression on his face. “I wasn’t aware he had any friends,” he said.
“He used to,” Buffy
replied honestly.
The bar tender looked
at her seriously for a long moment. “Well,” he said at last, “are you going
to have a drink or not?”
Buffy felt a gnaw of unexpected
guilt at leaving Angel on his own. Just because he wasn’t the best company
right now didn’t mean she should abandon him without a word. Abruptly that
feeling was joined by the sharp pull of something else. “I can’t!” she said
quickly.
“But I thought…”
“I’m needed,” Buffy
said mostly to herself and rushed out the door after Angel.
The familiar sounds of
violence met Buffy almost immediately, plus a horrible stench. She paused
only long enough for her eyes to readjust to the total darkness behind the
bar then took off at a run.
She rounded the corner
to see Angel trading blows with three demons. Each was taller than him by
about two feet and was two large people wide. Buffy had never seen Angel so
dwarfed by essentially ‘normal’ demons. The blood he’d been carrying was
carelessly spilled against one wall. For the moment Angel was keeping the
demons at arms length, but they were bigger, likely stronger, had wicked
looking claws, and outnumbered him.
Damn it, she shouldn’t
have left him alone.
Buffy drew her sword
from her back and jumped into the fray. She swung her weapon wildly before
the nearest demon even knew she was there. The large blade barely scratched
its heavily scaled back. The demon turned on her, absolutely furious. It
was one less demon for Angel to deal with, but Buffy was not liking this
situation.
Keeping the sword in
front of her, Buffy focused entirely on evading the demon’s claws. It was
like trying to parry ten daggers at once. Even if she could hurt it, she
couldn’t take her attention away from those claws long enough to inflict
any damage.
Out of the corner of
her eye she saw Angel go down, then come up moments later with a rusted
metal rod. He swung it wildly at one of the demon’s heads, making it rear
back dazed. Before it could recover, he drove the pole into its eye.
The demon screamed,
staggering back from the vampire. The other two demons looked at it,
alarmed. Buffy took the momentary distraction to follow Angel’s lead,
lunging in with her sword and aiming for the nearest demon’s eye. She
connected, but didn’t get the damaging blow she wanted before the demon
returned its full attention on her, screaming and flailing in startled
pain.
She barely had time to
be surprised before the demon’s claws caught her across the abdomen. After
that it was like everything happened in slow motion. Lines of pain erupted
as she fell away from the demon, only to be replaced by a spreading
numbness. Distractedly she heard a different roar, followed by a scream
from the third demon. Then nothing but running feet, followed by silence.
She knew she’d been
seriously injured and was likely in shock, but she couldn’t bring herself
to move. She could feel the coldness of pavement under her and the
spreading warmth of her own blood. At least she didn’t see any demons at
the moment. Maybe they’d run away or something.
A face swam into her
blurring vision. Buffy had never been so relieved to see golden, vampiric
eyes. “Angel,” she gasped.
She just hoped
distractedly that wasn’t the last thing she was going to say.
She was just so tired….
Blood.
Oh, God, he could smell
her blood!
Panic was hammering at
Angel in waves, but instead of making him freeze it spurred him into
action. It suddenly didn’t matter if she was a figment of his imagination
or not. If she were, then soon he’d know for sure. If she wasn’t, then he
couldn’t lose her. He was surrounded by her heartbeat and her scent
twenty-four hours a day. She followed him and fought by his side. He found
himself terrified at the prospect of losing that. Losing her.
Cradled against him,
she didn’t feel like a hallucination at all. She felt very solid and very
real. He could feel her heartbeat against his chest almost as if it was his
own. He could smell her blood, too thick in the air – he remembered what
that smelled like, and this was real. The panic suppressed any hunger he
might have felt at that otherwise.
Angel ran, keeping to
the darkest shadows where he could, running faster than a human could
possibly match. There was a clinic he’d taken unconscious injured to
before. That’s where he was taking Buffy. He couldn’t just leave her,
though. He had to know she would be okay. She had to be okay.
For the first time
Angel did not slow as he came near the clinic. He didn’t hesitate as he
neared people, but held Buffy closer as he barreled through the front
doors.
There was a moment’s
hesitation just inside the door. A young nurse gaped at his entrance,
frozen. Angel came to a stop, uncertain for a second. This wouldn’t do at
all. As fear overwhelmed him, he couldn’t even tell how Buffy was doing
anymore. She needed help now.
He locked eyes with the
nurse, and she took an inadvertent step back. This wouldn’t do at all.
“Help her,” he growled.
There was a strange
atmosphere in the clinic, to be sure. Doctor Hasna tried to remain
unaffected, but everyone had been jumpy since the vampire had shown up at
the door. The girl was resting comfortably now – surgery had been easier
than Hasna had expected. Now she was the only one willing to approach the
vampire to talk to him about the girl’s injuries.
She didn’t need to ask
where the vampire was. Simple observation showed one room that staff was
passing just a little faster and a little warily. It was a small lounge,
often used by members of the clinic staff to rest when they were too
exhausted to make it home. For the moment, it was a place for a very
worried elder vampire.
Doctor Hasna had to
fight her own hesitancy to approach that door. The clinic treated demons as
well as humans on occasion, so while vampires very rarely needed her
attention, she was familiar with their existence. She’d never seen a
vampire quite like this before, though.
With a deep breath she
opened the door to the pitch-dark room. “Hello?” she called hesitantly. She
closed the door behind her and turned on the light. The vampire was
suddenly starkly obvious – all in black on a background of hospital white.
He blinked at her in the sudden brightness. His elbows were on his knees
and Hasna had the impression his head had been in his hands only moments
before.
She swallowed hard to
calm herself. “I’m Doctor Hasna,” she greeted as gently as she could. “I
need to speak to you about the young woman you brought in.”
The vampire nodded and
sat up straighter.
The doctor hesitated
for a second. She didn’t know what to expect of this vampire. There was
nothing typical about him or his behavior thus far. Hasna approached him
cautiously. “First off,” she said, “could you tell me her name?”
The vampire didn’t seem
to understand what she was asking at first. Then he swallowed audibly.
“Buffy,” he said. His voice was softer than she expected, like he was
uncertain of his own voice. “Buffy Anne Summers.”
Hasna smiled, trying to
be as reassuring as possible as she would for any concerned loved one. Not
that the same thing usually went for vampires, especially when it came to a
mortal. She took nothing for granted, though. “How about your name?” she
asked lightly.
“Angel,” the vampire
said, only a bit more confidently.
She didn’t let the
vampire’s incongruous name faze her. “Alright, Angel. Well, whatever got to
Buffy did a pretty bad number on her stomach. It managed to cause some
significant muscle damage.”
Angel tensed. “She’s okay?”
he asked urgently.
Hasna was startled by
the sudden force of feeling in the vampire’s brown eyes. “She’ll be fine. A
little scarred.”
His entire body relaxed
and the slightest hint of a grin turned up the corners of his mouth. “Can I
see her?” he asked.
The doctor had to think
about it for a second, remembering the general unease currently prevailing
in the clinic. She thought about the injured girl currently resting in a
private room, the victim of a demon’s attack, and the fact that she was
actually considering letting a vampire into her company. And then there was
the fact that this vampire was responsible for the girl’s life, and the
concern he obviously felt over her well-being. Hasna didn’t think it was
possible to fake that.
She brushed a strand of
black hair behind her ear. She smiled. “I’ll take you to her,” she said.
Buffy awoke slowly. Her
head felt like it was stuffed full of cotton, but she wasn’t in pain. Good
drugs, she thought. Either that or her wounds had killed her, and she
wasn’t ready to contemplate the second option.
Her eyes opened on
blank whiteness, and for a moment Buffy panicked. She was so used to
darkness. This was wrong.
Then things came into
focus and Buffy knew her surroundings for what they were: a hospital room.
She sighed. It was so quiet, not at all like the hospital back in
Sunnydale. She looked around to try and catch the other changes time had
wrought.
Her eyes caught
something else instead. Leaning against the wall, his head was down in
repose. She couldn’t tell if he was awake or not. She hadn’t expected him
to be here. Hell, considering his behavior since they met in the street
weeks ago, she was lucky he’d acknowledged her presence enough to get her
medical care. She assumed he was the one who brought her here….
“Angel,” she found
herself whispering despite her consistent lack of response.
This time he surprised
her. His head shot up at the sound of her voice and within seconds he was at
her bedside. His eyes locked with hers and Buffy found herself smiling
despite their surroundings.
“Buffy.”
For a second Buffy
thought she imagined his whisper. He spoke! She grinned even wider. “Hey,
stranger,” she said happily. “Long time no see.”
He blinked at her for a
second. His eyes were back to the old familiar brown instead of the vampire
gold she’d gotten used to in recent weeks. It made her feel unexpectedly
comfortable and reassured. It was like Angel was suddenly once again
present behind those eyes.
“Buffy,” he said again,
clearer this time.
Buffy sensed the
unspoken question in that one word. “Yeah,” she said gently, “it’s me.” She
raised a hand to touch his face, but he shied away just before she could
connect. “Hey,” she said again, whispering this time, “it’s me.”
He sat back, just
slightly out of reach. “I’m sorry,” he muttered.
“Don’t be,” Buffy said
as gently as she could. It was so nice to hear his voice again, even
distorted by his fangs. “Come on, Angel, don’t pull away from me.”
He scooted the room’s
only chair closer to the bed. Carefully, afraid she’d scare him away, Buffy
placed her hand on his own. She could feel him tense as if to pull away for
a second, and then relax. “There,” she said happily. “Isn’t that better?”
He kept his gaze locked
on their hands. “How?” he asked simply.
Buffy knew what he was
asking. “I don’t know,” she admitted.
He looked flustered, as
if trying to reconcile reality with what he thought reality was supposed to
be. “You died,” he said after a while.
Buffy didn’t know quite
how to respond to that. “Not that I remember,” she faltered. “I just…went
to sleep in Sunnydale and woke up here.” She chuckled to herself. “Well,
not here…in the city, you know? In this time. Whatever.” She
shrugged, and Angel smiled ever so slightly.
He looked at their
hands again. “You’ve really been here?” he asked softly.
“Yeah, I’ve been here,”
she said. “Last couple of weeks, pretty much 24/7. Though I must say I like
this new talkative Angel more than the Angel zombie I was starting to think
I was living with.”
Angel would have
blushed if he could have. “I’m sorry.”
“You keep saying that,”
Buffy pointed out easily. “You don’t need to apologize. Though I wouldn’t
mind an explanation for this sudden turn-around.”
Again Angel faltered.
“You’re real,” he managed at last.
“That’s all it took?”
He swallowed hard. “I
couldn’t…. I needed….”
“Take your time,” Buffy
said gently. She looked at him curiously. “How long has it been since
you…even spoke with anyone?”
Angel’s brow furrowed
in thought. “Long,” he said simply.
Buffy squeezed his
hand. “Well then…”
At that moment a woman
with long black hair and a doctor’s coat entered the room. “Good morning,
Buffy,” she said. “How good to see you awake.”
Buffy watched in surprise
as Angel sat back in his chair, fading into the background once again. It
was like a switch had been flipped and he was suddenly reverting to his
behavior of the last few weeks. He was abruptly and instantly out of reach.
She swallowed, unsure
of what to do about this – what she could do, even – and glanced at the
doctor. “Hello,” she said, acknowledging the woman briefly. She looked back
at Angel once again.
The doctor came the
rest of the way into the room, stood next to the bed, and to Buffy’s surprise
smiled at the vampire trying to blend into the chair. “Have you been here
all night, Angel?” she asked gently.
Angel jumped slightly,
startled back from wherever he’d gone. “Yes,” he replied easily.
The doctor turned her
smile back on Buffy. “I’m Doctor Hasna,” she introduced herself. “That
demon really did a number on you.”
Buffy’s hand went to
her bandaged stomach. “I guess so,” she said. “They were tougher demons
than we usually expect to encounter.”
Doctor Hasna looked
shocked. “You were expecting demons? Why?”
“Someone has to fight
them,” Buffy replied.
“Both of you?”
Buffy nodded and smiled
at the doctor’s obvious shock.
“You didn’t tell me
that,” the doctor directed at Angel.
“You didn’t ask,” he
replied.
The doctor seemed to be
having serious thoughts, but she shook them off and smiled at Buffy once
again. “Well, you’re going to be fine. I’d like to keep you here one more
day. Once I release you, take it easy on the demon hunting for a while,
yes?”
Buffy frowned. What
else was she supposed to do?
“Angel?” the doctor
tried.
He looked at her
questioningly.
“I don’t want her
fighting demons with or without you for at least a week,” Doctor Hasna
insisted.
Angel nodded. “She
won’t.”
Buffy pouted.
“All right. At the end
of that week, you need to come back so I can do a final check on you,
okay?”
Buffy nodded
reluctantly. “Okay.”
The doctor smiled.
“I’ll see both of you later,” she said calmly, and left the room again.
Buffy sighed and sank
back into her bed. “I’ve told you how much I hate hospitals, right?”
“No,” Angel replied.
“Well, I do,” Buffy
complained. “Something’s going on. I can’t wait to get out of here.”
It almost felt strange
returning to the old train station after two days at Buffy’s bedside. Angel
was still in a bit of shock after everything that had happened. He was
overwhelmed by the sudden change in everything around him.
No, that wasn’t right.
Everything around him had been like this all along. He just couldn’t hide
from it as before. Buffy’s very presence effected him just like it had the
first time he’d seen her – drawing him suddenly and irrevocably from the
shadows, literal and metaphorical. Once again she surrounded him with the
essence of the humanity he lacked. He was drawn back into public identity by
her just as he might be drawn to sunlight – beautiful, longed for, but
deadly.
It terrified him.
He wasn’t human. He
hadn’t even appeared human in a long time. Even more terrifying, though, he
didn’t know if he knew how to be human anymore. How to pretend. He couldn’t
remember what it felt like to live, to interact, to just be. It had been so
long, perhaps too long for him to ever return.
But Buffy…she was
different. Beautiful and vibrant, even when gravely injured, she carried on
with the strength and heart he remembered from that too brief time ages
ago. She was the antithesis of change.
Change; unchanged.
Darkness and light. Monster and human. Death and life.
Yeah, Angel was
confused.
Buffy seemed to continue
on regardless. Well, no, not regardless. She was very aware of him at all
times, smiling and speaking to him even when he was too befuddled to
answer. Which felt odd in and of itself – she never hesitated, there were
no uncomfortable silences, just the warm glow of acceptance and
companionship. Unintentionally, they were both grasping on to old shreds of
familiarity from before the world went dark.
“So,” Buffy had asked
soon after they returned from the hospital together, “what kind of demons
were those?”
Angel just shrugged.
Buffy looked at him
with raised eyebrows. “If you don’t know what they are, how do you plan to
kill them?”
“I….” Angel couldn’t
think of what to say. He didn’t plan to kill demons anymore. He just did.
He no longer had a seer to direct him to people in trouble, no drawn out
hunts. He killed what he happened to find as he wandered and that was that.
“What?” Buffy asked
with a chuckle. “You just cut off their heads and figure they’ll die?”
“It works,” Angel
muttered.
“Sure, if the things
have necks,” Buffy retorted.
Angel couldn’t help but
smile ever so slightly.
“Well then,” she said,
moving slowly across the room. She cleaned off his second chair, long
covered by books, and carefully lowered herself onto it due to her injuries
and its rickety nature. “I’m not usually research girl,” she declared. “You
tell me where to look.”
“Uh….”
Buffy just looked at
him patiently. “There are three angry demons out there,” she said. “If you
think they’re going to stand by with us half blinding them….”
“Strasman’s
Compendium,” Angel interrupted her.
Buffy grinned broadly.
“There, that wasn’t so hard.” Her smile slipped and she gestured to the
pile of books. “Uh…which one?”
So research mode
commenced, and Angel found himself looking back with nostalgia on other
times. The early times pouring over prophecies with Giles, and the years of
Angel Investigations with Wesley…this was a sort of camaraderie he used to
be familiar with, where talking was unnecessary and he could bury himself in
someone else’s written words. As long as it had been since he opened one of
these books, it had been even longer before that since he’d had someone
else to look at them with him.
It turned out to be
both good and bad this time to have someone with him. On the one hand there
was that silent companionship. The more time went on, the less Angel could
imagine being alone again. He knew he would be eventually – simple fact –
but if he could put that off forever he would. On the other hand, Angel had
been alone for so long. He’d become intensely private, for one. Breaking
that habit and adjusting his existence to accommodate for someone else’s
presence did not come easily. And this was Buffy, which raised other
issues. Like things he had kept from her for so long he’d forgotten she’d
never known….
Angel was reading yet
another obscure demon reference when one of those later issues practically
smacked him in the face. He had the large tome open on his lap and was
scanning the text with one nail running across the page. It looked like
this might hold the information they were looking for, but the archaic
German was difficult to puzzle out even without the faded ink. Buffy sat
across from him, still sorting through the massive piles of books.
“What’s this?” she asked
abruptly.
Angel finished the
sentence he was reading and glanced up, expecting to see another old book
with a battered cover. Instead there was an old notebook in her hand,
rebound several times, with pages torn and slipping from their rings. If
Angel could have, he would have paled.
He’s forgotten he still
had that.
“Uh…it is…was
Wesley’s,” he managed.
“Oh,” Buffy said softly
as she began to very carefully open it.
“Buffy!” he said
quickly.
She looked at him
again, startled no doubt by the abruptness of his tone.
“It’s not…it has
nothing to do with….” he struggled.
“What is it?”
Angel swallowed the
lump in his throat. “Prophecy. Translations.”
Buffy looked at him
oddly. “You’re sure there’s nothing…?”
“No!” Angel snapped,
standing.
Buffy jerked back in
surprise.
“There’s nothing,” he
said more gently. Nothing but empty promises and battled still to be
fought. It was the iron grip of the Powers That Be, keeping him alive
for some supposed battle that never came. So God damn important…. “It
doesn’t matter,” he said, gesturing at the book he’d been reading. “I know
what I need to know.”
He turned away from
her, grabbing the broadsword standing against the wall.
“I’m coming with you,”
she said from behind him.
“No,” Angel said, not
even looking at her. “You’re not.”
He left at a speed he
knew she could not follow.
For a while after his
abrupt departure, Buffy simply gaped at where Angel had gone. What had she
done to deserve such a reaction? She couldn’t even begin to figure out what
he was feeling at the moment. Was he angry with her? Or was there something
else going on entirely?
Well, some wry part of
her noted, at least she got a reaction out of him. Less than a week ago she
wouldn’t have gotten that much.
So Buffy frowned, and
she worried, and eventually she read. She read about a vampire with a soul,
written about ages before his own birth. She read about battles, fiends,
and plagues he was meant to face, and she read about his reward. Multiple translation
and reinterpretations, but it all led to one conclusion.
Some day, Angel would
be human.
There was no hint of
when or how, but there it was. Angel would one day be a vampire no longer,
but rather a living, breathing member of the human race. Buffy read the
notes over more than once, her thoughts a turmoil of possibilities. She
couldn’t find the answer to one question, though.
Why had her finding
this upset Angel so much?
She was jolted out of
her thoughts suddenly. Just as abruptly as he’d left, Angel returned. Buffy
was startled and shocked by his appearance. Only his sword was free of gore
– cleaned before he left the battle site as always. His shirt was
practically shred to ribbons, and the red blood mixing with blue demon ooze
testified to the wounds beneath.
“Angel!” Buffy could
not help but cry, springing from her chair, heedless of her half healed
injuries.
He looked at her,
saying nothing. Buffy could see him wincing with every step he took.
Sitting heavily in his chair, Buffy could see lines of pain on his face.
She rushed to action,
grabbing the first aid supplies and going quickly to his side.
“Don’t,” he said oddly,
flinching away from her first attempt to check his wounds.
He couldn’t exactly go
far, and Buffy would not be dissuaded. “Stop it,” she said sternly. “Take
off your shirt so that I can look at your wounds.”
Angel looked at her
stubbornly. “You need those,” he insisted, gesturing at the bandages and
antiseptic wash she carried.
“I’m almost healed,”
she retorted. “Slayer, remember?” She crossed her arms over her chest.
“Take off your shirt.”
After one more stubborn
look that Buffy easily matched, Angel complied. Once the wounds were laid
bare, Buffy sat next to him on the chair’s armrest and began to carefully
wipe blood and gore away. Angel trembled under the first couple of touched
and Buffy couldn’t help but be reminded of an animal yearning to escape. He
relaxed only after a couple of minutes and let Buffy bandage his wounds. He
was silent.
“So,” Buffy said after
a long while, taping one bandage on his back into place, “did clobbering
some demons make you feel better?”
“No,” Angel replied
simply.
Buffy knew what that
felt like. “Did you get them?”
“They’re dead.”
Buffy nodded and they
fell into silence once again. It was awkward this time, and to her surprise
it was Angel who broke it.
“Why are you doing
this?” he asked in a voice barely above a whisper. He sounded absolutely
miserable.
“Because I don’t like
seeing you in pain,” Buffy replied honestly.
“I would have healed,”
Angel began to reply.
Buffy finished securing
the last bandage – low across the ribs – and then moved so that she could
face him. She crouched in front of his chair, her hands resting lightly on
his knees. “I didn’t mean just this,” she said very gently. “I think you’ve
been in pain longer than the oldest person alive ever lived. I could feel
it from the moment I found you again. I want to make it go away, or at
least lessen it.”
Angel looked away from
her without comment.
“I read the prophecy
while you were gone,” Buffy continued. “I read about how some day you’re
supposed to become human. What in that – in me finding it, whatever – upset
you so much?”
Angel faced her
abruptly with a snarl, his eyes flashing yellow with emotion before
returning to brown. “How can you ask me that?” he hissed around his fangs.
“I asked because I was
worried about you!” Buffy explained. “When you ran out of here like that I
was afraid you wouldn’t be back!”
“And that would bother
you?”
“Yes, it would bother
me!” she said, aghast that he would think otherwise. “You’re my friend,
Angel. You’re the only one left.”
“So better the monster
you know than the humans you don’t,” Angel muttered sarcastically.
He obviously did not
mean for her to hear that. “You’re not a monster,” she said vehemently.
“Then what am I?” Angel
retorted. “I’m sure as hell not human!”
“But you could be!”
Buffy cried, remembering the prophecy.
Angel nearly glared at
her. “With this face?” he growled. “With these hands? There’s no place for
me among humans anymore.”
The finality in his
voice infuriated her. “Fine!” she declared, standing up. “You think you’re
a monster, do you? Well then, I guess you are what you think you are! I
mean, look at Faith. She killed a man and thought she was evil, so guess
what? She became evil!”
“Buffy….”
Buffy kept right on
going. “So go ahead and be a monster,” she said. “I mean, you think you are
one and that you look like one. How far from there to being one? I mean,
all you have to do is start killing people again and you’d definitely fit
the part!”
Angel flinched.
Buffy crouched at his
feet again, calmly meeting his pained gaze. “But you know what I see
instead?” she asked gently. “I see a friend in pain. I see someone who has
tried to suppress parts of himself for so long that it hurts just to be.
You are one of the most human beings I have ever met.
“No monster would have
rescued me from those demons,” she went on. “No monster would care like you
do. They wouldn’t go on fighting, even when it seems senseless and the
possibility of reward seems gone. You’re not a monster. When I asked about
you that first night at The Underground, the bar tender made a point of
telling me you’re a good man. I see that. He sees that and he doesn’t even
know you. Why can’t you see the same thing?”
Angel was silent.
Buffy took a deep
breath and ran a gentle hand across his brow. He closed his eyes at her
touch. “You may not look human here,” she said, “but you’ll always be human
here.” She placed her hand over his heart with that last phrase, then stood
again and withdrew from him slightly. She swallowed. “You lost a lot of
blood,” she said, changing the subject. “You should eat something.”
Angel blinked at her
oddly and hesitated.
“What?”
“There isn’t any. The
blood….”
Memory image: cold box
of blood spilled in the midst of battle. “You haven’t fed in four days?!”
Angel shrugged. “I
don’t need much.”
Buffy shot him a ‘don’t
be ridiculous’ look. “Clean up, get a new shirt on, and let’s go.”
“Where…?”
Buffy smiled
reassuringly. “To ask your supplier for an advance,” she explained. She had
more plans than that, though. Angel was finally talking to her. He needed
convincing as to his own potential for humanity? Then it was about time he
started talking with some other members of the human race.
Angel licked his lips
nervously. And part of him felt ridiculous for being nervous.
“Front door,” Buffy had
said. No problem, right?
Yeah, right.
Next to him, Buffy was
as strong and confident as ever. She was trying to be confident enough for
both of them. When his footsteps would slow, she would smile at him and
lightly touch his arm, moving him inexorably forward.
The reaction when they
entered the seedy bar wasn’t what Angel expected. More specifically, there
wasn’t a reaction. Buffy and Angel were noticed, but that was it. No one
looked at them twice.
Angel’s confusion must
have shown on his face, because Buffy suddenly chuckled.
“You should have seen
the blue slimy guy that was here on my first visit,” she said just loud
enough to be heard. “I’m sorry for the janitor.” Then, a bit more
seriously, “I’ve learned one major thing since I arrived here. There aren’t
many – at least, down here – that don’t know about the existence of
demons.”
She drew him then over
to the bar and grabbed a stool for each of them. “Hey!” she called to get
the bar tender’s attention.
He smiled when he saw
her. “Hey, Slayer! Back again so soon?”
Buffy smiled back. “I’m
here, aren’t I? You know, I never did get your name.”
“Richard,” the bar
tender replied. “You going to introduce me to your friend?”
“You know my friend,”
she said, placing a hand on Angel’s shoulder.
Angel glanced at the
bar tender. He’d been watching the mass of people around them pretty much
since they got there, both fascinated and overwhelmed. Now he met the bar
tender’s shocked gaze and dropped his eyes almost immediately. Buffy’s
second directive – “speak” – was suddenly an impossibility.
Buffy squeezed his
shoulder slightly before releasing it. “I got him to come in through the
front door this time,” she teased.
Richard swallowed
audibly. “Well,” he said, “what can I get you then?”
“Same as last time,”
she replied.
“The drink or the
information?”
Buffy chuckled. “The
drink.” There was a pause. “Angel?” Buffy prompted.
“Bloody Mary,” he
muttered sarcastically. He was rethinking a bit too late the idea of coming
to a room full of humans when he was hungry. He’d never attack anyone, but
he was not comfortable.
The bar tender
chuckled, and he could feel Buffy grin. It had been a rather juvenile joke,
perhaps, but it was something.
“Actually,” Buffy said
before Richard could fill their drink orders, “that’s why we’re here.”
He looked at her oddly.
“What is?”
Now Buffy seemed a
little nervous herself. “We…ran into a little accident after we left here
last time,” she explained. “The cold box was lost in the process and never
made it home. We’re having a…food shortage as a result.”
Richard looked back and
forth between them. “It’ll take a couple of days,” he began.
“Come on,” Buffy
pressed. “You don’t even have a little something to tide us over?”
“Why would I have
that?”
“You do serve
demons here,” she pointed out.
“I serve neutral
demons,” he clarified. “Blood drinkers aren’t typically neutral.” He
glanced at Angel. “No offense,” he added.
Angel just nodded.
Richard sighed. “Look,
I…might have something in the back. It won’t be very good quality, and I
don’t want you spreading the word that I’m doing this.”
“Anything you can do
would be wonderful,” Buffy said sincerely.
Richard just frowned at
her and disappeared behind the bar. About a minute later he returned with a
drink in each hand; clear alcohol for Buffy, and for Angel…. “Your Bloody
Mary,” the bar tender said with a smirk.
The blood smell hit
Angel hard, but he couldn’t…. His hand trembled slightly, a centimeter away
from the glass. He glanced at Buffy uncertainly.
She smiled at him and
raised her glass. “A toast, perhaps?” she suggested to ward off the
awkwardness.
Angel lifted his glass
towards hers.
“To humanity,” she
said.
Angel brought his glass
to his lips and drank slowly, trying with all his might just to look like
any other patron of the bar. The blood did not bring him any pleasure, but
it did sate the hunger some, if not the desire.
He lowered the glass at
last, completely drained, and noticed the bar tender watching him. “Thank
you,” Angel said honestly.
Richard smiled back at
him. “Any time,” he said and moved on to other customers.
Angel could feel
Buffy’s happiness next to him and turned to see her smile. Freshly fed and
with the hazy sense of uncaring acceptance around him, Angel allowed
himself for the first time to truly smile back.
Just when Buffy thought
she had Angel figured out, when it seemed he was making his way back to the
Angel she once fell in love with, he managed to baffle her. With the crisis
of the one group of demons behind them and Buffy medically forbidden from
joining him in hunting others, Angel’s mood seemed to change abruptly. The
evening of their joint excursion to The Underground he had been relaxed and
delightful company. When they awoke the next day, that was gone.
Instead, Angel spent
even more time than usual outside, fighting demons. When he was in the lair
he spoke to Buffy only briefly and seemed sullen and withdrawn.
He had re-perfected the
art of brooding and Buffy hadn’t the faintest idea why.
Buffy watched him as
she continued organizing the books. After their joint research session she
had some idea of what they were, so she could actually make some progress
in putting them in their place. Not that she was actually making any
progress. She kept getting distracted by Angel.
He wasn’t doing
anything distracting, really. In fact, he wasn’t doing anything at all. He
was just sitting in that chair, staring at his hands. Buffy doubted he was
actually seeing anything at all.
He’d always been
capable of brooding, but this was ridiculous.
Buffy had finally had
enough of it. She put the book she was holding on the shelf and walked
purposefully over to his chair. “Okay, what’s wrong?”
His head snapped up and
his eyes went wide with surprise when he faced her. He didn’t reply.
“Something has been
bothering you since you woke up yesterday,” she said. “Please, tell me what
it is?”
“Nothing,” Angel said
briefly, standing. He walked away from her as if to leave.
“Angel….” Buffy
pleaded.
He froze in the act of
reaching for a weapon. “When will you leave?” he asked softly.
“What…?”
“When will you…?”
“I heard what you
said,” Buffy interrupted. “I just…. Do you want me to leave?”
Angel’s reply was
mostly muddled since his back was to her, but Buffy caught the word
“inevitable.”
“Why do you think it’s
inevitable?” Buffy asked in surprise. “I mean, I know we haven’t always
been on the best of terms….”
Angel turned to look at
her, and it was his turn to be confused.
Buffy sighed. “Please
come back over here. We need to talk. Or, if you don’t want to talk, just
listen to me for a moment, okay?”
Angel paused only
briefly before returning to the chair.
“This is weird for me,” Buffy said once he was seated. “It feels like only
months since we last saw each other in Sunnydale. I sometimes forget how
much longer it has been for you. So while time has dulled those memories
for you – hell, it’s been long enough I wouldn’t be surprised if you’ve
forgotten all together – I can still vividly recall after my mother’s
funeral, the way we kissed….” Buffy blushed. “Not quite the moment I was
going for, here,” she said, slightly embarrassed.
Angel smiled sadly.
“The point I meant to
make,” Buffy continued, “is that I know we don’t have the best track
record on anything that involves an ‘us.’ But that’s still no reason for
you to expect me to leave you…unless you want me to.”
Angel shook his head.
“Then what is it?”
“You don’t want…” he
made a vague, all encompassing gesture, “this.”
Buffy looked at him in
confusion. “How do you know what I want?” she pointed out. “Or is this like
you assuming that someday I wouldn’t want you in Sunnydale?”
“You want this?” Angel
retorted. “Do you want to wake up every day and have this face be the first
thing you see?”
“Yes.”
She couldn’t tell who
was more surprised: him for hearing that or her for saying it.
“Someday, Angel, when
I’m old and gray and wrinkly…will you turn away from me?” she asked.
“No!”
“Then why would you
expect that of me?”
Angel was silent for a
moment. “It’s not the same,” he tried.
“Isn’t it? It’s called
aging, Angel, either way,” Buffy argued. “I’ll be an old woman. I never
expected to see you as an old vampire, but I’m not going to leave because
of it.”
Taking a risk and
surprising both of them, Buffy abruptly sat on his lap. For a moment
neither of them did anything, then Angel placed one of his arms loosely
about her waist.
“Is that what this was
about?” she asked at last. “Or are you so eager to get rid of my company?”
“I like having you
here,” Angel admitted.
“Then what is it?”
Angel scowled and
stared at his free hand. He flexed it into a fist for a moment. “Before
I…changed the first time…. Before the first permanent change I was sore for
weeks,” he explained haltingly. “I didn’t know why at the time. But every
time, weeks before….” His voice trailed off.
“What hurts?” Buffy
asked in understanding.
“My hands,” Angel
replied, making a fist once again.
Buffy grasped his fist
lightly, then kissed his knuckle.
Angel took a deep,
unnecessary breath as if to calm himself. “Can you do this?” he asked
slowly. “Can you…not be repulsed when I look less human than I do now? Can
you stay even then? Because if your answer is no, you’d better leave now,
before….”
“Before what?”
“Before I can’t stand
living without you again.”
Buffy smiled at him.
“I’m staying,” she said gently.
He looked at her in
delighted shock. Buffy found the expression so adorable she just had to do
something.
She had to kiss him.
He didn’t respond
immediately, and Buffy almost pulled away, but then Angel’s other arm
wrapped around her to hold her closer. Neither of them pulled away for a
long moment, not even when Buffy ran her tongue lightly over Angel’s fangs.
It was hard to believe at that moment that they technically hadn’t seen
each other in centuries up until three weeks ago.
When Buffy pulled away
to look at Angel again, he was grinning. “Thank you,” he said sincerely.
Buffy grinned back at
him. “No, thank you.” She chuckled slightly. “If you keep smiling like
that, the curse is going to be an issue well before either of our appearances
are.”
Angel blanched. “I
didn’t…. It’s been….”
“Hasn’t been much of an
issue lately, has it?”
Angel shook his head.
“I don’t want to hurt you,” he said earnestly.
“And you won’t,” Buffy
replied. “We’ll figure out something.”
Angel just nodded, then
held her a little tighter. Buffy smiled and leaned into his shoulder. She
fit there as comfortably as she always had.
“Buffy?” Angel said a
little while later.
“Hmm?”
“Time hasn’t dulled the
memories that are worth keeping,” he said softly.
Buffy just smiled to
herself and remembered the best times.
Doctor Hasna, working
the night shift as usual, looked up when the front desk nurse ducked into
the room where she was treating a patient. The nurse spoke before Hasna
could ask anything.
“You’ve got repeat
customers,” she said.
Hasna looked at her in
surprise. “Who is it?”
The nurse gave a
nervous grin. “The odd couple.”
Hasna took a moment to
interpret the unusual description. Then she realized the date and that
exactly a week had passed. Nearly to the minute, actually. “I’ll be with
them in a moment,” she replied. “Uh…give them a private room, hmm?”
“Already done. E 110,”
the nurse replied easily, leaving her with the patient once again.
Hasna finished with her
one patient quickly, cleaning him up and sending him on his way, then made
her way to room E 110. It was a corridor that wasn’t under heavy use,
giving the room even more privacy than expected. As evidenced by the desk
nurse, the staff was more comfortable with the clinic’s unusual visitors
than a week ago. The same could not be said about the average patient,
unfortunately.
The doctor entered the
room quietly and couldn’t help but smile at the interaction between the two
occupants. The patient was seated on the bed, her back to the door,
speaking quickly and happily, apparently about absent friends. Her
companion – amazingly pleasant master vampire – noticed Hasna’s entrance
but other than that smiled and nodded and listened to the girl’s story.
“Hello again, Miss
Summers,” Doctor Hasna said when the girl paused.
Buffy swiveled around
on the bed and grinned. “Doctor,” she said pleasantly. “Angel and I were
just reminiscing.”
“I noticed,” Hasna
replied. “How are you feeling?”
“Fine,” Buffy said
quickly.
“Let me take a look,”
Hasna insisted.
Buffy sat back on the
bed and lifted her shirt. Hasna could not help but gape at her. Instead of
the angry red new scars she expected, the gashes had faded until they were
almost indistinguishable from the uninjured skin surrounding them. Buffy
smiled. “I heal fast,” she said.
“No kidding,” Hasna
muttered, flicking her hair over her shoulder in what might be considered a
nervous gesture. “Miss Summers,” she said seriously, “are you fully human?”
“Well, yeah!” the girl
said quickly. “I’m stronger and faster and I heal quick, but I’m still
human.”
Doctor Hasna looked at
her in blatant disbelief.
“Buffy,” her vampire
companion said gently.
Buffy sighed. “Not that
it makes any difference to you, but I’m a Vampire Slayer,” she said.
Hasna’s thoughts raced.
That fit all available facts except…several, actually. “Last I heard the
Slayer was a wealthy Asian girl. So unless she died in the last…five days,
you’re not her.”
Buffy looked more than
a bit surprised that Hasna knew what she was talking about. “I died once,”
she said.
Hasna glanced at Angel,
who nodded. Problem number two…. “You’re a vampire slayer, and yet the two
of you…?”
“That’s a long story
and really none of your business,” Buffy said defensively. “And how do you
know about the Slayer, anyway?”
“A lot of weird things
come through here,” Hasna supplied. “I’ve made a point of learning all that
I can.”
Buffy pulled her shirt
back down. “Not that this isn’t fascinating, but can I go?” she asked.
“I have no way to hold
you.”
Buffy nodded and hopped
up from the bed. She looked at Hasna with a thoughtful expression. “So, you
see a lot of weird things here, hmm?”
“Yes,” Hasna replied,
wondering where she was going with this.
“Those weird things
wouldn’t happen to include someone who knows a little something of soul
magik, would it?”
Behind her, Angel
gasped. Hasna suddenly found the full weight of both of their attentions
upon her. This was important.
“Why?” she asked
suspiciously.
“We have this problem
with a curse….”
After walking up two
flights of stairs decorated heavily with astrological symbols and other,
less recognizable designs, then passing through layers of beaded curtains,
Buffy and Angel stood in a small, tacky office. Buffy almost burst out
laughing, except the office’s proprietor – in equally ridiculous robes –
stood there waiting for them.
“Good evening to both
of you,” the woman said solemnly. She was quite old, and her completely
white hair was tied back in a bun.
Buffy just blinked at
her for a second. “Um, are you Regina Osgold? Doctor Hasna, from the
clinic, said you might be able to help us?”
The old woman smiled,
wrinkles crinkling around her eyes. “Ah yes, that sweet girl,” she said.
“She told me you were coming.” She closed and locked the door the two of
them had just entered through, then gestured for them to follow.
Buffy and Angel glanced
at each other, and Buffy shrugged. This was not at all what they were
expecting.
The aging fortuneteller
opened another door, hidden at the back of the office. Abruptly they went
from a tacky, carnival atmosphere to a warm and homey living area. A step
ahead of them, the old woman removed her robe to reveal a basic gray
jumpsuit underneath. She flung the robe carelessly over the back of a
kitchen chair. “Would either of you like some tea?” she asked.
Buffy just looked at
her in confusion. “Umm, no, thank you.”
Mrs. Osgold turned her
attention to Angel. “And you? Surely you’ll join me in a cup of tea. I hate
to drink alone.”
“Alright,” Angel
acquiesced.
The old woman grinned,
placing two large mugs on the table. They both bore chips at the rim and
fine cracks along their sides, but neither leaked at all when she filled
them. “Now, don’t you mind all those trappings,” she said to both of them,
gesturing at the outer office. “Most people come here, I show them flash,
wish them money and love, and send them on their way. It keeps those that
prey on true psychics and witches away from my door.”
“But you can help us?”
Buffy asked.
“I’ll try,” she
replied. “If I can’t help you, I’ll find someone who can.” She smiled at
both of them reassuringly. “We mages stick together.” She took a slow sip
of her tea, and Angel raised his own mug to drink.
The woman watched both
of them over her mug for a moment. “You’re an interesting pair,” she said.
Buffy couldn’t help but
fidget under her gaze.
“You are displaced in
time,” she said to Buffy, “and yet not. There is nothing in you that
rejects being here. It is most confusing. But you are tied to each other
more than you realize. I can not tell you how it will turn out, but I wish
you well in that.”
Buffy placed her hand
on Angel’s leg under the table, in desperate need of reassurance.
“But you’re the one
who’s really here to see me, yes?” she asked Angel.
“Yes, Mrs. Osgold.”
The fortuneteller
chuckled. “Just Regina, dear. No need for formalities.” She took another
slow sip of her tea. “You’re a fascinating one. I’ve never seen one like
you in all my years.”
Buffy chuckled. “Yeah,
he’s one of a kind.”
The woman went on
regardless. “You belong in this time,” she said, “and yet you seem more
displaced in it than she is.”
Angel shifted
uncomfortably.
“You’ve spent a long
time hiding,” she said. “You think you’ve been hiding from others, but
you’ve truly been hiding from yourself. You’re at a turning point, now. You
can either go back into hiding, or you can become someone new. Someone
whole, and part of the world around them. Personally, I’d recommend the
later.”
She took another sip of
tea before she continued. “You have a destiny,” she said. “You already know
this. I’m not telling you anything you don’t know. But you can not just sit
and wait for destiny to come to you. You must seek it out, and embrace it
when you find it.”
She smiled then. “But
you already knew all that.”
They drank their tea in
unison.
Buffy fidgeted again.
“Fascinating, really,” she said, “but not why we’re here.”
“Really, child?”
Buffy bristled at her
tone. “Yes, remember? A matter of the soul?”
“These are matters of
the soul.”
Buffy had to fight not
to roll her eyes. “And a curse?”
“Curse?” The old woman
seemed genuinely confused.
Angel was more patient
with her than Buffy. “My soul is only here because of a Gypsy curse,” he
explained. “But the curse…has broken before.”
The woman looked at him
intently. “I do not know what you are talking about,” she said.
“Then you can’t help
us?”
“You don’t need
helping,” Regina clarified.
“But my soul….”
“Is yours by right.”
She was looking at him intently. “What you describe would involve a
dissonance between soul and body. There is none. Your demon is more at odds
with you than your soul.”
Angel just blinked at
her.
Buffy gaped. “Then…he
can be happy?”
“Is that what broke the
curse before?”
Angel nodded.
“Your soul is yours,”
the woman said, “until the eventual true death of your flesh.” She smiled
then, the serious psychic replaced once again by the congenial grandmother.
“I guess you’ll be leaving then?” she asked.
“Um…yeah,” Buffy
replied, standing.
Angel hesitated a
moment, then stood as well.
“Will you have a cookie
before you go?”
Buffy couldn’t help but
grin. “No, thank you.”
“Well,” Regina said,
seeing them to the door, “it was nice meeting you two. If you ever need
anything….”
“We’ll visit,” Buffy
assured her.
“Angel?”
Angel turned to look at
her with one hand on the door.
“Every living being is
both good and evil,” she said. “Monster and human. Those parts of a being
can create a harmony of action or a cacophony you will be drowned in.” She
smiled at him slightly. “Don’t ignore the human – in yourself and others –
when it is the monster that shows its face.”
Angel was filled with
conflicting emotions as Buffy and he returned to his…their home. Mostly he
was confused, mixed with a heavy dose of anger. How long had the curse not
been an issue? Was this a recent thing, or did it go all the way back to
the last time his soul was restored? How come he never knew? Was him
laboring under the false assumption that the simple act of being perfectly
happy would release his demon upon the world amusing to someone?
Yet beneath that
conflict something unaccustomed was growing. Getting stronger by the
moment, a sense of relief and hope was swelling in him. Not that he planned
to immediately test the old psychic’s revelation, but it was…nice to know
happiness wasn’t forbidden.
“Do you trust her?”
Buffy asked suddenly. She had been silent the entire way to the lair.
“Yes,” Angel replied
without hesitating.
“And…you’re okay?”
Angel nodded, but he
couldn’t meet Buffy’s gaze yet. “I just…”
“Just what?”
Angel sighed. “I want
to know when my soul became…mine,” he said. “Even if there wasn’t potential
for perfect happiness, there’s still a difference between unhappiness and
enforced despair.”
“But…you’re glad?”
“Yes, I’m glad,” Angel
replied quickly. “I mean, not that I’m going to…test it immediately. It’s
not like…”
Buffy chuckled.
“What?” Angel asked in
surprise, looking to see her grinning at him.
“You have serious
self-confidence issues, you know that?” she said with a laugh. “I mean, I
nearly jumped you yesterday, and don’t tell me you weren’t returning the
attention. That’s why we looked into the curse in the first place!”
Angel fought a smile
and nodded at her.
She stepped close
enough to him that they were nearly touching. “I told you I’m staying,” she
said. “I still love you, and have missed you. I don’t want to be alone
anymore.”
“I don’t want to be
alone, either,” Angel found himself whispering.
Her face broke into a
broad grin, and Angel smiled back.
“Are you waiting for
something in particular?” Buffy teased.
Angel grinned at her
and closed that last tiny distance between them with a kiss. In that one
moment, he put aside thoughts of appearances, of the monster in the man,
and in her arms remembered what it was like to just be.
Buffy blinked her way
to full wakefulness. She was burrowed into a delightful haven of old
blankets, beaten pillows, and familiar cool flesh. She could smell dust and
sweat, but that was familiar, too. Her current position wasn’t, though,
comfortably nestled against Angel’s chest. That was delightfully new. She
smiled and snuggled close.
Angel’s arm wrapped
around her shoulder. She looked up at him. “You’re awake,” he said,
pleasantly surprised.
“Mmm.” She smiled as
she looked up at him. There was a pleasant silence in the lair this
evening, a delightful lethargy she didn’t want to disturb. She wanted to
sleep right here forever, but she couldn’t. She shifted to look at him
closer. “How are you?”
Angel just smiled, his
eyes shining with love and a new sense of contentment. If the eyes are the
windows to the soul, it was quite obvious that his soul wasn’t going
anywhere. He was actually smiling wide enough that Buffy could see a
glimpse of his fang over his bottom lip. He held her a little closer.
As much as she wanted
the moment to last, she had a reason for asking. “I mean, how are you
feeling?”
Angel’s smile slipped.
“We were having a moment,” he protested a bit playfully.
“I want to know,” Buffy
insisted.
Angel frowned now. “You
don’t need to mother me, Buffy.” His lip quirked, fighting a smile at his
inadvertent choice of words.
Buffy didn’t even blink
at the years separating them anymore. She just smiled at him. “I like
taking care of you,” she said. “Now, how are you feeling?”
Angel sighed.
“Well?” Buffy
persisted.
“My hands still ache,”
he admitted very softly. “Nothing new there.”
Buffy looked up at him seriously.
Then she shifted, sitting up higher against the headboard. “Give me your
hand,” she requested.
She felt Angel tense,
his self-consciousness suddenly retuned. “Buffy…” he protested.
“Angel…” she retorted.
“You’re being silly. I love you. I’ve seen you naked, for God’s sake!” she
said in irritation, drawing attention to their current, unclothed state.
“Give me your hand.”
He shifted and held out
his hand that was not around her shoulder. She grasped it without
hesitation, yet gentle at the same time. She did not even blink at its
deformed shape, at the fingers that were permanently curved, or the sharp
nails they ended in, enhancing their claw-like appearance. Gently she held
his hand in her two smaller ones. “Relax,” she requested.
Angel was tense for a
moment more, then his hand seemed to get heavier as he allowed her to
support it. She knew his hands had been bothering him for days, signs of an
impending change. No matter how much she assured him that any changes he
underwent could not turn her away, he doubted. She could only prove it to
him when the time came, and try to ease the ache in his hands – and heart –
until then.
She brought the hand to
her lips and kissed his knuckle. He chuckled and some measure of tension
was released. Slowly she began to massage his palm with her thumbs. As she
felt his preternaturally cool flesh warm beneath her touch, she moved her
attention to his fingers. She rubbed the joints with gentle pressure and
Angel sighed again, but in contentment this time as he relaxed still
further. He surrendered to her touch.
Buffy smiled slightly.
With that small encouragement she continued her work on his fingers. She
felt muscles long clenched begin to relax. There was a sudden release in
his ring finger and Angel gasped.
“Are you okay? Did that
hurt?” Buffy asked quickly, stopping what she was doing.
“I’m okay,” he assured
her.
Buffy turned to catch
his eye. “You’re sure?”
Angel nodded. “It hurt
for a second,” he admitted. “But…it was a good pain. Now…” he curled and
uncurled his fingers for a moment in Buffy’s grasp. “It doesn’t hurt
anymore,” he concluded, pleasantly surprised.
Buffy was surprised as
well. Relaxed again in her hand, she looked at his claw-like fingers. His
ring finger stood out a little straighter, a little more human than the
others. As she held it between her fingers, moving it gently, she
discovered its full range of mobility restored. She smiled, and moved on to
the next finger, and the next. Slowly she was rewarded with muscles
unclenching, releasing from the positions they’d been held in for decades.
One hand done, she
removed the arm from around her shoulders and began to work on his other
hand. Angel’s eyes were closed, and Buffy sensed that he was just barely
awake. She kept up her self-appointed task until both hands were relaxed in
a less clawed appearance. They still didn’t look completely human – seeming
oddly lengthened along with their sharp nails – but they were better.
“Angel,” Buffy prodded
gently.
“Hmm?” Angel blinked at
her, drowsy.
She smiled at him.
“Wake up sleepy head,” she teased.
He opened his eyes
fully. “Thank you,” he said.
“Better?” Buffy asked
honestly.
Angel nodded. “The ache
is gone,” he said in surprise.
“Mmm,” Buffy murmured
noncommittally. She tilted her head up to look at him even closer. He was
grinning, then playfully wrapped her in his arms and rolled her onto his
chest. He brought her head to his and kissed her eagerly. His hands went
behind her head, into her hair…and stopped abruptly as they encountered a knot.
“Ow,” Buffy declared
with a chuckle, pulling away from his lips.
“Sorry,” Angel
whispered, his eyes sparkling with amusement. He tried to untangle his
fingers, but only managed to tug the knot some more.
“Let me help,” Buffy
said.
“No, I’ve got it,”
Angel assured her, and moments later the pressure on her hair was released.
An odd look passed over Angel’s face.
“What is it?” Buffy
asked urgently.
Angel pulled his hand
out from behind her, looking at it in surprise. He stretched the fingers as
straight as they could go until they were fully extended. A slow and
delighted smile spread across his face.
“About time you
noticed,” Buffy teased.
He said nothing for
several moments, curling his hand into a fist and then spreading the
fingers once again. “I never expected…” he managed.
“Change?” Buffy
supplied, smiling.
Angel nodded. “Not like
this,” he explained. “But…the pain is gone. Change.”
“For the better.”
Angel was grinning
broadly. “How?”
Buffy replied with a question
of her own. “How are you feeling today, Angel?”
He looked at her
curiously at the seeming repeat of her waking question. Then he grinned in
sudden understanding. “Reborn,” he said, his voice delighted and not at all
distorted by his constant fangs, “and very, very human.”
Buffy grinned back at
him. She hadn’t seen him so happy…ever, that she could remember. Abruptly
he sat up, full of energy, tossing aside blankets. “Where are you going?”
Buffy asked, both puzzled and amused.
He stood up, stark
naked. “I want to draw you,” he declared, making his way across the room.
Buffy laughed out loud.
“Draw me?”
He nodded eagerly. He
shuffled through the pile of books and papers Buffy had not yet managed to
rearrange. “It’s been so long since I’ve drawn you,” he explained. He
looked at his right hand again, fingers flat against the tabletop. “It’s
been so long since I’ve drawn,” he amended.
“Angel,” Buffy
interrupted with a laugh.
He kept right on going
heedless. “I know I have some blank paper here somewhere…. I mean, I did….”
Buffy had never seen
Angel so…giddy. Manic almost. “Angel!” she said a little louder. His head
snapped up at last. Buffy held up a blanket in front of her chest as she
reprimanded him, “You are not drawing me like this.”
He looked at her in
confusion. “Like what?”
Buffy looked back at
him wide eyed. “Well, ignoring the fact that I’m not entirely comfortable
posing nude, even for you, look at me! My hair is a mess—“
“You look beautiful,”
Angel interrupted.
“You always say that,”
Buffy retorted.
Angel stepped around
the table to look at her seriously. “You’re beautiful,” he said again.
Buffy looked him up and
down appreciatively in turn. “You’re beautiful, too,” she said. “You’re
also naked, which means you should be snuggling with your girlfriend and
not wandering about the room looking for a pencil and paper!”
Angel chuckled. “Well,
since you put it that way….”
“Come here,” Buffy said
with a laugh. “You can draw me later.”
He flopped back down on
the blankets. “You promise?” he teased.
Buffy grinned back at
him. “Sure. We’ve got plenty of time.”
It was hard to get a
glimpse of the sky, but standing here, tilting her head all the way back,
she could see the palest pink of early dawn in a tiny sliver of sky. It
made no difference in the light level this far down, but it made Buffy
smile. Even if she couldn’t see it, the sun still rose every day, and so
long as that was true everything would be alright.
She could sense Angel
moving behind her, and held out her hand to him. His hand was in hers
moments later, large and cool.
“I think I know why I’m
here, Angel,” she said.
He squeezed her hand.
“Why is that?”
“I’m needed here. Now.”
Angel didn’t reply, but
his silence was questioning.
“You’re here, for one.
You need me,” Buffy added.
“I was here all the
years in between,” Angel protested. “I needed you then, too.”
Buffy shrugged. “Maybe
so. I think there’s something else too, though.”
He was standing next to
her now, and he wrapped an arm around her waist. “What is it?”
Buffy shrugged. “I
don’t know. Something’s coming.” She leaned into Angel’s shoulder.
“Something big. Maybe the very thing that we were both put on this planet
to face.”
“Destiny,” Angel said
in understanding.
Buffy nodded. She
looked up again, searching above her for that sliver of sky. It was
slightly lighter now – it was day already on the rooftops. “Beautiful,
isn’t it?”
Angel followed her gaze
and looked up at the light that could never reach him. “It would be more
beautiful up there,” he said. “Where you can actually see the sky.”
“Maybe,” Buffy agreed.
“But we’re not up there. Even if I could get there, this is where I am.
Where we are. Where we’re needed.”
“You don’t ever…?”
Angel hesitated. “You should see the sunlight.”
Buffy smiled at him. “I
will, someday. And when I do, I’ll see it with you.”
Angel smiled back,
encouraged by recent changes – his eyes back to human brown, his hands
returning to their unclawed appearance…. He would see the sunlight again
someday. He only hoped it wasn’t the last thing he saw, but rather his
first sight as a human, his destiny fulfilled.
He kissed her on the
forehead and for once found himself looking forward to what the future
would bring.
Things were changing
for the better.
The End! To be continued in the
massively requested sequel, One For the Ages.
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