Truth and Lies - Day

 

During the day she lied. For no reason at all. Just to see if she could. Face them full on, seem sincere and lie for all you`re worth.

I don't think you betrayed me.
I understand.
I couldn`t have gotten there in time to save them anyway.

None of them catch her. Not one of her family or friends call her on it, any of it. Her sister would as would her sister-self but one is in college and the other in love. They are busy with their own things and look at her words instead of her eyes. Not one of them understands and they all look at her with soft eyes like sharp knives. Cut, bleed, scream and oops, we're sorry.

Sorry we didn't tell you.
Sorry we thought you were moving on.
Sorry we didn`t think you would take it this hard. Sorry, sorry, sorry.

They had lied to her. Not the first time but it was one time too many. Or maybe that should be twice too many. They had known. When she had taken the call from the coven, the second call, her friends had already known and they hadn't bothered to tell her. No matter. She knew the truth now. Their mouths moved and all that slipped out was blood and ashes as they lied and lied and lied.

She had gotten good at lying too. So good she had even convinced herself a time or two. Practice makes perfect and good help is hard to find. Lucky her, she had had so much of both.

They had told her she could be normal, have a normal life. That's all she had ever wanted and so she told herself she could do that now too. She could be a normal girl and do normal things and have normal non-apocalyptic problems. It was all a lie. She didn't fit in with normal no matter how hard she tried. And she had tried so, so hard. But normal couldn't take her visiondreams, her strength, her passion, her destiny. Her darkness.

The truth was in a still capital "T" and a still capital "S." No longer the only one but still the one and only. No escape from that. Not ever, ever, ever. They had said they still needed her. Find the newly called, help train them, make them into righteous killers. Hard to be a legend in your own lifetime, even harder to be one in two, but she went with it with a vengeance. Like it was all that she had now.

It looks worse than it is.
I'm being careful.
You don't need to worry.

They told her she could love again. She told herself she could too or at least she could fake it better this time. No strong but fragile farm boys here. Besides, centuries old men with dark pasts who may or may not be evil had always been her downfall. She could fall again. Except her wings were scorched feathers that could no longer lift her up high enough to fall anywhere. Especially in love.

The truth was in soft brown hair and melting chocolate eyes, sheltering body and slow smiles, a heart that was lovecomforthome though long denied to her. It was in wavy bleached lockes and fathomless blue eyes, a tilted head and arched eyebrow, a heart that could bleedbreaklove though long dead. Sometimes in dreams, only ever in dreams, it was both. Sometimes there was oil involved.

It was just a bad daydream, a daymare.
No I haven't been crying, just tired.
Everything's fine.

But lies are thin cover. They provide only cold comfort. The truth will out any way it can and at the worst possible time. Too late to save them.

They had each saved her at one time or a dozen others and she had consigned them each, at different times, to hell. Or she thought they had both been in hell. She knew one of them had been there anyway. She had let them go because she had had to save the world. Again. And for her it was always again. Never conclusively or definitively or finally. For her menloversloves it was now finally and final. Ashes to ashes and dust to dust.

Sorry we didn't trust them, trust you.
Sorry we just wanted to protect you.
Sorry we would have done everything we could if we`d known the truth. Sorry, sorry, sorry.

So she lied. She lied to her family and friends. Told them what they wanted to hear and watched them snatch it up with red dripping hands. Easier than trying to make them understand that she loved those men and how it felt that she wasn't there when they lost the fight. She didn't even know about it until it was long over and the coven called, apparently for the second time, about the noticeable balance shift to the side of good. And exactly what caused it.

I'm okay now.
I forgive you.
I don't blame you.

She lied to herself. Told herself that nothing was final with those two. There was still a chance no matter what anyone else said. And she had gotten so good at lying that eventually, in her mind, it was the truth. Bury the reality as deep as it would go. Never think about it. Don't let it out. It was the end of her world as she knew it and she felt fine. Really.

They're still out there somewhere.
It's not, it can't be, I won't let it be, real. It's not the end.

During the day she lied. For no reason at all.

******


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