The One I Waited For

Part 2

40

Buffy, Willow and Cordelia were sitting in the Student Center eating their lunches during their hour break before Psychology class.

"Did you check out our T.A. for Psych the other day? My god, he’s so gorgeous," Cordelia said. "I mean, have you ever seen bigger muscles on a man before?"

"No," Willow answered.

"I have," Buffy replied.

Cordelia looked at Buffy. "Excluding Angel. We already know he’s built like a god."

Buffy raised her eyebrows in amusement. "And how do you know that, Cordelia? I’m the one who’s seen him naked, not you."

"Have you forgotten the day after Prom? He came into the kitchen while I was eating. And he was wearing Xander’s shorts and nothing else. Buffy, he’s got the perfect body," commentd the brunette. "And our T.A. comes in a pretty close second."

"What’s his name?" Willow asked.

"I don’t know. I wasn’t exactly paying attention when he was talking," Cordelia admitted. "Staring was more what I was doing."

"His name is Riley Finn," Buffy told them.

Willow was astonished. "Buffy, you were actually paying attention?"

"Hey! It happens once in a while. But not in this case. I was at the bookstore the day before yesterday and dropped a pile of books on his head."

Cordelia laughed. "Real smooth."

"Yeah, I know. He introduced himself after I almost comatized him. He seems like a nice guy."

"And he’s on his way over," said Willow.

"Oh my god. How do I look?" Cordelia wanted to know.

"Fine. Perfect as usual."

A tall blonde-haired man stopped at their table. He rested his eyes on Buffy and smiled. "Hi. Buffy, right?"

"Yep. How’s your head, Riley?"

"Suddenly painless."

‘He’s blatantly flirting with her! Why do all the hot guys always fall for Buffy? When did I become chopped liver?’ Cordelia thought. She cleared her throat in an effort to gain Buffy’s attention.

It worked. "Riley, these are my two best friends. Willow Rosenburg and Cordelia Chase. We’re all in your Psychology class."

Riley smiled. "How are you liking it so far?"

"Can’t complain yet," flirted Cordelia.

"Well, I hope you continue to feel that way. It won’t be an easy class."

"I like a good challenge."

"Great. Willow, Cordelia, it was a pleasure meeting you. Buffy, maybe I’ll see you around campus. We can get a coffee or something," said Riley.

Buffy nodded and smiled. "Sure."

When Riley was out of earshot, Cordelia turned to Buffy. "‘We can get a coffee or something,’" she mocked. "He was totally flirting with you, Buffy."

"No, he wasn’t. Riley was just being friendly."

"How many older, gorgeous guys ask you out for coffee?" Seeing the look on Buffy’s face and remembering Angel, Cordelia took back her question. "Never mind, don’t answer that."

"He *was* flirting, Buffy. And you were flirting back," Willow said to her best friend.

Buffy shook her head. "No."

Cordelia nodded. "Yes. You agreed to have coffee with him sometime. Buffy, you made a date with the guy." She laughed. "I know it’s been a few weeks since you had sex, but you do have a boyfriend."

"How can you even say that, Cordy? I love Angel and I would never in a million years cheat on him."

"You had better tell that to Riley before he thinks he’s got a chance with you," Willow suggested.

Buffy took a sip of her Dr. Pepper. "I will. God, I wish Angel would come home soon. Everything would be better if he were here."

********

After leaving the Sunnydale airport, Angel’s first stop was the high school library. He was positive that Giles would be there preparing for school to begin the following week. Angel pushed the double doors open, finding the older Watcher standing at the table with his back to him.

"Hello, Giles," Angel said.

He turned around to see a red-faced, angry Angel standing five feet away.

"Angel. What are you doing here?" Giles was shocked to see him.

"Surprised to see me?"

"A little. I thought you were still in England. When did you return?"

"About twenty minutes ago. I thought I’d come and see you first."

Giles raised his eyebrows. "Really? What for?"

"I brought you back a souvenir from my trip." Angel balled his right hand into a fist and punched the Watcher in the jaw.

Giles stumbled backward. Rubbing his jaw, he asked angrily, "What the hell was that for?"

"You deserved it after everything you’ve done to keep me away from Buffy. I came by to give you that and to say your plan didn’t work. You honestly believed that one month away from Buffy would make me forget about her? It didn’t. Oh, don’t me wrong, it was a good plan, and the Council tried real hard. Gave it the old college try, but they failed.

"George Smythe and his daughter Daniella explained everything. How you explained to him my relationship with Buffy; that you wanted me out of Sunnydale and her life. You came up with the idea that there should be no contact between us whatsoever. I couldn’t even pick up a phone to call her and let her know that I was alright. My letters to her were stolen by Mr. Smythe. God only knows what Buffy must think right now. It’s been a month since I left and no word from me. She probably thinks I found someone else, that I moved on. And I’m sure you did nothing to dissuade her thinking.

"You want to know what the best part of this plot of yours was? When Daniella Smythe tried to get me to have sex with her." He noted the look of surprise on Giles’ face. "Yeah, that’s right. She was offered up as a sacrifice for the good of the cause. Invited me over to her apartment and attempted to seduce me. When it didn’t work, she filled me in on everything. And two days ago, George Smythe did the same. Then I gave him an ultimatum -- either leave me and Buffy alone or I leave the Council. So he agree, and here I am. Back in Sunnydale permanently."

Giles’ eyes widened. "You quit the Council?"

Angel shook his head. "No he said that he would let me live on the Hellmouth and study it and the Council would no longer interfere in my relationship with Buffy."

"George Smythe agreed to this?"

"Yes. See, unlike you, he believes in me. He didn’t want me to quit the Council. He wants me to be happy. With Buffy. And there is nothing you can do about it, Giles. I’m a Watcher now; you’re no longer my boss and I don’t take orders from you. So stay out of my personal business."

"No, not as long as your personal business includes having sex with my Slayer."

"Then why don’t you take that up with George Smythe? What you want is no longer my concern, Ripper."

Giles visibly paled upon hearing his former nickname. "Where did you hear that from?" he asked.

"I did a little research while in England, including learning about the past histories of current Watchers. You may act all high and mighty now, but you certainly weren’t when you were summoning up demons in college, were you, Giles?"

Giles gritted his teeth. "Angel, you are never to bring up that name again. Is that understood?"

"I’ll make a deal with you. I won’t mention Ripper if you leave me and Buffy alone. No more calls to the Watcher’s Council and I don’t want to hear how dangerous it is. Are we agreed?"

"We are agreed."

"Good. Now, I’m off to unpack and see my girlfriend. Always a pleasure to see you, Giles." Without another word, Angel left the library.

********

Buffy had finished her patrol early and sat at a table in the Expresso Pump, lost in her thoughts. She conjured up an image of herself and Angel standing at a church altar saying their vows in front of friends and family. Her dress was of the purest white satin and lace while Angel wore a black tux. They needed no words to state the depth of their love, their eyes said it all. Buffy smiled at the image. ‘I want that to be reality; I want to marry Angel. He’s changed my life so much, showing me what true love is, and giving me a reason to believe in a future. He’s the only person I want to grow old with. And without him, I don’t want to be alive.’

She was so deep in thought that she didn’t see Riley approach her table, carrying a cup of coffee. "Buffy, hi. I thought it was you."

"Riley, what are you doing out?"

"It’s only nine o’clock. I came out to get a cup of coffee and saw you sitting her by yourself. Would you mind if I join you?" he asked.

"Go right ahead."

Riley took a seat. "How are you doing?"

"Alright I guess. You?"

"Good. Enjoying the beginning of the semester relaxation period. No tests or papers to grade."

Buffy smiled. "It only goes downhill from here, huh?"

"Oh yeah."

Angel walked in the coffee shop. He’d been unpacking and cleaning his apartment for three hours and was now about to begin grocery shopping before calling Buffy. First, though, he needed some caffeine in his system. He had been awake for almost twenty-four hours straight.

It wasn’t very crowded for a Friday night, only half the tables were occupied. Angel wanted to sit and relax for a couple minutes, and knew he could find a seat without difficulty. As he neared the counter to place his order, he heard a familiar laugh. Glancing back, Angel caught sight of a girl with blonde hair sitting with another blonde-haired man. He’d know that laugh anywhere. It was Buffy, having coffee with an attractive older man.

He was crushed. Gone a month and the woman he loved found someone else to love. Looking in the other man’s eyes, Angel could see the love that shone from them. ‘Has Buffy fallen in love with that guy? Did she forget about me?’ Angel decided to find out. Placing his order for coffee, he paid for it, then sat down at a nearby table where Buffy wouldn’t see him.

"Have you picked a major yet?" Riley wanted to know.

"I haven’t decided. I’m not what you would call the scholastic type."

"I’d like to help you in any way I can."

‘I'll bet,’ thought Angel.

"Thanks, Riley. We’ll see how it goes," Buffy answered.

"Look, Buffy, I’m not going to beat around the bush here. I find you very attractive and I’d like to see more of you outside the classroom," Riley said to her.

Buffy didn’t reply right away, which made Angel a bit nervous. "I wish I could say the same, but I can’t. Riley, I have a boyfriend. He’s out of the country right now, he has been for a month. And I love him very much, I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I’m sorry if I’ve led you on in any way, but I’m with Angel. I could never betray him."

Angel didn’t stick around to hear what Riley had to say about it. He didn’t need to, he knew that Buffy still loved and wanted to be with him. Tomorrow he would let her know he was back. For good.

********

41

It was another sleepless night for Buffy; her dream keeping her from sleeping peacefully. She tossed and turned, kicking her blankets off the bed because of said dream. It wasn't one that any sane person would want to remember when they woke up. Unfortunately for her, she did. She and Angel were on their nightly patrol through one of Sunnydale's cemeteries when out of nowhere a gang of vampires attacked. Three surrounded Angel and five surrounded her. Buffy easily dusted her five while Angel fought off his attackers. She turned around to help him, but a taller, blonde woman blocked her way. Even in her dream, the female vampire looked vaguely familiar to Buffy, though she couldn't quite place how.

"Stay away from my boy," she threatened before shoving Buffy against a mausoleum, the Slayer crumpling to the ground. "He's mine."

Buffy awoke completely out of breath. The vampire had killed her, she knew that for a fact. Had killed her because of Angel. `We couldn't protect each other…I couldn't save him and he couldn't save me. Was Giles right? Would we be better off if Angel didn't come back?'

She shook her head. "My God, what am I thinking? Of course I want him to come back. I just hope he does soon. There's so much I want to tell him."

Buffy definitely wished that he had been there for her that first week of school. His shoulder would have been the one she'd leaned on when her creative writing professor kicked her out of class. And when she dropped three pounds of books on Riley Finn's head at the bookstore. Having Angel gone was like having her best friend gone. Only she didn't know when, or if, he'd be back.

********

Angel stood on the Summers' front porch, poised to ring the doorbell. He hesitated for a minute, wondering if maybe he should have called first. `What if Buffy doesn't want to see me? Maybe she only said those things to that guy to keep him from asking her out. Will she slam the door in my face?' He sighed. `Only one way to find out.' Pressing the doorbell, Angel waited.

The chime of the bell made Buffy lose her focus on the pages she was studying. She wasn't expecting anyone. Willow and Oz were in L.A. for a Dingoes gig and Xander and Cordelia had a family picnic to go to. The possibilities ran through her mind on the way downstairs, only to see it was Angel who stood on the other side. At first, she wasn't sure it was really him; it had been so long. "Angel? Is it really you?"

He gave her a nervous grin. "Yeah, it is."

She didn't waste any time, throwing her arms around his neck in what was practically a chokehold. "I can't believe it."

Angel smiled his first real smile in weeks. "You better believe it."

"Come on inside, we're letting all the bugs in." Buffy let go of him, stepping back to give him room.

"I'm not interrupting you, am I?"

"I was studying, believe me, you're not interrupting anything. When did you get back?"

"Last night."

She led him to the couch, sitting down close to him. "Why didn't you come by?"

"I had a lot to do."

"A lot to do? You didn't call or write to me for a month, and the day you come back from England you had too much to do?" The harshness was evident in her voice.

He looked both ashamed and angry. "I wanted to call, I tried to. The council said I couldn't call anyone in Sunnydale. Don't even get me started on the letters…they intercepted those, too."

"They know about us, don't they?" He laughed bitterly.

"I was sent there to get over you."

"Giles told them, didn't he?" She didn't really need his answer to confirm her suspicions.

"He told George Smythe to get me out of Sunnydale."

"Did they let you come back? Or…" She let the question trail off, unable to even contemplate that he could have come back only to leave her again.

"I passed all the required tests to become a watcher. All Watchers pick an area of study; I chose the Hellmouth. They were going to send me somewhere else, but I convinced them to let me come here. Managed to get George Smythe to explain the whole arrangement between him and Giles. I convinced him it would be in their best interests to let us see each other, unless they wanted me to quit."

Buffy swallowed and took a deep breath. Her next question was one that she wasn't sure she wanted an answer to.

"So you didn't forget about me? You still want to be with me?"

Angel took her into his arms. "Yes, Buffy. There's nothing standing in our way now. Not the Council, not Giles, no one. And I could never forget about you. I love you, remember?"

"When you didn't call, I thought you didn't want to see me anymore. Thought you'd found someone else."

"Buffy, you're the one I love, the only one I want to love. There could never be anyone else."

She lifted her head. "I wasn't sure I'd ever see you again. Giles told me to move on, that you probably wouldn't be coming back to Sunnydale."

"I'm here now."

"Why didn't you come by when you got back? Why did you wait until today?"

"I took the first flight out on Thursday night. When I got back yesterday, I went to talk to Giles, told him to leave us alone. Then I wanted to get everything situated before I saw you. I knew it would never get done if I came here first. But I did see you yesterday."

"When? Where? I didn't see you."

"At the coffee shop with that guy."

Buffy looked down. "Riley…he's my T.A. for Psychology."

"I heard some of your conversation. I'm sorry for eavesdropping, but I had to know if you'd found someone else; if maybe you were seeing him." He smiled reassuringly at her. "I heard you tell him about me…about how you feel about me. I left."

"You should have said something."

"I didn't want to shock you, wanted it to be private, just you and me. Not in front of half of Sunnydale."

"Here we are."

Angel nodded. "Yep, here we are. I'm not leaving you, Buffy. I'm back for good."

Buffy put her arms around him, resting her cheek on his shoulder, reassured by the warmth she felt through his shirt. `Kevin was wrong…Angel still wants to be with me,'. She kissed him softly on his neck, trailing a line of kisses all the way to his mouth.

Their first kiss since being reunited was full of love and passion, need and want. Angel placed his hands on either side of her face. It felt wonderful to be able to hold her, to kiss her, just to touch her again. Four weeks had been too long to go without. "I missed you so much," he said between kisses.

"It was torture," Buffy agreed. "Promise you'll never leave again."

"I promise."

She brought her lips to his again. Her hands made their way along Angel's sides, stopping when they reached the waistband of his jeans. She untucked his shirt, bringing her fingers into contact with his heated skin. They brushed across his abs, around his sides to his back. She loved touching him.

He broke the kiss when he felt her go for his belt. "We have to stop."

"Huh?"

"We can't do this here." He was out of breath. "We just can't."

She returned her attention to his belt. "Yes, we can. My mom won't be home for hours. She's at the gallery doing inventory."

"That's not what I mean. I wasn't expecting to be doing this tonight, I didn't bring anything."

Buffy just shook her head. "I don't care, Angel. I want you to touch me…to feel you inside me. I don't care about protection, I just want to be with you."

"No."

"We've gone without it before and everything turned out fine," she tried to reason.

Angel gazed into her eyes. "We were lucky. I'm not going to put you through that."

"It's my decision. And I want to make love to you, I don't want to have to wait. Please, Angel. Please."

He saw the desperation in her eyes. Despite his reservations, he couldn't deny her anything. He wanted to be with her just as badly. "Not here, though. Not on a couch."

Buffy stood up, taking his hands in hers. "We can go to my room…"

********

42

Angel followed Buffy to her bedroom, still holding her hand. It would be another first time for them; never before had they made love in her house, it was always in his apartment. Buffy didn't let go of him until she closed her bedroom door behind them. Bypassing her bed, she walked to the window and closed the shades.

"I don't want the neighbors to see us. The kid next door is kind of a Peeping Tom," she explained with a smile.

He returned it. "I guess we'd be giving him an eyeful."

She made her way back to his side. Instead of kissing him, she hugged him close to her. "Thank you for being here; for coming back. I started to think you wouldn't."

"I love you too much to ever leave you, Buffy. You're everything to me."

Buffy looked him in the eye. "Then show me."

He brought his right hand to her cheek, caressing it with the backs of two fingers. Angel's lips met hers, bringing forth a passionate kiss he'd been holding in for a month. No longer did he care that he didn't bring the necessary protection they needed. He only cared about showing Buffy how much he missed and loved her.

Buffy grabbed hold of the bottom of his shirt, pulling it over his chest, neck, head and raised arms. She pressed her lips over his heart, which pounded rapidly. Remembering what Angel had told her, Buffy smiled. "Does your heart still beat for me?"

Angel stroked her hair. "Yes. It always will."

"So does mine."

His heart soared. "I love you so much."

"Me too. We've lost so much time, Angel."

"I know. And I promise you, I'll make up for it."

Angel moved his hand down her bare back, finding the thin strap to her halter top. He untied it, then went to the back of her neck to do the same to the other strap. Holding the loose garment, Angel slid it from her body, brushing his fingers along the naked skin of her chest.

"I want you to touch me," Buffy said to him. "I want to feel your hands on me."

He kissed her. "I will. But first let me finish this."

She nodded, feeling his lips on her cheek, then on her neck. When he bypassed her breasts in favor of kneeling down, she let out a soft whimper. He was eye-level with the buttons on her shorts, and slowly released them. Buffy stepped out of them once he pushed them to the ground.

He let his hands roam across her legs, feeling her calf muscles. They continued upward to stroke her kneecaps and her thighs. His thumbs brushed against her inner thighs, centimeters from where Buffy wanted him to touch her. Once again, he ignored her desires, found her panties and tugged them down. Angel stood up.

Buffy stood before him, naked and open to him, while he still wore his jeans and socks. She didn't question it when he moved behind her. It seemed like an eternity before he touched her again, his mouth finding the sensitive skin under her left earlobe. She leaned her head back, sighing. He knew just what she liked.

She reached behind her, grabbing his wrists, forcing his arms around her waist. She held them there, wanting more contact with him. Letting him finish his work on her neck, Buffy turned her head and looked at him. She closed her eyes when their lips met. "Touch me now," she said between kisses.

She released her hold on his wrists when they moved toward her breasts. Angel cupped them in his hands, gently kneading them with his fingers. Each of his pointer fingers traced light circles around her nipples until they became hard from the attention. Bringing in his thumbs, the four fingers rolled around the nipples. Buffy pressed her breasts harder against his hands from the pleasure of his ministrations.

Angel knew Buffy wanted him to touch her, but he didn't know if she would want him to touch her where he desperately wanted to. He decided to take his chances; if she said no, he'd find another way, another place. His right hand abandoned her breast, which Buffy hardly noticed. It trailed across her ribcage, over her navel, stopping at the juncture between her legs. One of his fingers rubbed her outer lips, finding its way to her clit.

Buffy tensed up, her muscles tightening when he touched her there. He was finally touching her where she wanted him to. Almost instantaneously, she relaxed, moaning into his mouth. Angel took it as a sign that she liked it. He rubbed her again, then traced it lightly with his fingertip, flicking it at regular intervals.

She had to break their kiss when her breathing became erratic. Her climax was about to come, one more touch of his hand and she would be there. She didn't have to wait long, and Angel held her about the waist as she came. Her legs buckled beneath her, forcing all her weight onto her unprepared lover. They toppled to the floor, Angel cushioning her fall.

Buffy turned herself over so she lay on top, facing him. She was still panting for air. "Are you okay?" he asked.

"Just need to catch my breath."

He gazed deep in to her eyes. "I didn't hurt you or scare you, did I?"

"No. I wanted you to touch me like that."

"I wasn't sure…"

Placing a kiss on his cheek, Buffy smiled shyly at him. "You don't every have to be afraid to touch me anywhere, Angel. I trust you more than anyone else."

"That means more than you'll ever know." He rolled them over so that he was on top. With his arms on either side of her, Angel kissed her.

While he did that, Buffy got to finish what she began in the living room, ripping the belt from the loops. Her hands worked feverishly to get the remainder of his clothing off. He helped her by kicking off the jeans and boxer shorts, then pulling off his socks.

Angel knelt above her, taking her hands in his, pulling her to her feet as he did the same. Backwards, he led her to the bed, where they laid down next to each other, staring. He was mere inches from her breasts, and he rubbed her hand over her left side, then brought her to him.

"I missed this; laying in bed with you," Angel admitted.

"So did I." She threw her leg over his hip, leaving herself open to him.

Angel accepted the invitation, situating himself above her and pushing himself inside inch by inch. Buffy ran her foot over the back of his leg in time with his gentle thrusts. Her hands caressed his muscled arms, then along his sides to his back and then to the nape of his neck, tangling her fingers in his hair. It felt perfect, holding him in her arms again.

They made love like it was their first time all over again. It wasn't fast and furious, but gentle and loving. It was about experiencing each other, showing the other how much they missed being together and how deep their love ran. But as their orgasms approached, Angel could no longer be gentle. He pounded into her so hard that her headboard knocked against the wall with each thrust. Neither stopped when it detached and fell to the floor.

After they calmed down, Buffy said to him, "I think we broke my bed."

Angel laughed. "Sorry. I'll buy you a new one."

"Not that I'm complaining, because it was definitely worth it."

No words were said for several minutes. Both were reveling in being there with the one they loved. Buffy thought about how only four hours earlier, she wondered if it would be better if Angel never came back. `It's almost like he never left. Except that he did.' Then she recalled the previous Saturday at the Bronze with Kevin.

"Angel, there's something I need to tell you."

"What is it?"

She bit her lip before starting. "Something happened while you were away."

"Did something happen to you? Are you okay?" Angel was suddenly concerned.

Buffy nodded. She rested her head on his chest. "I'm fine. It wasn't a vampire or anything demon-like. It happened last week at the Bronze. I was out with the gang and I was feeling really lonely." She took a deep breath. "Angel, I never meant to hurt you."

"Buffy, tell me what happened."

"Kevin asked me to dance, and I said yes. And he kissed me. You have to know that I never wanted him to and I pushed him away. He told me you were probably sick of me; that—that—that making love to me wasn't exciting enough for you and you found someone in England who was more fun." Tears fell down her face.

"You know that's not true."

"But I believed him. I hadn't heard from you in weeks and what he said made sense. You have to understand that I never meant to betray you by kissing Kevin."

Angel forced her to look at him. "You didn't betray me any more than I betrayed you."

Buffy felt relieved that he forgave her, that he didn't blame her. But his words held some other meaning she wanted an explanation for. "What do you mean by that?"

"You remember how I told you that the Council wanted me to forget about you?" Buffy nodded. "Part of their plan was to have me fall in love with someone else. Her name was Daniella Smythe, and she's the daughter of the Head of the Council. Wednesday night, the Council held a congratulatory party in honor of my becoming a Watcher. I didn't know anyone, so Daniella and I left early. To make a long story short, she tried to seduce me into bed, but I said no. Buffy, all I could think of was you, I wasn't even remotely interested in her. We never even kissed."

"But I kissed Kevin. I cheated on you."

"No, you didn't. He kissed you and you pushed him away. You're not to blame. And believe me, when I get my hands on him, he'll wish he never laid a hand on you."

Buffy snuggled closer to him. "I love it when you're protective."

Angel glanced at her alarm clock. "What time is your mom coming home?"

"Two o'clock, I think. Why?"

"Because it's one-thirty now. Maybe we better get up before she gets home," he suggested.

"Good idea. She doesn't need to know that we couldn't wait."

********

"When did you get back, Angel?" Mrs. Summers asked.

The three of them sat around the kitchen table. "Yesterday. Between having to unpack, shop for food and jet lag, I didn't have the energy to come see Buffy until today," he answered.

"Buffy says you had to take your final Watcher's tests. I take it you passed, then?"

He nodded. "Yes. I'm officially a Watcher. I'll be staying here in Sunnydale to study."

"So you won't be leaving my daughter anytime soon?"

"I'm here for good."

"Good. Buffy's been miserable this past month without you," she informed him. "Why didn't you call her?"

"I wasn't allowed to make any outside phone calls during my testing. Council's orders."

Mrs. Summers smiled. "Prevents cheating, I suppose. Well, I'm going to lay down for a little while. Angel, welcome back."

"Thanks, I'm glad to be back."

"Buffy, may I talk to you for a minute?"

Angel pulled out his car keys from his pocket. "I'll wait outside."

Buffy's mother waited until he was outside before she spoke. "Should I expect you home tonight?"

"No. I'm going to stay at the apartment with Angel."

"Don't think I don't know what you two will be doing. I don't mean to sound like a broken record, Buffy, but please, please be careful," reminded Mrs. Summers.

"We always are." `Almost always.'

********

43

A resonant crash of thunder awoke Buffy in the middle of the night. She'd never been a fan of thunderstorms, and she wanted to lay in the protection of Angel's arms. But a bolt of lightning showed that she was alone in the bed. Casting her eyes around the room, she found no sign of him.

She sat up. "Angel?" she called.

No answer. Climbing out of bed, Buffy wrapped the red comforter around her shoulders, shielding her from the coolness of the air conditioned apartment. She walked out of his bedroom, seeing a single light shining in the living room. Buffy found Angel sitting on the floor.

"What are you doing up?" she asked.

Angel raised his head. "The light didn't wake you, did it?"

Buffy shook her head. "No, the thunder did. How come you're not in bed?"

"I'm just thinking."

"About what?" Buffy sat on the floor next to him, still wrapped in the comforter.

He shrugged. "Everything. You and me especially."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Nodding, Angel ran a hand through his tossled brown hair, still somewhat messy from sleeping. "I woke up a little while ago and saw you sleeping. You had this amazing smile on your face, and some part of me knew I was the one who put it there. Then I got to thinking that I'm so lucky to have you, but I don't feel like I deserve you," he explained.

"Why would you think that, Angel?"

"Buffy, you've given me so much; much more than I should have been given."

"Like what?"

"Letting me be a part of your life, giving me your love…your virginity…"

"And you gave me all those things, too," she reminded him.

Angel inhaled and exhaled deeply. "I just don't feel worthy of anything you've given me."

"Hey," Buffy said, making him look her in the eye. "If I didn't think you were worthy, I wouldn't have let any of it happen."

"That's what makes me so lucky. When I was in high school, I never thought I'd meet someone who'd love me; who I could love without reservation. Girls didn't look twice at me, I was just some geek they passed in the hall."

"I can't picture you as a geek."

"I wasn't exactly the star quarterback of the football team. At best, I weighed one hundred pounds soaking wet, had really bad hair and acne. My nose was always buried in a book, I was a teacher's pet and the butt of everyone's jokes. I'd been very shy; I didn't even go out on my first date until college, and you were the first – the only – girl I've ever kissed. My self-esteem was never very high, and I still wonder why you fell in love with me."

Buffy saw him shivering in the cold. She put part of the comforter around his shoulders to warm him. "I can't explain why I love you; there's not one single reason I can pinpoint and say that's why. It's a combination of everything. The way you know what I'm thinking, what I'm feeling and how you comfort me when I feel down. The way you smile when I come into the room, the way you touch me…the way you love me."

"Would you have loved the loser I was ten years ago?" Angel wanted to know. "The walking bag of bones with hardly a friend who cared? The eighteen year old with a horrible complexion and really bad hair?"

"I don't know that version of you. I do know the smart, loving, handsome Angel sitting next to me. And I love him more than life itself. Could you have loved the girl I was before I moved to Sunnydale? A self- centered snob who cared more about looks than what was on the inside?"

"You changed into a kind and caring young woman."

"And you changed, too, Angel. Maybe we had to be those people so we could fall in love with each other."

Angel pulled her into his arms. "If all those people who knew us then could see us now. I can't wait for my high school reunion."

"Do I get to come?"

"Are you free October 17th?" he asked with a smile.

"I'll check my calendar."

He laughed at her joke. "Thank you, Buffy. For believing in me."

"I always will."

She kissed him, pushing him onto the floor with her. It grew to be more passionate, more intimate with each passing second. Angel stopped them. "Why did you stop?" Buffy asked.

"Because you deserve to be made love to in a bed, now on a living room floor."

"It doesn't matter where, as long as it's with you. We could do it in the back seat of your car and it would be perfect because I was with you," she said to him.

Filled with a renewed sense of self-esteem and love for the young woman beneath him, Angel gave in and made love to her on the carpet of his living room.

********

Late Monday morning, Angel walked through the front door of the art gallery. Even though it was closed for inventory, the door was unlocked. Shoving his hands in the pockets of his black trousers, Angel made his way down the hall to Joyce Summers' office.

"Excuse me, sir, but we're closed," a man told Angel as he passed.

"I'm here to see Joyce Summers. Is she in?" he asked.

"Are you the representative from the San Diego art museum?"

Angel shook his head. "No, I'm here on personal business."

"Oh, okay. Her office is the last one on the right," the man directed before walking away.

The door to her office was shut, so Angel knocked. "Come in," called Mrs. Summers. She smiled when her daughter's boyfriend entered. "Angel, this is a pleasant surprise. To what do I owe the honor?"

"Hi, Joyce. I actually stopped by to ask you a question."

She pointed to the chair next to hers. "Please, sit down."

Angel did so. In taking a seat, he noticed that Mrs. Summers kept a framed photo of himself and Buffy, taken at the Prom, sitting on her desk. It brought a smile to his face. "How are you doing?" he asked, trying to make small talk.

"I'm doing well. This inventory is making my life a nightmare, but otherwise, everything's fine. And yourself?"

"Truthfully, I feel nervous."

Mrs. Summers narrowed her eyes slightly. "Why is that?"

"Because I'm about to do something I've never done before." Angel took a deep breath. "Joyce, I love Buffy. No, more than that – I'm in love with her. Nobody's ever made me feel the way she does. Important, special, and most of all, loved. It's an honor that she feels as deeply for me as I do her. She's given me so much that I never thought I'd experience.

"When I was in England for those four weeks, Buffy was all I could think of. Being apart from her was more than I could bear sometimes. There would be days when I'd want to say to hell with it all and get back to Sunnydale as fast as I could. But then I'd think about how disappointed she'd be in me, and I'd go on. That thought got me through that entire month. I didn't want to disappoint her; I want to be the man she believes I am, a man who deserves her love." He pulled a small velvet box from his pocket. "I found this in London; it called out to me. I'd like to give it to Buffy at Christmas."

Mrs. Summers opened the box, staring in awe at the contents. "Is this what I think it is?"

"Before I give Buffy this ring, I'd like your permission…your blessing."

"I wouldn't be completely honest if I told you I wasn't concerned at how quickly this has come about."

"Joyce," Angel started, "I realize we've only known each other for four months, but I feel like I've known Buffy forever. She's everything I have ever wanted, ever dreamed about. We love each other, and I don't want to be separated from her again. This ring means that nobody can keep us apart."

"Still…"

"It's not as if we'd be getting married the next day. I'm talking maybe two years from now. There's still so much we have to learn about each other. This engagement ring is more of a promise that whenever Buffy is ready, I'll marry her. And I want you to know that your daughter will not lack for anything in life. She'll be given everything, a house with a white picket fence, a family, and financial security for the rest of her life."

Mrs. Summers sighed heavily. "Christmas, you said?"

"Yes. Do you think it's too much? Something smaller?" he asked.

"She'll love it, I'm positive."

Angel's eyes glinted excitedly. "Does that mean I have your blessing?"

She nodded. "You never needed my blessing, Angel, you had it from the moment I saw how much you love my daughter. I just wanted to hear what you had to say now. I'd be proud to have you as a son-in-law."

"Thank you so much. It means a lot."

"Promise you'll take care of her."

Angel smiled. "I won't let anything happen to her. You have my word."

********

"Sire, when are we going to attack?" the vampire asked as they watched Buffy and Angel from the wooded thatch at the edge of the cemetery. "The Slayer is weak and vulnerable now, it's not like she'd be prepared."

His sire looked at the couple, engaged in a kiss. She couldn't make out the young man, but recognized the little blonde Slayer. "How many times do I have to tell you never to question me?"

"I apologize, ma'am. I thought –"

"That was your first mistake, Nathan, you had a thought. I need to study her; find a pattern. If I am to successfully eliminate her, I must get to know her. Where's the fun in killing the Slayer if she isn't expecting it? I want to see the fear in her eyes before I snap her neck."

She heard the conversation between the Slayer and her boyfriend. "We shouldn't do it here. Someone might see us," Angel said.

"It makes it kinky. The danger…"

"If you want danger, Buffy, we'll do something dangerous at my apartment."

Buffy playfully shoved him. "You are such a spoilsport, Angel Reilly."

The female vampire took an unnecessary breath. "Nathan, head back to the factory right away."

"But, sire—"

"Now!" she hissed. "Leave the Slayer and the young man to me."

He nodded his head once. "Yes, ma'am."

"It's been a long time, Angel. Too long," she said to herself as she watched the two lovers.

********

44

Angel pulled alongside the curb in time to see Mrs. Summers step out the front door. He walked quickly over to her car, opening the door for her. "Good morning, Joyce."

"You're here awfully early today, Angel."

"I thought I'd stop by and surprise Buffy. She has later classes on Tuesdays, so I'm going to take her out for breakfast," Angel informed Buffy's mother.

"That's very nice of you."

He looked toward the house. "Is she awake yet?"

"I heard movement coming from her room a few minutes ago. Go on in, I have to get to work but I'll see you later." Mrs. Summers climbed into the driver's seat and backed the Jeep out of the driveway.

Angel walked in the house and up the stairs. He heard the shower start running when he reached the top step. It gave him an idea.

Buffy rubbed the shampoo in her hair, then washed her face with strawberry scented body wash. Her head was totally under the water, her eyes closed, never noticing the shower door open or Angel stepping in. She nearly screamed when she turned around, seeing him standing there completely naked with only a smile on his face.

"Oh my god, Angel. You nearly gave me a heart attack," she admonished.

"I thought I'd surprise you."

Buffy shook her head, laughing. "Why on earth are you here in the shower?"

"You said last night that you wanted us to try something dangerous…kinky. Well, I thought the shower might be a good place to start."

She giggled. "I guess it's a lot safer than the cemetery."

He ducked under the shower, capturing her lips in a heated kiss. The hot water splashed over him, turning his skin red, but increased his arousal. He wasn't sure how long he could last before he had to be inside her. Not long, Angel bet. A line of kisses trailed from Buffy's lips down to her neck, and she pressed her back against the wall when his lips found her breasts.

She held his head in place as he sucked greedily, licking and lightly nibbling on her nipple. He gave the same attention to her other breast before moving downward toward her navel. His tongue darted in and out of her belly button and feather-light kisses across her stomach made Buffy giggle. When he reached a finger between her legs, running along her slit, her legs trembled and she needed to clutch his shoulders to remain standing. She moaned with pleasure.

Angel attended to pleasuring her for another minute, then he stood up. The look of raw lust and passion in her eyes told him how much she wanted him right then. "Do you want me -- "

She refused to let him continue. "Now. I want you inside me *now*." ,p. He had to make sure before he did anything without her permission. He lifted her hips so they were level with his, and Buffy wrapped her legs around his waist. She could feel him at her opening, but he made no attempt to enter. Her entire body on fire, Buffy held him tightly with one arm while the other moved downward, finding his erection. She squeezed it and ran her nails along the length, making her lover growl. If that wouldn't get him to enter her, nothing would.

It worked. Using his entire body, Angel pushed her hard against the shower wall and thrust himself home. Buffy shrieked at the invasion, but held on tightly as he pounded away. It wasn't exactly gentle and she didn't care. She wanted him any way he would give himself to her. With her forehead resting on his shoulder, Buffy screamed as her orgasm hit.

"Don't stop. It feels so good…faster…harder…yes!" she screamed.

Angel lived to please her. He pulled himself all the way out, then slammed himself back in, guiding her hips down as he thrust upward. A feeling of abandonment came over him when he realized that he didn't always need to treat Buffy as if she were fragile. She was the Slayer and could handle it if he acted like less than a considerate lover sometimes. With one last thrust, he came, filling her with him.

It took them nearly a minute to return to reality. Buffy's legs wobbled when Angel placed her on her feet. "Are you okay?" he asked.

She nodded. "A little weak in the knees. Literally, but in a good way."

"We should get out of here and dry off. I was going to take you out for breakfast."

They stepped out of the shower, then dried each other off. Angel wrapped a towel around his waist and Buffy wore a robe when the returned to her bedroom to get dressed. Instead of reaching for her clothes, Buffy pushed Angel to the bed.

"Buffy, we're supposed to be getting dressed," he reminded her.

"In a little while. But first, it's my turn."

"Your turn to what?"

Buffy grinned evilly. "To do something different; something we haven't tried before."

"When did we turn into nymphomaniacs?" Angel joked.

"We're just making up for lost time. You said you'd make it up to me, and you are now. After being without you for a month, I can't help it if I want to be with you every chance I get. Now, lay down on the bed and don't argue with me," Buffy ordered.

********

"You look awfully happy," observed Cordelia when Buffy joined her and Willow for lunch that afternoon.

Buffy grinned. "That's because I am."

Willow widened her eyes. "Did you finally hear from Angel?"

"Better than that. He's back."

"When?" Cordelia asked.

"Friday night. But I didn't see him until Saturday afternoon. It was so great, seeing him again, you have no idea. And we spent the whole weekend together," Buffy said to them.

"In bed, no doubt," remarked the brunette.

She glared at her friend. "Cordy, my relationship with Angel is about more than just sex. We spent time together, we talked, we caught up."

"How long before you two ended up in bed together? Five minutes? Ten at most?"

Buffy couldn't take Cordelia's rude comments any longer. "We're not you and Xander, so stop it right now." She stood up and walked away.

Willow shot a dark glance at Cordelia before following her best friend to the quad. "Buffy? Do you want to talk about it? I won't be as crass as she was. I'll listen, I want you to tell me."

The two took a seat under a tree. "Saturday afternoon, I was at home studying and the doorbell rang. It was Angel. He'd gotten back on Friday afternoon, but he never told me. Let me tell you, I was pissed at him. I demanded to know why I hadn't heard from him in a month. Willow, I thought he moved on, that he found someone else in England."

"No way, Buffy, you're the only think that's important to him. You know that. Didn't you say that he waited for you? That alone should tell you something," Willow comforted.

"I couldn't help it. But Angel told me what happened. The Council found out from Giles about us and sent Angel to England to keep him away from me."

Willow stared in shock. "So it was Giles after all?"

Buffy nodded her head. "Yep. Angel wasn't allowed to call or even write to me. Then they came up with the ingenious idea to have him fall for this girl in England. Although I get the impression that she was more of a woman than a girl. So when Angel passed his Watcher's tests, she seduced him. He told her no, told the Council to leave us alone or he'd quit. They said they'd leave us alone and he came back."

"Did you talk to Giles about what he did?" Willow wanted to know.

"I was going to, but Angel said he took care of it. Ever since Saturday, I've been avoiding Giles. Yesterday I was supposed to train with him, but I skipped it and trained with Angel instead."

"Are you going to talk to him?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. He purposely separated me from the person I care about the most because he didn't approve. Forgiving him for that isn't something I think I can do. At least not right away."

"Let's get back to a happier topic. Did you and Angel…?" Willow let the question linger.

"Oh yeah. A lot. Once at my house on Saturday afternoon, twice at his apartment that night, on the floor Sunday morning, in the shower this morning and in my bed. We had to be careful the last time, though, because we broke my bed Saturday afternoon," Buffy admitted with a devilish grin.

"God, you two are turning into rabbits. You broke the bed?" she asked incredulously.

"On accident. Will, you wouldn't believe the things he does to me. I don't mean sex, I mean the way he makes me feel. Just when I think I can't – ugh, this is so embarrassing."

"What?"

The blonde blushed. "It is really embarrassing to admit, and I'd never tell anyone this but you. Not even my mother or Cordy. Every time he…gives me…an orgasm…I feel like I'm going to die. My entire body feels like it's going to explode. And then I'll be okay, but the next one is always so much better. Saturday at my house, he –"

Willow put up a hand to quiet her best friend. "I'm not ready for that frank of a talk yet. Because if you tell me what he did, I'm going to see him and all I'll be able to think about when I look at him is what he did to you. No thanks, I don't need those mental images."

Buffy laughed. "Fair enough."

"What are you two doing tonight?"

"Patrol. As usual."

********

"Are we attacking tonight, Sire?" questioned Nathan.

"Yes. But not to kill. When you hear my signal, you, Marcus, William and Kathryn keep the Slayer occupied. You are not to kill her, just keep her busy. And leave the young man with her alone."

Nathan raised his eyebrows. "But he is her weakness."

"I know. But I want to say hi first. Is any of this unclear to you?" He shook his head. "Go round up the others. We leave at nine."

Precisely at nine o'clock, the five vampires left the factory in search of Buffy and Angel. After searching through four cemeteries, they found the couple. Hidden in the woods, the five vampires waited for the signal.

"Giles called today," Buffy said. "He wanted to know why I didn't show up for training yesterday. I told him that I found a partner who can keep up with me."

"Don't you think that's a little harsh?"

Buffy shook her head. "It was my way of saying that I'm not letting him run my life. Giles can't control who I see, who I love. Maybe I should ask the Council if you can be my Watcher instead of Giles."

`Watcher? Angel is a Watcher?' the female vampire thought.

"I doubt they'd agree to that. Giles is your Watcher, nothing can change that unless the Council thinks it's in your best interests for him not to be. It wouldn't be fair to him to ask for a transfer," Angel reasoned.

"Who cares? Is what he did to us fair?"

"I didn't say it was. Buffy, he promised not to interfere and I believe him. Now let it go."

"But –"

Angel silenced her by pushing his lips against hers, plunging his tongue into her mouth. Unbeknownst to them, the leader gave her signal, and four vampires moved toward them. They growled, making their presence known.

"We've got company," Angel told her.

"They have the worst timing."

The four vampires descended upon Buffy, ignoring Angel. When he tried to help her fight them, Nathan pushed him away, forcing Angel on the ground ten feet away with the inertia of the push. Standing up again, he found his path blocked by the female vampire.

"Hello, my Angel," she greeted.

He stared in shock at the woman in front of him. "What the hell?"

She smiled. "Aren't you going to say hello to your mother?"

********

45

Angel shook his head in disbelief. None of it could possibly be true. His mother, a vampire? "Who the hell are you?" he demanded.

"Don't you recognize your own mother?"

"No, my mother died when I was six years old."

She tilted her head to one side. "True, I did die. But I rose again into eternity. I've spent more than twenty years looking for you, my Angel."

"Don't call me that."

"You are my Angel, from the moment I chose that as your name. Have you forgotten all the times I'd tuck you into bed and say, 'Good night, my little Angel'? And every time I asked you who you were, you'd say, 'I'm your Angel, Mommy.' I never forgot all those little moments. You were my precious little boy."

"I'm not your little boy." The vampire standing in front of him looked and sounded like the mother he remembered, but Angel still didn't believe it. Carolyn Reilly died when he was six. Or so Geoffrey told him.

She stepped closer to him, and Angel didn't back away. Reaching her hand up, she stroked his cheek. He was surprised by how cold the long-forgotten touch of his mother's hand was. "No, you aren't my little boy anymore. My baby boy's grown into a handsome man. The spitting image of your father, too. Well, before I killed him. You seem to take after him in more than just your good looks. Both of you have a penchant for under aged Slayers."

"Leave Buffy alone," he warned.

"She's taken my boy away from me. I don't like it when people steal what's mine."

"She never did anything to you."

Carolyn grinned. "But she did. Your girlfriend has been killing my minions. Not to mention, she stole you. That's not something I can just forgive."

"If you claim to be my mother, you'd let me be happy. She makes me happy."

Growling, she grabbed her son by the throat. "I *am* your mother, Angel. But I refuse to let my son take after his father. I'll see your Slayer dead before that happens."

He knocked her hand away. "She's never done anything to hurt you. If you remotely care about me, you'll leave this town and forget you ever found me."

"I'm your mother."

Angel disagreed. "No, my real mother died a long time ago. You're not her."

"Is that what Geoffrey told you? That I died?"

"He said you were killed by a demon."

"But he neglected to tell you that I came back. When I rose two days later, I looked for you. He'd taken you away already. I couldn't find you. For twenty-two years I searched for you. Then last night I found you, in a compromising position with the current Slayer, no less. My son the Watcher is sleeping with the Slayer. You've shamed me twice. I can't allow that."

"Go away."

She laughed as if he'd told the funniest joke she'd ever heard. "No. I came to Sunnydale to kill your Slayer and I'm not leaving until I do."

"Then you'll do it over my dead body," Angel said through gritted teeth.

Carolyn shrugged. "Not a problem. Now that I've found you, Angel, I'm not letting you go. When I kill your girlfriend, you'll join me in eternity. We'll rule together, mother and son, powerful and invincible. Or maybe I'll turn you first, then you can kill her. But she will pay dearly for taking you." With a pinch of his cheek, she left him. Clapping her hands, the two surviving vampires who had been fighting Buffy followed her.

Panting for air, Buffy ran over to a horrified Angel, who hadn't moved since Carolyn left his side. "Angel, are you okay? Did any of them hurt you?"

He shook his head. "Fine," he replied.

Buffy didn't believe him. "No, something's wrong. I can tell. Who was that?"

"You need to stay away from me, Buffy."

"Why?" she asked, bewildered. "What did I do?"

Angel pushed her out of his way. "Just go away. It's not safe for you to be around me." He started to leave.

Buffy chased after him. "Stop acting all cryptic-y. If I have to stay away from you, I want to know why. I at least deserve that much."

"You're not safe with me."

"Yes, I am. I only feel safe when I'm with you."

"No, I mean it. Go home."

She ran ahead of him, forcing him to stop. "You aren't going to pull that crap on me, Angel. Tell me the real reason."

"She'll kill you."

"Who's she?"

"My mother."

Buffy stared at him questioningly. "What are you talking about? She's dead."

He cast his eyes to the ground. "No she's not."

"That vampire talking to you was your mother? You told me she was dead."

"I thought she was. Geoffrey lied to me."

"Oh god, Angel. I'm so sorry. What can I do?"

"Leave me alone to deal with her."

"I'm not going to do that. I'm in this for the long haul, you're not getting rid of me that easily. I don't quit when things get rough. I fight back. We need to talk about this before you come up with more stupid ideas like me leaving you. Which isn't going to happen."

She clutched his hand as they walked back to his apartment. They constantly kept an eye out for Carolyn Reilly and her gang. The two didn't speak during the ten minute walk to his place. Every once in a while, Angel would glance over at her, amazed that she was there. 'I can't let anything happen to her. She's my life, and nobody's going to take that away from me.'

He embraced Buffy tightly when they closed the door behind them. "Do you really want me to stay away from you?" Buffy asked.

"I don't want to, but I have to. It's what's best for both of us."

"I can't stay away from you."

Angel looked her in the eye. "She's targeting you. My mother will kill you, then me. I can't put you in that kind of danger. I love you too much for that. This is what's best."

"Well, I'm not going anywhere; you're stuck with me. I'm in danger every day, I am used to it. But there_s no way I will let anything happen to you. That's why I don't want you to patrol with me anymore, Angel."

"Buffy, you need someone out there with you. You can't do it alone. If you won't stay away from me, then I'm not letting you get hurt because of it."

"Giles can go, but not you. She's going to come after you first, I just know she will. My weakness, remember? If you stay in after dark, she can't get you. Then she won't go after me."

"She can still get you, Buffy."

"Stop it right now. Don't argue with me. I'm not leaving you, and I'm not letting you get hurt because you're too stubborn to let me protect you."

"I don't want your protection, Buffy."

She smiled at him. "Too bad, you've got it."

They sat down on the couch. "I don't get it," Angel said.

"What?"

"Why they lied to me. My entire life, okay, most of it, I was told that my mother died at the hands of a demon. Now I come to find out that everyone I trust lied to me. Geoffrey, Giles, the Council, everyone. The only person who's ever been truthful with me is you."

"I wouldn't lie to you. But I think they did it to protect you. What would you have done if you'd known your mother was a vampire all that time?" she wanted to know.

He shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know. I guess I'll never know." Angel yawned.

"Tired?"

"A little. So much has happened, and my mind hasn't processed all of it yet. It's making me sleepy."

"Go to sleep, then," Buffy advised.

He looked at her with tear-filled brown eyes. "I didn't mean it. I want you to stay. Don't leave me, Buffy."

"Just rest your eyes for a bit. I'll be here when you wake up, I promise."

Angel nodded, then proceeded to rest his head on the armrest. Within minutes, he was sleeping like a baby. Buffy smiled down at him with sympathy. He'd had a hard life, growing up without a mother. Now finding out that she was a vampire might have broken him. After planting a soft kiss on his cheek, she reached for the phone.

"Hello?" Giles answered.

"It's me," Buffy told him.

"Buffy, where are you? At home?"

"No, Angel's. We got back from patrol a couple minutes ago. Guess who we ran into?"

He didn't have a clue. "Who?"

"Angel's mother, Carolyn Reilly. Care to explain why she's not dead like we thought she was?" she demanded to know.

"Good god. Is everything okay? Are you or Angel hurt?"

"No, we're fine. Why is she alive, Giles? Or better yet, why is she a vampire?"

"That's not a question you should be asking me, Buffy. Call Geoffrey Kensington, he can give you the answers."

"Is she the reason that it was dangerous for me and Angel to be together?"

Giles sighed. "Yes. We were only trying to protect the both of you."

"Do you have any idea how much Angel's hurting right now?"

"I'm sorry."

"You certainly have a lot to be sorry about lately, Giles. Lies hurt, and sometimes they hurt the ones you care about the most. Thanks for your help." Without saying goodbye, Buffy hung up.

She searched Angel's apartment for his address book. When she found it in one of his drawers, she dialed the number for Geoffrey Kensington in Los Angeles. He answered on the third ring.

"Is this Geoffrey?" Buffy asked.

"Yes. Who is this?"

"Buffy Summers. I'm Angel's girlfriend."

"Buffy, how nice to hear your voice. It has been a long time. What can I do for you?"

She glanced at Angel, who slept soundly on the couch. "There's a big problem here in Sunnydale that only you can help us with. Her name is Carolyn Reilly and she's a vampire."

"Carolyn is in Sunnydale? Does Angel know?" Buffy could tell that he was frantic.

"Yeah, she stopped him while we were on patrol to say hi. I think you need to come and talk to Angel, he's really upset."

"I can be there in two hours."

"The door will be open, in case it's really late. See you then."

********

46

It was twelve-thirty when Geoffrey arrived at Angel's apartment. He'd gotten a speeding ticket on the way there, but he still managed to make the trip in less than two hours. Buffy had told him that the door would be unlocked for him, although with the lateness of the hour, Geoffrey knocked lightly. When there was no answer after a minute, he let himself inside, hoping he wouldn't be interrupting anything important.

He found Buffy and Angel asleep on the couch. Smiling to himself, he thought about how striking a couple they made. Angel sat in an upright position with his head draped over the back of the couch while Buffy lay with her head on his lap. Deciding not to wake them, Geoffrey took a seat in the reclining chair nearby.

Five minutes after he'd arrived, Angel stirred. He was shocked to find Geoffrey in the living room watching them. "What are you doing here?" he asked.

"Buffy called me," Geoffrey answered. "She asked me to come and explain things to you. She said Carolyn's found you."

"Yeah, you could say that I'm more than a little confused and shocked about what happened tonight." "It's understandable. Seeing your mother after so long must have been quite a shock."

Angel narrowed his eyes. "Especially when I thought she died twenty-two years ago."

"I'm sorry."

"Sorry won't cut it, Geoffrey. I want, no I deserve an explanation."

"You certainly do."

"Then explain. Why did you lie to me for so long?"

// Geoffrey walked through the park silently. He was worried, Carolyn should have returned hours ago from her patrol. She had promised Angel she'd be back before ten so she could tuck him into bed, but she never came home. It wasn't like her to break a promise to her son.

A vampire stepped directly into his path. Geoffrey clutched his stake, prepared to fight. "Hope you weren't looking for the Slayer," he said to the Watcher. "You won't find her here."

"What have you done with her?" Geoffrey asked.

"Nothing big. I just took a bite. Don't worry, you'll see her again in a few days. Then we'll come after you and that little boy of hers. I bet you two will be the first people she'll want to see," the vampire taunted.

Geoffrey's heart pounded in fear. "You turned her."

"Very good, Watcher. Now, I have a question for you. Should I kill you now or let the Slayer do it?"

"How about I kill you?" Geoffrey swung his leg out, catching the vampire off-guard and knocking him to the ground. Without a seconds hesitation, he plunged the stake into his unbeating heart.

"She'll kill you all," the vampire said as his last words.

He ran the rest of the way home. All the while, he could only think about what had happened to Carolyn. She'd been turned into something she despised: a vampire. 'Angel. I must get him out of San Francisco. She will come after him, I know it. Carolyn would want me to protect her son.'

At the house, Geoffrey barged into Angel's bedroom, waking up the sleeping six year old with the brightness of his bedroom light. He sat up in his bed, rubbing his fists against his eyes. "Jeffy? Why's the light on?"

"Get up, Angel. Get dressed," he ordered.

Angel only stared at him. "Where's Mommy?"

"She's not here, sport. Please hurry."

"I want my Mom! She didn't give me my goodnight kiss."

Geoffrey pulled a suitcase out of the closet and threw it on the bed. He haphazardly began putting clothes inside. Angel still hadn't moved. Not wanting to wait for the boy to climb out of bed, Geoffrey picked him up and placed him on the floor. "Can you put on some socks for me?"

Angel nodded. His mom had left him a pair sitting on his rocking chair for the next day. He put them on his bare feet. "Are we going to visit Mommy? Is she waiting for us?"

It almost brought tears to the Watcher's eyes. "No, Angel. Your Mommy isn't coming back."

"Why?"

He had to think of the right way to say it. "One of the bad guys took her away from us."

Angel's lower lip quivered. "She's gone?"

"I'm sorry, Angel."

"Oh." He didn't quite know what to make of all of it.

Geoffrey finished packing. "Do you want to take some of your animals?"

He nodded, picking up a stuffed turtle he'd gotten earlier that day as a birthday present. "Can I bring Bubba and Blinky, too?"

"Of course you can."

Angel grabbed the stuffed turtle, the teddy bear and his blue blanket. "I'm ready, Jeffy. Where are we going?"

"Away. Far away."

After packing some of his own belongings, Geoffrey grabbed Angel's hand and led him to the car. When he buckled the tired birthday boy into his seat, he took off to Los Angeles, never looking back. \\

"I did it to protect you. When your mother was turned, I became frightened. Not for me, but for you. Angel, you were the most important person in her life. And I knew that finding you would be her obsession. She'd find you and do Lord knows what to you when she did. I couldn't let that happen, you were like a son to me; you still are. So I took you to L.A.."

"That doesn't explain why you kept it from me," Angel stated.

"What would you have done? Looked for her? Tried to help her? Your mother became a demon. A killer. She may look and act like the mother you knew, but she isn't her. A vampire is a creature of pure evil. She must be stopped before she hurts someone close to you."

Angel took a tendril of Buffy's hair between his fingers and played with it. "I don't think I can do that."

"Do what?"

He looked Geoffrey dead in the eye. "Stop her."

"You must. Who knows what she'll do to you."

"I know. But I looked at her and all I saw was my mother. She said things that made me remember how much I loved her. That'll always be in the back of my mind. That at some point, she was my mother. The woman that gave birth to me. The one that tucked me in at night, the one I ran to when I had a bad dream, the one that sang me to sleep every night. And I don't think I'd be able to kill her knowing all that."

"Would you do it for Buffy?" Geoffrey asked. "If it came down to choosing between your mother the vampire and the young woman you love, would you be able to kill Carolyn?"

Angel shook his head. "Don't, Geoffrey."

"You may have to choose, Angel. It comes down to who you love more."

He gazed down at Buffy, still asleep in his lap. "I love her more than anything. I'd die for her. But I don't know if I could kill my own mother for her. Even if she is a vampire."

"You must remember that it isn't your mother."

"I know. She said she'd come after us, try to kill Buffy. I'll never let that happen."

Buffy groaned in her sleep. Angel gently lifted her into his arms and carried her to his bedroom to let her sleep peacefully. He returned to the living room shortly thereafter. "I didn't want us to wake her up," he explained.

"Angel, may I ask you a question?"

"Yeah."

"It's more of an observation, really. You and Buffy, you've become intimate, haven't you?"

Angel was taken aback. "How...?

"A young woman her age wouldn't be that comfortable falling asleep in the lap of a man she hasn't known physically."

"Is that some kind of problem for you?" he shot. "That Buffy and I have made love? Because there is nothing you can do about it. Giles and the Council have tried"

"Stop it. As long as you love her, I'm happy for you."

Angel raised an eyebrow. "You've changed your tune slightly since May."

"I feared that your relationship with Buffy would catch Carolyn's attention. That she would find out and try to hurt you."

"I understand that now. My mom being a vampire was the reason everybody wanted to keep us apart. While I appreciate your concern, just please stay out of my relationship with Buffy. I'm happier than I've ever been, and if you care about me, you'll let me stay that way."

Geoffrey nodded. "I don't want to break you two up. But I want you to be careful. Carolyn will use this to hurt you. Angel, you must not let her get the better of you," he advised.

"I won't. My one concern is keeping Buffy safe."

"You do that. If you love her as much as you say you do, I know you'll keep her safe."

********

47

Buffy woke up to the sensation of being shaken. She didn't open her eyes, she was still so tired. "Five more minutes, Mom. I promise not to oversleep."

Angel smiled, then bent down to kiss her cheek. "Wake up, Buffy. I have to take you home now."

"I'm sleeping."

He pulled the blankets off her body. "Come on, lazy bones. You can't be late for class."

"Hey!" she screeched. "It's cold in here. Come warm me up."

"Nuh-uh. No distractions. You have to go to school and I have research to do. Besides, Geoffrey's asleep in the spare room."

Buffy rubbed the sleep from her eyes. "What time is it? Is the sun even up yet?"

"Yes, the sun is up. It's six-thirty and I'm bringing you home."

She pouted. "Can I stay here? Pretty please? Your bed is so comfy."

As much as he wanted to give in to her, Angel had to say no. "Sorry, too much to do. Get a move on."

He left the room and went into the bathroom. Picking up a comb, he ran it through his hair. He and Geoffrey had stayed up the entire night talking. Angel understood why his mother's vampirism was kept a secret from him; he admitted that if he'd known, he probably would have searched for her. He also admitted that he couldn't hold what Geoffrey did against him.

"It's turned me into the person I am today. I'm happy, I'm in love, I have everything I've ever wanted. I might not be where I am if I'd known the truth about my mom," Angel had said.

While he still hated that the people closest to him didn't believe in him enough to tell him the truth, he knew why they did it. Geoffrey wanted him to have as normal a life as he could. A life separated from demons and darkness. Angel remembered Geoffrey's reaction ten years earlier when he told him that he wanted to be a Watcher.

// "No, Angel. You can't be a Watcher," Geoffrey said. "It's not right."

"It's all I've ever known. From as far back as I can recall, I'd watch you go out almost every night and keep people safe. I want to do the same thing, follow in your footsteps, so to speak."

Geoffrey shook his head. "You don't want this kind of life. It is dangerous."

"I don't care. It's a good fight and I want to be a part of it."

"This isn't what your mother would want."

"My mother's dead," Angel stated bluntly. "And even if she were alive, she'd want me to do what I feel is right. This is it."

"Being a Watcher is more dangerous than you think, Angel. You won't always be the hunter, you'll be the hunted. There are things out there you can't possibly comprehend. But, fine, if you want to do this, I can't stop you. Although I beg of you to look into alternatives."

Angel laughed shortly. "Like what? Stock trading on Wall Street? Being a corporate magnate? I'm not cut out for that."

"But you believe you're cut out for this? For my life? When you are assigned a Slayer, not only are you in charge of your own life, but a young girl's as well. Can you handle that kind of responsibility?"

"Yes, I can. I'm only seventeen, Geoffrey. This isn't going to be happening tomorrow. If it'll make you happy, I'll go to UCLA like you planned for me to do and I'll study History."

"I hope you'll change your mind," Geoffrey said to him.

"We'll see." \\

He was so lost in reminiscing that Angel didn't notice Buffy enter the bathroom until he felt her arms moving around his waist. "Morning," she greeted, kissing his upper arm.

"Morning to you, too."

"What were you thinking about?" Buffy wanted to know.

"Nothing important."

Buffy rubbed her cheek against the cotton material of Angel's t-shirt. "I'm so glad you're back where you belong. Here with me."

"Where else would I be?"

She brought her hand to the back of his neck, pushing him downward for a kiss. Their arms wound around each other, and Angel became so caught up in the feeling of her lips on his that he picked her up and placed her on the counter of the bathroom. His fingers became tangled in her hair and Buffy wrapped her legs around his waist, drawing him even closer. After another minute, Angel broke away.

"Why'd you stop?" Buffy asked.

He closed his eyes. "Because I can't right now."

"Is it because Geoffrey's in the other room? We can be quiet."

"No, it's not that."

"If you don't have any condoms, I don't care about that, Angel. I did some research while you were gone. Typically, Slayers can't have children. In all the thousands of years that there have been Slayers, only one managed to have a child. Your mom. So the chances of me getting pregnant are nil."

Angel shook his head. "It's not you, Buffy, it's me. With all that's happened in the past twelve hours, sex is the last thing on my mind."

"Okay," she replied in a small voice.

"You don't believe me. If I could, I'd make love to you right here and right now. But I can't."

"I understand. The stuff with your mom is stressing you out. I thought maybe I could take your mind off of it for a little while."

He planted a soft kiss on her lips. "Thanks for caring, for being here for me through all this."

"I'll always be here for you."

********

Angel and Geoffrey entered the library of Sunnydale High at quarter after nine. They hadn't bothered to call Giles before stopping by, he might have tried to stop them. Just as they entered, Giles exited his office.

"Geoffrey, Angel, what are you doing here?" he asked.

"We're here for information," Angel told him. "On my mother. And don't try to play dumb, I know the truth."

Giles nodded solemnly. He'd been expecting Angel's visit since Buffy's call the previous night. "I know you know. Buffy phoned me last night. I'm sorry that you had to find out like this. The Council never wanted you to know."

"Geoffrey explained it all. How he found out, why he packed our belongings in the middle of the night and got us the hell out of San Francisco. How the Council agreed to go along with the story about a demon killing my mother."

"You want to read about her, don't you?"

Angel looked at him. "Yes. Everything. And don't hide anything because you don't think I can handle it. After last night, nothing would shock me."

"Alright. I figured you would be coming by, so I took the liberty of indexing all the Diaries that mention Carolyn. They're on the table."

Angel walked over to the table and took a seat. He picked up the first book, found the labeled part and began reading.

"How bad is it?" Geoffrey wanted to know after hand and Giles walked into his office.

"Bad. Very bad. More along the lines of horrifying, actually. Based on my research, three Slayers have been turned. Two were killed by their sires shortly after rising. Carolyn is the only one to thrive, probably because you killed her sire. She's extremely powerful, having killed two Slayers in the past twenty years. With her Slayer and vampiric strength, she's unstoppable."

"Does she have any patterns we should know about?" Geoffrey asked.

Giles grimaced. "Carolyn's committed some heinous crimes. Most of them around the beginning of August, mostly to children. Young children."

Geoffrey closed his eyes as if in pain. "The anniversary and Angel's birthday. She became obsessed with finding her son, didn't she?"

"Yes. One thing mentioned in the Diaries is that she always asked where Angel was, to every Slayer she encountered. There's no telling what she will do to him. Or to Buffy for that matter. I assume she knows about them?"

"As far as I know. Angel told me Carolyn has made threats on Buffy's life because of her closeness to him."

Giles took a sip of his tea, and offered some to the other Watcher. "We can't protect them from this any longer. Buffy must find a way to defeat Carolyn. Without hurting Angel in the process."

Outside the office, Angel read about his mother's vampiric activities. He discovered that she had killed two Slayers, three Watchers and showed obsessive behavior in regards to school-aged children. He nearly became sick when he read that on August 7, 1994, Carolyn took the lives of a busload of second graders while calling out his name.

`She's been trying to find me. Every year around my birthday she kills poor defenseless children because she wants me.' Angel got up and stalked into the office. "It's because of me that she always targets children, isn't it?" he demanded.

"I believe so," answered Giles. "Don't think this is your fault. It's not."

"How can it not be? Hundreds of children have died because of me. Maybe things would have been better if I'd never been born. At least then those children would be alive."

Geoffrey walked over to the man he raised as his son. "Don't you ever think that. You were your mother's only concern when she was alive."

"Think of all the people you've saved, Angel. Think about Buffy. She'd be dead if it weren't for you saving her from that vampire in May," Giles pointed out.

Angel shook his head. "I can't stop feeling like I'm the cause of all this. And now I'm putting Buffy's life in jeopardy because my mother knows I'm in love with her."

"We'll find a way to stop Carolyn," Geoffrey promised. "And when we do, you and that beautiful girl of yours can live happily ever after. You'll give her that ring, you'll get married and have a big family. And since I want to be a grandfather to your kids someday, I'm going to make certain that it happens."

Giles looked at them curiously, but said nothing. He assumed that Angel was planning to propose to Buffy. And it didn't bother him at all. He'd only been trying to keep Angel's existence in Sunnydale low-key, but with Carolyn already knowing everything, Giles no longer had a reason to keep Buffy and Angel apart.

********

48

"Are you sure you can handle it, Giles?" Buffy asked. "Because I'll stay here this weekend if you think something'll happen."

Giles nodded. "Everything will be fine while you are gone. I want you and Angel to have a good time. You two deserve this time away. Have fun at the reunion and don't worry about Sunnydale."

"I'm just afraid that Angel's mom will do something horrible while we're gone. What if she goes after you or the gang?"

"She won't. Carolyn doesn't know who we are. Not to mention that you haven't seen her since that first night."

"Doesn't matter, she's still out there. Every night, she sends her gang to fight me. Like a warning or something. I want you guys safe and sound. I've already called Willow, Cordy, Xander and Oz and told them to stay in at night. I want you to do the same."

"Someone has to patrol."

"That's why I said I'll stay here instead of going to L.A."

Giles put a hand on her shoulder. "You need a break, Buffy. For the past month, your life has consisted of school and patrol. You're worn out; I can tell. You won't even let Angel and I help you, you keep us locked up at night. It's been a month since Carolyn made her presence known and we haven't seen her since. The chances of her showing up this weekend are slim to none. Now, I'm ordering you to go out. Enjoy yourself at this reunion."

"Giles –"

"No `buts.' Go," Giles ordered.

********

Buffy and Angel arrived at their hotel room early Saturday afternoon. Once again, he spared no expense for their accommodations. And expensive room at the Beverly Hills Hotel where the reunion was being held. "Do you like it?" Angel wanted to know.

"It's even bigger than the room we stayed at in San Francisco. You don't need to spend so much money. I'd be happy staying at the Econo Lodge."

"Nothing but the best for you, Buffy."

She blushed. "You spoil me too much, Angel. A girl could get used to this."

"You'd better get used to it. Never again will you have to stay at some cheap motel. Not as long as I'm around," he told her.

Buffy wrapped her arms around him. "Guess I better keep you around then."

"Good idea." He kissed her passionately.

She moaned. "How much time do we have?"

"It starts at seven."

"That leaves four hours. Whatever will we do to pass the time?"

"I can think of a few things."

********

At seven-fifteen, Buffy stepped out of the bathroom, dressed and ready to go to the reunion. They'd wanted to be downstairs at seven, but they get held up, having spent an extra twenty minutes in bed.

"What do you think?" Buffy asked Angel's opinion.

Angel grinned at his love, standing before him in a dark red dress with black sequins over the chest in the design of a heart. It fell halfway to her knees, held up by thin straps. Her hair flowed to her shoulder blades and she wore a pair of black sandals. "As usual, you are breathtaking. I will be the envy of every guy down there."

"Yeah, well, once the girls get a load of you, there's going to be a lynch mob out to kill me."

"I won't let it happen. Ready to go?"

Buffy nodded. "Yep."

Stuffing the key into his pocket, Angel held the door open for Buffy. They walked hand-in-hand to the elevator. His hand trembled slightly when he pushed the button for the lobby. Buffy saw this and squeezed his other one.

"Nervous?" she asked.

"Is it that obvious?" he replied with a soft laugh.

"Don't worry, it'll be fine. And if you're having a crappy time, we can go right back upstairs and continue where we left off forty-five minutes ago."

The elevator doors opened and they stepped out. The lobby had a sign that read: WELCOME PORTER ACADEMY CLASS OF 1989. A chubby brunette sat at a table outside the ballroom. She smiled when Buffy and Angel approached.

"Hi! Welcome to the Porter Academy reunion. And you are?" the woman asked cheerfully.

Buffy stifled a giggle. `This is like that scene from Grosse Pointe Blank,' she thought.

"Angel Reilly."

The woman searched through the name tags. She picked one up and looked at it, then at Angel. "Good thing we put everyone's senior picture on here, nobody would recognize you."

"What a shame," he commented sarcastically.

"Well, here you go." She handed him the name tag and moved on to the person standing behind him.

"Let me see that." Buffy looked at the picture on the tag. This time she laughed out loud. "You weren't kidding when you said you were a geek."

He mock punched her. "Shut up, Buffy."

The two walked around for a minute, Angel looking for someone he recognized. They didn't have to wait very long before a tall, blonde-haired man came over to them.

"Is that you, Reilly?" he asked.

"Paul Szranski. How are you doing?" The two men hugged.

"Pretty damn good. Yourself?"

Angel shrugged. "Can't complain. You haven't changed a bit."

"Wish I could say the same about you. I wouldn't have even recognized you if I didn't see your picture on that thing. What did you do, hire a personal trainer with your millions?" Paul joked.

"Funny, Paul. I decided to go the physical fitness route in college. Spent a lot of time working out. What are you doing now?"

"I'm an investment banker in Austin, Texas."

"Married?"

Paul shook his head. "Nah. Haven't found the right girl yet. How `bout you?"

"I work for a London-based corporation in its Sunnydale branch." It wasn't a lie, but it wasn't exactly the truth either.

"Got yourself a pretty lady, I see."

"Paul, this is my girlfriend Buffy Summers. Buffy, this is Paul Szranski. We were best friends in high school."

Buffy extended her hand. "Nice to meet you."

"Likewise. So, how'd you two meet?" Paul wanted to know.

"Angel tutored me in History."

He raised his eyebrows. "You must have a lot of free time on your hands, Reilly."

"I do."

"What do you do, Buffy?"

"I'm a student."

"Working on your Masters?"

She shook her head. "No, I'm a freshman at UC Sunnydale."

"How old are you?"

"Eighteen," answered Buffy.

Paul whistled. "Shit, man, you like `em young, don't you?"

"She's mature for her age," Angel informed him.

"I'll bet," he said. "It was nice seeing you. I'm gonna say hi to some people." Paul walked past them.

"That was interesting," Buffy commented.

They socialized for another hour with Angel's former friends. Everyone they spoke to made some comment about Buffy's age. It didn't bother Buffy, she didn't know these people. But it grated on Angel's nerves. Who were they to make remarks about them? He hadn't seen them in ten years, and Buffy's age was none of their concern.

"I told you they'd all be looking at you," Buffy said later. "You're a total hottie now."

"Wonderful."

"See? You finally showed them that you've changed."

A woman tapped on the microphone. "I'd like to introduce the first song of the night. Most of you may remember that it was our Prom theme. I want to see every couple out there dancing to it like we did at Prom."

Buffy grabbed Angel's hand. "Come on, let's dance."

"I don't know…"

"Please? It's your chance to dance at the Prom you never went to."

He relented. They walked to the dance floor, and he scooped Buffy into his embrace.

// I'm not that kind of guy

who can take a broken heart

So don't ever leave

I don't want to see us part.

The very thought of losing you means

That everything would go down under.

I'll be loving you forever

Just as long as you want me to be

I'll be loving you forever

All this love's for you and me.\\

Two of Angel's former classmates watched the couple on the dance floor.

"Do you think she even knows who New Kids on the Block are?" Sharon asked.

"She probably thinks they're the Backstreet Boys of the eighties," the other woman, Melanie, replied.

"He was such a loser in high school, and now look at him. Angel's dating a child. Isn't it a felony to date someone that young? I bet she's only after his money."

Melanie shook her head. "Sex. I'm betting that he's great in bed. Look at that body. Almost makes me wish I hadn't been so mean to him back then."

// I count the blessings that make our love new

There's one for me and a million for you

There's just so much that I wanna say

But when I look at you, all my thoughts get in the way.

I'll be loving you forever

Just as long as you want me to be

I'll be loving you forever

All this love's for you and me. \\

Angel saw Sharon and Melanie laughing at him and Buffy. `Bitches. They were snobs ten years ago and they haven't changed.' He refused to be their joke like he had been in high school.

"Let's go," he told Buffy.

"Why? It's only ten o'clock."

"I can't take it anymore."

Without a goodbye to anyone, Buffy and Angel went back up to their room. In all the months she'd known him, she'd never seen him so angry. "It's okay. Don't let them get to you," she reassured him.

Angel sat down on the couch and Buffy sat next to him, placing her hand on his leg. He looked at her with passion in his eyes, then forced her back to the cushions.

"Angel, what…?"

He didn't let her finish the sentence. He climbed on top of her and forced his lips on hers. It took her by surprise, but she didn't try to stop him. When Buffy moved to put her arms around his neck, Angel's right hand captured her wrists and held them on the couch above her head. Even with her Slayer strength, she couldn't break his vise-like grip.

His left hand pushed her dress to her waist. Buffy couldn't believe it. The hands that usually touched her with such love and gentleness were savagely tearing her panties from her body. She knew what was coming next, and she couldn't stop it. Angel was like a man possessed. Tears came to her eyes as she called his name to stop.

********

49

"Stop!" Buffy shouted. "Angel, please!"

Her pleas didn't register in Angel's mind; he heard nothing except the taunting of his fellow classmates.

"Isn't she a little young for you?"

"Where'd you meet her, at a McDonald's Playroom?"

"She's cute, Angel. Has she finished junior high yet?"

He'd show them that he wasn't the same kid he was in high school. He was a successful man, richer than any of them could ever hope to be, and he could have any woman he wanted. Including the girl of his dreams.

Buffy turned her head to the left, forcing his lips from hers. She wanted him to stop so badly, he was scaring her. It was a new side to him, a violent, inconsiderate side that she didn't like. She wanted her Angel back, the tender, mild-mannered man she fell in love with.

When she turned her head, Angel was outraged. Who was she to turn away from him when he wanted her? With his free hand, he grabbed her chin and held her head so she couldn't move. He glared into her eyes, not seeing Buffy. No, he saw all the girls in high school who'd laughed at him and called him names. He'd show them. Angel pressed his lips hard against hers, forcing her mouth open with his tongue. He thrust it inside, then released his hold on her head, moving his hand to unzip his pants. She didn't want him, not like this. Buffy didn't know what was possessing Angel to force himself upon her. She couldn't think of anything that she'd done to upset him. Making love to him was something she never needed to be forced to do. She wanted to find a way to stop him before he went too far. His tongue was still inside her mouth. Buffy bit down. Hard. Angel removed his lips from her. It brought him back to reality. For the first time since he'd entered the room, he saw Buffy.

Instead of the bright, smiling face he'd grown to love, he found her crying, her lips bruised and swollen. Then he saw his right hand holding her wrists to the couch. Immediately, he let go, and Buffy hugged her arms to her chest, tears falling from the corners of her eyes. It wasn't until he noticed that her dress had been pushed up to her waist and her underwear pushed down to her ankles that he realized what he'd almost done. He'd nearly raped the woman he loved.

"Oh god," he said, standing up.

Buffy sat up, trembling because of her sobs. She glanced up at him, black streaks of mascara running down her cheeks. "Why?" she choked out.

Angel shook his head. He hated knowing that he made her cry. "I don't know what came over me. Buffy, I'm so sorry," he apologized.

She cried even harder. Through her tears, she fixed her clothes. Being so exposed to him made her feel even worse. "You hurt me."

"I know. But I never meant to. Hurting you is the last thing I ever wanted to do. That wasn't me. I would never force you like that." He sighed. "There's nothing I can do to make it up to you. Nothing I can say or do can change what I did."

Buffy watched as he walked to the door. "Where are you going?"

"I need to clear my head. I shouldn't be around you after what I just did."

"You don't have to go."

"Yes, I do. We both need to be by ourselves for a little while." When he left the room, he left Buffy alone, crying on the couch.

********

In the lobby, he ran into one of his former classmates, Patrick Watson, the captain of the Porter Academy basketball team ten years ago. Through all four years of high school, he'd made Angel the butt of all his practical jokes.

"Hey, Angel," he said.

"Hi," Angel replied with little enthusiasm.

"I thought you'd left the party. Where's your girlfriend?"

"Upstairs."

Patrick laughed. "Past her bedtime?"

Angel narrowed his eyes. "Go to hell."

"Ooh, such harsh words. Looks like someone didn't get any tonight."

That did it. Angel balled his fist and socked Patrick on the left cheek. He stumbled back, holding his hand to his bruised cheek. "Don't ever talk about my girlfriend like that again," Angel told him. "And for the record, you've had that coming for fourteen years."

Angel walked out to the street, finding a café several blocks down. He sat there for three hours, thinking about the events of that night. After what he'd done, he doubted if things between him and Buffy could go back to the way they were.

`I've royally screwed up. How can I even face her after that? What if she hates me? What if she breaks up with me? I don't think I could take that. Buffy's my life, what'll I do without her?'

At one in the morning, Angel returned to the hotel room, half-expecting to find Buffy still on the couch crying. But she wasn't there. He opened the door to the bedroom and she lay under the covers on the left-hand side of the bed. Her side. His side remained empty and untouched. It was almost as if it were Buffy's way of inviting him into bed with her.

He stood next to the bed, facing her. She lay sound asleep, her face free of makeup, her blonde hair rested on the pillow, her body showing no signs of his attack on her. Angel brushed a few stray hairs from her cheek, then bent down to kiss her gently.

"I love you," he whispered in her ear before retiring to the couch.

********

She was still alone when she woke up the next morning. Looking nervously around, she didn't find Angel anywhere in the bedroom. `Maybe he didn't come back. What if he's too ashamed to come near me again?' Leaving the bedroom, Buffy found him sitting on the couch, still wearing the suit from last night. He stared at the wall, not even turning when Buffy entered the room. "Angel?" she asked anxiously. He didn't answer her, so she continued on. "You never came to bed last night."

"I couldn't."

"Where'd you go?"

"Out. For a walk, I needed to think. When I came back, you were already asleep, so I slept out here," he answered.

She took a seat next to him. "Why?"

"How can you even ask that?" Angel shouted. She flinched at the harshness of his words. "I'm sorry, but you know why. Because of what I did to you. I've never felt so ashamed in my life. I couldn't share a bed with you, knowing what I did. I didn't deserve to."

"Shouldn't that be up to me?" Buffy questioned softly.

"Buffy, I'll understand if you never want to see me again when we get back to Sunnydale."

She touched his cheek. "Don't think that. Of course I want to see you. We all do things we regret, we all make mistakes."

"I forced myself on you."

"That wasn't you, I know. Angel, you'd never do something like that purposely. Something took over you."

"I can't put the blame on someone or something else. You have to know that it wasn't you I saw when I did that. It was everyone who made my life hell in high school. I thought I was getting back at them, but I ended up taking it out on you instead." He closed his eyes, fighting back tears. "You hate me, don't you?"

"No, I don't. I could never hate you. But if you ever try that again, I'll make Lorena Bobbitt look like an amateur," she threatened with a small smile. Angel wiped away the tears that were stinging his eyes. "I don't deserve your forgiveness. Nothing I can do will make it up to you."

"Why don't you kiss me and we'll work from there."

********

"Geoffrey, I never thought I was capable of that," Angel said that evening. "We all have a dark side. Some of us hide it better than others." Angel took a sip of his decaf. "I don't know what came over me, though. I'd never consciously do that to Buffy. Or to any woman for that matter. I never thought of myself as a rapist."

"You're not."

"I feel like it. How can she forgive me for that?"

"Because she loves you and she knows it wasn't you doing that to her. Angel, you were under a great deal of stress Saturday night. If the reunion went as badly as you said, I can somewhat understand why it happened. Your world was spinning out of control and you gained control through force. I may not condone it, but that's what seems to have happened."

Angel snorted, disgusted. "Yeah, forcing the woman I love to have sex with me. What a way to gain control. It's a cop-out. There's no explanation for what I did."

"Buffy understands, doesn't she?" Geoffrey asked.

He shook his head. "She says she does. But I don't know why she let me touch her, make love to her after that."

"The girl trusts you."

"Why? Rapists are the lowest form of human life."

"That they are. But, Angel, you're not one. You'll never be like your father."

Angel looked at Geoffrey with shock and dismay. "What?"

Geoffrey took a deep breath. "There's something else I've kept from you. Something I never wanted you to know."

"What?"

"Carolyn didn't have a one-night stand with your father. He raped her."

********

50

Angel nearly choked on his coffee. "What did you say?"

"You heard what I said. Your father forced your mother to have sex with him when she was fourteen. It was her first time and she got pregnant."

"So, not only was I a mistake, but I'm a child of rape?"

"I'm sorry to tell you like this, but you needed to know. Now you can see that what happened with Buffy pales in comparison to what happened to your mother. You are not like your father," Geoffrey said.

Angel shook his head. It was all so unbelievable. "I should know by now that when you say you've got something important to tell me, I'm not going to like it. How much more have you been keeping from me, Geoffrey? What else should I know about my life?"

"Aside from your mother's vampirism, the truth about your conception is the only thing I've kept from you."

"I guess I really am like him."

"No, you're not. Your father, he was infatuated with your mother. Based on what I know about him, thanks to your grandfather, he was young and trapped in an unhappy marriage. Your grandfather had recently hired him and he immediately took a liking to your mother. She was never attracted to him like he was to her, and she rebuffed him every time he made an advance toward her.

"It happened two months after she was called. Carolyn didn't react badly to being the Slayer like I told you. She embraced it, the responsibility of it all. One night, while she was on patrol, he found her. I don't know the exact specifics of it, Carolyn never liked to talk about it. All I know is that she came home crying, saying that he hurt her. Two and a half months later, she found out she was pregnant with you.

"She was forced to tell her father what happened, and that she was going to have a baby. They were very close, Carolyn and your grandfather. When she told him, he didn't doubt what she said, even though her own mother did. Your father was fired the next day. We never saw nor heard from him again."

Angel shut his eyes. "She killed him."

"I beg your pardon?"

"My mother said she killed him," he told Geoffrey.

"I can't say I'm shocked or upset by it. He deserved everything he got for doing that to Carolyn. It shouldn't have happened." Geoffrey noticed the expression of sadness on Angel's face and realized that he said the wrong thing. "That's not how I meant it. No woman should be subjected to that."

Angel ran his hand through his hair. "Why—why didn't she have an abortion?" He had a hard time asking why his mother didn't end his life before he was even born.

"You know history, how abortions were regarded; Roe vs. Wade didn't occur until several years later. Abortion was still illegal in early 1971. I'd mentioned putting you up for adoption, but she refused. Carolyn couldn't part from you, she loved you before she ever saw you. Despite how you were conceived, Angel, she understood that you were a part of her."

"Why didn't you tell me before?"

"Because no child, no matter what age, should be told that they were born out of a horrific event such as rape."

"But you decided to tell me because I've turned into a sick bastard like my father."

"Angel, you stop that right now. You're not like him."

"Yes, I am. I swore to myself that I'd never turn out like him, I'd never abandon a girl if I got her pregnant. That's why I waited until I met Buffy. And I thought I was keeping my promise. Now it turns out that I have become him. A pervert, a rapist."

"There's a big difference there. He forced himself on your mother because he thought he was owed it; he took something from her she could never get back. You didn't do that; the girl you love willingly gave herself to you. Buffy has forgiven you for your attack, Carolyn could never do that. Not to mention the most important difference between you and your father."

"What's that?" Angel wanted to know.

Geoffrey smiled. "You stopped. You realized what you were doing was wrong, your father didn't. He took what he wanted without regard to what your mother wanted."

"You don't understand. I had Buffy pinned to the couch and I was this close to actually doing it. I never heard her telling me to stop, even though I know she did."

"But you didn't do it. You apologized, you took responsibility for what you did. It takes a big man to do that." Geoffrey looked at the clock. "Look, it's late and it's fairly obvious you didn't get much sleep last night. Why don't you go to bed?"

Angel nodded. "Yeah, I am pretty tired. Thank you, Geoffrey. For being honest with me. I know I don't deserve it."

"Yes, you do. See you in the morning."

********

// Buffy slowly moved her face toward his, one hand on the back of his neck, the other flat against his cheek. Her touch was so gentle, like a feather. Her lips touched him with the same gentleness. He didn't respond right away, he couldn't. Something inside of him was still shocked that she wanted him. When he finally became aware of what was going on, Angel began to kiss her back tenderly. There was no way he would scare or hurt her this time.

It was her Angel again, the one she loved with her heart and soul. She could tell by his kiss and the way his hands roamed leisurely over her body. A smile spread across her face as she deepened the kiss. This time, he wasn't going to force her; this time, she'd set the pace. His tie hung loosely around his neck, and Buffy untied it, throwing it aside. Angel watched while her fingers trailed down his shirt, unbuttoning each button along the way. She pulled it from the waist of his pants and finished her task by pushing it from his shoulders, leaving the shirt draped over his arms. Her small hands ran up and down his sides, then to his back; her mouth kissing his neck and his shoulders.

He captured her chin in his hand, a far cry from the way he had twelve hours earlier, gazing into her emerald eyes. "Buffy, we don't have to do this. Not if you don't want to, not if you are uncomfortable around me."

She pressed her forehead against his, their noses touching. "Shh. I'm not uncomfortable around you. I want to, but please be gentle this time."

"I'll never act like that again," he promised her.

"I know." She continued to stroke him, and he docily pushed her to the cushions of the couch. It started to remind her of what happened before, laying on the couch with him above her. Forcing her. She vigorously shook her head.

"Please. Not here."

Angel nodded. It was beginning to bring back bad memories for him, too. He picked her up and carried her to the bedroom like a young child. When he placed her back on the ground, Buffy ripped the shirt from his body. "Lay down on the bed," she ordered.

"Why?"

"Stop asking dumb questions and do what I say." He did. Buffy climbed next to him on the king-sized bed, sitting on her knees. He watched curiously as she unbuckled his belt and pulled the trousers off his legs. Straddling him, she leaned down to plant kisses along his jawline, his cheeks, forehead and his eyelids. She chastised him when his eyes fluttered open. "Don't open your eyes until I say so," she said.

He nodded his head. He owed it to Buffy to let her do what she wanted. "Okay."

Crawling back to his feet, she removed his socks. Leaning back up his body, Buffy slowly, almost too slowly, slid his boxer shorts off. He lay naked before her, awaiting her touch. She spread his legs apart slightly, running her fingers along his thighs. The muscles tensed up, her nails were tickling his skin. Buffy placed open-mouth kisses along the inside of his thighs, dangerously close to his throbbing erection. Grinning, she straddled him again, sitting on his upper legs. Her hands wrapped around his member, moving down to its base. Gradually, she brought her hands back up, then down again quickly. He quivered when her thumbs rubbed against his sac. Buffy was amazed by how much his length grew from her ministrations. She pumped him faster and faster until Angel had to open his eyes and look at her. When she noticed his brown eyes on her, Buffy stopped. "I said close your eyes."

"I wanted to look at you," he explained.

"Close them and I'll do it again." Once again, he did as he was told. Waiting thirty seconds, she debated whether or not to continue with what she had been doing. Deciding to do something different, Buffy scooted down and positioned her lips an inch above his erection. She kissed the tip of it, then licked from the base back up. Engulfing only two inches of him, she brought her head up, then down again to take more of him. Buffy continued this at a regular pace until she heard Angel's moans of pleasure.

It was pure torture that he couldn't open his eyes. He wanted so badly to see her, but couldn't risk her stopping if he disobeyed her order. Angel clutched the blankets, knowing that he was going to come soon. "Buffy…"

"Hmm?" she replied.

The vibrations from her throat added to his loss of control. He didn't know if he could hold himself off any longer. "You better stop. I'm going to come soon." But she didn't stop. Stroking his thighs and his sac, Buffy growled deep in her throat. This time, Angel couldn't hold back and came inside her mouth. After she'd swallowed, Buffy told him to open his eyes.

"I don't get it. Why would you even let me feel like that after what I did?" Angel asked.

"Because I don't blame you. Doing that was my way of saying all is forgiven."

"I don't deserve you."

"I think you do."

He held her when she sprawled herself along his body. His fingers twirled her hair. "Buffy?"

"Yeah?"

Angel inhaled nervously. "Would you let me touch you?"

She kissed him, and then looked him in the eye. "Make love to me." Buffy rolled off him, waiting for him to climb above her. When he didn't move, she wondered what was wrong. "Angel?"

"I don't think I can."

"Of course you can; I want you to. I love you."

It was those three words that gave him the courage to do as she asked. He worshipped her, doing all the things he should have done the night before, taking his sweet time in pleasuring her. It needed to be perfect, he needed to make amends for what he'd done. When he moved to take off her panties, Buffy whimpered softly. She was once again flooded with memories of when he'd callously ripped them from her body. His touch, though loving, frightened her a little bit.

"I'm sorry," he apologized. "I'll stop."

Buffy shook her head. "Just please go slow."

"I will."

He lay slightly off to one side, not on top of her, kissing her. His hand rested between her legs and he rubbed her clit gently. As he'd done when he returned from England, Angel traced it with his pointer finger, then rubbed again. He wanted her to come for him as he had for her.

She moaned in his mouth as his fingers moved faster. Her entire body felt like it was going to explode, until finally she did, thrusting her hips up against his hand. While she was calming down from her first orgasm, Angel entered her, sending her over the edge yet again. It turned into the longest lovemaking session they'd ever shared. \\

********

51

Buffy was worried. Something was amiss with Angel, she could tell. Ever since they returned from Los Angeles almost two weeks earlier, Angel had been quiet and withdrawn, spending most of his free time reading or talking to Geoffrey. Every time she asked what was wrong, he would only shrug and say that everything was fine. She wasn't convinced he had told her the truth.

She met up with Oz after their American History class. "Oz, can I talk to you?"

He looked at her questionably. "Sure."

They moved out of the way of passing students. "I need your help. Well, more or less your point of view."

"Can't ask Angel?"

Buffy shook her head. "It's sort of about him."

"Are you two fighting?"

"I don't think so. He's just really quiet lately, won't talk to me the way he used to. It's almost as if he's distancing himself from me. Pushing me away."

"How long has this been going on?" asked Oz.

"Since we got back from his reunion. What does it mean?"

"I really couldn't tell you, Buffy. Did something happen between you two that might have made him close himself off?"

She paused for a moment. "Yeah, but I thought we worked it out."

"What happened?" "It's personal. I don't know how to get through to him, let him know that I'm here for him if he needs me."

"Have you told him this?" Buffy sighed. "Of course I have. I love Angel, Oz, I want to share everything with him. But that can't happen until he tells me what's wrong."

"Maybe he just needs some time. Angel might need some time to himself to work things out."

"He's had two weeks. What could possibly be so wrong that he can't tell me? Can't touch me, kiss me or even look me in the eye?"

"He won't even touch you?"

She shook her head. "Not even holding my hand. It's like he's afraid to be in the same room with me. There's this awkwardness hanging over him and I don't understand it. What does it mean when he won't love me the way he usually does?"

"Buffy, I can't help you there. If Angel won't touch you, which if I understand correctly means he won't sleep with you, he has some kind of issue with it. Maybe he's afraid to."

"I forgave him," she muttered.

"What?"

"Nothing. Thanks, Oz."

"Anytime." He patted her shoulder and walked away.

Buffy walked to the Student Union to meet Willow for lunch. She found her sitting with Riley. Smiling, she placed her books on the table. "Hey, guys," she greeted.

"Hi, Buffy. How come you're late?" Willow wanted to know.

"Had to ask Oz something. Hi, Riley." He grinned at her. Ever since she shot him down, they'd become friends. Riley still held hope that one day Buffy would see him the way he saw her.

"Buffy, hi. I was just telling Willow about the party tonight."

"Party?"

"Yeah, at the frat house. It's kind of like an anti-Halloween party. No costumes, just come as you are. Not naked, though."

"Sounds like fun."

"Will I see you there?" Riley asked, hoping she'd show.

Buffy bit her lip. "I'm not sure. My boyfriend and I are going through this difficult phase right now. I don't know if he'll want to go."

"You can always come alone. I can be your unofficial date," he offered with a glint in his eyes.

"Thanks. We'll see."

He nodded and stood up. "Okay. I'm off to grade some papers. Hope I see you tonight."

Waiting until Riley was several feet away from their table, Willow leaned toward Buffy. "What was that about?"

"What?" Buffy asked with a raised eyebrow.

"What you told Riley about having troubles with Angel. I know you're not interested, but you didn't have to lie to him. He was just being friendly."

"I wasn't lying to him, Will. Angel and I are having problems."

"What kind of problems?"

She shook her head. "He's pushing me away. Ever since we got back from L.A.."

"But why? You two are so close, so perfect for each other."

"If I tell you something, do you promise not to say anything? It's really personal."

Willow nodded. "I won't tell a soul. I promise. Did something happen between you two? Did you have a fight?"

"No, not really. The reunion was hard on him. Seeing all the people who made his life so difficult really hurt Angel. I think they might have said some stuff to upset him because…"

"Because what?"

Buffy took a deep breath before whispering what happened. "He tried to force himself on me. He held me to the couch and almost raped me."

Willow's eyes widened in shock. `Angel did that? He never seemed like the type of guy to do something so horrible, so violent. He adores Buffy.' "Oh my god. He didn't though, did he?"

"No, he stopped after he realized what he was doing. He felt so bad about it, which I understand. But he's been so distanced from me since we got back."

"Maybe he's afraid," suggested Willow.

"Of what? I know it wasn't him consciously doing it. God, he wouldn't even hold my hand or kiss me when we got back. And it was nearly two weeks ago."

"You two haven't…" She let the sentence trail off.

"Not since the next morning. I wanted to show him that I didn't blame him or hate him. But nothing since then. Is it me, Will? Does he hate me?" Buffy sounded like a frightened little girl.

"I don't think it's possible for Angel to hate you. He's so in love with you, and I doubt he's going to throw that away. He made a mistake, you forgave him, you slept with him. Angel might be overwhelmed by it all."

"You're probably right. You don't think it's me?"

"Not at all. Talk to him. Skip the party and talk things out with Angel."

********

Geoffrey waited for Angel by the door when he walked in. "Buffy called while you were out."

"Okay," Angel replied. The older Watcher followed him into the bedroom. "You haven't returned her calls in three days."

"I know. It's hard to be around her."

Geoffrey slapped Angel. "Dammit, if you love the girl, call her. Let her know you still care. And I know you still do, I see you staring at her picture and drawing portraits of her."

"You've noticed?"

"It's kind of hard not to see you brooding away most of the day. Why are you acting like this? I hope it's not because of the incident in L.A.. She seems to have moved past it."

"That's not it."

"Then what is it?"

Angel shrugged. "Shame. Fear. Humiliation. I'm not the same person I was before."

"Yes, you are. Now, get out of this apartment and go to her house. Talk to her. Explain why you've been acting like a prick for two weeks."

********

He knocked on the front door, not expecting her to be home. At ten-fifteen, she would probably still be out on patrol. After a minute of waiting, Angel turned to leave, but the door opened when he reached the bottom step.

"Angel?" Buffy said.

He turned around, looking toward the door. She stood in the doorway wearing a t-shirt and flannel pants. "Hi, Buffy," he said with a shy smile.

"You got my message."

"Yeah."

She stepped outside, sitting down on the top step. "Why have you been avoiding me?"

"I'm sorry. Stuff has been going on. I needed to be by myself," he explained lamely.

"What kind of stuff?"

"Private stuff."

"So private you couldn't tell me about it?" accused Buffy.

"I'm sorry."

She stared at him. "You said that already. Angel, how can we have an open and honest relationship if you keep hiding things from me?"

"I love you, Buffy, and I'm sorry for what I did."

"I know you are. And I forgave you for it. You don't need to be sorry anymore."

"But my whole life has been a lie. I'm not who I thought I was."

Buffy was confused. "What are you talking about?"

Angel explained what he'd learned from Geoffrey about his father. Buffy listened intently to his story, holding his hand all the while. She knew why he'd been avoiding her – he was ashamed of how he came into the world.

"Everything's okay, Angel. I'm here for you," she told him.

"I spent most of my life trying not to be like my father. Now look at me. I am him."

"No, you're not. You could never be like him."

"I almost did the very same thing to you," Angel said softly.

She rested her cheek against his arm. "*Almost,* Angel. But you never followed through with it. You're not your father."

"But—" Buffy silenced him with a kiss. Angel was unsure, uneasy at first, but gave in to the pleasant feeling he got from having her lips on his.

"I don't care who you are, who your parents are or how you came into this world. I still love you," Buffy said after breaking their kiss. She took his hand and led him inside her house.

Carolyn stepped out of the shadows. She'd heard their entire conversation, having followed her son from his apartment. `The Slayer has turned my sweet little boy into a monster like his father. I'll show her what happens to people who mess with my family,' she said to herself. `By Thanksgiving, she'll be dead and my Angel will be by my side.'

*****

52

Carolyn planned for two weeks as to how to kill Buffy. In her eyes, it had to be a demise worthy of her crime. And making Angel love her was as horrible as murder to the vampire. She'd see to it Buffy Summers paid dearly for taking her son away.

Nathan came into the room. "Excuse me, Sire, but may I ask a question?"

"What is it?"

"H—how are you going to kill the Slayer?"

"Slowly. And painfully.

He shook his head. "Like, what method?"

Carolyn glared at her childe. "Why should you care?"

"In case something goes wrong, maybe I can help you."

"We'll see. But nothing will go wrong with my plan. It's ingenious. I find the Slayer, bring her here and torture her. She must be taught a lesson, a serious one. I want to see the fear in her eyes. I want to hear her beg for her life. Then, I'll find her boyfriend and force him to watch as I drain the life out of her."

Nathan swallowed nervously. It was extreme, even by his Sire's standards. "You've killed the other two Slayers quickly. Why the change?"

His constant stream of questions were making her angry. "Because this Slayer is hurting me personally. She took something more precious from me than any of my minions."

"What's that?"

She checked the resistance of the chains on the wall. "My son."

********

Buffy hunched over the toilet, holding her hair behind her head. It was horrible, she'd never felt so sick in her life. For the past twenty minutes she had been kneeling on the bathroom floor.

Mrs. Summers stood in the hallway, listening to her daughter throw up. "Honey, are you okay?"

She sighed. "Yeah, Mom, I feel terrific. It's been about a year since I threw up last and I thought I'd rehash some memories."

"Don't get snippy with me. I'm only concerned."

"I know, but I feel like death warmed over. Ugh, I hate this feeling."

"Is it some kind of bug going around?" Mrs. Summers asked.

Buffy shrugged. "I'm not sure. I think it was that tuna sandwich I had at school yesterday. It didn't taste right." She bent down to throw up again.

"Are you sure that's what it was? Bad tuna?"

"Pretty sure."

"Well, I'm going to run to the store to pick you up some ginger ale. And don't argue with me. You may hate the taste, but it will settle your stomach."

"Fine," Buffy said hoarsely.

After grabbing her purse, Mrs. Summers walked downstairs to the front door. Upon opening it, she found Angel standing there, his right arm poised to knock. She gasped. "Angel. I wasn't expecting to find you here."

He smiled apologetically. "Hope I didn't frighten you, Joyce."

"Not really. Come on in, I'm on my way to the store. Buffy's not feeling too good," she explained.

"What's wrong?"

"She says it's food poisoning. I have to pick her up some ginger ale."

"I thought she hated the stuff."

Mrs. Summers laughed softly. "She sure does, but it'll soothe her stomach."

"I'll make her a cup of tea while you're gone."

"Thank you, Angel. Be careful, Buffy's crabby when she's sick."

"I think I can handle it."

He made his way into the kitchen and poured a mug of water, heating it for a minute and a half. Rummaging through the cupboards, Angel found some herbal tea bags. Preparing the steaming beverage, he went upstairs, following the sound of his girlfriend's heaving.

"You don't sound so good," he observed, making his presence known.

She turned to look at him. "Angel. How come you're here?"

"I came to see if you wanted to go out for lunch, but I guess I'm staying here to keep you company."

Buffy stood up, her stomach finally feeling a little better. It came on all of a sudden, and left just as quickly. "You don't have to. I think it's going away."

Angel handed her the tea. "Drink this."

She made a face. "Do I have to?"

"For me?"

"Alright." She took a few sips, first blowing on it as not to burn her mouth. "How can Giles drink this stuff all the time? It's vile."

Angel chuckled. "It's an acquired taste." They went into her bedroom, him holding her about the waist. He fluffed her pillows, then helped her crawl into bed, covering her up with her blankets.

"What do you want to watch on TV?" he wanted to know.

"Whatever."

"Any movie you want to watch? I'll go get it for you."

"I'm not helpless, Angel. I can get a movie by myself."

He shook his head. "No way. One wrong move and you're back in that bathroom again. I won't let that happen. Now pick a movie."

Buffy hated being treated like an invalid, but thought that it was sweet of Angel to wait on her. "Pick whatever you want. Doesn't matter to me."

In the entertainment center in the living room, he found several movies he wouldn't mind seeing, and brought them upstairs for Buffy's inspection. "Which one do you prefer?" he asked.

She looked over his choices. Titanic, You've Got Mail, Picture Perfect, and Sliding Doors. All good movies. It was a difficult decision, but after thinking about it for a minute, she made a decision.

"Sliding Doors, definitely. I need romance."

Angel pretended to be offended. "I'm not romantic enough for you?"

"You're perfect; just romantic enough. I mean movie-wise I needed romance. Have you ever seen Sliding Doors?"

"No, I can't say that I have."

"Well, you are in for a treat. It's such a good movie."

He took the tape out of her hand and put it in the VCR. After he pressed PLAY, Angel carefully sat next to her on the bed.

"You know, I never did say thank you," Buffy said to him.

For what?" he asked, stroking her long blonde hair.

"My new bed. It's very comfy. If I didn't think I'd throw up all over you, I'd ask you to make love to me in it."

Angel laughed. "And have your mother walk in on us? I think we can wait."

********

He spent the rest of the day with Buffy, and by dinnertime, she felt almost one hundred percent better. So much so that she ran her bare foot up and down his leg, lifting his pants in the process. Angel knew it wasn't appropriate for them to be playing footsy under the table, but he couldn't stop her from doing it without drawing Mrs. Summers' attention.

"Are you doing anything for Thanksgiving, Angel?" Buffy's mother wanted to know.

"Nothing written in stone. Geoffrey and I are probably going to make a small dinner or go out," he answered.

"I'm cooking dinner for Buffy and I, and I can't see the point in making a big turkey dinner for just two people. Would you and Geoffrey care to join us?"

Angel smiled. "We'd love to. Thank you."

"Great. I've been looking forward to meeting your father."

"He's not my real father," Angel corrected.

"He raised you, Angel. That makes him your father. And you two are already a part of our family."

They ate for another half-hour. Buffy picked at her food. Her mother's meat loaf wasn't her favorite meal, so she only ate her mashed potatoes. Mrs. Summers and Angel, on the other hand, devoured it. At seven-thirty, Buffy stood up.

"I have to patrol," she announced.

"No, you don't," Angel disagreed.

"Yes. You know the drill, you're a Watcher. Vampires, Slayer, dead vampires."

He shook his head. "No, Buffy. You're still weak."

"I feel much better. You can't stop me. Sacred duty, etc."

"Fine. If I can't stop you, then I'm going with you."

She groaned in annoyance. "Angel…"

"You can't stop me any more than I can stop you. Either I go with you or you don't go at all."

Buffy relented and allowed Angel to accompany her. Grabbing a light jacket, the two of them left the Summers' house. They walked quickly through the neighborhood, starting their patrol in Restfield Cemetery. No sooner had they passed through the gates when a group of eight vampires surrounded them.

"Guess it's a good thing I insisted on coming," Angel said.

"Eight vamps are no problem. Five minutes and they're dust," guaranteed Buffy. "Take out as many as you can. And don't get hurt."

"Same goes for you."

Buffy prepared her stake as five of the vampires advanced on her. The first one to reach her growled loudly, and Buffy shoved him into another of the five, using the distraction to take out a large, clumsy vampire who looked to be about fifty. A middle-aged female ran toward her, and ended up running right into her stake. A second later she was dust.

`This is too easy. They hardly put up a fight.' With very little effort, she dusted the remaining three. Wiping the dust from her clothes, Buffy turned to help Angel with the three vampires he was fighting. Instead, she found herself looking into the brown eyes of a woman she knew only from a picture in Angel's living room.

"Carolyn," Buffy whispered.

"You must be Buffy. How nice to finally meet you."

"Cut the small talk. What do you want?"

Carolyn smiled. "So pretty. No wonder my son's so taken with you. But a question still haunts me."

"What question is that?"

"Will he still remain faithful to you after I kill you?"

"What makes you think you'll succeed where so many others have failed?"

She laughed spitefully. "I'm stronger than any vampire you've ever faced. Stay away from my boy." Using all her strength, Carolyn threw Buffy against the mausoleum a few feet away. A nail sticking out of the structure cut Buffy's cheek as she fell to the ground like a rag doll. "He's mine."

Angel dusted his last vampire in time to see his mother throw Buffy against the Allcott mausoleum. Everything seemed to move in slow motion as he ran over to the fallen Slayer. Upon reaching her side, he saw the blood-stained grass from her cut, then looked at Carolyn with anger in his eyes. "Why?"

She grinned. "I told you I'd kill her."

"She's not dead. She's still breathing."

"Not for long, I'm sure. See you soon, my Angel." She walked away.

Afraid to move Buffy for fear of a neck injury, Angel took out the cell phone Buffy insisted he purchase and dialed 911.

********

53

Angel knelt next to her limp body, grasping her hand in his. He listened carefully to the sound of her breathing. It was shallow and labored. She had been unconscious for fifteen minutes and Angel was afraid of how much damage she suffered.

The ambulance pulled up to the cemetery gates, and two attendants stepped out of the back, pushing a stretcher toward Buffy and Angel. "Thank God you're here," Angel said. "She won't wake up."

"Have you tried to move her at all?" one of the attendants asked. He wore a name tag that read Mark.

He shook his head. "No, I was afraid I'd cause more damage."

"That was very smart. You did the right thing."

Carefully, the two men slid a backboard underneath the unconscious Slayer. The other attendant, named Jason, placed a neck brace around Buffy to keep her head from moving. They hoisted her on the stretcher and wheeled her to the ambulance. Angel followed them.

"Are you family?" Mark wanted to know.

"No, I'm her boyfriend. Is she gonna be okay?"

"It's too early to tell. We won't know anything until we get to the hospital."

Angel looked down. He couldn't leave Buffy, not after what his mother did to her. "May I ride in the ambulance? I can't leave her alone."

Jason nodded. "Sure. We need you to fill out some paper work when we get to the hospital and you can give us some background information on the way there."

Angel sat to the side, watching as Mark and Jason checked Buffy's stats. Based on what he remembered from health class, Angel could tell that her blood pressure and heart rates were low. She had an oxygen mask over her mouth and nose, an IV in her hand and a sterile bandage over the gash on her cheek. Her cheeks were black and blue, and her jaw hung at an odd angle.

"How did this happen?" Mark asked.

Angel broke out of his reverie. "Excuse me?"

"What happened? Did she trip and fall? Or something else?"

He had to think of something and fast. Angel couldn't very well tell them that his vampire mother tried to kill his girlfriend. "A man attacked us. He stole her purse and pushed her into the mausoleum. She hit it pretty hard. When I saw that she was unconscious, I called 911." It sounded like a believable story.

Mark nodded. "You weren't hurt at all?"

"No, he pushed me out of the way to get Buffy's purse. I don't need any medical attention if that's what you're asking."

"Alright. Can you tell me her name?"

"Buffy Anne Summers."

"Date of birth?"

"January, 19, 1981."

"Her address?"

Angel answered as many of the questions as he could. He didn't know anything about her family history or if she was allergic to any medications. When Mark finished with his questions, Angel turned his attention to his girlfriend. Guilty tears stung his eyes upon seeing her hooked up to the machines. `It shouldn't be this way. She should be home watching TV, or at the Bronze with her friends. Instead, she's on her way to the hospital because I couldn't keep her safe.'

They reached the hospital in record time. Angel sat in the waiting area of the Emergency Room. He'd called Mrs. Summers as soon as he found a pay phone, because cell phones were prohibited in the hospital. It was pure torture for him to sit there and not be able to do anything. He hated feeling helpless.

Mrs. Summers rushed into the waiting room, flushed and out of breath. Angel stood up and embraced her. "How is she?" she wanted to know.

"I don't know. No one will tell me anything. I'm not a family member," he informed her sadly.

"What happened, Angel? How did she end up here?"

Angel closed his eyes painfully. "A vampire threw her against a mausoleum. I couldn't help her, I was fighting some myself. When I defeated them, I saw her hit the building. So I called 911."

"How bad did it look?"

He shrugged. "I can't tell. She has a cut across her cheek, and she'll be pretty black and blue." He paused for a moment. "Did you call Buffy's dad?"

Mrs. Summers nodded. "Hank'll be here in a little while. I'm going to go talk to one of the nurses. Maybe she'll know what's going on."

"Joyce?" called Angel.

"Yes?"

He took a deep breath. "I'm so sorry. I promised you I would take care of Buffy, and I couldn't do that."

She patted his knee. "Yes, you did. I don't even want to think about what might have happened to her if you hadn't been there."

An announcement came blaring over the intercom system as Mrs. Summers spoke to a nurse behind the desk. "Code Blue, ER 2. Repeat, Code Blue, ER 2. Stat."

The nurse left immediately to tend to the emergency. Mrs. Summers took a seat next to Angel, shaking her head. "She didn't know anything. The doctor will talk to us when they find out."

"Will he be out soon?"

"She didn't say. I'm so scared, Angel. What if my baby girl's never the same again?"

"Buffy will be fine." `I hope,' he thought.

********

An hour and a half later, when Mr. Summers arrived from L.A., Mrs. Summers and Angel still hadn't heard word of Buffy's condition. The waiting was excruciating, and the two of them fidgeted nervously the entire time. Talking and reading magazines couldn't keep them from worrying. Nothing took their minds off of Buffy.

Mr. Summers ran in and hugged his ex-wife. "How's Buffy?"

Tears filled her eyes, threatening to spill at any moment. "She's still with the doctor. She has been here for two hours and we haven't heard anything. I hate not knowing, Hank. That's our little girl in there."

"I know, Joyce. I feel the same way. I'll go see what's going on," he suggested.

"I tried, and they keep giving me the runaround. Nobody knows anything," Mrs. Summers told him. The three of them waited another twenty minutes before the doctor entered the waiting room.

"Mr. and Mrs. Summers?" They stood and walked toward him.

"Doctor, what's wrong? We've been here for hours," Buffy's mother said.

"I'm afraid I don't have good news."

"How bad is it?" Mr. Summers asked firmly.

"Buffy came in with a broken jaw, a deep laceration on her left cheek and three broken ribs. One of the ribs punctured a hole in her lung. She stopped breathing and her heart stopped," the doctor informed them.

Tears ran down Mrs. Summers' face. Her ex-husband held her for support. "Oh my god," she whimpered. Buffy had died.

"We revived her. She's on a respirator and a heart monitor. Buffy is unable to breathe on her own right now, but given some time, I feel that she'll be taken off of it."

Mr. Summers sighed with relief. Buffy would be okay. "How long before she can come home?"

The doctor shook his head. "Your daughter has a serious contusion from the impact of the fall. We don't believe she suffered any brain damage, but only time will tell."

"Will she be okay?"

"She slipped into a coma after she was revived. Buffy might wake up tomorrow, or a month from now, nobody can be certain. But I can tell you that the longer she remains in the coma, the less her chances are of a full recovery."

Mrs. Summers swallowed hard. "She could die."

"I'm sorry," the doctor apologized.

"Thank you."

"There's one more thing I haven't told you. When she arrived here, your daughter was severely hemorrhaging. We did everything we could."

Mr. Summers look at him suspiciously. "What are you talking about, you did everything you could?"

"She suffered a miscarriage. Buffy was almost three months pregnant. I'm sorry for the loss."

Angel, who had been sitting with his head in his hands, looked up. He could have sworn he heard the doctor say Buffy had had a miscarriage. `Buffy was pregnant? She was having my baby?' The doctor spoke to the Summers' for another minute before walking away.

Mr. Summers stormed over to Angel, anger apparent all over his face. "How could you do that?"

"Hank, don't do this," Mrs. Summers warned.

"Mr. Summers, I don't know what you're talking about." He forced Angel to stand up by grabbing his shirt.

"Don't play dumb with me. You used my daughter for sex, got her pregnant and tried to kill her and the baby. Exactly what kind of a person are you?"

"I didn't do anything to Buffy. And I swear I didn't know she was pregnant," Angel defended. "And I never used her for sex."

"Why don't I believe you? You're twenty-eight years old and you're sleeping with an eighteen year old girl. Something is wrong with that picture. What happened? Did Buffy tell you she was pregnant and you told her to get rid of it? And when she refused, you decided to do the job yourself?" Mr. Summers accused.

Mrs. Summers forced him to let go of Angel. "It wasn't his fault. I don't think Buffy even knew she was pregnant. She didn't start having morning sickness until today. She thought it was food poisoning, but I had my suspicions. Don't blame this on Angel."

"Mr. Summers, I would never purposely hurt Buffy. I love her," Angel swore.

"Then how did she end up here?"

"We were taking a walk and a man took her purse. He pushed her against a mausoleum and ran away."

"Is that the truth?"

Angel nodded. "Yes, it is."

Mrs. Summers placed a hand on his shoulders. "I am so sorry, Angel. About the baby. I know you'd have made a great father." `

Our baby. Buffy's and my baby. My own mother killed our child.' "There's something I have to do," he told them.

"Don't you want to see Buffy?" her mother asked. "She's being moved to a room in the ICU. We can see her in an hour."

"I'll be back by then."

"What are you doing?" Mr. Summers demanded. He didn't trust Angel.

"There is someone I have to see first. I do have one request, though."

"What's that?"

"If you call Giles or any of Buffy's friends, please don't tell them about the baby. I want her to know before everyone else."

Mrs. Summers nodded. "It's your decision, Angel. Please hurry back."

"I will." He walked out of the hospital in search of his mother.

********

54

Mr. Summers sat down in his chair. "I don't like him. He's up to something, I can feel it."

"Stop being so suspicious of Angel. He's a good man."

"There's something about him that doesn't sit right with me. Angel said he wouldn't hurt Buffy. Now look what he's done. He got our little girl pregnant and tried to kill her and our grandchild. She was better off with Kevin."

"That wasn't his fault and you know it, Hank, but you're just too stubborn to see. What happened to Buffy was an accident, you can't go around accusing Angel of something he didn't do."

He turned to his ex-wife. "How can you sit there and defend him? Even if he is as innocent as you claim, he still hurt her."

"How?"

"By getting our daughter pregnant. What kind of a man impregnates an eighteen year old girl he's only been dating for a few months? A sick man, that's who. Why can't he find a woman his own age and leave Buffy alone?"

Mrs. Summers had had it with his narrow-mindedness. "They're in love. Maybe if you spent a little more time with your daughter you'd know that. You'd see the way their faces light up when the other enters the room. With just one look at them, anyone can see how much in love they are."

"He's only using her."

She shook her head. "If he were using Buffy, Angel wouldn't have come to me at the beginning of September asking for my permission to give her an engagement ring; he wants to marry her. He's a total gentleman who loves Buffy and wants to make her happy."

Mr. Summers still had his doubts. "He isn't good enough for her."

"Buffy and Angel love each other."

"Love doesn't pay the bills. What kind of a life could he provide for her?"

"The one Buffy deserves. Didn't you see that necklace he gave her for graduation? It wasn't cheap, Hank. Real diamonds and emeralds. Angel's very wealthy, he'll provide a good, stable, secure life for her. You didn't see the engagement ring he bought. Two carat diamond."

"It doesn't mean anything."

"Haven't you been listening at all?"

"You're jaded by his money, Joyce. You don't see the real him, not like I see him. I see a cold-hearted young man who can't take responsibility for his own actions. And when the going gets tough, he runs away. Angel Reilly isn't the type of man our daughter should be associating with."

She was fuming. "You don't know him."

"I know that he walked out of this building without so much as asking how Buffy was. All he cared about was the fact that his baby was dead and he succeeded in killing it."

"What happened to the man I married? The one who believed love could conquer everything?"

"I'm still the same person."

Mrs. Summers made a disgusted face. "No, you're not. You've become hard and cynical, so much so that you can't even see how much Angel loves Buffy. I see them everyday, and there is no way he is pretending to love her or that he's using her. Angel treats her like gold. He never forced her to do anything she wasn't ready for; he puts her first before anyone else, including himself. He's the kind of man every parent dreams of their child finding. And now that Buffy's found him, you say he's not good enough? You aren't a father at all."

"Don't say that. I love my daughter and I want her to be happy."

"Angel makes her happy. Why can't you accept that?"

"Because she's lying in a hospital bed hooked up to machines and we don't know if she'll ever wake up. And that man could have stopped it from happening." His voice cracked with emotion.

"He couldn't have stopped it. Things got out of control and Buffy got hurt. Stop pinning the blame on Angel. It's not his fault."

********

Geoffrey made a move to unlock the door to Angel's apartment. As he stuck the key inside the lock, he felt a hand on his shoulder. He gasped when he saw who stood behind him.

"Long time no see, Geoffrey," Carolyn greeted with a smile.

He took a nervous breath. "C-Carolyn," he stammered. "What are you d-doing here?"

"I thought I'd stop by, see how you were doing. It's been twenty-two years, we have a lot of catching up to do."

"I have nothing to say to you." Geoffrey knew he was in a vulnerable position. He'd only be safe inside Angel's apartment, where Carolyn couldn't follow.

"Oh, but I have a few things I want to say. Let's play Twenty Questions, shall we? I'll start. How have you been?" she asked.

"Fine, up until now."

She smiled once again. "See, that was easy. Next question. Why the hell did you take my son?" Carolyn demanded.

"I wanted Angel to be safe."

"From me?"

"Yes. I was afraid of what you'd do to him."

"I'd never hurt my son. Although, it was kind of you to raise him to be just like you. A Watcher. But what pisses me off is that you took him away from me. I'm his mother. And your influence has done nothing but turn him into a combination of you and his real father. A handsome young man who has to force Slayers to sleep with him. Didn't do such a good job there."

Geoffrey vehemently shook his head. "Angel's not like his father. He has a conscience, and stopped before he hurt the woman he loves."

"Yes, the Slayer. He must have gotten that from all those years of being around you." Carolyn noted the blank look on Geoffrey's face. She ran her pointer finger down the front of his shirt. "Don't tell me you've forgotten about the night we made love. It was raining all night, and I was out on patrol. You had put Angel to sleep by the time I came home. I remember that I was shivering from my damp clothes and you put your arms around me. The next thing I knew, we were in your bed and you were making love to me. All night, Geoffrey. We didn't stop until we heard Angel waking up the next morning.

"I've had a lot of lovers since that night, but none of them treated me the way you did. You were the best. And I know it's been a long time, but what do you say to a repeat performance? They say men get better with age, and I've learned a lot since that night twenty-three years ago. Things you couldn't even dream of. Just invite me in and we'll do it all over again," she said in a husky voice.

"He's not inviting you in," Angel told her.

Neither of them heard him approach. "Angel. You've heard our big secret. Shame on you for listening in," Carolyn chastised.

"That you and Geoffrey were lovers? I knew that."

"How's Buffy? Is my count up to three Slayers yet?"

"She's alive."

"Too bad. I must be losing my touch. Oh well, there's always next time," she said.

Angel shook his head. "There won't be a next time," he vowed.

"I won't rest until she's gone from your life."

"Leave her alone and I'll join you," he said to his mother.

"Angel, no!" Geoffrey tried to stop him.

"Why?" asked Carolyn.

"Buffy's never going to wake up; my life is empty without her. I might as well be dead. Make me like you, Mother, and I'll stay by your side."

She grinned. "You've finally seen the light. Son, you'll make a fine childe."

"Show me your world."

"Before I do, how much did I hurt her? `Cause I want to know. She deserved everything that happened to her."

He stared in her brown orbs, lacking any kind of emotion. "Let's say I lost more than just the woman I love."

Carolyn switched into game face and Geoffrey watched in horror as she reached for her son's neck. He couldn't believe that Angel was going through with it.

Angel silently reached up his sleeve for the stake he had hidden in there. When he felt his mother's fangs prick the skin, he reached around her back, pushing the stake through her heart. "Angel?" she said before exploding into dust.

"I lost my child," he whispered. "Not just Buffy, but our baby."

********

Mrs. Summers led Angel to Buffy's room. "I'm going to warn you now, she doesn't look good. I don't want you to be afraid of what you see. There's a lot of machines in there. Don't stay for more than five minutes, doctor's orders."

He nodded. "Thank you, Joyce."

"No, thank you."

Angel opened the door, hearing only the sounds of the heart monitor and the respirator. His breath caught in his throat when he saw Buffy. Her head was bandaged up and she had a fresh, sterile dressing on her cheek.

She looked like a fragile china doll, dwarfed by the size of the bed. He couldn't help but let the tears flow upon seeing her so hurt. "I'm sorry I couldn't protect you; that I couldn't save you from my mother. I had no idea she would hurt you so badly.

"She's gone now, I killed her. She took so much from me tonight. My mother crossed the line when she put you here. I wasn't sure before if I could kill her, but I had to. It's one thing for her to attack me and make threats, but it's another to follow through with them. She almost killed you, Buffy. And she *did* kill our child. The one thing I ever did right in this life and she took it away."

He sniffled and placed his left hand on her stomach, where their baby resided twenty-four hours earlier. "We were going to have a baby together. Something we made together, a child conceived out of our love. And now he or she is gone, and we may never have the chance to recreate that miracle. The three of us, we would have been a family. Now it's gone. The one perfect thing we created is dead before we even knew about it. It isn't fair. You two were innocent, it shouldn't have happened.

"Buffy, I love you and I need you. Please wake up. Don't do this to us. Your parents are so worried, they don't want you to die; none of us do. Without you, I don't think I can go on. You mean everything to me. Wake up." Hot tears ran down his cheeks. "Please, God, I know I don't pray much, but you have to let her wake up. So many people need her. I need her. I'm nothing without her."

A nurse stepped into Buffy's room. "Excuse me, sir, but I have to ask you to leave now."

Wiping away his tears, Angel nodded. He bent down to kiss Buffy's lips. "I'll be back first thing tomorrow morning. I promise."

********

55

Giles was roused from his sleep by a loud, constant pounding on his apartment door. He stumbled out of bed, carefully walking downstairs. `Who could it be at this hour?' he wondered. Opening the door, he found Angel standing there. "Angel. Why are you here?"

Angel took a shaky breath, his jaw quivering. "I-I… something's happened to Buffy. She's at Sunnydale Hospital."

Giles allowed Angel to enter, motioning for the young man to have a seat on the couch. "What happened? How is she?"

"She's in a coma. Her heart stopped…and she died…and they revived her," his voice wavered.

"Oh my god. How did this happen, Angel?"

Angel was so close to crying, but he held back, trying to stay strong. He couldn't let Giles see him cry. "It-it was my mother. I don't know exactly what happened; I was fighting some vamps while Buffy and my mother were fighting. All I know is that I saw Buffy get thrown against a mausoleum and fall to the ground. She was unconscious and I called 911 for an ambulance."

"What did the doctors say? How bad are her injuries?" Giles asked.

"A broken jaw, three broken ribs, a deep cut on her cheek that needed twenty stitches, a punctured lung and a cranial contusion. Also some internal bleeding." Angel purposely didn't mention Buffy's miscarriage. He didn't want anyone outside the family knowing about it until Buffy was well enough to be told herself.

"And she's in a coma?"

Angel nodded grimly. "They don't know when, or even if, she'll wake up. The longer she stays unconscious, the less her chances are of making it. It doesn't look good." He gave up on the strong act and let the tears fall.

"There's nothing they can do?"

"No."

Giles put his hand to his eyes, rubbing them. It was all so hard to take. "And Carolyn? What happened to her?"

"She's out of the picture."

"Buffy staked her?"

He shook his head. "No, I did."

********

He didn't know what was going on, except that Angel stopped Carolyn from probably killing him. Geoffrey had to admit that he wasn't exactly fighting her advances very hard. Seeing her after so long brought him back to the passionate encounter they'd shared over two decades earlier. Carolyn's beauty never faded, she still had the face of the young woman he had fallen in love with twenty nine years ago.

// The rain came down in buckets, the torrential downpour hitting the shutters like hailstones. It had been raining for hours, and Carolyn still wasn't back yet. Geoffrey was afraid something happened to her; it was eleven o'clock and he hadn't heard from the Slayer.

He'd been trying to deny his feelings for her for years, and it was becoming harder with every passing day. They spent nearly every waking moment together, and Geoffrey wanted so badly to tell her that he loved her; that he had since the day he met her. On her eighteenth birthday, he planned to reveal his feelings, but two weeks before, her mother and father were killed in a car accident. Carolyn was devastated, so Geoffrey held off. He moved into the guest house, setting up a spare room as a bedroom for Angel. The five year old often slept over if his mother wasn't home in time to bring him back to the main house.

The rainy night was one of those nights Angel stayed at the guest house with him. Geoffrey shot up from the couch when Carolyn entered the house. She looked like a drowned rat; her clothes stuck to her skin and her long blonde hair was matted to her face and neck. Standing just inside the doorway, she dripped water onto the carpet.

"Carolyn, are you alright? I was worried," the Watcher said hurriedly.

She nodded. "I'm fine, just a little wet. It's really coming down out there."

"I've noticed."

"Is Angel asleep?" she wanted to know.

"Like a log for two hours. That boy of yours could sleep through an earthquake," Geoffrey commented. She laughed softly. He loved her laugh. So light and airy and contagious.

"He's a very lucky boy."

"You're dripping wet. I'll go get you some dry clothes, you take those off and wrap yourself up in a towel to keep dry. I don't want you to catch pneumonia."

Carolyn did as her Watcher said, stripping off her wet clothes and wrapping herself in a large green towel she found in the linen closet. Geoffrey returned a minute later, carrying a sweatshirt and pants. The sight of her in so little clothing nearly stopped his racing heart.

"I'm cold," she said, her teeth chattering.

He moved closer, placing his hands on her cold, damp arms, running them up and down in an effort to warm her up. Carolyn didn't back away from his touch, and Geoffrey didn't stop, even though he knew he should. "Carolyn?"

Her eyes closed. His touch was stirring emotions in her she'd never felt before. Butterflies danced in her stomach. "So cold," she said.

"I have clothes for you. I put them on the couch."

"Just keep doing what you're doing. I'll be warm soon."

Geoffrey continued to stroke her arms, quickly at first, but soon slowing down to gentle caresses. She took a step closer to him so that she stood only inches away from him. Before he knew what was happening, his lips were on hers, his hands tangled in her wet hair. The towel dropped from Carolyn's body.

"I love you, Carolyn," he murmured. "I always have."

For the first time in her life, Carolyn Reilly felt beautiful and desired. "I love you, too," she replied. And she did love him. She walked forward, forcing Geoffrey to walk back into his bedroom. Her lips never left his as they reached the bed. Carolyn wanted Geoffrey to be the first man she ever made love to. And as the rain continued to fall, he made love to her – the only woman he would ever love. \\

Geoffrey stirred from his memories when Angel entered the apartment. Checking his watch, he saw that it was three in the morning. Looking at Angel, he was shocked by his disheveled appearance. The young man looked much older than his twenty eight years. "Where've you been?" he asked.

After staking his mother, Angel took off without a word. Geoffrey had no idea what was going on, except the bits he heard. "At the hospital. Then I went to Giles'."

"What was all that about earlier?" he wanted to know.

"Buffy was hurt during patrol. She is in a coma," Angel answered simply.

Geoffrey grimaced. Everything made sense now. "It was Carolyn. She hurt Buffy, didn't she?"

Angel nodded. "Yes. And the doctors don't know if Buffy will make it. She already died once tonight, and now she might die for good. My god, what will I do without her?"

"She'll be fine. Buffy's a fighter, she will bounce back. I'm sure of it."

"I had to make a choice, the one you told me about. Choosing between my mother and Buffy. I killed my own mother." Angel's eyes became glassy with tears.

"That wasn't Carolyn, it was the demon that took over her body. But it was very brave of you, I was there."

Angel bit his lip. "I don't even remember doing it. One minute I heard her talking to you and the next she was gone."

"You did what you felt was right. She almost killed Buffy."

"I couldn't let my mother do that to her again. She took so much from us tonight."

"The baby?"

Angel looked at his surrogate father, questions in his eyes. "How did you know?" he demanded.

"After you staked your mother, you said you and Buffy lost your baby. She had a miscarriage, I take it," Geoffrey wagered.

He couldn't hold back his tears any longer. He thought it wasn't possible for him to cry anymore, but he couldn't keep it in. So many tears had fallen from his eyes that day that he lost count.

"Buffy was almost three months pregnant. We were going to have a baby boy the doctor told me. We created this little baby and now we'll never see him. He was innocent in all this, and now he's the victim. The only thing I ever did right and now it's gone. All because of my mother. Buffy and I may never be given a second chance at another child."

"You and Buffy will have plenty more chances," Geoffrey reassured him.

"Not if she doesn't wake up. As much as I hate to say it, you and Giles were right. It was dangerous for me and Buffy to be together. I almost got her killed and I *did* kill our son."

"Don't say that, Angel. None of this is your fault, so don't go blaming yourself. Buffy wouldn't."

"Her father hates me. He thinks I did it on purpose; that I wanted to kill her and our baby. Mr. Summers doesn't want me to see her anymore. I think he may be right. I've caused Buffy nothing but heartache."

Geoffrey put his arms around Angel. "I bet she thinks differently. You two love each other. I've seen the way she looks at you, she adores you. In no way could she blame you for this, or say that you've hurt her."

"I have hurt her, or have you forgotten my little attack?" reminded Angel.

"I'm not talking about that. It's ancient history to Buffy, she told me so. For once, would you believe in yourself? You have a kind, caring, beautiful young woman who thinks you hung the moon. Stop belittling who think you are and look at yourself the way she does; the way we all do.

"I am sorry about what happened to Buffy, and that she lost your baby. But that wasn't your fault. You weren't the one who pushed her against that mausoleum, Carolyn was. She came here with the intent of killing the Slayer, regardless of whether or not you were in love with the girl. It was you who saved Buffy's life. If you hadn't been there, she might be dead right now."

Angel simply hung his head. There was nothing he could say.

"Has Giles called the Council yet?" Geoffrey wanted to know.

He nodded. "Yes. A new Slayer was activated the minute Buffy's heart stopped. I guess it doesn't matter that she's alive again. Her name is Nicole, and she will be in Sunnydale tomorrow afternoon. Or today, I guess. Giles will be taking care of her initial training."

"Will you be helping this Nicole girl?"

"No. I'm going to be with Buffy every waking minute."

"Angel…"

"No. I don't want to hear it. When Buffy wakes up, I want to be the first person she sees."

********

56

The time was past ten when Angel woke up the next morning. It had been a restless sleep, constantly tossing and turning from his internal struggles. Was it really his fault that Buffy lay in a coma? And if so, would he be able to handle seeing her again, looking deep into her emerald eyes and not think that he'd almost ended her life? Either way, he wasn't too sure.

He woke up to a wet pillow under his right cheek. Running his fingers along his cheekbone, he discovered the fresh tears that spilt during his troubled sleep. He wondered if he'd ever be able to stop crying. Most of the night had been spent in tears, with the Summers', Giles, Geoffrey and himself, and he would have thought his body unable to produce any more tears. But remembering the sight of Buffy lying on the ground, bloody and bruised; laying in a hospital bed hooked up to numerous machines; and the thought of their unborn son sent Angel over the edge yet again.

Mechanically, he crawled out of bed, walking into the bathroom to brush his teeth. As he performed his daily morning routine, every little thing reminded him of her. Buffy's toothbrush in the cup next to his, her toiletries adorning his sink and medicine cabinet. He blinked away more tears when his gaze fell upon the space between the couch and the coffee table, where they'd made love after he told her about his high school experiences. Even looking at the kitchen counter brought him back.

"Buffy, I don't think this is such a good place to do this," Angel said to her.

She grinned. "Don't be such a wimp. It'll be fun."

"And uncomfortable."

"No, it won't. It'll be exciting. Come on, live a little."

He groaned. "Having sex on the counter isn't my idea of exciting."

Buffy pouted. "Please? For me?"

"I don't know…"

"You got to have your fun in the shower, now I want to do it on the counter. It's either this or the table."

Angel had given in and they made love on the kitchen counter. Now, at the memory of it, he unconsciously ran his hand across the cold tile.

"I was wondering when you were going to wake up," Geoffrey commented from behind him.

He turned. "I didn't expect to sleep that long. I wanted to be at the hospital by nine o'clock. Visiting hours started then."

"You needed your sleep. Don't deny yourself that. It's bad enough that Buffy is in the hospital, we don't need you being admitted as well."

Angel blinked. "I just want to be with her for as long as I can."

"And make yourself sick in the process? You know Buffy wouldn't want that."

"It makes me feel so helpless, but then I think that maybe if I'm there, Buffy'll wake up."

"She'll wake up when she's ready to, Angel."

"Yeah, I know. But I can't stand the wait."

"It'll happen."

"Do you want to come to the hospital with me?" asked Angel.

Geoffrey shook his head. "This is your time with her. I'll visit another day."

"Alright. But if Giles calls…"

"I know, I know. Don't mention the baby. You have my word; it stays between us and Buffy's family."

Angel hugged him. "Thank you, Geoffrey. That means a lot that you'll keep this a secret."

"Go see Buffy."

"I'm going to. One more thing before I go. If a Mr. Jackson calls while I am gone, could you read him this?" Angel handed him a slip of paper.

"Of course."

After Angel left for the hospital, Geoffrey read what was written on the piece of paper. GREGORY REILLY. NEVER SEEN BUT LOVED NONETHELESS.

********

Angel stepped through the double doors of Sunnydale Hospital. By the time he'd showered and gotten dressed, it was almost eleven. On his way to the elevators, he saw Kevin Matthews walking toward him. He groaned in annoyance.

"What are you doing here?" growled Angel.

Kevin smiled ever-so-slightly. "Visiting Buffy. She's with the doctor right now."

"How did you find out she was here?"

"It was on the news last night. So I thought I'd stop by and see how she's doing. I brought her some flowers and stuff."

Angel glared at him. "You stay away from Buffy. It's bad enough with the ideas you put in her head while I was gone, I don't need you putting things in her subconscious. You've already hurt her enough."

"And you haven't?" Kevin shot back.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Come on, don't play dumb. She has a severe head injury and I don't think it was caused by a mugger. You put her in here, I know it. I see who you really are. A heartless, abusive boyfriend."

He held back his anger, trying his hardest not to explode. "I never laid a hand on Buffy."

Kevin sneered. "Sure you didn't. She's in here because she ran head-first into a mausoleum? I don't think so. Buffy may not have loved me, but at least I never beat her up or put her in the hospital. Look what your love's done to her – she's in a coma. She was better off with me and you know it."

He walked out of the building, leaving Angel to think about what he'd said. `Is Kevin right?' Angel asked himself while on the elevator to the fourth floor. `Maybe if I'd never entered her life, Buffy would be safe.' He continued to think about this while on his way to the waiting room. From the doorway, he heard Buffy's parents talking.

"I couldn't sleep last night, Hank. All I could think about was Buffy being here."

"Me, too."

"It got me thinking. I started going through my assets and I realized that the hospital bills are going to be horrendous. I'll never be able to afford them on my earnings," Mrs. Summers told her ex-husband.

"You're not in this alone, Joyce. I'll be paying for them, too."

She shook her head. "Unless the firm increased your salary by three hundred percent, there's not much either of us can do."

"We'll figure something out," Mr. Summers reassured her. "All that matters is that Buffy gets well."

"I know, but I can't help worrying. You know how hospitals overcharge for everything. I'm going to have to take out a second mortgage on the house, and possibly put the gallery up for sale."

Angel stepped into the room, interrupting their conversation. "No, you won't."

"Angel," Mrs. Summers said. "When did you get here?"

"A minute ago. I heard what you said about the house and the gallery. I won't let it happen. Don't worry about Buffy's hospital bills, I'll pay them."

Before either parent could say anything, the doctor entered the waiting room. "I have good news. We took Buffy off the ventilator, she's breathing on her own."

They all sighed with relief. It was a step in the right direction; a step closer to recovery.

"May we see her?" Mr. Summers wanted to know.

"Only one at a time."

"Hank, you go first. I need to speak with Angel." He nodded and headed down the hall toward Buffy's room.

Mrs. Summers looked at her daughter's boyfriend. "Why, Angel? Why are you doing this?"

"I owe it to you and Mr. Summers."

"You don't owe us anything. Buffy's hospital bills are our concern, not yours. We're her parents, let us take care of them," she said to him.

"But I put her here. This is my fault, and doing this is all I can do at the moment to redeem myself for the hurt I've caused all of you."

"How can it be your fault? You didn't hurt Buffy."

"You don't know the whole story," Angel said. "It wasn't just a random vampire who attacked Buffy. It was my mother."

Mrs. Summers was genuinely confused. "What? You told me she died."

"That's what I was told, but it turns out she was turned into a vampire. To make a long story short, she found out about me and Buffy and started stalking us. Last night, she decided she was going to kill her. I can only take comfort in the fact that she failed in her attempt," Angel explained.

"Where is she now?"

He glanced downward. "She's dead. For good this time."

"You killed her?"

"She more than deserved it for what she did to Buffy and our baby."

"It must have been hard for you."

Angel shook his head. "No. What's hard is knowing that I had a son and now Buffy and I will never see him. And that you and Mr. Summers hate me for that."

"For what?"

"Getting Buffy pregnant."

"Do I act like I hate you? I don't. Angel, I know that you wouldn't have abandoned her or your child. And that you were going to marry her. I was aware that you and Buffy have been having sex, and I also know that sometimes a couple forgets about protection, and even if it is used, there's no guarantee. I can't hate you for making my daughter feel loved and special, or that a child was born out of that. If I've made you think otherwise, I'm sorry."

"But your ex-husband…"

"Hank is an idiot. He's hurting right now and he took it out on you. Neither of us blame you for what happened to Buffy. We're upset that she's here and not at home, and that we'll never know our grandson."

Angel inhaled deeply. "Imagine how Buffy's going to feel."

"It'll all work out. You two will make Hank and I grandparents again someday."

********

"Angel?"

He'd been sitting by Buffy's bedside, holding her hand for over an hour. Mr. and Mrs. Summers had gone out for lunch, so Angel took the opportunity to spend more time with the comatose Slayer. He looked up to see Giles standing in the doorway.

"I wasn't expecting to see you here."

"I wanted to introduce you to Nicole Bakowski, the new Slayer. And I also wanted to visit Buffy. How is she doing?" Giles asked.

"A little better. She's breathing on her own now. It's a good sign."

Giles smiled. "That's great news. Would you mind if I visited for a minute? I won't be long."

"Sure." Angel stood up and let Giles sit with her. In the hallway, he saw a tall, dark-haired girl no older than seventeen leaning against the wall, looking very uncomfortable. "Hi, you must be Nicole."

"Yep."

"I'm Angel Reilly."

"Nice to meet you. Not to sound rude, but what happened to her?" Nicole asked, pointing to Buffy. "Is she why I'm here?"

"That's Buffy Summers, the Slayer. There was an accident last night and she's in a coma. Her heart stopped, which is why you were called," Angel informed her.

Nicole nodded. "You are close, I take it."

"Very. She's my girlfriend."

"But I thought you were a Watcher."

"I am. It's a special circumstance."

She stared at him. He looked tired and worn out. It was apparent that Angel hadn't shaved, or that he hadn't slept much the night before. Still, she'd never seen a more handsome man. And she'd been with plenty of men.

Giles stepped out of the room. "I'm so sorry, Angel," he said.

"Thank you."

"I remember what it was like for me when my Jenny died. She was killed by a vampire in February of last year. I was devastated, I loved her so much, she was my best friend. I can understand what you're going through; how hard it must be for you."

Angel only looked at him. "You have no idea what I'm going through, Giles. You can never understand how hard it is."

********

57

Days turned into nights, nights became days, and into weeks, and before anyone knew it, a month had passed. It was three days before Christmas and Buffy still lay in a coma. She hadn't blinked, wiggled or twitched her fingers, or made a single sound. Hope slowly began to diminish among the hospital staff that the pretty blonde girl in Room 424 would ever regain consciousness. They wore sympathetic faces when family was near, but secretly wondered how long Buffy would be able to survive.

Buffy's friends were shocked and devastated by the turn of events. Willow cried for a better part of the next day, and came up to visit whenever she could. She always told the comatose Slayer what was going on with school and with the slaying. One of the first things she said to Buffy after meeting Nicole was how much she disliked the new Slayer.

"I don't like her, something's just wrong with her," Willow said. "Buffy, you better wake up soon. Nicole wants more than just your job as Slayer."

It didn't go undetected by the redhead the looks Nicole always seemed to give Angel. While he never paid attention to Buffy's replacement, she certainly paid attention to him. Willow would catch her gazing at him out of the corner of her eye, how she took every opportunity to be near him, be with him and attempt to touch him. But Angel was always too distracted to really notice.

The entire gang – Willow, Xander, Oz and Cordelia – felt worse for him than for Buffy's family. Ever since the accident, Angel closed himself off from everyone and everything. He stopped taking interest in his physical appearance and didn't dress as dapperly as he had before. In the month that passed, Angel hadn't bothered shaving. Not a lot had grown in the way of a beard or a mustache, but it was a significant enough change to let the world know that he no longer cared about how he looked.

The only time he left the hospital was to go home and sleep. From nine in the morning until eight at night, he'd sit in the waiting room or in Buffy's room, holding her hand and saying how much he missed her, how much he needed her. To everyone that knew him before, Angel had become a shell of the man he used to be. In essence, he played the part of the grieving widower, which was how he felt. And he knew that if Buffy didn't make it, he'd soon follow.

Her bruises were beginning to heal. Her cheeks returned to their normal rosy color, the stitches over her cut had been removed, leaving a long, red scrape that would surely scar. Buffy's jaw was almost fully healed and her ribs were repaired through a minor surgery four days after her admittance. Now, all that was left was for her to wake up.

Wednesday afternoon, the Wednesday before Christmas, Angel and Willow sat in the waiting room while Xander and Cordelia visited with Buffy.

"We're all going to the Bronze tonight, Angel, if you want to come with us," Willow invited.

He flashed her a slight smile. "Thanks for the offer, but I don't think so."

"You have to face the world someday."

"My world is lying in a hospital bed, unconscious. I want to be here with her."

"Buffy wouldn't want you to be spending your whole day here. She'd force you to go out and enjoy yourself."

He shook his head. "It's easier said than done, believe me. I can't go out and have fun when she's here. It wouldn't be right."

"You're killing yourself, don't you realize that?"

"I don't care. Without Buffy, I don't have anything worth living for."

"Don't say that. You have us," she admonished. "Angel, you have plenty to live for."

"Like what? Slaying? How can I go out there and do that when that very thing killed her?"

"Stop talking about Buffy like she's already dead. She's not."

"I know. Sometimes I can't help it. It hurts." Willow sighed. "You know, it wouldn't hurt for you to open up. We all know what you're feeling because we feel it too. We can share our grief, our pain. Let us in."

But he couldn't. The grief he carried, he would have to carry himself. Angel knew that by now, Buffy would have been four months pregnant. They'd probably be out shopping for clothes, a crib, toys, diapers and other necessities for their son. That was simply a dream, a cold, hard reality lost to him. Not a day passed that Angel didn't think about Gregory, the son they lost.

Visiting hours ended at eight o'clock, and at five after, Angel tore himself from Buffy's bedside, forced to leave for another night. He hated leaving her, even though he knew she was receiving the best possible care. There was always the possibility that something might happen while he was gone. He stood at the elevators, waiting for the next available car.

With his back to the Nurse's Station, he heard two nurses talking. "You know who's really hot? That guy who's always here visiting the girl in 424," one nurse said.

"I feel so bad for him. He's here constantly, holding vigil at her bedside. It's so sad," the other nurse replied.

"Yeah, I hear ya. When she finally dies, he's going to be a mess, I can tell. Actually, I wouldn't mind being the shoulder he cries on. A man that good-looking shouldn't be spending his days in a hospital grieving for his dying girlfriend."

"You think she's dying?"

"Uh-huh. The girl's been in a coma for a month. Ain't no way she's gonna wake up. I'll bet she's dead by New Year's."

`I can't let my Buffy die,' Angel said to himself, stepping into the elevator. `They're wrong. She'll wake up.'

********

When he returned home, Angel was beyond upset. He wasn't thinking clearly and for the first time in his life, he needed a drink. Angel never drank alcohol very much, but he desperately wanted to get obliterated out of his mind. Maybe it would numb his pain. He grabbed a bottle of whiskey and headed for his bedroom to drink it. Geoffrey wasn't home, he'd returned to Los Angeles for a few days to tend to things there. Angel told him to go, get away from Sunnydale for a while. He would be back by Christmas Eve.

His first stop upon entering his bedroom was opening the top drawer of his dresser, pulling out the small velvet box containing Buffy's engagement ring. He stared at it for a long time once he settled down onto his bed.

"Three days. I was going to propose in three days. Everything was planned. I'd take her to the park, sit on the swings, then get down on one knee and ask Buffy to marry me. But not now. Everything is ruined now. Dammit!"

He swallowed a mouthful of the alcoholic beverage, ignoring the burning sensation as it went down his throat. By nine-thirty, Angel finished the bottle and passed out on the bed, still clutching the box.

********

The door had been left partly open. Nicole poked her head inside. "Angel?" she called, but received no answer. She entered the apartment, closing the door softly behind her. Giles sent her over to give Angel some books.

Making her way through the apartment, Nicole searched every room for him. She knew that he always came home after leaving the hospital, and that he had to be home. Looking in his bedroom, she found him sprawled on the bed, unconscious.

At first, she thought he was sleeping, but when she saw the empty whiskey bottle on the floor next to the bed, Nicole knew he'd gotten drunk. Grinning, she took the rare opportunity to do what she'd been fantasizing about doing since first laying eyes on him. Nicole bent down to kiss his lips. She could taste the alcohol on them, but didn't care. Climbing onto the bed, straddling him, she lifted Angel's shirt over his head. He lay prone to her, his chest bare for her to kiss a line from his throat to the waistband of his jeans. Nicole wanted him, whether he be sober or drunk.

When his pants were being removed, Angel slowly drifted back into consciousness. The room was hazy and spinning, and the only thing he was aware of were the hands tugging at his clothing.

Nicole looked at him, thinking about how perfect his body was, and what a magnificent lover he must be. Soon, she'd find out. She wanted him to touch her, make love to her. Her hopes rose when she gazed into his eyes, seeing the lust in them.

"Buffy," he moaned. He never saw Nicole above him. The person he was seeing had blonde hair and piercing green eyes. His Buffy, his love. She was with him, touching him. "I missed you."

`He thinks I'm his Slayer. Won't he be surprised.' She kissed him again, shoving her tongue inside his mouth.

Angel, even through his drunken haze, could tell something was wrong. Buffy never kissed him like that, plundering his mouth. She was always so gentle, their tongues doing an erotic mating dance. This girl was raping him with her mouth. As his tongue ran over Nicole's piercing, Angel sobered up immediately. He pulled away.

"What are you doing here?" he demanded.

"What's it look like I'm doing?" Nicole flirted.

"Get out of here," Angel growled.

She ran her fingers across his chest. "I like it here with you. I want you, Angel. So badly. I can almost taste it."

"Well, I don't want you. Get the hell out of my apartment."

"You don't mean that."

"Try me."

"I know you like fucking Slayers. Wanna try it with someone who has some experience? I've got muscles you've never dreamed of, and I know how to use them," Nicole said seductively. "I can bet I'd give you more pleasure than that comatose little girl you've been sleeping with."

Angel pushed her off the bed. "I'm not some guy you can just get into bed. I love Buffy and if you ever talk like that about her again, I'll make you regret it. Go find someone else, because I don't want you."

"You can't get rid of me this easily. I'll have you, one way or another. I promise you that," she said as she walked out the door.

********

58

"You've always loved Christmas, Angel," Geoffrey commented as they walked up the steps to the Summers' front porch. They'd been invited to spend Christmas with Buffy's mother, as well as with a few friends. "Why is it that you look like you're being led to your execution?"

Angel shrugged his broad shoulders. "I'm not in a very festive mood, I guess."

"Buffy, huh?"

"This was supposed to be our first Christmas together. I had it all planned."

"I'm sorry. I know that today was going to be the day," apologized Geoffrey.

"It was. But now everything's ruined."

"No, it's not. Maybe today wasn't the day it's meant to happen. Someday, son, you will put that ring on her finger and you two will get married. There's no doubt in my mind."

Angel grimaced. "She has to wake up first."

"Buffy will pull through this. You've been brooding for over a month now. Today I want you to focus on the positive instead of the negative. Buffy's mother went to a lot of trouble to cook this dinner for us. Forget about life's problems for awhile and enjoy it." Geoffrey rang the doorbell, and they waited a minute for someone to answer.

Mrs. Summers opened the door with a festive grin on her face. "Angel, I'm glad you came. Merry Christmas."

He smiled. "Same to you, Joyce." He placed the gifts he brought under the tree once they entered, then embraced her.

"You must be Geoffrey," she said, extending her arm to the older man. "It's a pleasure to finally meet you."

Geoffrey was struck by her appearance. This forty-something woman could easily pass for Buffy's sister. She was as breathtaking as her daughter. "The pleasure is all mine, ma'am," he told her, kissing the back of her hand.

"Please, call me Joyce." She liked the charming Englishman.

"Very well."

She motioned with her hands for them to sit down. "Have a seat on the couch while I finish with dinner."

"Do you need any help?" Angel asked.

Mrs. Summers shook her head. "No thanks. It's almost ready. Another fifteen minutes."

Angel took a seat, staring at the fireplace, thinking about how awkward it felt to be at Buffy's home without Buffy there. He felt guilty for not being at the hospital with her, but Mrs. Summers had insisted he spend the holidays at her house. First thing the next morning, he'd be with Buffy once again.

Geoffrey followed Mrs. Summers into the kitchen. "How have you been holding up?"

She sighed unhappily. "As well as I can. I try to put up a strong front for Hank and Angel and the kids, but I don't know how much longer I can keep it up."

"I can only imagine how hard it must be for you and your husband."

"Ex-husband, actually. Four years now. But we're taking it day by day. There isn't anything we can do, though, except wait for Buffy to wake up."

"Like I tell Angel everyday, she'll come out of it when she's ready." She nodded grimly.

"He's taking it harder than all of us."

"He blames himself for what's happened," said Geoffrey.

"It's not his fault, nobody blames him. Not me, not Hank, nobody. Angel shouldn't take responsibility for what his mother did."

Geoffrey was taken aback. "You know about Carolyn?"

"Is that her name? Carolyn?" He nodded. "Angel told me the following day. But none of that has anything to do with him. He stopped her, killed her and he saved my little girl's life. He's done everything he can to protect her. I'm grateful for that."

"Still, he feels responsible."

"Angel's in a lot of pain, which I know about. He and Buffy love each other very much, and what he's going through is hard."

Geoffrey agreed with what she was saying. "I know exactly what he's going through."

"You lost your wife?"

He shook his head. "No, I've never been married. But I was in love with someone once and she was killed. It devastated me and I didn't think I could go on, but I did. That was over twenty years ago."

"I'm sorry."

"Thank you. Although I fear Angel may take a more dangerous route than I did. I left the city after my lover died. I am afraid that Angel may do something much more drastic."

Mrs. Summers widened her eyes. "You think he might commit suicide if something were to happen to Buffy?"

Geoffrey looked into the empty living room. "I wouldn't put it past him."

********

Angel walked upstairs to the bathroom. He'd drunk too much coffee that afternoon and he needed to use the facilities. On the way, he passed Buffy's bedroom. Peeking inside, he saw that it remained exactly the same as it had been a month earlier. He entered the room, his eyes wandering to the shelves near the door. On the fourth shelf, he found a framed 8x10 of them taken at the Prom. It was the same picture he had on his bedstand at home and in Mrs. Summers' office at the art gallery. Angel couldn't believe how happy they looked, how carefree. As if nothing could tear them apart. He longed for those days of innocence. Lost in his thoughts, he never heard her enter. It wasn't until he turned around that he saw Nicole in the doorway. He blushed and turned away when he noticed that she wore only a towel around her head.

She, on the other hand, grinned mischievously. "Angel, I didn't realize you were in here." Nicole made no attempt to hide her nakedness. He felt uncomfortable around her, knowing that it was not a coincidence causing her to enter without covering herself up.

Angel knew what she wanted, and he certainly wasn't about to give it to her. "Why are you here?"

"Mrs. Summers invited me to dinner. She said I could shower and stay for the night."

"In Buffy's room?"

She nodded. "Yep." Nicole plopped herself down on the bed. "You know, this bed is very comfy. Did you and Buffy ever do it in here?"

He glared at the young girl. "That's none of your business."

Nicole continued to grin. "You know, my offer still stands. How about we do it here, in Princess' bed? That would be exciting."

"I'm not interested."

"That's right, you're a one Slayer guy. According to her diary, you're a hell of a great lover. I believe her exact words were, `With one touch and one look, he can send me into fits of orgasm like I never imagined.' Did you know that she is afraid that she never makes you feel the same way? Princess feels a little inadequate. I wonder why."

"You read her diary? What gives you the right?" he accused.

"It was there, I was bored, so I did some reading. I have to admit, I was shocked to find out that Princess is the only lay you've ever had. And in L.A., Watcher Boy liked it rough," Nicole taunted. "You don't seem like the type. But hey, I can do rough. You and Princess ever try bondage?"

Angel's heart pounded like a jackhammer. He was embarrassed that Nicole knew the intimate details about his and Buffy's love life. "Stay away from us. I'm not interested in playing your little games." He walked out of Buffy's room, heading for the bathroom.

"You already are."

********

"Joyce, open yours first," Angel instructed. She took the large, heavy present from the pile next to her. She had no idea what it could be. "It's so big! What on earth did you get me?"

"Open it and find out."

Mrs. Summers tore at the wrapping paper. Her breath caught when she saw what Angel gave her. It was a portrait of herself and Buffy, drawn in pencil with shades of black and white. "Oh my lord, this is so beautiful, Angel. This must have cost you a fortune."

He smiled shyly. "I drew it myself a few months ago. Do you like it?"

"I love it. You drew this? I didn't know you were an artist."

"I'm not, it's sort of a hobby. I wasn't sure what to get you, so Buffy suggested I draw a picture of the two of you," he said.

"Thank you, it's exquisite. I'll put it above the fireplace."

Angel shook his head. "You don't have to."

"I want to."

They opened the rest of their gifts. Geoffrey received a cellular phone from Angel and a gray sweater from Mrs. Summers. He, in turn, bought her a gold necklace. Angel got a watch from Mrs. Summers and a china set from Geoffrey.

"Will I see you at the hospital tomorrow?" Angel asked Buffy's mother.

"I'll be there in the early afternoon."

********

Angel held Buffy's hand to his lips. "Yesterday was Christmas, you know. Our first Christmas together, and I had to spend it without you. It felt all wrong to celebrate such a festive occasion and not have you to share it with.

"Your mom loved the picture, Buffy, you were right. She asked me to hang it on the mantle above the fireplace. I have to admit, it's a beautiful picture. Not artistically, but because I had the most beautiful subject. You.

"But it was bittersweet. I couldn't give you your present. Buffy, I was going to propose to you last night. I bought the ring and everything. It was going to be the proposal you deserved. Me down on one knee, holding a diamond ring in hopes you'd actually say yes. I want so badly to marry you, to spend the rest of my life with you. But you're here, and I can't ask you while you're unconscious. That's why you have to wake up, Buffy. So I can give you that engagement ring; so you'll know just how important you are to me. Just open your eyes."

Sobs wracked his body, making him tremble as tears fell from his eyes. Everything he ever wanted was within his grasp and it seemed like he'd lost it all in a heartbeat. Angel cried so hard that he never felt Buffy's fingers twitch in his hand.

Buffy's eyes lazily opened, focusing on her crying boyfriend. "Angel?" she whispered softly.

He lifted his head, making eye contact with the now-conscious Buffy. She was awake.

********

59

Angel stared in awe at the green eyes fixed on him. After a month in a coma, Buffy finally regained consciousness. He couldn't believe it, it was almost too good to be true. His Christmas wish had really come true. "Buffy?" he said, flabbergasted.

"Is it really you, Angel?" she asked.

"Of course it is. God, this is so amazing, Buffy. You finally woke up. I have to get the doctor."

Buffy gently shook her head. "No."

He planted a soft kiss on the back of her hand. "I'll be right back, love. I promise."

Angel practically ran out of the room. He was so happy and relieved Buffy had woken up that he narrowly avoided colliding with an elderly couple walking down the hall. When he reached the Nurses' Stations, he slammed his fist on the flat surface to gain the nurse's attention.

"Can I help you, sir?" she asked. It was one of the two nurses who had been talking about him a few days earlier.

"My girlfriend just woke up," he said, out of breath.

"What room is she in?" She was somewhat disappointed. She'd had her sights set on the comatose girl's boyfriend.

Angel sighed. "Room 424. Buffy Summers."

"I'll call the doctor in a minute."

"Call him now!"

"Sir, he's with a patient," the nurse remarked shortly.

His blood boiled. "I don't care if he's with the Pope or President Clinton. I want him in her room now."

"Fine," she relented, picking up the telephone to make an announcement. "Doctor Thomas to the Nurses' Station. Doctor Thomas to the Nurses' Station." The nurse replaced the phone on its receiver. "Are you happy now?"

"Ecstatic," Angel replied through his teeth. First opportunity he had, he would report her bad attitude to her superior.

When he returned to her room, he found Buffy's eyes closed once again. Angel feared she'd slipped back into her coma. "Buffy, wake up," he ordered in a desperate voice.

Her eyes opened into slits. "Awake."

"Look at me. Keep looking at me."

"Always. I always want to look at you."

His heart soared that she was offering him forever with her through her semi-consciousness. "How do you feel?" Angel wanted to know.

"Achy. My head hurts."

"You'll feel better soon."

"Love you," Buffy said.

He smiled, tears filling his eyes. "Love you, too."

The doctor entered the room at that moment. "I see someone has finally woken up."

"Who're you?" she asked.

"I'm Doctor Thomas, I've been taking care of you since you got here." He turned to Angel. "I'll have to ask you to leave while I examine Buffy."

Angel nodded, understanding. "Okay. I'll go call her family."

Buffy lifted her arm off the bed. It felt as heavy as a stone in her weakened state, but she tried to reach out to her boyfriend. "Angel, don't go," she pleaded in a small voice.

He bit his lip, wanting so badly to do as she requested. "I have to, the doctor said. I'm going to call your parents and Giles and the whole gang." She whimpered. "Buffy, I'll be right outside the whole time."

"Kiss?"

Angel could never deny Buffy that. He placed a gentle kiss on her lips before leaving the room. In the hallway, he watched through the window as Doctor Thomas checked her vitals. Her eyes opened a little bit more. A good sign indeed, she was back for good. When he reached the pay phones, the first person Angel called was Mrs. Summers. He didn't know the direct number to her office, so he had to be connected through the Information Desk at the gallery.

"Joyce Summers, proprietor," she answered the phone.

"Joyce, it's Angel."

Fear ran through her veins. She knew he wouldn't call unless something had changed regarding Buffy's condition. "What's going on? Is Buffy alright?"

"She's awake."

She sighed with joy. "When?"

"Ten minutes ago. I was talking to her and she said my name," Angel told her.

"I'll be right there."

"Would you like me to call her father?"

Mrs. Summers laughed shortly. "Good luck. Hank is away on business and unreachable at the moment. It figures he'd be gone when Buffy woke up."

"I didn't know."

"That's okay. I will be there in about fifteen minutes." She hung up.

Angel pulled out another quarter, dialed Giles' number and waited a minute before he picked up. "Hello?" the Englishman asked.

"It's Angel. Buffy just woke up."

"That's terrific news. How long ago?"

"Ten minutes or so. I think she might want to see you when the doctor's finished examining her."

"I'm so glad she's awake. I shall be there as soon as possible." After hanging up yet again, he called the rest of her friends.

********

For three hours, everyone waited in the Sunnydale Hospital waiting room for the doctor to finish examining Buffy. None of them, excluding Angel, had yet to see the now-conscious Slayer. Mrs. Summers and Geoffrey sat on either side of Angel. Willow and Oz held hands, as did Xander and Cordelia. Directly across from Angel sat Giles and Nicole. Everyone prayed for good news, except the new Slayer. She was aware that Buffy's presence would put a serious crimp in her plans for winning Angel.

"I hope my baby's okay," Mrs. Summers said. "She's all I have in the world."

"Buffy will be fine, Joyce," Geoffrey reassured.

"She woke up and she's talking. I'd say she's well on her way to a full recovery."

The waiting room doors opened and Doctor Thomas walked in. "Mrs. Summers?"

She took hold of Angel's hand and they made their way over to the doctor. "How is she, Doctor Thomas?" she asked.

He smiled. "Buffy's doing fine. She's coherent, knows who she is and where she is. No signs of any amnesia, except for the fact that she doesn't know what today's date is; she still thinks it's November 19th. I explained to her that she was in a coma and told her what injuries she suffered, although I didn't feel it was my place to tell her about the miscarriage."

"Thank you, Doctor. I want to be the one to tell her," Angel said.

"Are there any permanent injuries?" Mrs. Summers wanted to know.

"Buffy has a cut on her cheek, which I believe may leave a scar, but it's nothing a small amount of plastic surgery can't fix. Her ribs and her jaw are healing nicely, and the majority of her cuts and bruises have already healed. I took her for an MRI of her abdominal area, which is why the examination took so long. Buffy complained of some pain and discomfort there. I just got the results back."

"And?"

"She has a tear in her uterine wall, a very large tear."

"What does that mean?" Angel asked.

"There's a chance Buffy may never be able to have children."

********

Angel stepped into the room, seeing Buffy lying in bed, staring at the ceiling. He knocked on the door, announcing his presence.

"Hey, you," she greeted.

"Hi. How do you feel?"

"Like I was run over by a truck. Angel, what happened to me? I don't remember why I'm here."

He sat down in the chair next to her bed, taking her hand in his. "We were patrolling and you got into a fight with my mother. She threw you against the wall of the mausoleum."

"And I've been in here for a month?"

Angel nodded. "Yes."

"What happened to her?"

"Don't worry about it."

"I wanna know."

"She's dead. I killed her that night. She more than deserved it for what she did to us."

"What did she do?"

He couldn't tell her about the baby. Not until she was emotionally stronger. "I'll tell you another time."

"Promise?"

"Promise. I've missed you so much, Buffy. It's been hell without you. I didn't know if I could make it."

"You didn't?"

"No. And it was all my fault. You are here because of me."

She shook her head slowly, still somewhat weak. "Don't say that. It's not your fault. I shouldn't have gone out that night, I didn't feel good. I wasn't at full strength, I remember that. But apparently I fought your mom anyway."

"I couldn't protect you," he said, avoiding her eyes.

"Angel, it's not your job to protect me. But you're not hurt, so I obviously protected you. It was all worth it, then."

"There's a price for everything, Buffy. I couldn't keep you safe and I paid that price."

"Stop blaming yourself. None of this is your fault. I don't blame you; I couldn't blame you. Angel, I love you."

He reached over to kiss her cheek. "I love you, too." Despite her words, he still believed deep down that he was to blame. They lost their baby, he almost lost Buffy, and the chance of ever raising a family with the woman he loved.

********

Part 4

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