Disclaimer: All the characters are based on the television shows, Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel. I do not own them, get money for writing about them and have no permission from Joss Whedon or anyone else who might care. Kay?
Rating: This fiction is rated NC-17, so anyone who is too young, impressionable or otherwise easily offended, please read no further.
Spoiler: Angel finds out about Buffy and Spike.
Let's go . . .
Disturbing and damn near frightening is her beauty and her power over me. The predator in me heightens its awareness at her approach. The demon in me wishes to overpower her tiny frame and have its way with her. The man in me itches for her touch. She's the only creature in the world that I openly admit my weakness to and yet no one makes me feel as strong. Her own Slayer strength easily outmatches mine and yet in my arms she is the pliable maiden melting inside my cold embrace.
That's the reason I left her. She makes me burn inside. She scars my insides with her searing love and anger and passion and strength. Dreams of her are more real to me than the frigid reality I face every day. Both of our worlds are encompassed by demons and darkness and yet she remains golden and spun of pure light. Every time they attempt to break her, she remains intact. As Angel and again as Angelus, I was the only creature of the night that was able to touch her, love her, hurt her and I nearly destroyed her. As Angelus, demons both feared and admired me. I was stronger, more calculating - even more poetic than they and I had the love of The Slayer. Even as an evil fiend, I could still touch her. Thoughts of how I hurt her and attempted to destroy her haunt my dreams and find their rightful place among my brooding. When I was with her, I felt guilt for keeping her from a normal life and remorse for being too weak to walk away. Now I no longer feel that guilt and weakness. Now it's much worse than I ever anticipated. Without her, I am unfinished and more perilously far from the pure joy that I so fear.
But I was making it. A little more healing occurred with every day that I was without her. The lightness in my life could no longer touch me and I was getting used to it. I was getting used to it until I found out she was fucking Spike.
She was fucking Spike.
Harmony's whiney voice always got on my damn nerves more than the idiotic things she said. She was how I found out about Buffy & Spike. Large tears streamed from her eyes as she cried on Cordelia's shoulder. I hung around just because she was a little too close to Cordy's neck for my liking.
"What's wrong Harmony?" Cordy asked in her most concerned voice. I couldn't tell if she was actually concerned, since Harmony had already betrayed us once.
"Spike," she blubbered.
"What did he do now?"
"He's in love with The Slayer. I saw him making love to her in his crypt. I knew he loved her but they're together now and I will never get him back!"
Cordelia was shocked into silence. I was shocked into silence. I stood frozen in the middle of the floor, feeling everyone's eyes digging into me. I waited for the punch line. None came.
The graveyard was silent. It was silent until Spike came stomping up next to me. The only time I felt anything since I came back from the dead was when I was with him. Usually, the emotion I felt was annoyance.
Constantly professing his undead love was annoying. And he called Angel a Nancy Boy? Having to rationalize how I ended up in his arms, kissing his lips was annoying. If I closed my eyes, it was almost as if I was in Angel's arms. Cold lips, strong cold hands, hard cold body.
"What big bad are we hunting tonight, pet?" Spike asked.
"Whatever jumps out at me," I answered dully.
"What if that something is me?" He asked in a husky voice. I felt a twinge of arousal.
"Then I'll have to stake you."
"Maybe I'll stake you instead," he said suggestively, raising his scarred eyebrow.
I could feel his eyes undressing me. I cursed myself for allowing this to happen. How could I be involved with Spike? Spike, for goodness sake.
"Shut up, Spike. You're a pig. And I'm not sleeping with you again."
"Why lie to yourself Slayer?"
Why lie, indeed. We both knew that I would sleep with him again. At least I felt something with him, even if it was only annoyance and orgasms. If only he was Angel, I might be able to get closer to life again. But he wasn't Angel and Spike's lovemaking always ruined the dream. He didn't feel like Angel inside. Physically and emotionally. He didn't make love to me like Angel did. Neither did Riley or Parker. But Spike felt the closest. If I squeezed my eyes shut, I could almost pretend that Angel was making love to me. Blanketed by coldness and deadness seemed appropriate. Everything inside me was cold and dead.
Spike made me climax again and again. For the hours I was with him, I was drugged with the intensity that came with delirious forgetfulness. He moved inside me, dead flesh against dead flesh. I knew I was still dead. Why should it matter that I was sleeping with a dead man?
His liquid movements were different from Angel's but just as skilled. More than two lifetimes of lovemaking and my two vampire lovers knew how to please a woman. I'm not sure how we got to his crypt but before we made it inside, his lips were closing over mine. Cold and smooth, his tongue explored my mouth. Every movement expressed his unrequited love as he began to undress me. I let him, allowing it to happen without aiding him. He laid me on his bed, his eyes not leaving my body as he undressed himself. Worship poured from him and I watched him, detached, as he revealed his hard, sexy body.
He climbed over me, claiming my lips and reaching between my thighs to gently probe my moist core. He kissed my neck, avoiding Angel's mark and moving down my body, laving my breasts with his tongue. He never touched my scar. Never. As he rubbed my clit and nibbled on my breasts, I idly wondered about that. Seemed odd that he would touch every private place on my body freely but never touched that little place on my neck.
As he entered me slowly, the scar was forgotten. Everything was forgotten, which was why I was there.
I think my insides twisted when I found out. I think my mind snapped. I almost went completely insane. I left her to find light and picnics and children and she turned to my Grande Childe. The thought of him touching her, moving inside her, kissing her, made my skin crawl. My eyes filled with a darkness even greater than what was caused by Darla's torment of me. I was once again caught in the balance between Angel and Angelus. I freaked out, as my love would say. I lost my fucking mind with thoughts of that blonde bastard claiming my mate. I broke half the furniture in the hotel in a mindless torrential rain of pain.
And then I went out to find a witch. Trembling from rage I could not control, I traveled through the underground seeking out the most powerful beings I could locate. The mission was simple. Anchor my soul. It took several days of not sleeping, not feeding, not stopping my search until I found one slight, dark haired woman, half Romany in heritage. She was humming with magickal energy. She was the person who could help me.
"Demand any price and I will pay it," I said to her. She made me pay alright. Dropping the duffel bag of long forgotten cash before her, I bathed in the power that her presence gave me. I waited for instructions. She bade me return with the cash in two days time and she would have prepared the ritual. I nodded and left, wondering how I would bide my time in the next 48 hours.
The next two days were the longest of my life. I sat in the dark with pictures of Spike having sex with Buffy dancing in my head. Wesley, Cordelia, Fred and Gunn knocked on my door nearly every damn hour asking me if I was okay. Begging me to come out and talk to them. I ignored them. I couldn't speak for fear the anger would overtake me. No, I was already overtaken. I was afraid that I would hurt them. I'm sure I might've if that witch had forced me to wait a second longer. I was there early. Standing at her doorstep with my dusty duffel bag of cash. I pushed it into her arms.
"Cure me," I said, making sure to reiterate that I had to keep my soul, not lose it. I wanted to threaten her. I wanted to tell her that if she failed, I would rip out her delicate little throat and dance in her entrails. But I kept silent. No need clouding the issue. She could see just how serious I was.
The ritual was painful. I don't know what she did but it smelled like death when she began burning the herbs. The chant was in Latin. I used to speak Latin but I couldn't make out her words. Her voice was so quiet, the stench of death was so strong. I waited to feel the change. It was a long time coming. A long time I sat in the circle of white candles as she carefully went through the motions she mapped out. The ensconcing of my soul felt like hot brands all over my body, tearing away my skin, feeding on my long dead internal organs. Hours passed with blinding pain and whispered words. I waited for my prize and when it came, I screamed.
Stumbling home, I fell into my bed. I felt like I had been beaten. Cordy came to my door and entered with her usual boldness. Gave me blood, chided me on my behavior and gently covered me as I fell asleep. I thought I would just lay there for a few minutes until my strength returned and then I would go to Sunnydale and reclaim my mate. Those thoughts were my last before I fell into an exhausted sleep that lasted for three full days and nights.
"We thought you were not going to get up again," Fred said in her normal chipper voice as I strode through the lobby.
"I'll be back," I said with a nod to the group standing by the counter. I didn't bother telling them where I was going. They would figure it out sooner or later. Either way, I was going to get Buffy back.
I lurked outside of the Magic Box. A Scooby meeting was in full swing. It didn't occur to me to wonder just what they were meeting about. Buffy and Spike were on opposite sides of the room. It was obvious that her friends didn't know. He was staring at her like he used to stare at Drusilla. He loved her. She treated him with disdain. She didn't love him. I watched the happenings inside waiting for my moment.
Clenching and unclenching my fists, I thought about what moment I would choose. Buffy sensed me, just as she always did. She knew I was there. She lifted her beautiful blonde head and looked around. She made her way toward the window and I watched Spike watch her. Rage boiled over inside of me. I couldn't hide from her and she was steps away from finding me skulking in the shadows. Taking a deep unneeded breath, I stormed into the store.
The only patrons were the Scoobies and I brushed past Buffy, heading directly for Spike who involuntarily took a step backward.
"Spike!" I growled.
Grabbing him by his leather duster with one hand, I crushed my fist into his shocked face once, twice, three times with the other. Blood was pouring openly from his mouth and nose as I hit him a fourth time. He tried in vain to hit me back and to block my blows but I was a man possessed and his actions were fruitless.
I vaguely noticed Buffy trying to pull me away but I ignored the sensation of her, focusing on my Grande Childe. Both of our faces had changed somewhere during the beating and I continued to punch him several more times before I slammed him against the nearest bookcase. I enjoyed the sound of his head cracking against the wood, splintering it. Books showered on us from the shelves, falling around us but they went unnoticed as I spoke for the first time since I first said his name.
"You dare touch my mate," I said, my hand around his throat, "You dare lay your hands on MY MATE?"
"I'm in love with her," he croaked, the sound coming from somewhere under the blood that covered his face. I slammed his head against the bookcase again.
"Have you fed off her?" I screamed. Buffy was yelling my name behind me. I vaguely wondered how long she had been speaking and how long she had been pulling on my arm.
"No, sire. I swear," he croaked again.
"ANGEL," Buffy screamed in my ear. Using all of her Slayer strength, she was able to wrench me away from Spike. I stumbled back with the force of her shove. Spike slipped to the floor staring at me. I knew why he was looking at me that way. I knew why all of them were looking at me that way. No one had ever seen this kind of rage in me before. It wasn't surprising, I had never felt this kind of rage before.
I found my footing and moved around Buffy to get at Spike again. Pulling him to his feet, I slammed him against the bookshelf again.
"If you EVER touch my mate again, I'll kill you. Do you understand me, you little fuck? She is mine. She bears my mark. She belongs to me. Do you understand?"
"I'm in love with her."
"You are only alive right now because you are my Grand Childe. That is the only reason I have allowed you to live. You fuck my mate again and I will kill you as slowly and painfully as possible. I don't care if you love her. You WILL NOT touch her again. Got it?"
Buffy pulled me off of him again and this time I turned around to face her. Her eyes were wide with shock as my golden eyes met hers.
"Angel, what the hell are you doing?" Her hands were on her supple hips. She was angry. I would break her.
I grabbed her by her shoulders roughly, "What the hell am I doing? You're fucking Spike and you're asking me what I'm doing? I left you to have a normal life in the sunshine you're fucking my Grande Childe!"
I watched as she looked around at her friends. All wore shocked looks and seemed to be in indecision as to what to do about the crazed vampire currently holding The Slayer.
"We need to go talk somewhere else," she said to me, her face more angry than I had seen in a long while, her eyes flashing daggers. She tried to shake me off but I backed her into the counter and gripped her more tightly.
"You belong to me. The only vampire you'll be fucking is me."
"I belong to no one. And you can't fuck me, remember?"
"We'll see about that," I said. Pulling her along with me, I turned to leave the Magic Box. I turned at the door and looked at my bloody childe, "I'm not done with you Spike."
Angel was in a rage and I was angry as he drove. No, I was furious. He left me in this fucking pool of despair my life has become and storms in to tell me what I can and can't do! I was shaking with fury, which was fed from the emotion coming off of him. Spike backed down from Angel's rage. He made a show of trying to fight back but I knew that he wasn't trying. He had taken his Sire's mate and broken an unspoken vampiric law. That was why he always avoided the scar. It was Angel's mark on me.
If I hadn't been so angry, I might have wondered how Drusilla fit into the picture. Angel had certainly slept with her when he had become Angelus again. Spike all but admitted it when he came to me for help. Perhaps it was different because Angel was Drusilla's sire. Maybe one day I would ask...
I tried not to look over at Angel as he drove us to the mansion. I stared ahead. And waited.
Buffy went along with me without a fight. She climbed into my car and heavy, angry silence filled the surrounded us as I drove to the mansion. She got out of the car and stood next to it, breathing anger through her nostrils and out of her mouth.
"How dare you come to Giles' shop and beat up Spike and then tell me who I can and cannot sleep with? You left me, remember? Did you conveniently forget that little detail?"
Still in game face, I walked around the car and grabbed her, "I didn't forget," I growled.
"What? So I can only sleep with people who are on your approved list? I'm not yours anymore, Angel, so let me go and get the hell out of my town." She pushed my hands away, shrugging out of my grip, but I grabbed her again and pushed her against the gray stone outer wall of my mansion, pressing my body against hers.
"I'm the only person on the approved list. No more Parkers, Rileys or Spikes. You belong to me. Now and forever."
I crushed her lips against mine, kissing her roughly around my fangs. I tasted her blood in my mouth from where my teeth cut her. I didn't care. I kept kissing her, pressing my arousal against her. Reaching down, I lifted the hem of her sundress and tore her panties away. Plunging my fingers inside her, I found her wet for me. She moaned against me, her hands bracing against my chest.
"No, Angel," she whimpered even as she moved against my fingers.
"Yes," I said, pulling my fingers away from her hot center to unzip my pants and release my cock. Lifting her into my erection, she wrapped her legs tightly around my waist. I plunged into her, pressing her lithe body against the cold stone wall.
"You are mine," I said, slamming harder into her. I ripped the front of her dress away and caught a perfect nipple between my teeth and sucked it roughly into my mouth.
"My mate," I said, feeling her inner muscles clenching around me. Moving to suck my mark on her neck, I waited for her invitation for me to take her blood. I sucked her neck harder, not breaking the skin.
"Please Angel," she whimpered as I continued to suck her neck and rock into her.
"Please what?" I growled.
"D-drink," she whispered. Another deep growl erupted from deep inside me while I moved inside the heaven of my love, but I did not answer and I did not drink. My golden eyes searched out her hazel eyes as I moved inside her, deeper with each thrust. I waited for her to tell me the words I wanted to hear and reached between us to worry her swollen clit.
"Angel," she screamed as she climaxed against me. It took all of my self control not to climax with her. I held out, moving against her harder as she convulsed around me. Panting against the wall, I kept my steely gaze on her beautiful face. I caressed her scar again, this time my fingers covered with her honeyed juices. Her smell was intoxicating and I silently begged her to relent.
"Angel," she panted. My name on her lips was sweeter than any other sound to my undead ears. I moved inside her more slowly, "Please." I licked her neck, sucked the juices I left there but did not break the skin even as my fangs itched to sink inside her delicate neck. She arched against me.
"I'm yours. I belong to you. I love you. I will never give myself to another man...or vampire," She moaned. With that I sunk my fangs in and as her powerful blood rushed into my mouth, I poured my lifeless seed into her and I felt her orgasm with me. Licking the wound, I held us there against the wall. Crushing her to me, I began to sob like a child.
Her arms were around me and she whispered soothing words in my ear as she caressed my back. Once I calmed, I looked into her eyes, searching for the love I needed more than anything else in the world. It was there pouring out from her large hazel orbs.
"I love you," I said, feeling myself harden once more inside her.
"I love you," she whispered back. Holding her tightly against me, I walked into the mansion and lowered us to the bed. Moving inside of her, we kept our eyes locked.
"I love you," I whispered again, "I won't leave again."
"I won't let you," she whispered back.
Buffy slept, wrapped around me. Three nights we stayed together without leaving the mansion, except to get food and blood. I looked down at my love and gently kissed her forehead. I eased myself away from her and dressed quickly. Had to pay Spike one more visit before this was finished. There was only four more hours of darkness left and I intended to take full advantage of all of it.
Creeping from the bedroom, I made my way through the mansion. A hand fell on my arm as I reached the door. Buffy was standing there, naked and golden and glorious.
"Don't," she whispered, tugging me back.
"Boy needs a lesson," I growled.
"He lost me. He lost," she said, her eyes pleading, "Don't you think that's punishment enough?"
"He. Touched. My. Mate." I was still angry. I felt ashamed that I had so little control when it came to Buffy.
"Stay here," she whispered, pressing her naked body against mine, caressing my rapidly growing arousal, "We have time to make up for. You won. Take your prize."
She jumped up, wrapping her strong legs around my waist, squeezing against my groin. I released a ragged groan as I covered her mouth with mine and carried her back to the bedroom. Shucking off my clothes again, I knew it was finally over. She was mine again. Somehow everything else would fall into place as long as I could be in her arms.
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